WARNING: This story is for mature audiences only. It contains representations of sexual acts and situations.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor am I making any money off this. It's just for fun.


Chapter 9:

Harry sighed blissfully as he woke. He took a deep breath and realized his arm was still asleep. There was a bushy-haired witch curled against him like a cat, her head nestled into his shoulder. He couldn't resist smiling at her soft little snores.

It had been a week since their ritual together and this had become their routine. He and Hermione would spend their days separately and then explore their newfound physical intimacy every night.

For the first time since—well, ever—there was no one trying to kill him and no life-threatening emergency to worry about. His magic had felt stable since the rituals. He was free. Even the sun seemed to shine more brightly through the window.

He gently pulled his arm from beneath her, needing to get some circulation going. She mumbled and then opened an eye when he moved.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Go back to sleep. I just need my arm back."

She yawned widely and sat up instead, glancing around the room and then down at her nudity. Harry was in a similar state.

He smiled at her appearance. She was not quite awake yet, and her hair was standing out in every direction. She almost looked like a muggle troll doll. She had always been a morning person, but adding an hour of sex to her evening schedule had succeeded in wearing her out more than her OWL preparations.

"No, I need to get up," she replied blearily. "Today's your big day. There's still some planning to do and you need to see Madam Pomfrey."

Today was their final day in the castle and Harry's 'surprise' birthday party. It wasn't much of a surprise, of course, since he had helped create the guest list. It was small, consisting mostly of former classmates, teammates, and members of the DA, but that's how he preferred it. He had experienced enough large celebrations to last a lifetime.

He grinned at her. "Are you sure you don't want to start your day with a little parselingus? That will wake you right up."

Hermione blushed. Parvati had dubbed his new ability 'parselingus,' and insisted that she and Hermione would become world famous for discovering the twelve uses thereof. So far they had discovered three, not including talking to snakes.

"Something tells me your skills will be required later in the day. If we don't shower and get ready, Tonks and the others will probably burst in here and try to start an orgy."

"And that's a bad thing, right?"

She gave him a flat look. As open as she had become recently, she still wasn't ready for the kinds of antics that Tonks and Parvati got up to, and probably never would be. Even Luna could stun the both of them with her unpredictable imagination. But it was Hermione that he wanted to hold every night as he fell asleep, and she knew it.

"I'd like to postpone my inevitable corruption at least until I leave the castle," she responded dryly. "Besides, Fleur will probably be here soon and expect a red carpet."

Nope, definitely not a morning person anymore.


After a long shower and a hearty breakfast in the Great Hall, Hermione's energy and enthusiasm had returned. She banished Harry from Gryffindor Tower for an hour while she made final preparations for his afternoon party.

He took the opportunity to make his final visit to Madam Pomfrey. It was time for what was hopefully his last examination.

He strode into the hospital wing feeling both confident and apprehensive. His magic felt great, but something always seemed to go wrong for him in this room. He prayed the healer would have news he wanted to hear.

She walked out of her office when she heard him enter.

"Ah, there he is. I was wondering when you would grace me with your presence, Mr. Potter. Thank you for fitting me into your busy schedule."

"My busy schedule?"

"Well, you do seem to have your days occupied by a variety of young ladies. That's stressful, I'm sure."

Harry shifted but didn't blush. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Of course, he knew exactly what she meant. Much to his embarrassment, Hermione had taken it upon herself to create a color-coded sex schedule for him. It had taken only two days of insatiable witches pursuing him for her to put her foot down. She now knew Tonks' work schedule and when to expect her invasion of the castle. She knew when Parvati was free to meet him. Even Luna had informed her when she would be in the castle for 'dancing lessons.'

He found it oddly comforting that she liked being in charge of the situation, no matter how bizarre it looked from the outside.

Pomfrey observed him with amusement. "You know the drill. Off with your clothes."

He rolled his eyes. She had seen him nude so much recently that it almost felt natural to strip in front of her.

She took him behind a screen and he disrobed. For the first time in two weeks, he wasn't even partially erect for his exams. She noticed.

"Well, I think that's a good sign, don't you? Your flag is no longer flying at full mast."

"And you're still an awful comedian. Can we just get on with it?"

She sniffed and waved her wand in intricate patterns across his body. She had already examined him after the ritual with Hermione, but she wanted to be certain there were no unexpected effects. The satisfied expression on her face suggested that it was good news.

"Well, I like what I'm seeing. Your cardiovascular system is in good working order. You're still not experiencing any discomfort in your chest?"

"None at all. I felt great when I was releasing magic yesterday."

"Excellent. And your erections?"

He winced as she stared appraisingly at his cock. He just didn't think it was right to be talking about the nature of his erections with anyone.

"Semi-frequent, and, er, I'm still easily aroused, but they're not like they were. They were painful before the rituals."

She hummed and cast some spell toward his groin, tracing her wand along the outline of his balls and flaccid cock. She poked her wand at it once and it twitched, before slowly growing hard. He sighed and closed his eyes. Apparently it didn't matter to his cock that this was Madam Pomfrey. If there was someone giving it undivided attention, it would wake up to investigate. Soon he was fully erect.

"I did say I was still easily aroused," he groused.

Pomfrey tried and failed not to grin. "Well, you are a teenage boy, so I suppose that's not unusual. It should come in handy when you're trying to satisfy your little harem."

"It's not a harem."

She raised a single eyebrow. "As you say."

"Are you done embarrassing me yet?"

"Not quite yet. I would like another sample to compare with the original. I'm curious to see whether it contains the same amount of magic it once did."

She handed him a small vial, and he sighed.

"Should I find a private room or would you like to watch?"

She coughed but recovered and huffed at him. "That's entirely up to you, dear boy, but I doubt you need my assistance. Shall I summon Miss Granger to lend a hand?"

"I think I'll be able to figure it out on my own. What about my core?"

She handed him the now familiar red gem. "Let's find out, shall we?"

She waved her wand across it as he gripped it. It glowed a deeper red.

"Hmmm. A little higher than your last visit, but not alarmingly so."

He groaned. "What is it now?"

"Still well over 5000 whatsits," she answered cheekily. "But it appears to be causing you no problems. We'll continue monitoring you for a few months, and I want you to inform me immediately if your chest pains return or your magic behaves erratically."

"I can do that. So this is no longer a life-threatening condition?"

"I don't believe so, no, and Healer Chatterjee agrees that it's best to take a wait-and-see approach. We're in uncharted waters still, but you seem to be in fine health."

Harry sighed in relief. He would have hugged her, but he didn't think she would appreciate being poked with his erect penis.

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. I owe you my life. I know I don't say it often enough, but thank you for everything. You've patched me up 100 times, and I wouldn't be here without you."

Her eyes shined happily. "You're quite welcome. I do hope when you visit me in the future, however, it won't be because you have a life-threatening injury. Let's aim for a dislocated finger, shall we?"

He laughed. "It's a deal, although that wouldn't give you an opportunity to embarrass me."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, but it depends on what you were doing with the finger."


Shaking his head, he pulled on his clothes.

"There is one more thing, Mr. Potter."


"I would like to speak with you again after your party."

Harry pretended not to feel the ominous tightening in his gut.

"About what?"

"It can wait. Just make sure you see me before you leave tomorrow. And don't forget to fill that vial."

He sighed and retreated to a spare room to give the sadistic witch her sperm sample.


He returned slowly to the Gryffindor common room, relieved with his new diagnosis. He could live with an easily-roused libido if it meant he wasn't going to die soon.

He arrived at the entrance to find the Fat Lady's portrait occupied by two witches instead of one. Her friend Violet was visiting again.

"You were right, Lavernidocea. He is looking even dishier than usual."

Harry blinked. Lavernidocea? No wonder she was happy to be called 'The Fat Lady.'

"Now don't embarrass the poor boy, Violet. He knows he has a standing invitation to share a few drinks with us. I do hope he takes us up on the opportunity before he leaves. Who knows what might happen?"

He shook his head and looked between the two painted figures as they eyed him from head to toe. No human being could have missed their signals.

"I'm right here, you know."

"Yes, you most certainly are. All of you," Violet simpered.

He was beginning to think that every painting in the castle was perverted. Then again, if he were stuck to a wall for centuries and surrounded by strangers, he'd probably become a shameless voyeur too. He paused and reflected for a moment. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit for a portrait at his current age. He had to look out for his future painted self, after all.

"I'll, er, give your offer my most careful consideration," he answered. "Can I please go inside now?"

The Fat Lady looked a little disappointed. "I suppose. I think you have some visitors."


As he stepped through the portrait hole, shouts of 'Happy Birthday' assaulted him. Standing around the entrance in a semi-circle were Hermione, Parvati, Tonks, Luna, and Fleur. They were each wearing huge smiles.

He returned a bemused smile of his own. "Er, thank you. I wasn't expecting everyone to arrive until this afternoon."

Parvati grinned. "We thought we'd have a private celebration of our own. McGonagall might have a stroke if you opened our gifts in public."

"I don't know if I should be scared or thrilled."

Tonks laughed. "Why not both?"

Fleur stepped forward and kissed him on both cheeks in the French style.

"Bonjour, 'Arry, and Bon Anniversaire. I am sorry I could not be 'ere earlier, but I 'ad a very important reason. I 'ave some good news for you."

"What's that?"

She smiled seductively at him and grabbed his hand, leading it to her breast. He blushed a little at her brazenness. Despite all of his recent experiences, Fleur Delacour was still an extraordinarily beautiful witch. She eyed him up and down as she pressed his hand against her.

"I can see zee change in you. You 'ave acquired more confidence since I last saw you."

He grinned, his heart beating faster at the look in her eye. He felt her allure caress him and he embraced it. She looked as if she were going to rip his clothes off right there in front of everyone.

"Well, er, I've had some good teachers, including you. It's good to see you again, Fleur."

"Likewise. I am glad you 'ave become so strong. You will need zat confidence soon."

She smiled her perfect smile, her skin practically glowing. He almost forgot there was anyone else in the room. She moved his hand slowly south until it rested on her belly. Her slightly swollen belly.

"You feel zat?" she whispered huskily. "Zat is what we made togezzer, 'Arry. You are going to be a papa."

The blood rushed from Harry's face as her words sank in. He stared at her belly in shock. Fleur's allure intensified with what felt like pure joy. He vaguely registered the flash of a camera, but his more immediate concern was trying to remain standing. His knees felt like they were made out of gelatin. His hand trembled as he pulled it away from her stomach.

"W-what?" he whispered.

She smiled and pulled his hand back to her little bump. "My 'ealer tells me zat your magique was so potent zat we overpowered zee ritual. She is growing very quickly. Isn't zat great news?"

Harry started to sweat. How could this be happening? His legs felt like they might give way any second.

"Yeah, that's…that's great," he mumbled. Another flash went off, but the joy he felt within her allure was so overpowering that he was barely aware of his surroundings.

"Oh, Merlin, Harry!" Tonks yelled. "What if we're all pregnant with your super babies?"

Visions of five pregnant witches and five squalling babies overwhelmed his brain. Dark spots started to creep into his vision.

Then he remembered that it was Tonks who had just shouted. He blinked and looked up at Fleur's face. He could detect the faintest hint of amusement there.

He took a deep breath to combat his swimming head, then looked around. Luna was pointing an old wizarding camera at him and smiling innocently. Tonks and Parvati sported grins, and Hermione looked pleased with him for some reason.

Tonks could no longer control herself. She burst out laughing.

That set Parvati off. "Merlin, look at his face. Tell me you got that, Luna."

Hermione smiled smugly at the pair. "I told you he wouldn't faint. You both owe me ten galleons."

Harry sighed, his equilibrium slowly returning. "So you made a bet whether I would faint if I thought Fleur was pregnant?"

Fleur laughed musically. "I am sorry, 'Arry. Tonks put me up to eet, so you should punish 'er, not me."

"Hey!" came a betrayed yell. "You thought it would be funny too!"

He took another deep breath. "So just to be clear…none of you are pregnant with my…super babies?"

They all burst out laughing now.

Tonks was the first to recover. "Nope! But we got some great shots of you almost fainting when you thought we were. It looked like a close thing, Harry."

She pointed at Luna, who held her camera to her chest. She gave him an innocent smile that somehow seemed sinister.

"I didn't actually check to see if I was pregnant with your snorkack, Harry, but I could go ask Madam Pomfrey if you like."

He winced. "No…that's quite alright, Luna, but thank you. About those pictures, though…"

She smiled again. "Don't worry, Harry. We'll take good care of them."

"We certainly will," Parvati agreed.

Harry glared at Tonks and Parvati and pointed his finger. They suddenly shot up to the ceiling and stuck there. Their wands floated into his hand.

"Looks like someone needs a timeout. Maybe I'll leave you there all day."

"Oy, Harry, it was a just a joke. You have to admit it was funny."

"I can't hear you, Tonks. Stay up there and think about what you've done. No parselingus for a week."

"What?! You can't be serious!"

He just raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I apologize deeply for having a much better sense of humor than yours. Let us down or you won't get your presents."

He tapped his chin and thought it over. "I need some time to consider it. Next time we're together, I'm going to strap you to the bed and torture you."

Parvati laughed. "Er, Harry, that doesn't sound like torture."

"Quiet, you. This has your fingerprints on it too."

Fleur gently grabbed his hand and kissed it. "I am sorry, 'Arry, but eet was funny."

He snorted and looked at her belly. "How did you…"

She shrugged. "Just some transfiguration. Eet is gone now, see?"

She pulled him to the couch and pushed him onto it, where she, Hermione, and Luna joined him.

Hermione took control of the proceedings. "It's time for your presents, Harry. We each got you something, and this time I'm not going last."

She handed him two wrapped gifts.

Parvati coughed from the ceiling. "Er, Harry?"

"I can't hear you," he said. "Maybe you should just watch until we get to your presents."

Tonks and Parvati both huffed. Hermione smiled smugly at the pair again.

She watched as he unwrapped her first gift slowly, intent on savoring this moment with his girls.

Her first present was a copy of Hogwarts, A History. He grinned at her.

"Well, you can't always be reading mine, can you?" she said. "And this one has an inscription."

On the inside of the front cover, it read:


Whenever you're feeling down, remember what I like to do while reading this book.

Love, Hermione

She winked at him and he couldn't force down a blush.

"What does it say?" Luna inquired.

"Don't worry about it, Luna," Hermione answered. "Something personal."

Her next gift was also a large book. He opened it and discovered a collection of photographs much like the one he had received from Hagrid. Except this one covered his years at Hogwarts. It captured some moments he had almost forgotten about.

He looked at her in disbelief. "How did you do this?"

She smiled. "Colin Creevey. I swear he documented every event in Hogwarts for seven years. In retrospect we owe him a lot."

He nodded as he flipped through it. It was like a moving history, even if some of the most important events weren't represented there.

"Do you like it? I know you don't really need anything, so I didn't know what to get you."

He turned and hugged her tightly. "I love it. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

"Do me next," Luna said eagerly, handing him another pair of gifts to open.

He found her first gift to be a bit perplexing. It was an assortment of very colorful comic books, written in a language he couldn't decipher.

"They're Japanese," she informed him. "The man I bought them from called them mangos, although I'm not sure why. I didn't see any mangos, but they are full of interesting creatures and all sorts of adventures."

Harry nodded, flipping through one curiously. From what he could tell, it was the story of several girls in school uniforms trying to escape from some sort of tentacle monster who wanted to do…unspeakably Japanese things to them. He shivered, but thanked her sincerely for the gift.

Her second present was a little box containing five pairs of edible underwear, each in a different flavor. He laughed and showed them off to the room.

"I thought that was something we could all use," Luna said happily.

"Definitely," he agreed.

"Dibs on the cherry ones," Parvati interjected from the ceiling.

Fleur went next, setting two elegantly wrapped silver boxes in his lap.

Her first gift was, of course, very French. It was an assortment of French chocolates, some of which appeared to be moving.

"Zey are a delicacy," Fleur replied to his curious look. "Zey are filled with unpredictable zings, but not like your Berty beans or whatever zey are. Zese are exquisite."

Harry smiled. He didn't think Fleur would ever stop implying the superiority of French culture. "Thank you."

Her next gift was far more personal. It was almost like a crystal ball, except it had a rod that made it look like a scepter. The ball was softly glowing. He stared at it in confusion for a moment.

She smiled. "It eez a lamp of sorts. But a special one. Put your 'and on the top."

He placed his hand on the softly-glowing ball, and it lit up brightly. He gasped. He could feel Fleur's allure radiating from the sphere.

"It 'az a lock of my 'air," she said softly. "When you touch eet, you will zink of me, I 'ope."

He was speechless for a moment. "Always. Thank you so much, Fleur."

Having exhausted the gifts from the witches sitting with him, he had no choice but to look at the ceiling.

"Have you learned your lesson?"

Tonks smirked. "Yep. Don't prank Harry when it's his time of the month. Let us down or you won't be able to eat our new underwear."

He couldn't argue with such a reasonable sentiment, and floated Tonks and Parvati to the floor. "I reserve the right to stick you back up there if you make jokes about pregnancy again."

"Noted," Parvati said with a laugh. "Do mine first. It was Tonks' prank; she can go last."

She handed him a pair of boxes. The first contained a dark red t-shirt, featuring a fearsome-looking depiction of Harry's face and a customized message: 'He Who Must Be Shagged.' He laughed loudly and shook his head at her.

"I better see you wearing that in Diagon Alley all the time."

He snorted and opened her other gift. It was a small purple bottle of the same massage oils that had come in so handy recently.

"I didn't know what else to get you. You seemed to enjoy them quite a bit, so…"

"It's perfect," he replied, hugging her. "We'll all get some use out of it too."

Tonks went last. She handed him a rectangular box and an envelope. He opened the envelope first.

It was a gift certificate to a magical furniture store for 100 galleons.

She shrugged. "I knew you were planning to renovate Grimmauld. I thought that would come in handy."

He hugged her and her hair turned bright red. "Thank you, Tonks. You can help me pick it out, but nothing is allowed to be pink, violet, or bright green."

"Well, that's just boring."

Her other gift was definitely not something anyone would consider boring. She had framed the replica of Harry's Penis—the Harry Peter—in a glass case. 'Harry Potter's Magic Wand' was written in huge letters above it, while the words 'Expecto Orgasmo' were written below.

The room erupted in laughter. He groaned but couldn't help but join them.

"I swear, Hermione, this was the worst idea you've ever had."

"Nonsense, Harry. It was one of the best."

"I 'ave to agree," Fleur chimed in. "I 'ave been making use of 'Arry's gift quite regularly."

That brought on a blush and renewed laughter.

Parvati stared at Tonks in curiosity. "Are you seriously giving up your copy of Harry's magic wand?"

"What? Hell no. That's a transfiguration of a transfiguration. The real one is locked in a warded safe. No one is getting their hands on it without a fight."

He sighed. "Thank you, Tonks. I'll be sure to put this in a, er, suitable place, and I'm very happy that the inscription doesn't read 'Coming to a Store Near You.'"

She smirked. "I'm telling you, Harry. Millions. You'd never have to work a day in your life."

He shook his head. "On that happy thought, I have a gift for each of you." He snapped his fingers and five small boxes came zooming down the staircase from his room.

"You didn't have to do that," Hermione said. "It's your birthday, Harry."

"I know, but I really wanted to. You've all given me a gift so important I could never be deserving of it. This is just…something to show my appreciation. Thank you."

The boxes slowed to a stop in front of each girl and they plucked them out of the air. They eyed each other and opened them at the same time. Each contained the same thing.

A glittering necklace of fine gold with a tiny pendant on the end: a lightning bolt.

Harry felt a little choked up watching all the girls admire their pendants. They rushed him for a group hug, everyone's 'thank yous' and 'it's lovely's' and 'you're welcomes' blending together.

He stepped back and looked at them fondly. "Seriously, you saved my life a few weeks ago. I wouldn't be here without any of you. So wherever we go and whatever we do, don't forget how much you mean to me. You'll always have a little bit of me inside you."

Everyone was a little teary-eyed after that speech. Luna took it upon herself to break up the solemnity.

"I got something for everyone too. Well, for us girls."

She reached behind the couch and pulled out a pile of five light blue t-shirts. She handed one to each of the girls, showing them off to Harry in the process. Those for Parvati, Tonks, Luna, and Fleur read 'Harry Potter's Mistress' in undulating, serpentine writing.

Hermione's was slightly different. It read 'Harry Potter's Headmistress.'

Harry groaned, but couldn't help but be pleased with the gift. At least it didn't say anything about a harem. Luna smiled innocently at him.

The girls thanked her, and to Harry's delight, began disrobing right there in the common room. It was decided by universal agreement that the t-shirts needed to be worn right away.

When they were finished, Parvati insisted he put on the shirt she gave him. He did so, and then Luna called for Dobby. She handed the little elf her camera while Hermione gathered all the girls around Harry. He stretched his arms around them as far as he could reach, and Dobby took a picture that would have sold for a small fortune.

As the girls were admiring their new shirts and talking about where they would display their awesome new photos, Harry watched them all. He was feeling a deep sense of contentment, the dread of seven years of anxiety falling away. He wouldn't trade the last month for anything.

As far as he was concerned, he and fate were square.

Fleur felt his contentment radiating like an allure and hugged him. Then she got right in his face and blasted him with her own. Even the other girls were affected by it.

"I 'ave been missing out, 'Arry," she purred. "I 'ave 'eard nuzzing but fascinating stories today. Perhaps you could show me what you 'ave learned in my absence."

She patted him between the legs and he was instantly aroused.

"I have…a few new abilities you might be interested in."

"I am dying to see zem," she whispered.

She grabbed him by the hand and led him toward the dormitory stairs.

He turned his head to see the rest of the girls smirking at him.

"I guess I'll, er, be back in a while," he said with a bemused smile.

"Don't let her wear you out, Harrikins," Tonks said with a laugh. "Our party has only just begun."

He smiled and followed Fleur up the stairs. He wasn't sure what they had in mind, but he prayed he would still be able to stand up when the time for his other party arrived.

No sooner than he and Fleur had disappeared, Luna stood up and casually followed them.

"Er, Luna, where are you going?" Hermione asked.

"To watch, of course," she replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.


Luna nodded serenely. "Veela mating rituals are supposed to be quite interesting."

The rest of the girls looked at each other.

Tonks finally shrugged. "I've heard worse ideas."

She morphed herself into the body of Professor McGonagall and followed Luna up the stairs.

Hermione looked uncertainly at Parvati, who grinned at her. Parvati grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the stairs.


After a large lunch, a nap, and three invigorating draughts, Harry had mostly recovered from the morning's festivities. He was pleased, in fact, that he hadn't ended up in the hospital wing. Only the most astute of observers would have noted that he sometimes winced when he stood up or sat down.

It turned out that Fleur had no problem with observers, so long as she felt herself in charge of the situation. When Tonks attempted to dissuade her of that notion, an epic naked wrestling match ensued. Harry was only disappointed that Luna hadn't brought her camera, because it was otherwise an experience that he would never forget. It wasn't often that you enjoyed the company of three naked witches while watching a metamorph and a veela try to wear each other out. Luna had asked Dobby for popcorn.


The time for Harry's public birthday party had arrived. He stood near the portrait hole to greet people as they entered.

One by one his friends showed up, first Susan and Neville, with Hannah Abbott on their heels. Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas were next, followed by more members from the old DA, including Cho Chang, Lavender Brown, Padma Patil, Su Li, and Justin Finch-Fletchley. His chaser teammates—Angelina, Alicia, and Katie—showed up accompanied by a boisterous Oliver Wood. The Weasley twins entered and bowed to him. They were the sole redheads he had remained close to. His investment in their store was already giving him a monthly income.

The room slowly filled with others, including Hagrid, Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout, Headmaster Dumbledore, and several members of the Order who were friendly with Harry. Fleur's mother and little sister rounded out the guest list.

Each laid a gift on a table as they entered, then mingled with each other. The elves had provided a delicious display of finger foods and drink, including wine and firewhiskey. Soon there was raucous laughter and a variety of toasts made in Harry's direction. Mercifully he was not required to do any public speaking. He much preferred making the rounds and talking to everyone personally.

An hour later, Harry sighed wistfully as he looked around at the gathered crowd. They were still mingling in small groups, relaxed and no longer looking harried by the prospect of war.

Oliver Wood was the center of a lot of attention, regaling everyone with the remembrance of quidditch glories past. As he was now the star keeper for Puddlemere United, he had many more such glories in his future. He appeared to be flirting with Katie Bell, who was the latest acquisition of the Holyhead Harpies. Harry was sorely tempted to corner Katie and make a joke about quaffles and hoops, but his knowledge of her tattoo had to remain a secret. He did value his manhood, after all.

Further away, most of his girls chatted amiably with a group that included Fleur's mother and Poppy Pomfrey. Luna was wearing her military hat and gesticulating into the air around them. From the look Apolline Delacour was giving her, she was no doubt expounding on the attributes of some fascinating invisible creature.

Harry's serenity was interrupted by the approach of Fleur and her now 12-year-old little sister.

Gabrielle Delacour looked like a miniature copy of Fleur, down to her perfect skin and unearthly silver hair. The little witch lost her composure when they got close, bolting toward him and hugging him tightly. She nearly knocked both of them to the ground as Fleur chuckled behind her.

He winced and patted Gabrielle awkwardly on the back. She pulled away and looked up at him with adoration. He felt the full force of her youthful allure blasted at him. A few nearby males went glassy-eyed.

"Bon Anniversaire, 'Arry! Fleur smells just like you now," she enthused. "I am so jaloux."

Harry returned a confused smile. "Hello, Gabrielle. She…smells like me?"

Fleur grinned at his expression. "She means my magique. I did acquire a razzer large amount of yours, non?"

He nodded uncomfortably, wondering if veela were able to sense magic in some way, and also if that meant…

"So, er, she knows about…?"

Gabrielle spoke before Fleur could answer. "Mais, oui. I will keep your secrets, mon cheri. Maybe in zee future you can share your magique wiz me also."

Fleur laughed at the look on his face.

"I am sorry, 'Arry, but I 'ad to tell my family. Zey could tell right away zat I had changed. Eet will not be a problem, but keeping Gabrielle at bay might be. She eez a stubborn little witch."

Said witch glared at her sister and nearly stamped her foot. "I am not stubborn, putain! You are just jaloux zat eet was me he saved from zat stupid lake."

Fleur chuckled and glanced at Harry. "You see?"

He looked between the two uncertainly. "I, er, it's great to see you again, Gabrielle. I…think you might be a little young for me though. Why don't we…let Fleur handle this?"

He took a step away from the veela sisters, hoping someone would rescue him.

"Coward," chided Fleur, amused at them both.

"I weel not always be zis young, 'Arry," Gabrielle said fiercely, the intensity of her gaze scaring him.

"Come, Gabrielle. Let us help maman drive off 'er admirers. I will tell you later what 'Arry zinks of your present."

Gabrielle huffed but allowed herself to be pulled away from him. She grinned devilishly and blasted him one last time with her allure.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief as they moved away. He never thought he'd be happy to see the back of a veela. He made a mental note to never sleep in the same building as Gabrielle Delacour for at least the next five years. He was absolutely certain she'd find her way to his bed.

He heard snickering from his left, and snorted as Parvati approached. She had clearly witnessed the whole exchange.

"Are we going to be expanding your harem soon, Harry?"

"Don't say that," he hissed. "Someone might hear."

She laughed. "Don't worry. No one would believe it anyway. Are you having a good time?"

"I am," and he was surprised to find that he meant it. Celebrations held in his honor were not his favorite occasions.

"Good. Everyone is having a fabulous time. Someone wants a word alone with you if you can spare a minute."


He was a little unnerved by the glint in her eye. "Hannah Abbott. She's in your dorm room."

"Oh. Er, okay. Did she say what she wanted to talk about?"

"Nope. You'll just have to go find out."

He frowned but made his way through the crowd and ascended the stairs to his dorm.

Just as she had said, Hannah was there waiting for him. He hadn't interacted much with her since her membership in the DA, but he was friendly with her and knew her to be fairly shy. She had lost the chubby cheeks of her youth, and her blonde pigtails had become one long braid.

She was looking around the room curiously, never having seen the Gryffindor boys' dorms. He cleared his throat as he entered.

"Hi, Hannah. Parvati said you wanted to speak with me?"

"Oh, er, hi, Harry. I thought you wanted to speak with me, actually. Parvati told me to wait for you up here."

"She did?"

"She gave me this little box and told me not to open it without you."

She held up a gift-wrapped purple box that he hadn't noticed earlier.

He frowned, now even more confused. "That's…odd. She didn't say anything else?"

Hannah shrugged. "That's all I know. She told me it was a surprise."

He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Parvati's definition of 'surprise' included.

"Well, shall we open it and find out?" he suggested.


She removed the delicate purple wrapping paper to reveal an ordinary cardboard box. She pulled off the lid and looked inside. She blinked, then her eyes grew wide. She tried to stuff the lid back on, but Harry was close enough that he had already seen its contents.

She blushed madly, speechless, while he sighed and smacked his forehead.

Inside the box had been a very familiar blue dildo and a little bag full of galleons. There was a note attached to the bag.

He glanced at her and saw that she was glowing red with embarrassment. Why had Parvati done this to them? Was she sending his imitation cock to every one of their acquaintances? If they continued multiplying, he might have to just take Tonks' advice and sell them.

He hesitantly opened the box again and pulled out the bag. Hopefully the note would solve the mystery.

It read:

Congratulations, Hannah! Your bet of 6.4 inches won the Harry Potter Penis Sweepstakes! You were the only person to guess correctly, so you win all the galleons.

PS – Don't take our word for it. Take your own measurement!

The note was unsigned, but it was clear who had written it.

He sighed and handed it to Hannah, who was trying to sink into the floor. He watched as her eyes skimmed the note. All color fled from her face.

She looked up at Harry in horror. "I don't…I didn't…oh, Merlin."

He couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. Until he read her note, he had forgotten this little detail from his first encounter with Parvati. There was a betting pool, and Hannah Abbott had won it. She had deliberately set both of them up for a mortifying prank. He couldn't help but be impressed.

She stared at him in bewilderment as he continued laughing.

"Er, Harry?"


"I'm, er, really sorry. I…this was just a joke, I think. I have no idea what this means, and…"

He held up a hand, halting her rambling.

"It's okay, Hannah. I know all about the betting pool. Parvati told me you won a couple weeks ago, and it slipped my mind. She's playing a prank on both of us."

She shifted uneasily. "You knew about the pool?"

"Well, er, not until recently. I had other things on my mind before then. I was more than a bit surprised though. Congratulations on your win, I guess?"

He weighed the bag in his hand. There had to be at least 50 galleons in there. He smirked and handed it to her. She accepted it with a wince.

"Right, er, thank you. I didn't mean to embarrass you. It was just…yeah."

Harry almost started laughing again. He had been in a good mood since his final ritual, and not even this could affect it. He had been subjected to so many humiliating situations in the last few weeks that this one barely even registered.

"Relax, Hannah. Take a deep breath. It's pretty funny when you think about it. I'm not bothered."

"You're not?"

He shook his head. "I've been through a lot in the last little while. I'm not quite the same Harry Potter I was in school."

She calmed down somewhat, still embarrassed but mostly confused by his reaction. She looked back inside the box and blushed all over again. The blue object was quite clearly a very realistic dildo, and she had no idea what to say about it.

She looked at the brief note, especially its postscript, and finally realized what it implied. She glanced over at him, her eyes shifting toward his groin, and he snorted.

"Yes, it's…mine. It's a long story, and as long as you never tell anyone you have it, it won't bother me if you keep it as a souvenir. Feel free to burn it too."

She took a faltering breath, still not quite believing her ears.

"I won't tell a soul. Believe me," she promised, staring at the dildo as if it might bite her.

He smiled. "If you're curious and you can keep it to yourself, I've got a little story to tell you. You're also welcome to help me plot some revenge against Parvati. We definitely owe her for this."

She gave him a faint smile. "I'm listening."


An hour later, the party had wound down completely. The guests had wished him well a final time and moved on to their own destinations. His girls—for that is how he thought of them now, even if he would never admit it out loud—had remained in the common room. They wanted to spend a final night in the castle with him. Before he obliged them, Harry decided to seek out Madam Pomfrey for whatever important discussion she needed to have.

He found her waiting on him in her office.

"Here I am, Madam Pomfrey, as requested. Or am I allowed to call you Poppy now that I'm leaving?"

The mediwitch frowned. "For the length of this conversation, you can definitely call me Poppy."

The hint of something ominous in her tone put him on edge.

"Alright then, Poppy. What's going on? What urgent problem are we dealing with now?"

She sighed. "Well, it's not urgent per se, but I wanted to talk with you before you left the castle tomorrow."


She went to a cabinet and pulled a bottle of firewhiskey from within. She poured two shots and handed one of them to Harry, who was staring at her in surprise.

"Bottoms, up, Mr. Potter. I think we're both going to need it for this conversation."

He watched as she threw back the drink and burped some smoke from her mouth.

His apprehension rising, he followed suit.

"What's going on?" he asked warily. "Please don't tell me something went wrong with the rituals. If Tonks wasn't joking about the super babies I might emigrate to the South Pole."

Pomfrey gave him an odd look. "Super babies?"

He blushed and shook his head.

"No…no super babies that I'm aware of. This is something else."

She let out another long sigh and observed him. Clearly she didn't want to have this discussion, which only made him more nervous.

"What I'm about to tell you, Harry, cannot leave this room. I'm already violating the trust of one of my closest friends, but I feel I have no choice. Do you understand?"

"I do."

She cleared her throat. "Well…do you remember…two years ago, I suppose, when that horrible Umbridge woman brought Aurors to arrest Hagrid?"

"Er, vaguely."

"What you may not remember is that Professor McGonagall was injured during the ensuing fight. She was stunned—five times, to be precise—and spent three days recovering with me."

He nodded, confused but following her.

"The problem," she continued, "is that Professor McGonagall never fully recovered. For a witch her age to be stunned five times…well, she could have been killed. The shock damaged her magic to such a degree that she's never been quite the same. It hasn't been able to fully repair itself."

"That's awful," Harry whispered. "I had no idea."

"You may have noticed that she's been looking a bit frail lately. She's been prone to illness since the incident, and I fear she may have to retire soon."

"I always thought she'd be taking over for the Headmaster soon."

"So did we all. But her health is at risk if she doesn't reduce the stress in her life. She is not going to die, mind you, but soon she will no longer have the energy to keep up with a school full of miscreants."

Harry ran a hand through his hair. McGonagall was one of his favorite professors, even if he had a tendency to drive her up the wall. This was devastating news.

Pomfrey cleared her throat again. "However, it has recently come to my attention that there may be a way to…repair her magic."

She looked at him intently.

"That's great…right?" he asked, not quite cottoning on.

She sighed. "Merlin, you're going to make me say it."

"Make you say what?"

"Mr. Potter. Harry…you just participated in a ritual that allowed you to transfer some of your power to a willing witch. Surely you see where I'm going with this."

All the blood drained from his face as he realized the obvious implication.

"But…but," he choked out. "Are you serious?"

"I am."

He rubbed his brow in agitation. "Let's be clear. You are saying…you are saying that you want me to…to have sex with Professor McGonagall?"

"Well, yes. That is a rather important part of the ritual."

He took a deep breath to calm himself, then narrowed his eyes. "Did Tonks put you up to this? This is another prank, right? Oh Merlin, I'm going to dunk her in the lake for three hours straight."

But Pomfrey wasn't laughing.

"I assure you I am not joking, Harry. Minerva's health, career, and future are at stake."

He stared at her, desperately hoping she would crack a smile. "Holy shit."


"Does…does she know about this?"

"She does. She categorically refused to consider the option, given the, er, requirements of the ritual. I am not supposed to be talking to you right now. But I am willing to suffer her wrath if it heals her. Unfortunately we shall have to talk her into it."

He tried and failed not to groan. "You're telling me that you not only want me to sleep with Professor McGonagall, but that I have to talk her into it first?"

She grinned, and he thought it looked sadistic. "That's about the size of it."

"Dear God."

"Take some time to consider it. It's not an urgent matter, and it will take some time to convince Minerva that this is in her best interests."

Harry felt like he had fallen into a surreal dream. "You're sure this isn't a joke?" he asked weakly.

"I wish it were," she sighed. "I know this might be…awkward for everyone involved, Harry. But remember, less than a month ago you were in much the same position. Your friends came to your aid, and here you are in perfect health. Healer Chatterjee is aware of Minerva's condition, and she agrees that the ritual will likely help her. Your extra…burst, as it were, will allow her magic to repair itself."

He rubbed his temples. He already knew he was going to do it. His people-saving thing was just too strong.

"I'll do it. But you're going to have to help me talk her into it."

"I'll try, but it's like talking to a brick wall. I'm afraid this will require you to perform some of your patented heroics."

He stared up at the ceiling. He should have known better than to think something nice about fate earlier. She really was a bitch.

"Merlin, I have to figure out a way to seduce Professor McGonagall," he said in awe.

The words didn't make any more sense when he said them out loud. He was suddenly worried that he had survived Voldemort only to be murdered by his transfiguration professor.

Somewhere he thought he heard his godfather laughing himself silly.


Harry returned to the common room in a daze, still digesting what had just transpired.

He stumbled through the portrait hole to find Hermione and the other girls waiting on him, ready to continue his birthday celebration.

Hermione took one look at his expression and groaned.

"Oh Merlin, Harry Potter. I know that look. What have you gotten yourself into now?"



A/N: Cue evil laughter. Harry got his happy ending, but he still can't catch a break, can he? I originally intended chapter nine to be a full-on Harry/McGonagall scene, but I couldn't bring myself to write it. It would be cruel and unusual punishment for everyone, including me. It was a funny way to finish the story, though.

Thanks to everyone who offered feedback on the final drafts. You know who you are.

We have arrived at the end of our smutty little tale. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Thanks for reading! I might have another story in the works soon.