"Will you pledge your life to me?"
It sounded like a proposal. And when you finally fixed that mask over my eyes and bestowed on me the name of Miguel da Corella, sealing the pact with a kiss, it was a marriage vow.
There is no other God by whom I can vow but you; may you be god or devil or a human, you are my one and only lord and master.
Knowing that, you made me swear my oath by nothing else but your existence alone.
Your cool lips, brushing mine, felt so soft and seductive. I wonder which one of us increased the pressure and changed the light touch into melting into each other.
If it was me, it resulted from long-standing desire to be yours, fed by your coquettish glances and touches, until I was hardly ably to restrain myself. If it was you, you chose your means to manipulate me in the quickest and surest way you knew to be successful.
I don't even care. I have given myself away to you from the start; all that counted there and then was the touch of your lips and your hands, pulling me into a close embrace.
When I felt your leg slipping between my thighs, deliberately rubbing my crotch, I did not care whether you meant to consummate this symbolic marriage or were just making me one of your many whores. You have been playing mindgames with me for so long, always teasing me and never going farther than lightly touching me, until my body ached from unfulfilled desire as much as my mind was suffering beyond endurance from wishing I were your chosen one.
You are my destiny, for better or for worse. You are my one and only, my God, my Lord and Master, you are the centre of my universe, the summit of creation, you are the Earth – and I want to be the sun circling you, warming you, filling you with my light.
But as you kept caressing the black mask that hid my features, I knew more than ever that to you I am only the reflection of your own darkness and that in making me your companion you were still searching for the light he meant to you.
Transferring the name and title that had been his to me does not mean that you have really come to think of me as your chosen one. It only tells the story of how much you are missing him and how much you want him back – so much indeed that you even overcame your former reluctance of hurting me in order to fill in the void he has left.
You warned me that your blood is venomous. But how much more intoxicating are your touch and your kiss and the feel of your perfect body melting into mine! I have tasted your sweet poison long ago and I have already become addicted ages before you ever were aware of your power over me.
As we are uniting in a breathtaking dance, you are whispering words into my ear, words that mean the world to me and to you nothing at all. Your eyes have long changed back from golden to their usual blue-violet hue, you are not a demon anymore but a man giving in to the pleasure of passion. I do not care which one you are right now, I love you all the same.
You said you did not want to lose me. You are tying me to you with those bonds of love and pleasure, you are torturing me, for how much as I belong to you, body and soul, you will never be mine.
I can only bear that when there is no one else who you want to belong to. I don't regret the first thing about all I have ever done in order to be worthy of being your henchman. I do not regret that I have brought to an end what he already started by denying you, by betraying you, by leaving you; leaving you alone when you most needed him. My part was only finishing the task of making you free of him, so you may renounce the last bonds you have with humanity. He is hurting you, he is torturing you, he is defying your power by keeping you back, for because of him you are not willing to give up on humanity. Give in to the darkness, my lord, give in to it to gain the ultimate power you deserve, give in so that his light will vanish.
I will be your tool, I will do anything for you in his place. Why is it that I'm feeling I cannot replace him and will never ever be the one you really want to be with? You are bedding me for the sake of my addiction to you, but do you even really hold me in your arms? You keep touching that mask…
I have to kill him, I have to remove him from your heart; he is the greatest obstacle for your victory over your struggles against losing humanity in all its humiliating aspects. Torturing him, punishing him, mutilating him will only satisfy my own needs; what is required is the removal of his existence to ensure your salvation. Use me as your tool for whatever you demand, as long as you only see me – and as long as you see only me – I will die for you and feel grateful to be allowed to do that in your service. You are clinging on to him, yet he has never seen your magnitude, he does not want your love! For him you are only a child he has to protect. Yet for me you are the god I'm serving and the devil I fear and the entire universe I exist in. My soul will only find rest when you are coming to me like you used to come to him for relief.
Yet while our bodies have become one and you are giving in to the pleasure with a sigh, it is not my name you are calling; neither is it the name of your companion Miguel da Corella. For you cannot conceal from me, who knows you so well, that your heart is crying out "Chiaro".