Disclaimer: This work of fiction is made for purposes of entertainment and without profit. The author claims no ownership over any part of the Haruhi Suzumiya franchise.
Kyon couldn't believe his eyes.
Now, by this point, such a statement would normally be worrisome. However, the cause of his disbelief was not because the current situation was completely out of the ordinary, but because of how simply ludicrous it was.
In the past few days, the alien known as Suou Kuyoh had apparently begun some sort of plan, which started with gaining control of the mind of small animals. Yuki Nagato had concluded that it could potentially escalate up to the entirety of the city's human population, the world in the worst of cases. As such, she began to fight to stop whatever dark objectives the mysterious hivemind was up to.
That looks like a rather sound plot, doesn't it?
It wasn't as much the moment Ryouko Asakura suddenly returned once again, having been ordered to assist Yuki. Sure, their mission was actually just to find out exactly what was going on, but not taking action would surely only make things worse for everyone. Then again, having the blunette around, now for an extended period of time, made things worse for Kyon.
At least until she started humiliating herself at every turn. While the duo was going around in what seemed to be a wild goose chase in a series of increasingly zany situations, the consummate knife attacker kept making a fool out of herself in ways that felt natural to each scenario. If years of watching slapstick comedy in cartoons made you come up with some hilarious situation, it happened, just like clockwork. It even got to the point where everybody expected Yuki to come in the aid of her partner whenever it happened. Ryouko was still the best help the book-lover could have, though.
And now, the two were engaged in a fight with the perpetrator herself. It was unlike anything Kyon had ever seen before. Not only were Yuki and Ryouko attacking Kuyoh from two sides, they also teamed up for some over-elaborate and flashy tandem strikes. Most of those seemed to involve either humiliating or physically harming Ryouko, Kyon mentally noted.
When it came to the girl (no, monster) clad in a black uniform, he also noticed that she appeared to be telegraphing how she would attack and who would be her target. It couldn't be right. Leaning her head back for a hair tentacle while raising her arms before warping? A frustrated frown for purple and a silent glare for blue? That made no sense. None at all. And whenever she shifted battle plans (if she actually had them), good God, she'd pull off another one of those creepy uncanny valley smiles.
Finally, Kuyoh fell before the Overmind agents that had been sent to dispatch her. However, before they could attempt to capture and possibly interrogate her (or at the very least, contain her), she flipped into nonexistence before reappearing behind them. She muttered something under her breath, and both a significantly distraught Yuki and a very shocked Ryouko were shrunk to the point of near invisibility. Totally helpless, both interfaces were grabbed by Kuyoh and put on a golf tee, of all things. The mass of hair then materialized an accompanying club, and proceeded to take a swing at the makeshift ball, managing a shot that would make any pro weep like a baby.
Where did they land, nobody could tell.
Kyouko Tachibana was confident in her skills at maintaining her composure at any and all times. After all, she survived a face-off with the fearsome Mori, even if she was internally feeling like she was crumbling away. Why wouldn't she feel smug about that?
Said skills utterly failed her when Sasaki fainted, right after literally coughing up a certain pair of missing humanoid interfaces.
Hey, I'm not dead! Just being a hypocrite by leaving this alone and having the gall of being disappointed at dead fics.
The basic idea has been floating in my mind for a while, way before the spoilers for the tenth novel came out (though they did make me rephrase a couple sentences in this). It came mainly from a lot of fanart depicting the interfaces to include Ryouko always being outsmarted by Yuki, and what other series abuses the equally competent sidekick for laughs?
And that part at the end? It came to me in a dream. I should probably stop gaming before sleep.
Also, as of now I'm officially not pretending anymore that the chapter title has any relation to its contents.