This is pure crack. I was flipping through random fanfics on people's "Favorite stories" section of profiles, when my brain went "Oh hey. 'Watching Hermione struggle to train a Charmander is the most hilarious thing Draco Malfoy has seen in a long time'." followed by a squealing muse and about ten minutes of cackling. Too many people have a Pokemon story directly followed by a Hogwarts one on their favorites.

Please to be enjoying my crack, kay?

PS, Barnaby Fox is a Charmander of Epic Proportions.


Watching Hermione Granger struggle to control a Charmander was the most hilarious thing Draco Malfoy had seen in a long time.

He was currently rolling around in the grass, laughing, while Hermione stood there sulking at the Charmander she'd just received from Professor Oak for her tenth birthday. (He'd received his a week ago on his birthday, but Hermione was his friend and they'd agreed to leave together.)

She'd been very excited about receiving her first Pokemon, to the point that she'd even bragged to Draco that "My Pokemon will be better than your Squirtle!"

Ten years of listening to her being the biggest Know-It-All-Best-Friend in Vermilion City had been about all he could take, and seeing her struggling to control the Charmander who'd turned its back on its trainer had left him in stitches in the grass. (Even Professor Oak had to hide a smile as he explained to Hermione that some Pokemon don't enjoy being inside a Pokeball, and did you know the current Champion's Pikachu had hated being inside a Pokeball just as much? It takes time to bond with your Pokemon m'dear, and some are more stubborn than others.)

He finally stopped laughing and sat up to breathe, watching as Charmander turned its back on Hermione yet again and yawned. He felt kind of sorry for her as he watched her stamp her foot and explain to Oak that she knew how to train Pokemon because she'd been reading about it ever since she was five and had watched her parents tame and raise a wild Caterpie into the beautiful Butterfree that was now the mascot of the Granger Pokemon Daycare and Breeding Center.

Oak just smiled.

"Hermione, it takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day, and Pokemon are just the same. Some Pokemon are more willing than others to bond, but others just need a little time to get used to the idea."

"But Professor-!"

"No buts, Hermione." He handed her a Pokedex. "This can help you. It's an encyclopedia. All new Trainers get one. Now I must get back to my lab in Pallet. Stop by when you get a chance." And off he went.

Draco got to his feet, dusting dirt and grass from his pants and shirt. "C'mon. Let's go already Hermione." He tugged her sleeve and motioned to the Charmander. "I'm sure he'll follow."

A derisive "Char!" was the reply.

"Well, if you don't, you'll be here all alone and no one will feed you. You'd hate that, wouldn't you? Now be a good Pokemon and listen to your trainer. I know she's a know it all-"

"Hey!"

"But she's the only trainer you have, and she's nice. She'll be a good trainer, if you let her." He crossed his arms and waited, watching the Charmander as it weighed its options. Hermione held her breath.

It seemed like forever before Charmander took a step forward, but when he did Hermione threw her arms around his neck. "See! I knew I'd be a good trainer!"

Draco couldn't help laughing when Charmander set her skirt on fire.

It was going to be a very interesting journey together, he decided.


Whether I continue this oneshot or not is up for debate. If I do continue it, it would be in a sequel and would involve more than just Hermione and Draco, though they would probably be central to the story. The sequel (if it existed) would be in the same timeline but at a later date in said timeline.

We'll see. There are other stories to finish first.