A/N: Ok, so i know that i havnt updated in a while, but in my defense ive been busy. hope you all enjoy this update.
Bold= song lyrics/letter
Warning: non DH compliant, meaning Snape is alive.
And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost
About forty-five minutes and two more drinks later, and I am nowhere even near sober. It's probably about that time when I should be getting home and falling, alone, into my bed. I tip the obliging bartender generously and turn back towards the crowed that is finally beginning to thin. My eyes skim quickly over the crowd and inevitably end on her. I'm slightly surprised that she stayed so late, but then again I'm surprised I'm still here too. I slowly began to cross the room, moving towards the exit. She turned slightly and saw me, her face changing from tired to surprised instantly. My steps slowed to a halt a few feet away. Hermione turned to her date, whose name I still don't know, and said something quietly to him. In the next moment they were saying goodbye and walking out the door.
I was suddenly irrationally angry. I could feel my blood pounding through my body and my fists clenching. Why did she have to reappear in my life and then leave so suddenly? Why does she choose to haunt me like this? Why did she have to come here with someone else; she should have been here with me. All this was running through my mind as I stood rooted in place. My stomach, reacting to my anger and all the alcohol in it, gave a warning protest. I knew immediately that I was going to be sick and that I needed to say my goodbyes. I walked quickly and said my goodbyes to whoever was still there, which thankfully wasn't many. A few people commented on my more than usual pale complexion and the odd look on my face. I just made the excuse that I was overly tired and alcohol wasn't helping. I just said that I needed to sleep and that I would be fine in the morning. People seemed to buy this excuse and I quickly stepped out into the empty corridor and nearly ran to the loo. My stomach couldn't hold out any longer and rejected its contents as soon as I was in front of the toilet of one of the stalls. I heaved a few more moments until there was nothing left to come out. I swore and was thankful that no one was around to hear this. I stood up too quickly and had to steady myself using the wall. The alcohol was taking full effect now and I was having a problem composing myself. Performing a quick spell, I freshened my breath and spelled out any remains of my previous activities.
And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Since when had I become a school boy, unable to hold my liquor? I was appalled at myself. Exiting the loo I recognized that I was in no shape to apparate home. Luckily I didn't live too far away. I stumbled out of the building and into the dull lights of the street.
I knew I must look a mess; stumbling and staggering along the streets of muggle London, 2 O'clock in the morning, probably looking thoroughly disheveled. I can't even imagine, and I don't want to. I know people, well whoever was still out and about, were staring at me but I couldn't bring myself to notice or care. I lived about five blocks away, but that night it felt like 50. I'm surprised no muggle police stopped me for public drunkenness and indecency. Not that it would have mattered if they had. The only thing on my mind as I stumbled through the streets was her; her voice, her dress, her hair, her smile, her everything. My thoughts were consumed with her. I tripped on something and nearly landed on my arse. That pulled me out of my thoughts enough to notice where I was going. I was headed in the vague direction of my flat. I pulled myself together to enough to make it the rest of the way home.
Finally reaching my flat I stumbled in and made it as far as the couch. I landed on my back, sprawled uncomfortably but not caring enough to move. "How did I let myself get this way?" I mumbled to myself. I let out a low groan and squeezed my eyes shut tighter trying to block out thoughts and memories of her. Yeah that still wasn't helping. All I could see on the back of my eyelids was her in all her perfect glory. This was going to be a problem, especially because my traitorous body was starting to react to these unwilling thoughts. I could feel myself growing hard and knew I was going to have to do something about it. I thought I had put this all behind me, but just seeing her so briefly tonight was enough to start my torture all over again. I groaned, louder this time, as I hauled my body off the couch and made my way to my bedroom. On the way I began to strip off my dress robes and was down to just my pants and boxers when I reached my bed. Sitting down I removed my trousers so I was left in only my boxers. Scooting to lay back on my bed I lowered my boxers enough to release my half hard cock. I closed my eyes and thoughts of her and her and I together sprang to the front of my mind. Almost instantly I was fully hard. Reaching down I began to slowly but firmly stroke myself. In my mind I saw….
We were at Grimmauld Place taking a break from our various duties. It was a rare thing for us to be at the house at the same time because of the very different nature of the assignments the Order gave us. I was in my room laying on my bed, not sleeping, just thinking. The door was cracked open and I saw her walk past my room to hers, which was down the hall. When I heard her door shut I got up and made my way quickly and quietly down the hall to her door. I had cast a quick silencing charm on the door and opened it the tiniest bit. She was laying on the bed in all of her clothes with her eyes shut. Pushing the door open enough that I could slide through, I turned and shut it and slowly I made my way over to the bed. She gave no sign that she had heard me come in. Walking closer, I saw that she had fallen asleep. I began removing her clothes starting with her shoes and socks. Once those were removed I moved to her shirt. She was wearing a button up shirt, which made my task easier. Once he blouse was removed I moved to her jeans. All of this I did while looking at her face. When her jeans were halfway off she finally woke up. Her eyes cracked open and her face showed no surprise at my being there. I pulled her jeans all the way off and discarded them onto the floor. I quickly divested my cloths which joined hers on the floor. She smiled a sleepy smile and patted the bed next to her. I climbed onto the bed and laid on my side and pulled her next to me. I placed small kisses all along her shoulder and the back of her neck. She sighed in appreciation and snuggled closer to me. Her movements caused me to harden and I let out a small groan. She giggled and wiggled against me again. I pulled her tightly to my body and ground my half hard erection against her plump bum. I placed my face in the crook of her neck and breathed her scent in deeply while grinding into her more firmly. I moved my free hand to grope her breast through her bra. I pinched her hardened nipple through the thin material and then moved to push the material up and out of the way. I felt her shiver when my hand met her barred breast and this only served to arouse me more. I placed a kiss to her neck before I bit the very spot I had just kissed. That pulled a strangled cry from her throat which caused my cock to twitch appreciatively. She felt it too it seems because she pushed back on me. "Tell me what you want Hermione," I said softly.
"I want you. Please make love to me Severus," She said just as softly. I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I leaned down and placed a kiss on her shoulder and then down her arm. I rolled us over so I was on top of her and kissed the tops of her breasts then down between the two pert mounds. I kissed my way down her stomach and over her hips. She lifted her hips when I reached for her panties. I removed them and tossed them to the floor and then continued my way down to her thighs. I kissed my way down her legs. I took my time, there was no rush. I massaged each foot and then kissed my way back up her legs. At some point her eyes had drifted shut and she looked so peaceful and relaxed. She looked more beautiful at that moment, laid out naked before me, than she ever had. I slowly spread her legs and placed light kisses along the inside of her thighs slowly moving my way up to her center. I paced a kiss on her slit and then work my tongue in a firm lick up and through her lips. I took my time pleasuring her with my tongue. I had her wriggling and moaning in pleasure before long. Her hands had found their way to my head and she wound her fingers into my hair as if to lock my head in place. I obliged and continued to lap at the sweetness flowing from her apex. When I had her teetering on the edge I pulled back. I could feel her leg trying to keep me in place but I removed myself from their grasp. I crawled my way back up the bed and positioned myself to her side. I rolled her onto her side and pulled her back flush against my chest.
I gripped myself more firmly and sped up my movements. The scene was playing vividly in my mind's eye. My body had broken out in a thin sheen of sweat and my breathing came more quickly.
I moved her left leg to rest on top of mine and positioned myself at her entrance. I rubbed my member along her slick sex which had her moaning again. "Take me, please Severus" she said quietly but firmly. In acquiescence to her demand I moved the head of my hardened length to her entrance and began to slowly push into her willing body. I moved slowly so she could feel me filling her up inch by inch. Once I was fully sheathed I stopped moving, giving her and me time to adjust. After a moment I began to move inside of her very slowly but strongly. My slow strokes were driving her mad with need. She began to push back against my thrusts. Understanding her need I began to thrust faster and harder, giving her, and I, what we needed. Her left arm snaked around my hip to grab my bum and urge me harder still. I moved my arm down to that I could rub her clit, an action which caused her to buck wildly against me. I had my forehead rested against the crook of her neck. When her orgasm hit, her body went ridged against mine, her nails dug into the flesh of my bum, her mouth opened in a silent scream. When her walls clammed down I felt my own orgasm coming. My thrusts became fast and shallow as my release built. I came inside of her and could feel the after shocks of her orgasm as I continued to slowly thrust into her, prolonging her orgasm and mine.
I came long and hard, now even more exhausted, and exceptionally more sober, than when I began. I laid on top of the sheets for a long while trying to get my breathing to slow and my heart rate to return to normal. When the sweat on my body began to chill me I rolled over and grabbed my wand off of the night stand and cast a cleaning charm. Replacing my wand on the night stand I pulled the sheets over my body and closed my eyes. My traitorous mind decided to finish the memory. I couldn't stop myself from remembering how that night ended.
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
And you know that she'll break you
We laid on the bed, a tangle of limbs, both exhausted and ready for sleep. I turned myself over onto my back and pulled her with me so she was resting on my chest. I bent my head and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and she snuggled closer to me. I could tell she was on the verge of sleep so I reached down and pulled the sheets up to her waist. She gave a contented sigh and closed her eyes. Softly I said,
"G'night, love." Just as softly she responded,
"Night Severus, I love you." Within minutes she was asleep and I was nearly there myself. The last thing I saw as my eyes closed was her. When I dreamed that night it was of her. Awake or asleep she was all I could see, and all I wanted to see.
I woke up a few hours later to an empty bed. This was not uncommon but hurt all the same; an unfortunate side effect of the war. I looked to the wall and the clock read eight o'clock. I groaned, knowing I needed to get up and eat something before I had to leave again. I got up and noticed a note on the bedside table which was unusual. I picked it up and read,
Please know that I love you with all of my heart and that I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't. I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to be with you while there is the chance that one of us won't make it through the war. Things are too dangerous for us to be together. All I can think about when we're not together is whether you're ok and whether I'll ever see you again. I think it would be better if we stop seeing each other all together. Please be safe and remember that I will always love you.
I had to read the note twice. My legs felt weak so I sat down on the bed. All I could think was that this couldn't be happening. I sat looking at the note in my hands for a long time trying to will it away and for everything to go back to the way it was a few hours ago. My vision became blurred and I when I blinked I felt wetness running down my cheeks. I could feel my heart breaking, I no longer felt connected with the rest of the world.
I don't know how long I sat there with the note in my hand and the tears running down my face. As I lay in bed I could feel the tears running down my face again, wetting my pillow. Tonight was the first time I'd seen her since the final battle. It's been a while since I thought about that night and every time I do it's like my heart is breaking all over again. Tonight, though, it hurts just as bad or maybe even worse than the first time. I am physically and mentally exhausted and I finally fall into a fitful sleep. I know tonight that if I dream it will be of her.
Ok, I know this wasn't a happy ending, but its not a happy song. Now, before you all go and get upset at me, there will be a sequel. It should have more of a happy ending, depending on what my muse decides to stick under my nose.
As always, reviews are most welcome :D