Disclaimer:SMeyer owns Twilight, I own a bus pass.
A/N: This was written for LiveJournal user hpnic06, who generously donated $10 in support of the earthquake victims in Haiti. I appreciate your donation so much, and I love that the Twilight fans have been so generous. I've heard that our fandom alone has donated somewhere in the $30 000 range, which is absolutely amazing.
If you haven't donated money to support Haiti, please do so if you're able. If you're in the United States (I'm not, but I hear things) you can donate $10 just by texting 'HAITI' to 90999, which will come off of your next cell bill. It's for the "Hope for Haiti" fundraiser held by George Clooney, which included our very own Rob Pattinson.
A/N 2: I apologise if you're getting a backlog of alerts for this chapter. I've been fighting with for a couple of days because it wouldn't send out alerts, and then all of a sudden I get like 50 all at once, lol.
That said, on with the show!
I Hate You with an Insurmountable Passion: Outtake
(IHYwaIP Chapter 13, "The Awakening")
Edward had escaped to his bedroom after his conversation with Esme, feeling better, but still upset. He had no idea how he would convince Bella that he was truly sorry, and that he wanted her more than anything—but he was positive that he needed to try.
He crawled into bed around 9:30, feeling totally spent after the emotional roller coaster he had been on all day. He was just about to drift off when he heard a tapping at his window. He turned, and could see through his dark room a familiar silhouette at his window. He pulled himself out of bed and walked over to the window.
"What are you doing here?" he whispered. Bella bit her lip.
"I love you, too."
I spent half the night with Bella safely tucked in my embrace, and the other half remembering the way she felt there. Hearing her say she loved me was the greatest thing I could have ever hoped for, and thankfully it came at the time when I needed to hear it most. Bella's thoughts had been so guarded around me for the entirety of our arrangement. Knowing how she really felt was liberating.
I woke up the next morning feeling alive with unbridled anticipation. The short hours between Bella's departure and school seemed like an eternity to me. I hadn't wanted to let her go.
I don't think I had ever gotten ready for school so quickly in my life. I was barely able to force myself to take a shower, this time revelling in the remains of our lovemaking as they washed away from my skin. I could feel her body on me, under me, wrapped around me, and it was exhilarating. While our arrangement had been exciting and physically satisfying, nothing had come close to making me feel the way I had wrapped up within her that night.
I got to school earlier than usual, knowing full well that Bella would likely get there later than that, but I couldn't hold myself back. I parked in the spot I usually took and powered down the car, waiting impatiently for the minutes to tick by.
I heard the crack before I saw what had caused it. I jerked my head to examine the sound, and found a small white scratch decorating the surface of my otherwise pristine passengers-side window. Looking through the now marred piece of glass, I could see a group of guys from the soccer team looking in my direction, laughing. One of them had thrown a rock at my car.
I pulled myself out of the car, slamming the door.
"What the fuck, man?" I demanded, quickly making my way over to the group.
"What's the matter, Champ?" one of the guys asked condescendingly. "That time of the month?"
"You threw a fucking rock at my car!" I seethed. They all laughed one more time. I was waiting to be let in on the joke. "What the hell is your problem?" I directed my question toward the ring-leader of the group, a guy named Alec. He offered me the cocky sneer that he called a grin and crossed his arms.
"Just checking to see if your car is as big a pussy as you are. By the looks of that scratch, I guess it is."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you not hear?" he feigned innocence. "Turns out the captain of the soccer team turned into a fucking chick." I held up a hand to stop him.
"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. But if you touch my car again, I'll fucking kill you." Alec rolled his eyes at me and turned toward one of the other guys.
"Oh Bella, I love you. I've loved you forever!" I felt my heart sink.
"That's what this is all about?" I asked, only then realizing that the school had been privy to my conversation with Bella the previous day.
"Bella Swan, dude? Are you serious? She's a fucking leper," Alec cried. I could feel heat rising within me.
"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" The group laughed once more. They were like hyenas on the prowl with me as their prey.
"And what are you gonna do about it, bitch." He shoved me backward. I bit my lip hard, trying to reign in my anger toward my so-called teammate.
"Don't touch me," I growled.
"Edward?" I heard her voice coming from behind me, and glared at the guys, daring them to say another word. Bella came to stand beside me. I put my arm around her waist protectively.
"Oh, hey Bella," Alec said, suddenly very friendly. "What's that in your bag? Edward's dick?" I was about to respond, but Bella beat me to it.
"Actually, I think it's yours. I hear too much masturbation can make it fall off." I couldn't fight the grin that forced its way onto my face. My girl fucking rocked. "You should really get that checked out." She offered a faux-friendly parting wave before she headed off toward the school. I looked back at Alec, trying not to laugh out loud at the look on his face.
"Stay the fuck away from my car. Bitch." With that, I followed after Bella, taking her hand firmly in mine as we headed through the front door together.
The first confrontation of the day was far from the last. During my first three classes I was subjected to numerous comments, most of them from those people who I had considered to be my friends. I found myself defending Bella to people who didn't even know her, and had no basis to say a damn thing. It was infuriating.
"So what's the deal, Eddie?" I felt a trickle of breath ghost across the back of my neck, signalling that Jessica was much too close to me. I turned a little in my seat so I could face her.
"What deal?" I asked. I knew what she was talking about, having had this same conversation with about twelve other girls before her, but I still secretly hoped that the next one would be different.
"You and Swan. Is this all just to get in her pants? Cause according to Tyler she's not a very good lay." I ground my teeth together to keep from snapping at her.
"Okay," I said, in the most forceful whisper I could muster without alerting the teacher to our conversation. "First, Tyler's a fucking moron who doesn't know a clit from a zit, and second, I love Bella. I don't care what the fuck people say about her. All that matters to me is that she loves me back." Jessica rolled her eyes, clearly not believing my story.
"Edward, honey. If you were looking for a girlfriend, you know you could have just asked." Her flirty tone made me want to vomit.
"Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm not looking for a girlfriend, then." I turned back to my paper, suppressing a cringe when I felt her tap my shoulder and lean in to whisper in my ear.
"Well, girlfriend or not. You can still climb through my window anytime you want." I rolled my eyes and turned back around.
"Jess, you've been making the same offer for two years, and I've been turning you down for two years. What the hell makes you think that's gonna change now that I have a girlfriend?" She offered a flirty grin and leaned in even closer so I could smell her coffee-breath.
"Look, everyone knows you're not a one-woman man. I'm just presenting an opportunity. I promise not to tell anyone." I let out a long breath.
"I'm only gonna say this once, and I'd appreciate it if you'd spread it around to all of those little cock-starved lunatics you call friends. I'm with Bella. I love Bella. I'm not interested in anyone but Bella. Fuck. Off." I watched her slump back into her chair, dejected, before turning back in my chair, pleased with my handiwork.
The morning passed with more and more uncomfortable encounters with girls and guys alike, all wondering what the hell had come over me, and when the 'real Edward' would come out of hiding. I could barely contain my relief when the lunch bell rang, providing me with an opportunity to escape them and spend time with Bella.
Entering the cafeteria was an unnerving experience. I could swear every set of eyes was on me, including all of the ones from my usual table, filled with all of the people who had been torturing me since the beginning of the day. I momentarily wondered how I had ever called them friends, before taking a cursory glance around the room, finding the one pair of eyes that mattered. Swiftly I made my way through the tables and pulled into the seat next to Bella.
"This place is a fucking nuthouse," I grumbled, leaning over to give her a quick peck on the lips. I loved having the freedom to do that whenever and wherever I wanted. I would definitely be taking advantage of it.
"For you too, huh?" Bella asked, taking my hand in hers. I was immediately concerned.
"Why, what happened to you?" She let out a long sigh, and was about to respond when her two friends, Jasper and Alice, made their way to sit at the table.
"Holy shit, the people in this place are fucking vultures!" Alice cried. She turned and offered me a broad smile that immediately eased my nerves. "Hi! I'm Alice, and this is Jasper." I couldn't help but smile. She had a fairy-like quality that immediately reminded me of Tinkerbelle.
"Yea, yea, I know." I held out my hand to Jasper who was sitting closer to me, he gave it a hard shake. "I'm Edward."
"Yea. We know," Jasper said with an amused grin. I laughed lightly. I supposed there weren't many people around school who didn't know me. Jasper had a pretty thick southern accent, and combined with his low, soothing voice, I was immediately at ease amongst Bella's friends. Unlike mine, they didn't seem inclined to judge us. I caught Bella's eye, and she looked back at me timidly.
"You don't have to sit with us if you'd rather be with your friends." I shook my head hard.
"Nooo, no, no, no," I said, in a long string. Bella smiled lightly.
"So, no?" I laughed.
"No. Here's good."
"Won't your friends be mad?" her gaze was on the table that I usually occupied. I turned to look, and found many from the group shooting death-glares in our direction. I couldn't help myself as I flipped them the bird and turned back to my new group of friends.
"I don't give a shit what they think. The whole group of them have been eating me alive all day." Bella bit her lip, her gaze shifting down to our joined hands. "Hey, what's up. Have they been giving you a hard time?" I was ready to kick the shit out of anyone who did so much as look at her wrong.
"Kind of," she said with a shrug. "I mean, it's to be expected. They tortured me before, this is pretty much the perfect opportunity for them." I could feel rage building within me.
"Who is it? Tell me, I'll make them stop." Bella chuckled lightly and rubbed my back with her hand.
"Woah, settle it back down there, Rambo. It's nothing I can't handle." Her making a joke of it wasn't doing much to help my irritation.
"I'm serious, Bella. They have no right to say anything to you."
"And what are you going to do about it, really?" she asked, a little more serious. "Anything you do in retaliation is just going to get you in trouble, and then they win. If we ignore them, they'll get tired of it and move on." I shook my head.
"You know that's not true. Not with them. If it was anyone else, maybe, but Alice is right, they're fucking vultures. They won't stop until they get what they want."
"And what do they want, Edward?" she asked, withdrawing from me. "For us to break up? Is that going to happen?"
"No, of course not." I knew with absolutely certainty that nothing those idiots could say or do would come between us.
"So what's the problem? Let them talk." I bit my lip and looked back toward my old table. Most of the eyes had been averted, but a couple of them still watched me.
"Fine," I conceded. "But if it doesn't stop soon, I'm doing something." Bella sighed deeply, reclaiming my hand with her own.
"It'll stop." Even as she said it, I could tell she didn't believe it.
A couple of weeks passed and the rumours, the remarks, and the constant prodding kept coming. On more than one occasion I'd been tempted to take out some of the guys who seemed to be leading the attack, but I kept Bella's wishes in mind, and continued to walk away.
It wouldn't have been so bad, but beyond this, I was also facing a constant string of arguments with Bella. Despite the fact that we loved each other and wanted to be together, there was still a lot of left over hurt regarding our various indiscretions. Whenever Bella was mildly upset, she would bring up the ludicrous promise I made to my grandfather. More often than not, this led to me bringing up her lie about being with Jacob, and it would lead to one fight after another.
I didn't want to fight with Bella, but she was constantly putting me on the defensive. I didn't know what to say or do that would make her forgive me for my mistake. In addition to that, she didn't seem to have any remorse whatsoever for lying to me about Jacob, she just wrote that off as hypocrisy on my part for being with Tanya. I couldn't deny that my reaction to Jacob had been unfounded considering the relationship I'd had with her, but it still bothered me that Bella didn't even attempt to understand my feelings on the matter.
It took about a month for our fights to wear out. Our final argument on the subject was the most explosive of them all. Once we had each yelled everything out, we sat in silence in my bedroom, letting the tension settle. Bella sat cross legged on the floor at the foot of my bed while I lay on my back on the bed staring holes into the ceiling.
"I'm sick of this," I said, not moving. I heard Bella sigh deeply, but she didn't make a move to join me on the bed.
"What do you propose we do about it?"
Our conversations often went this way. A conclusion was never reached. We often just gave up and settled for the make-up sex, as if it would make it all better. This time, though, I was truly done with it.
"I'm not going to discuss these things anymore. I won't bring it up, and I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same."
"You can't just make the feelings go away." Her voice was low, calm, but I could hear a hint of irritation in it. I took a deep breath, steadying my temper before flipping around on the bed so I was on my back with my head at the foot of the bed, next to hers.
"I know. But we could both at least try to let them go." I didn't watch her as she stood up and came to lay alongside me on her stomach. She propped herself up on her arms and looked down at me.
"I wish I knew how." I shrugged a little.
"Are you feeling anything that you haven't already said?" she shook her head. "Because I know how you feel, Bells. You've told me, and I listened. And it kills me that I hurt you, but we can't keep doing this. All I can do is try to be good to you and make up for my mistakes." I reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "If you'll try to let go of your anger with me, I'll probably have more success with that." She lowered her gaze and began to chew on her bottom lip.
"I'm sorry I lied about Jake," she said softly. It was the first time she'd actually apologized for her own indiscretion, while I had been apologizing about mine for what seemed like ages.
"Thanks." I rested my hand on her cheek, speaking again when her chocolate eyes met mine. "You know I'm sorry." She nodded slightly. "Can you forgive me?" A moment passed before she nodded again, slowly.
"I forgive you." Her voice was so quiet that I barely heard her words, but our locked gazes told me it was the truth. I swallowed deeply.
"I don't want to fight anymore," I said. She leaned into my hand on her cheek, placing hers over it.
"Neither do I." She turned her face slightly and kissed the palm of my hand.
"So are we done with all of this?" She smiled lightly and nodded.
"Yea, we're done. "
The resolution to that final fight was different from the other rounds of make-up sex, because we didn't need to make up. I kissed her with a soft passion that I hoped would tell her everything I wanted to say—how much I loved her and needed her. How much I wish I'd never hurt her. How I'd never, ever do anything to betray her again. She kissed me back with just as much passion, saying without words what I needed to feel. She understood. I was forgiven.
I rolled onto my side and pulled her into me so we were laying flush against each other. Her leg naturally found its place hitched over my hip as we sought more closeness than our bodies could provide. Her heat radiated through my body, warming me from within. Nothing ever felt as good as being in her arms.
After a while she rolled onto her back, pulling me with her. I found my favourite place, between her legs, and allowed some of my weight to fall onto her, grinding into her. She moaned into my mouth, taking my arousal from an '8' to a '10' with a single gorgeous sound. Soon our bodies were moving together of their own volition while our mouths continued to explore one another's. Her tongue was soft and smooth against mine as she sucked me into her mouth. Our tongues moved together in time with our bodies, creating a warm, wet connection that left us totally in sync with one another.
Soon our clothes began to come off, one article at a time. I was in no rush with her. We'd rushed in the past, and now I just wanted to cherish every second I could have with her.
Once our final pieces of clothing had been removed, I directed us up to the top of the bed so she could lay on the pillows before I reclaimed her mouth with a renewed fervency. Our slow build had brought me to a heightened state of desire, and all I wanted was to feel every inch of her beautiful body against mine. Our warm skin connected at every point, and I revelled in the smoothness of her body. She was fragile, smooth. Her curves welcomed my body into them. She felt absolutely right against me. Just laying with her felt like heaven.
I left her mouth to taste her neck and shoulders. Her skin ghosted under my lips like air as I brushed my way down her body, tasting, kissing, licking every inch. I could never get enough of her. I reached her breasts and couldn't suppress my own moan when I took a nipple into my mouth, flicking the tip with my tongue, sucking lightly, ghosting my teeth across the nub, before releasing it and showing the same attention to the other. Bella's soft sighs and moans encouraged me to move further, as I began a slow trek down her midsection, aching to touch her where she radiated heat the most.
"Please, Edward," she sighed, taking hold of my head as I reached her lower midsection. I raised my head to look at her and found her looking at me with heavy eyes.
"What do you want, Baby? Anything you want." I kissed her stomach.
"I want you inside of me." She didn't have to ask twice. I rapidly ascended up her body, claiming her mouth in a long, languid kiss while I lined myself up at her center and pushed inside. Our connections had always been incredible, and this was no exception. The way she fit around me was unlike anything else. She was home.
We said no words as I pushed in and out of her at a moderate speed. The only sounds to be heard in the room were those of our connection and our heavy breathing, marred by the occasional moan or sigh. Being like this with Bella, I required nothing more. Just watching her face as I brought her up to the heights of ecstasy was the most erotic and beautiful thing I'd ever encountered.
Time seemed to pass in a suspended state as we moved together in long strokes. Her arms were wrapped firmly around my neck, and her legs locked around my waist holding me to her tightly, telling me I was to go nowhere. This was where she wanted me to be, buried deep within her, our bodies moulded together as a delicious heat and moisture built between us.
Bella began to buck up against me as she neared her release, and her moans became louder and more constant. I wanted to watch her as she came apart, but my own pending release was making it difficult to force my heavy eyes to stay open. I deepened my strokes, pushing in deep as I could go and grinding hard before withdrawing. The new movement brought me in contact with her clit, bringing her up faster and harder with the combined sensations.
I forced my eyes open as she came apart, squeezing me tightly within her while her arms and legs held me ever closer. Her eyes closed tightly, her lips parted, but no sound came out. Her head went back and her chest unwittingly raised to meet mine. She was exquisite in her climax, and it was all I needed to find my own as I pumped into her, milking my own release.
Completely spent, I dropped my head into the crook of her neck, basking in our complete connectedness as it seemed every part of our bodies were in contact while we breathed deeply in tandem, coming down from our mutual heights.
Later that evening I drove Bella home, having taken up the driving responsibilities after her truck died, yet again. I hated the death trap that was her mode of transportation, but she adamantly refused to give it up. Secretly though, I appreciated that her truck was out-of-operation more often than not, because it allowed me the opportunity to pick her up and drop her off like a gentlemen. I liked to open her door for her, and walk her to and from the house. I liked to stand on her front porch and kiss her goodnight while her irritated father waited in the wings to give me a compulsory scathing comment. Being in a relationship with Bella allowed me to do all of the things that I'd always wanted to do with her, but was never able to do under the rules of our arrangement.
After I dropped Bella off I was driving back home when I spotted a lone figure walking down the deserted back road that I took as a shortcut. The rain was coming down in sheets, and the night was cool. I could see his breath coming out in puffs before I could make out his features. As I neared him, it didn't take me long to recognize the figure. I pulled over to where he stood and rolled down the window.
"Alec?" I asked. His head was down, and his hands were firmly in his pockets. He slowly looked up at me and I could see that he had two black eyes and a split lip. "Geez, what the hell happened to you, man?" I asked. I pulled the door open and went to stand next to him.
"Some douche at Mike's party caught me talking to his girlfriend and he and his friends decided to kick my ass." His voice was low, and I could tell he was embarrassed by the situation. We were miles out from where he lived.
"So what's this? Were you just gonna walk home?" Alec offered a one shouldered shrug.
"I guess. The douche was my ride, so..." he let his voice trail off. As much of an idiot Alec was, I wasn't about to let him walk home in the rain by himself, half out of it from too many knocks to the head.
"Get in the car," I said, retreating back to the driver's side. He hesitated.
"Why?" he asked, nervously. I rolled my eyes, irritated, and now wet from the rain.
"Because I'm driving you home. Come on." I pulled into the car and unlocked the passenger's door. Alec hesitated another moment before conceding and making his way around the car, climbing in.
The drive was silent for a while. There was an obvious tension between us, probably because Alec was the ringleader of the Edward and Bella hate parade, and he knew I was perfectly aware of that. Once I stepped down as leader of the moron factory, he swiftly took the reigns.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked, after about ten minutes of silence. I kept my eyes firmly on the road, not wanting to look at the sorry creature beside me.
"Because I'm not an asshole," I responded shortly. I didn't have a ton of patience for the guy, knowing he had been the one to sick a bunch of nasty chicks on my girlfriend. It was quiet for a moment before he responded.
"No, I guess you're not." A tense silence once again overtook the car as I turned onto his street and pulled to a stop in front of his house.
"Thanks," he mumbled. I looked at him for the first time since we started driving. His head was still downcast. He looked...humbled? Chastised? I wasn't sure.
"Uh huh," I said, eager to get his out of my car. He hesitated. "What are you waiting for?"
"Look, man. I'm sorry about all of the shit that's gone down." I let out an exasperated chuckle, but said nothing. "No, seriously. I've been a massive dick to you and Bella."
"Yea, that's putting it lightly." He nodded slowly.
"You're right. It is. And you guys didn't deserve that."
"No shit." I was quickly growing tired of his half baked apology.
"Look, I don't expect you to forgive me or anything. I don't really care if you do. I'm just telling you now, it's over dude. I'll tell them to stop. You won't hear about it again." I watched him as he spoke, trying to gage his level of sincerity. He seemed to mean what he was saying.
"I'd appreciate it," I said. He offered a curt nod.
"Alright. Good," he said, uncomfortably. With that, he undid his belt and pushed the door open. "Thanks for the ride."
"Sure." With that, he stepped out of the car and closed the door before bolting through the rain to his house. I waited a moment to make sure he got in okay, my old friendly instincts taking precedence over my constant irritation with him, before gunning the car down the street en route to home.
Much like he promised, Bella and I never heard from Alec and the rest of my old friends again. Save for a few nasty glares from a couple of the girls, they kept their distance, making life for us significantly easier.
I had found a home with Bella, Alice and Jasper, and it felt absolutely right. It was just like I had felt back when Bella and I were best friends, just hanging out, having fun and not caring what anyone thought of us. Alice and Jasper were just as easy going as we both were, which made our foursome one of the least complicated groups I could imagine in high school. It was exhilarating to be free of the drama that came with being popular.
The best part of all of it was the fact that I was able to share most of junior year and all of senior year with Bella, the way it was supposed to be. Once I lost her friendship I had assumed that I would never get it back, and that I wouldn't get to share graduation with the one person who mattered the most. Holding her hand through our graduation ceremony, and sharing a celebratory lunch with both of our families solidified for me that this was the way it had to be. Nothing else would ever be right for me if it didn't include Bella. For fear of sounding cliché, she was my one true love. It just took us a little time and a bit of a detour to finally get there.
A/N:I'd like to give a BIG thanks to hpnic06 for her wonderful donation, and once again I urge you to donate if you're able. The people in Haiti need our help. Haiti is the poorest nation in the world, and they have suffered one of the most devastating natural disasters of our time. We can help.
Anyway, I hope you all liked it! Reviews are very much appreciated.