Author's Note: I'm posting my other works to FF that never quite made it here. This was posted at B4A and on my website, way back when it was written. That was... May 2006.
A moment ago I was so mad at him that I could have killed him. Or, at the very least, I could have walked out of his life and never looked back. But now, he's kissing me for all he's worth. It's tragic, really. I don't know whether this is hello or goodbye. Since I'm unsure, I only half kiss him back. But, he feels so good. And I can't help but hope, that after everything that's happened tonight, that his is hello.
We break apart and his eyes bore into mine. "I want to be with you."
I'm breathless. "I want to be with you too." But, we've been here before. "You're not going to change your mind again, are you?"
"I'm probably going to change my mind a lot. This is really huge, Donna. This is different than any other relationship I've ever walked into."
"Because I'll never be the same if I ever have to walk away." He cups my face
Now that I've been given permission I can't help but touch him. He's nearly naked and leaning over me. How am I supposed to think when he's doing that? I shift under him just a little and then I'm laying back and he's crawling up my body, settling himself between my legs and reclaiming my lips. I hook a thigh up over his hip to increase the contact between us. The motion pushes his hard shaft against my clit. I know I'm hot and wet and I'm sure he can feel it through the thin cotton of his boxers.
"So you want to be with me? We're really going to do this?"
"Yeah, we are."
"But," I really do have to sass him a little here, "just so we're clear on this, you are planning on changing your mind about us from time to time?"
Suddenly he pulls away from me, startled I meet his eyes. I watch his eyes turn black and his jaw set. I can't help the shiver that runs through me. With one arm, next to my head, he supports himself, with the other he pulls my arms, one at a time, from around him. He holds my wrists together over my head against the arm of the couch. And then he says those words again. "Never underestimate the depth of my love for you." He kisses me, bites my bottom lip, kisses me again and then turns my wrists lose. "Don't move or I will tie you up." He stands up. I don't dare move. I know he's serious. And while the thought of being tied up is tantalizing, that's not the game.
He takes a few steps backward. He's now standing about five feet away from the couch. After considering me for a moment he crosses his arms over his chest. "I love you, Donna, deeply and desperately. But, coming to that realization does not immediately displace all these years worth of feelings. So, yes, from time to time I will change my mind about us. But, I'm going to do my best to make sure that it's something that happens inside me, something I can get a grip on. And eventually, I'll be able to get it out of my head. You can't tell me that one day you're not going to wake up and wonder why you're with me."
I'm going to take my chances here, because this is so important, and sit up. He quirks an eyebrow at me that lets me know this indiscretion has been tallied and will later be a punishable offense. I fix him in my stare because this is the last time I'm justifying this to him. "Yes, I can tell you with the utmost certainty that I will never wake up and wonder why I'm with you. The things that drive me crazy about you are the same things that made me fall in love with you. Face it Josh, I'm not going anywhere."
It's that kind of conviction that makes me wonder if I deserve her. How can she be so sure she wants me? How can she be so sure when I've never been more than a passing, fleeting fancy to any other woman in my life? Well, I guess I've never been that to her. She really didn't give up on me, at least not until I'd pushed her away in every way I knew how. And, of course, CJ's and the rest of our friends didn't help.
She's looking at me expectantly. I'm trying to look relatively imposing, but I don't think I'm pulling it off standing here in my boxers and t-shirt. "So come hell or high water I'm stuck with you?" I approach her.
She reaches out for me and wraps her arms around my waist laying her cheek high on my belly. "Yeah, I'd say you are."
Finally it feels like we may be bringing the coming together part of this to some conclusion. What's only been a couple of weeks feels like longer and I'm just exhausted. The soft cotton of Josh's t-shirt caresses my face. He wants to be with me. Despite everything he wants to be with me. The realization leaves me feeling heavy. I nuzzle my cheek against him and his hand falls to the back of my head. This time the fervent sexuality from before is missing. It's been replaced by something that feels like the love he's been expressing.
I want desperately to have my wicked way with him. As much as I want that, though, I feel the desperation of emotional exhaustion begin to take over my body.
"Donna?" I can feel the rumble of his voice as much as I can hear it.
"Mmm." It's about all the answer I can force out of me right now.
"Let me take you to bed. We're both exhausted. We'll sleep tonight and work out the rest of the details tomorrow."
She starts to object, I know she wants this as much as I do, but we're both much more than exhausted. It's one thirty and I have to leave for the airport at six thirty. The emotions of the past few weeks are starting to catch up with me. It's been one hell of a roller coaster ride just to get to this point. We made an awful lot of work out the process it took to get here. Is everything with us always going to be this kind of battle? Is everything going to be emotionally draining? Is any of this going to be uplifting?
I cant' help but think that this is the kind of relationship destined to be a distraction. Are we destined for drama? I also can't help but think that I'm too old for that. So is Donna. Surely neither of us will let it get to that point. Right?
Unable to answer my own questions I take her hands and pull her up to me. We make our way slowly and quietly to my bedroom. Despite the turmoil to get here, this just all feels too easy. It's too undone, too unfinished. We're going to make a mess of this.
He leads me to his bed. I'm tired, I know he is too. As tired as I am, though, I really want to keep touching him. I'm so turned on. I have been since he ordered me to my knees. He's already come – twice even, but I haven't. I lost myself out there on the couch, touching myself like that in front of him – that wasn't like me at all. I want him to touch me until I come. He's busying himself with the details of preparing the bed for us to sleep. But seeing the bed, seeing him most of the way undressed, feeling my arousal, all has me gearing up to make a go of it. My voice sounds loud in the quiet room, "Tie me up, Josh."
He spins around suddenly. The look on his face is predatory and quite arousing, as if I wasn't aroused enough already. "What do you want, Donna?"
"I want you to tie me up, Joshua. I want to come." But then, inspiration strikes. I smile at him coyly, "Or…"
"Or what?" He looks intrigued.
I spy a hard wooden chair over in the corner of his bedroom with the slacks he wore yesterday thrown over it. I point to it, arm outstretched. "Or, you get that chair and bring it over here by the bed and enjoy the late show." I saw the look in his eyes out in the living room when he saw me touching myself. And this could be a great opportunity to tease him. He pretends to contemplate my proposition. Then dutifully he retrieves the chair from across the room and pulls it right up next to the bed. He sits then looks at me expectantly. When he sits, the fly of his boxer shorts gapes open. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care but I can already see the beginnings of an erection beginning to stir within the cotton confines.
The bed separates us; on my side I'm still fully clothed. I'd love to see him naked, but I save that request for later. I crawl onto his bed – a large California King – and situate myself such that he has a fantastic view of the apex of my legs. I'm going to torture him for a while and keep my clothes on.
I close my eyes and reach for my breast when suddenly he breaks the silence. "Wait!" He gets up and shuts off the overhead light. The room turns blue from the rays of moonlight coming in through the window. He turns on a small lamp near the head of his bed and I'm awash in amber colored light. He looks proud of himself and then sits again. "Please, continue." He says with a smirk.
Suddenly, neither one of us are very tired. I look to him once more to make sure it's okay to continue. He leans forward in his seat resting his forearms on his knees. Yep. We're ready to rock and roll. Again, I lean back but this time supported by his pillows. I let my head fall back and my eyes close. My hands wander across my belly. My body is already anticipating my next move and my nipples tighten. The feeling is delicious – the anticipation. So, I prolong the journey towards my breasts. I slide my palms along the flat of my belly, across my hips and down my thighs. I pull my left hand up to delicately cup my breast and draw my right hand up my inner thigh.
My nipples are now so hard they hurt. I pinch one then the other to take away a little of the pressure. I unbutton the top two buttons of my blouse so I can reach inside and run my fingertips over the silky skin that swells over the satin cups.
Her fingers move delicately across the curve of her left breast. I can only see a hint of the creamy white skin between her breasts. My eyes are alternately drawn to the faint outlines of her hardened nipples beneath bra and blouse and the tantalizing dark spot between her legs.
I can't believe she's doing this. When she started touching herself out on the couch I knew that it was unconscious. I've always made an effort not to think of Donna's sexuality but when I did I never imagined that she'd be open about it. I always imagined her as a bit of a – for lack of a better term – prudish sort of person when it came to such matters. Evidently I was wrong.
I focus my attention back on her roaming hands. In the short time of my reverie she managed to liberate another button on her blouse. Three down, two to go. I watch her fondle her breasts, paying careful attention to the hardened peaks at the summit of each of those majestic hills. She studiously ignores what must now be a fire burning between her thighs and opts instead for light scratches over her sensitized thighs.
She's panting softly. And every now and again, when she brushes her nipples just the right way, she mews just a little. I'm transfixed by her even though most of her movements are rather chaste. At least right now while she's mostly clothed anyway.
But suddenly the color in her cheeks changes, her head drops back and she loses that languid pace she's been maintaining. Suddenly she's frantic to get her blouse unbuttoned. But her hands are torn between getting the blouse unbuttoned and getting her bra out of her way. She's now craving skin on skin contact, and I have to admit, so am I. In a flourish of fabric she bares her naked torso to me.
I couldn't take another moment of teasing myself bound by the confines of my clothing. But now I've bared my breasts to Josh and I'm feeling a little self conscious. My one physical flaw is rearing its ugly head. I viciously push it aside and continue to touch myself.
I palm my nipples, now hardened further by being exposed to the room's cool air. Until this point the show's been mostly for Josh but now that I'm actually able to touch my breasts freely I feel a new rush of wetness between my thighs. I can't help the moan that escapes me. Yeah, we're cooking now.
My legs are splayed open and I know my heated center is a point of focus for him. I'm glad it is. Knowing his eyes are glued to my apex makes the flesh there swell and tingle in anticipation. The more aroused I get the more sensitive my breasts become and the more fun the whole game is.
I decide to kick this party into high drive. I hear his voice, from earlier, in my head. "Take off your shoes. Take off your jacket. Do it. Now." The intensity makes me whimper even now. I remember the feel of running my hands along his hard shaft under the cotton confines of his trousers. I remember the feel of that silky steel bumping against the back of my throat.
I gather up the rest of my courage. With a deep breath I release the catch on my slacks, ease the zipper down and then push them down my hips. In less than five seconds, I'm naked before him. I'm overcome by a sudden case of modesty. I know that the feature of this presentation is buried between my legs but I've closed them now and hidden the evidence of my arousal.
My heart thrums against my chest as she sweeps her pants down her legs and tosses them unceremoniously off the end of my bed. Suddenly the brazen look in her eyes leaves and her legs snap shut. I can see uncertainty begin to form on her beautiful features. We can't have that. I gently grasp her ankles and draw them apart. Then I slide my hands up her smooth legs and push her knees gently apart. "Come for me Donnatella." Those simple words put the fire back in her eyes.
She reaches back between her legs as she lets them fall wide open. I'm torn between looking into her eyes, to see her pleasure there, and looking at the fragrant slit between her legs, to see her pleasure there. I let my eyes fall to her center and what I see there makes it very difficult to stay in my chair. She's very, very wet. And very, very close if the sounds she's making are any indication.
She swipes her fingers over her clit just a few times and then she's coming in a rush of fingers, wetness and my name. I'm pressing her hard into the mattress before I realize I've left my chair. My tongue is treating her mouth the way her finger just treated her swollen clit and the symbolism is lost on neither of us. I've been fully hard since she took off her shirt. I'm separated from her heat by only the sheer fabric of my boxers. Something about the limited contact is intoxicating.
With my tongue still dueling with hers, I reach between us to put my fingers deep within the heat I've spent the better part of the last five years imagining. Thanks to her recent orgasm my fingers just slide right in only momentarily brushing across her overly sensitized bud of nerves.
"Mmm, Donna. That was amazing." It's hard to talk when you don't want to stop kissing. "You're amazing." I keep kissing her. "That was just fucking…" Kiss. "Amazing." I feel her grin against my mouth. I can't help by grin too. We're here. We're really, actually here.
"I'm glad you liked it." Her tone is seductive, leading me to believe that the activities for the night aren't quite over.
I glance at the clock over her head. Two o'clock. I could make love to her and then catch a couple hours before I have to pick up Sam. Yeah. This could work. I capture her lips again. She must be psychic because the next thing I feel are her hands, steady and sure, at the waistband of my boxer shorts. She pushes them down as far as she can reach then I break from her long enough to swipe them off and fling them across the room.
We both hiss when we feel my hardened cock nestles between her slicked folds. "I love you." These words grind out between clenched teeth because I'm trying very hard to hold it together here.
"I love you too, Joshua." She looks into my eyes. "I love you. I love you. I love you." Those words come out in a rush. Then, "I already know you love me. Don't make love to me. Not tonight."
My slight movements cease abruptly. What? "Donna?"
"We have to be up in four hours. We haven't really slept – either one of us – in weeks. I want to really remember this and enjoy it. Please, don't make love to me tonight."
I rest my forehead against hers, contemplating her argument. "Fine." I sigh. "You're right, we both need the sleep. But stay here with me tonight. Sleep with me. I need to touch you. I need to feel your skin against me." I pull back from her and search her eyes. "But tomorrow night, you're mine."