Title: Never Have I Ever
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, and I do not make any money from these fictions.
Rating: M
Summary: The men of the U.S.S. Enterprise get together for a game of Never Have I Ever. Otherwise known as the "Pick On Jim" game… Slash.


They're sitting in a circle on the rec room floor, and Bones has no idea how Jim managed to convince them that this is a good idea. It's just the guys, because Uhura would probably be dragging them back to their quarters by their ears by now.

Now that Bones thinks about it, he wonders why Spock hasn't done the same yet.

So they - which consists of Jim, Spock, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Bones himself - are sitting in a circle, glasses in hand.

"Now, I think we should play a drinking game. Any ideas?" Jim asks his crew.

Bones glares at him, Sulu and Spock look on blankly, Scotty assumes a thoughtful expression, and Chekov bounces excitedly like a kid in a candy shop.

"I have an idea, Keptin!" the teenager shouts. Really, Jim shouldn't be letting him anywhere near alcohol, but Jim figures it would be a bit hypocritical of him to protest considering some of the things he got up to when he was seventeen. "We should play Never Have I Ever! It was invented in Russia."

Jim nods solemnly. Chekov thinks everything was invented in Russia, and he wouldn't hear otherwise.

Besides, Never Have I Ever is more fun than Truth or Dare, and he knows that the others wouldn't consent to Spin the Bottle.

"Does everyone know the rules?" Jim asks.

Bones splutters at him.

"Never Have I Ever? Goddammit, Jim - I'm a doctor, not a prepubescent girl!" he grouches.

"I am afraid that I am not aware of the rules, Captain," Spock informs him primly, ignoring the doctor's outburst.

Jim pouts at him, fluttering those ridiculously long eyelashes.

"I am afraid that I am not aware of the rules, Jim," Spock corrects himself.

That gets him a beaming smile in response, and Spock ignores the fluttering sensation in his stomach. The replicators probably failed to produce his meal correctly during dinner...

"Okay, so basically, we go around in a circle, and when it's your turn you say 'Never Have I Ever...' and then something interesting. If you've done it, you have to take a drink," Jim informs the group.

"So basically tonight is 'Get Jim Drunk Night'," Bones grumbles.

Jim pouts at him too, but the doctor is immune.


"Chekov - since it was your idea, you start," Jim tells the teenager.

The Russian nods in compliance, scrunching his face up as he thinks of a particularly good one.

"Never Have I Ever...been on the U.S.S. Enterprise," Chekov finishes.

Everyone around the circle takes a drink, of course.

"All right - that was a good start because everyone had to drink. But this is a bonding experience people - we want to learn new things!" Jim exclaims.

He turns to Sulu, who is sitting on Chekov's right.

"You're up next, buddy," he tells his navigator.

"Never Have I Ever...had sex in the captain's chair," Sulu says with a smirk as he knocks back a drink.

Jim pouts and takes a drink, as does Bones.

Sulu and Bones look at each other, and then at Jim.

"What?!" the captain says innocently. "It's a perfectly good place to have sex."

The others look on at this exchange.

"I take this to mean that the captain has engaged in sexual relations upon that particular chair with both Mr. Sulu and Dr. McCoy, in two separate instances of which the other was not aware?" Spock questions evenly with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmph," Jim just pouts. "Your turn, Bones."

"Never Have I Ever had sex with James Tiberius Kirk," Bones grumbles before taking a drink. Sulu follows suit of course - but so do Chekov and Scotty.

And Jim, surprisingly.

"Masturbation doesn't count," Bones tells him.

"It wasn't masturbation," Jim informed him with a devilish smirk.

"You know another James Tiberius Kirk that you had sex with?" the doctor asks.

"Well..." Jim trails off with a secretive smile. "You remember that time I got split into two people?"

Bones gapes at him, while the others (except Spock, of course) look at him with wide eyed astonishment.

"You had sex with yourself?" Bones demands.

"What?" Jim questions. "I'm hot. And I know what I like. It was some of the best sex of my life - from both sets of memories."

Bones just shakes his head as Jim indicates that it is now Spock's turn.

The Vulcan looks at him blankly for a moment. Then, Spock twitches his eyebrow in a way that would be a full-blown smirk on anyone else.

"Never Have I Ever dressed as a female for an away mission," the first officer says mildly, looking at Jim intently.

"Hey! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!" Jim protests as he takes another sip. "And what is it, 'Pick on Jim' Day?"

Chekov tries to sink into the floor as he takes a sip too.

"And look - poor Pavel has to deal with you being a big meanie too!" Jim pouts. "It's my turn, Mr. Spock - get ready! I'm going to make you drink."

Spock looks back at him.

"Never Have I Ever had sexual relations with Lieutenant Uhura!" Jim says.

A beat of silence.

Nobody drinks.

"W-what?" Jim questions. "But...but..."

"The lieutenant and I did not engage in sexual relations during our romantic association," Spock disputes. "Now, I believe that it is Mr. Scott's turn."

The engineer nods gravely, tapping his lip thoughtfully.

"Never Have I Ever kissed a non-humanoid being," Scotty states.

None of them drinks - except for Jim.

"Before anyone asks - that tentacle monster on T'Netalc IV," he informs them. "And that's all anyone is ever going to know. Right, Mr. Scott?"

The engineer smirks and nods, but as Jim turns to Chekov once again Scotty locks eyes with McCoy and mouths 'Tell you later.'

"Never Have I Ever had sex with Mr. Spock!" Chekov declares.

Again, nobody drinks - except for Jim.

"Captain, I do not believe that you and I have ever engaged in sexual relations," the first officer disputes.

"There are two of you," Jim mutters grumpily. "Sulu!"

The Vulcan blinks at him twice - pretty much an expression of utter disbelief.

"Never Have I Ever had sex with a superior officer," Sulu says.

Scotty, Bones, Chekov, and Jim drink.

Sulu doesn't.

"You've had sex with Jim," Bones points out.

"He wasn't my superior officer at the time," Sulu replies.

"You had sex with Jim in the captain's chair before he was captain?" Bones asks.

Sulu just smirks, refusing to elaborate, and the eyes turn to Jim.

"Um...well, I wanted to make Admiral Pike feel better after stealing the Enterprise?" Jim questions innocently. "And...um...Admiral Archer wanted to see me in action...and Admiral Barnett was being a stubborn bastard and it got me frustrated...and..."

"How many superior officers have you had sex with?" Bones asks disbelievingly.

Jim thinks really hard for a few seconds, his nose scrunching up cutely.

"Six - no, seven. Seven," Jim finishes decisively. "Well - unless you count the time...well, maybe eight. Your turn, Bones!"

Jim is definitely drunk and feeling it at this point, while Spock has only taken one sip the entire night. The others are about equally gone - which really isn't very.

It is just too much fun concentrating on the captain to worry about getting everyone else drunk.

"Never Have I Ever been called pretty," Bones says proudly, steering the conversation away from sex momentarily. Honestly, there are very few things Jim hasn't done pertaining to sex - and he is embarrassed about very few of them.

Bones figures getting him to admit some of his more embarrassing exploits would involve things not related to sex.

Jim and Chekov drink, as expected. There aren't any surprises that round.

"I'm not pretty!" the two protest at the same time, then point at the other. "You're prettier than I am!"

And then they both pout and glare at the others as they laugh - well, except Spock, but he is laughing on the inside.

It is again Spock's turn, and the Vulcan pauses a second in consideration.

"Never Have I Ever engaged in erotic asphyxiation during coitus," Spock says.

Jim's mouth drops open in shock as he raises his glass to take a sip.

Bones follows suit with a scowl on his face.

"I knew that would get out one day," the doctor mutters to himself.

"Sorry, Bones," Jim replies cheekily. "Now it's my turn again…Hmm…Never Have I Ever had sex."

They all take a sip – except for Spock. A beat passes…and then two…

"I knew it," Jim crows with a smirk. "If you didn't do it with Uhura when you had a chance, then I figured you were waiting for marriage or to go into heat or something like that."

Spock does not frown, but it is a very close thing.

Sometimes Jim's illogically casual predictions were somewhat accurate.

"Scotty," Jim says, indicating that it is the engineer's turn once again.

"Never Have I Ever been fucked by Tony Stark," Scotty says with a straight face, and all eyes once again turn to Jim as he takes a sip.

"He told you about that while you guys worked on finding him a way back to his time?" Jim asks with a pout. "I guess I really must have rocked his world."

"Best he ever had, Cap'n," Scotty replies.

Jim nods seriously, as if the praise is his due.

Maybe it is.

"Never Have I Ever fantasized about the captain," Chekov declares – and then ruins it by taking a sip.

And everyone else follows suit this time – including Spock.

The captain locks eyes with his first officer, and the intensity in the Vulcan's dark gaze is nearly overwhelming – he has to look away.

Jim clears his throat, and then indicates that Sulu should take his turn.

"Never Have I Ever called someone 'Daddy' in bed," Sulu says with a smirk.

Again, Jim and Chekov are the two that drink.

"Who?" the Russian asks his captain.

"This isn't Truth or Dare," Jim pouts.

"But you know who I called 'Daddy'," Chekov protests. "It is only fair that I know the same about you."

Jim sighs.

"Pike," he answers. "Well, and Scotty. And Bones. And Spock. It's a common theme, for me."

"Am I the only one who has called you 'Daddy'?" Chekov asks curiously.

The others sputter at this, but Jim only nods his head in affirmation.

"I usually go for older guys," he says casually. "Now it's your turn again, Bones."

"Never Have I Ever enjoyed being spanked during sex – while dressed up like a girl," Bones drawls, smirking.

"This is it!" Jim threatens, taking another sip. "Mutiny – that's what this is! I'm sending you all to the brig tonight."

The others just laugh, turning their eyes to Spock once again.

The Vulcan lets out a small exhalation of breath that with anyone else would be called a sigh.

"Never Have I Ever been transformed into a female by an angry priestess," Spock states mildly, and Sulu and Jim scowl as they take their drinks.

"Never Have I Ever had serious romantic feelings for someone in this room," Jim whispers softly, eyes averted as he takes a small drink.

Sulu and Chekov follow suit – and then Spock slowly raises his hand to take a drink.

The pilot and the navigator lock eyes, and then as one they stumble to their feet. Scotty and Bones watch as the two slip out the door, supporting each other.

Jim hopes they have a fruitful discussion – either before or after the hot sex.

"Captain…" Spock begins, trying to catch the human's gaze.

"I…I think I'm too drunk for this," he mutters. "I don't know why I said that."

Scotty interrupts with: "Never Have I Ever been in love with James Tiberius Kirk."

The look Spock shoots the engineer is a mixture of fear and relief and gratitude as the Vulcan takes a measured sip.

Jim's inhale is noisy in the silent room, and Bones takes the opportunity to grab Scotty by the arm and pull him from the room – grabbing the rest of the alcohol on the way out.

"This was supposed to be a fun game…" Jim says, forcing a laugh.

Spock steps towards him, dark eyes serious.

"Never Have I Ever wanted to call another t'hy'la," he whispers, taking a small sip over their locked gazes.

Jim cannot help his small choked gasp as he raises his own glass – he knows what that word means.

The cup falls to the ground and shatters when Spock reaches forward to grasp Jim's wrist and pull him into a heated embrace, mouths tangling in a Terran kiss as their fingers dance in Vulcan foreplay.

"I love you," Jim whispers softly, as if he is ashamed.

"I reciprocate," Spock assures him. "Though I refuse to engage in coitus for the first time when your decision-making is compromised by intoxicants."

Jim chuckles, stroking the back of Spock's hand fondly.

"Romantic," he accuses with a small happy smile.

"That would be illogical," Spock replies – and Jim can see the smile in his dark eyes.

And after that night, Jim would always have to drink whenever someone said, "Never Have I Ever fallen into a relationship over a game of Never Have I Ever."

But at least that one got Spock to drink too…

Oh, and Sulu and Chekov, as well…