The Logical Choice
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, and I do not make any money from these fictions.
Summary: Jim and Spock have been together for two months, and Jim is having doubts because Spock refuses to meld with him. Spock/Jim slash.
Jim threw his head back with a moan, his nails raking down Spock's back as the Vulcan thrusted into him at a slow, even, maddening pace.
"Spock!" Jim shouted as his lover adjusted his angle just enough to hit his prostate head on. "Faster, Spock."
Spock continued with his even pace, driving Jim crazy.
"Please..." Jim whined, clenching his internal muscles around the large, hot cock spearing him open. "I can't...I need...more!"
But Spock was relentless, not breaking rhythm. Jim opened his blue eyes, looking into the calm, placid face above him.
Spock was not even breathing hard, let alone sweating. Had someone taken a picture of just Spock's face in that moment, they would not have been able to tell that he was mid-coitus. There were no visible signs of pleasure on those exotic features - Spock might as well be at his console on the bridge.
Jim's realization that Spock was not enjoying it near as much as he was dampened his own arousal, and he reached out a hand to entwine his fingers with his lover's sensitive digits.
"Meld with me?" Jim pleaded, blue eyes wide and honest and open as he tried to draw Spock's hand up to his face.
Spock growled, slamming Jim's hand down and pinning it on the bed beside his head. His pace picked up, slamming into Jim at a frantic pace.
Jim couldn't prevent his violent release as Spock jack-hammered into his prostate over and over again, finally spilling his hot seed into Jim's pulsing channel.
Spock pulled out, rising from the bed to take a shower - leaving Jim laying there without even a kiss or a kind word.
Jim's breathing evened out as he stared at the ceiling, wondering once again why Spock would not meld with him. They had been lovers for two months now, friends for three years, and worked together for almost four.
And as Spock re-entered the bedroom, dressed in his uniform for the gamma shift, Jim reflected that he could not feel like any more of a whore if Spock left credits on the nightstand.
He didn't understand why Spock was acting like this - they had been closer when they were just friends.
Perhaps...perhaps Spock had not wanted a sexual relationship as he had? The Vulcan did not seem to enjoy it as Jim did, and if he had thought that it was only logical to give into Jim's pursuit because Jim was his closest friend, or his superior, or whatever reason Spock thought up in his Vulcan brain...
Perhaps that accounted for Spock's actions for the past two months.
Maybe being with Jim was only the convenient, logical choice.
Spock exited the quarters he shared with his captain, calming with every step he took towards the bridge and away from Jim.
His t'hy'la brought out too many emotions in him - emotions he could not help but be ashamed of. Spock worked too hard to be Vulcan to allow human illogicality to control him.
And it was illogical to be ashamed of being ashamed of his emotions for his captain - for his t'hy'la.
Spock headed straight for the science station as soon as the turbolift opened up to the bridge. He had a lot of work to do, and he was glad that Vulcan meditations meant that he needed much less sleep than the average human.
Thinking of sleep and humans, his mind flashed back to Jim, lying in their quarters. His beautiful mate was probably still on the bed, covered with his own ejaculate and filled with Spock's release.
But Jim wasn't his mate, was he?
Because Spock refused to meld with him. Since the beginning of their romantic entanglement, he was afraid that if he entered Jim's mind he would not be able to pull away. During their friendship, Jim's mind had always been warm and welcoming and affectionate - and Spock sometimes felt it hard to break the connection.
He could not imagine how difficult it would be to maintain their sense of selves now - especially during sexual relations, when Jim was so beautiful, begging and moaning and spread out beneath him, desperate for his touch.
And Spock was not sure if Jim was ready for a lifelong commitment - because that was what it would be, if he entered Jim's mind at this stage in their relationship.
Spock did not want to force his t'hy'la into anything.
He loved him too much.
So he tried so hard to suppress his emotions during their interactions - professionally, romantically, and sexually - in the hope that his control would prevent him from taking more than Jim was willing to give.
Jim jumped from the bed, taking a quick sonic shower and throwing on his uniform before heading to Bones's room.
He needed to talk to his best friend.
A quick chime got him entrance - Bones was reading some data on a padd when he went in.
"Hey," Jim greeted, weary but relieved at just the sight of the doctor.
Bones knew how to fix anything and everything.
His friend looked up at him, immediately knowing something was wrong.
"What did that green-blooded hobgoblin do now?" he growled, angry on Jim's behalf.
His best friend and captain only looked this defeated when it had something to do with a certain half-Vulcan.
"More like what he didn't do," Jim admitted.
"Is this about sex? If this is about sex, I don't want to know. I haven't perfected the technique to bleach my brain yet," Bones grumbled, setting his padd down and facing Jim.
The captain cracked a small smile.
"Not everything's about sex, Bones," Jim told him, appreciating the irony.
A few years ago - hell, a few months ago - he never would have been able to say that seriously.
Bones let out a low chuckle, but he didn't say anything - waiting for Jim to admit what was on his mind.
"Spock won't meld with me," Jim admitted. "I feel like...I feel like he's only with me because he has to be. We're not any closer now than we were when we were just friends - we're farther apart. He only deals with me on the bridge or when we're - well, having sex. But even then...god, Bones - sometimes he makes me feel like a whore. Like a convenient hole to vent his tensions before the next shift. I got more emotion out of him before we became involved, and I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. Does he really want me? Did I pressure him into this?"
Bones stayed quiet while Jim vented, and then he got up from his chair to pull Jim into his arms for a hug.
"Jim..." Bones sighs. "Spock isn't used to expressing that much emotion. Did you ever think that maybe you're just overwhelming him?"
Jim leaned into Bones's touch like a flower towards the sun, and Bones inwardly cursed Spock for not realizing just how much Jim needed and craved an affectionate touch.
And Jim was right, not everything had to do with sex.
"Overwhelming him?" Jim questioned, confused. "So you do think that he would be happier being just friends?"
"I think you have to make him talk about what he wants," Bones advised. "Don't assume anything, because Spock keeps what he really feels close to the chest."
Jim nodded, and that was the end of that discussion. The two best friends separated from their platonic embrace, slipping back into their more typical interactions - mainly bickering and grumbling and Jim batting his eyelashes in an attempt to get what he wanted.
All the while, Bones thought about the discussion that he was planning to have with Spock.
That Vulcan needed to have a few truths hit home.
It was nearly two days before Bones got Spock alone – they were both busy with shifts, and Bones wanted to give his best friend some time to talk to the Vulcan about their relationship.
But Jim just got sadder, and his smiles just got more brittle, and Bones knew that if he didn't do something Jim's relationship with Spock was going to shatter.
And then Jim's heart would shatter with it.
So the doctor managed to get Spock down to sickbay – god knew he needed the home field advange – and into his office.
His sound-proofed office.
"Have a seat," Bones offered the Vulcan gruffly, pacing a little bit behind his desk.
"I would prefer to stand, Doctor," Spock replied stiffly.
"Jim came to me the other day with a problem, and I can't help but notice that it hasn't been fixed yet," the doctor began, watching the Vulcan closely for any reaction.
There was none.
"The captain has not come to me with any concerns," Spock answered evenly.
"That's because 'the captain' does not have any concerns, Spock. We're talking about Jim – your lover?" Bones questioned sarcastically.
The Vulcan just looked back at him blankly.
"Do you even love him, or is he just a convenient body to you?" the human asked.
"I hold only the highest regard for the captain," the Vulcan stated, bringing his hands behind his back in his signature pose.
Bones would bet that those hands were tightening into fists behind that rigid back.
"Of course," Bones replied sarcastically. "That's exactly what Jim wants in a lover. 'The highest regard'. Forget about love, and affection, and all those illogical emotions."
"I believe you are attempting to elicit an emotional response, Doctor," Spock said evenly.
Bones restrained himself from punching the Vulcan in his smug, emotionless face – but just barely.
"Well, if Jim can't elicit an emotional response from you, I know I certainly won't be able to, Spock," Bones answered. "I don't know why I'm even trying. Hell, I don't know why Jim is even trying. But I do know that he won't be trying for very much longer."
Spock's brown eyes darkened in anger, and Bones saw the Vulcan's already straight posture stiffen further.
"The relationship between the captain and myself is none of your concern," Spock declared, voice tight as he began to walk towards the door.
Bones glared at his back.
He wasn't going to let that goddamned green-blooded hobgoblin walk out on him – not after hurting his best friend.
"I'm making it my concern," he shouted at the Vulcan's stiff back. "I'm making it my concern because my best friend came to me practically crying, saying that you made him feel like a goddamn whore. How long do you think a man like James Tiberius Kirk is going to stand for being treated that way?"
Spock stopped, two steps away from the exit.
"Jim would not tell you such a thing," he responded, not turning around.
"You're willing to bet your relationship on the fact that I might be lying? Spock – I know that you don't deserve him. And I'm pretty sure that you know that you don't deserve him. But Jim? Jim thinks that you invented warp physics and then built the Enterprise just for him. And you being distant is hurting him. Maybe enough to make him leave you," Bones told him seriously.
"This is a conversation that I must have with the captain," the Vulcan stated, before opening the door and stepping out.
"You're welcome," Bones muttered to the closed door. "This is why I'm a doctor, not a fucking relationship counselor."