This one-shot has been edited from it's original version.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters.
Thanksgiving with my sister is always interesting. Bella and I travel the three hours every year to visit with Rosalie, her husband Emmett and their two boys, Paul and Seth.
We sit around the table with impatience as we wait for Emmett to cut into the large bird centered in the middle of their small dining table.
Bella fidgets in her seat as she waits eagerly for her meal. "Aunt Rosie, guess what I-I asked for…for umm…Christmas?"
Rosalie looks at my six-year-old daughter and smiles. "What did you ask for, Bells?"
"I asked for a bike. The H-Haw-wai bike." She states, with a gleam in her eye.
Rosie glances at me in confusion.
"It's an Electra Hawaii bike." I clarify.
"Y-yeah that." Bella exclaims with exuberance. "I even went to the mall with Miss Kate and…and…and she took metogoseeSanta." She finishes the last part excitedly, jumping in her chair. Kate is our next-door neighbor, and my saving grace.
Kate is a stay at home mom, so when Alice was diagnosed with cancer, and had to go through several rounds of chemo, Kate took on the responsibility of watching Bella while I was at work.
I can't believe it has been almost two years since Alice passed away.
I hold out a hand across the table. "Slow down there, baby girl. We don't know if Santa is going to be able to bring you a bike this year. We talked about not getting our hopes up…remember?" She nods her head dejectedly.
I feel just as bad as her. She's my daughter and I want her to have everything, but unfortunately, due to our circumstances, I am only able to offer her a roof over her head, food on the table, and hand-me-down clothes and toys.
Alice and I had met my senior year of high school, when my family moved from Austin, Texas to Forks, Washington. I only dated a few girls before her, and I wasn't really interested in a relationship, but my Alice was tenacious. She didn't give up, and after I lost my virginity to her, she became pregnant within three short months. All of the money that I saved to go to college went into the deposit for the house we now live in.
After dinner, we retire to the living room for some football. The children play cohesively in the boy's room, giving us grown-ups the chance for some relaxation.
"Do you want us to lend you the money for the bike?" Rosalie pipes up.
"Rosie, don't start this shit with me." Emmett and Rosalie aren't much better off than Bella and me. There is no way I'm taking money from them.
"What about the house? You gotta let us help." Now it's Emmett's turn to badger me.
"Please, guys, stop. I appreciate it, but I'm fine. I have an appointment with the bank tomorrow and I am going to get the extension." I've been behind in paying the mortgage, and the bank has noticed. Last week I was served with a letter threatening foreclosure if I don't catch up on my payments within thirty days. That happens to be the week before Christmas. Surely they won't be that heartless.
I have already sold off all of the family heirlooms that I inherited when my parents passed away after being killed by a drunk driver last year.
I have nothing left to sell.
My suit has a small tear in the elbow, but it's in the best shape out of all my others.
The receptionist leads me to a desk just outside the bank manager's office. The manager has a customer in his office, and I can tell by looking at him that he is well off. He faces away from the door, but his posture is confident, the suit he wears is expensive, his shoes shiny, his nails neatly groomed.
I glance down at my own nails and then promptly hide them under the desk as I wait.
"Hi, my name is Victoria, how are you Mr. Whitlock?" A flame-haired woman holds her hand out to me.
"I'm fine ma'am, how are you?" My Texas upbringing comes out in full force, complete with manners and that damn southern accent, causing her to blush.
I get directly down to business. I explain to Victoria about Alice, the doctor's bills left behind, caring for Bella, and my job at the factory. As I speak of my situation and circumstances I feel like I am being watched. The feeling leaves me unsettled and antsy.
Victoria leaves to speak with the manager, Mr. Newton, which I think is highly inappropriate, considering the previous customer is still in his office.
Trying not to be too nosy I glance over in the direction of the office and the customer is standing just inside the door on his cell phone while Victoria whispers to Mr. Newton. Just as I am about to turn my attention back to Victoria's digital photo frame, the customer's head snaps up and his eyes lock on mine.
Good Lord, he has some striking green eyes, and that face…
What the fuck is wrong with me?
But I can't deny the simple fact that this man is fucking gorgeous. I am staring, I know, but I can't seem to take my eyes off of him. His eyes flicker away from me, so I take the opportunity to look at him thoroughly.
He stands about 6'1" or 6'2". He appears to be around my age. His body looks fit, but with a suit on I can't be sure. My eyes travel to his neck, over his Adams apple and then his jawline.
Wow, what I wouldn't give to have a jaw like that.
I rub my jaw absently as my eyes move to his lips; full lips that are perfectly sculpted. As he speaks you can see gleaming white teeth and a soft pink tongue. I watch as that tongue peeks out and slashes across his top lip. It makes my dick twitch and I am caught off guard by the reaction. What the hell was that?
I turn my body completely away, mortified by my response to him. I force big gulps of air into my lungs. I've never had this type of reaction from looking at a man before…but if I am honest with myself, I could say that I have never had this reaction from looking at a woman either.
I will my eyes to not move from Victoria's empty chair even though I can feel an intense heat burning into my profile. I want so badly to see if those piercing emerald eyes are still on me, but I refuse to give in to this urge.
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Victoria returns. I am told that I have until January fifteenth to catch up. It is an extension, but not enough. The gorgeous man is all but forgotten as I throw away my pride and beg for more time. Victoria apologizes profusely, but says there is nothing more they can do.
I leave the office blinded by tears. As I stride swiftly to my truck I hear someone say, "Wait!"
I don't think it pertains to me, but I instinctually turn toward the call. It is him. I want to run. I don't want to have to face this magnificent man when he just witnessed my shameful begging.
He stops short about five paces away and stretches out his hand between us. "Hi, I am Edward Cullen." Edward fucking Cullen. He only owns half the businesses in this small town. I never had the chance to meet him personally since he is a year older than me and had probably already left for college by the time I arrived in town.
I feel like a pauper as he stands before me in all of his finery. Not only am I wearing ratty clothing, but now he can see the pile of metal crap that is my transportation.
I grasp his hand. "I'm Jas…" My introduction freezes on my lips when our hands meet. A shock flows through me, pulsing up my arm, as a surge of intense heat settles into my body. I pull my hand away, and we both look down at the ground.
He breaks the silence. "Your name is Jasper."
What is going on with me? Shake it off man.
"Yes, umm…Jasper Whitlock. What can I help you with?"
"Umm…regrettably, Mike didn't have enough prudence to have you taken to an office where you could discuss your plight properly. I was fortunate enough to hear about your dire circumstances. I think I may be able to help you." He says the last sentence slowly and carefully.
He digs his hands through his autumn colored hair. His hair is a perfect mess and I have a sudden urge to put my hands through it too.
Where the hell is this coming from?
He clears his throat. My eyes move from his hair to his green eyes. "I have an…opportunity…I would like you to consider."
"Okay." I say urging him to continue.
"I don't normally make such extravagant decisions so spontaneously, but I think you might help me tremendously."
He has me curious now. What does he mean by extravagant?
"I want you to spend the weekend with me up at my cabin in Vancouver. I will pay you more than enough money to cover any debts that you may have incurred, as well as give your little girl anything she wants."
I am perplexed. "Well, I am not sure you know exactly what my expenses are, so can I ask how much money?"
"Five hundred thousand."
"Dollars?" I ask in shock. Now I am more confused then ever. What did he expect me to do for that kind of money? Various possibilities are running through my mind, but I am avoiding the most obvious, and I know it.
He hands me a business card. I am careful not to touch his fingers for fear that mysterious spark will return.
He takes a step closer. "I want you to think about it before you answer, Jasper." He takes another step closer. "I want you to understand completely what you should expect if you accept my offer. I don't want you to come to my cabin to help me paint or fix my sink." He takes another step. Our chests are now inches from each other. He leans in and I can feel his sweet breath on my cheek. "I want you, Jasper…I want to fuck you. Maybe I will even want you to fuck me…and I want to do everything that leads up to that."
I stand paralyzed. Is he serious?
"Are you serious?" I ask bluntly.
"More serious than you will ever know." He speaks quietly. His eyes are imploring me to consider it.
"This is a limited time offer Jasper. I have very little free time, and the only weekend remaining before your payment is due to the bank is next weekend. You'll have to let me know by Monday if you accept, so I can have the cabin readied with amenities."
"I-I didn't realize you are gay." I blurt. I know very little about Edward, but what I did know is that he lives like a playboy. He dates glamorous, influential women- and a lot of them.
He scans the perimeter to make sure there isn't anyone within hearing distance. "I'm not," he hisses. He puts his hands through his hair again. The confident man disappears momentarily, and I see the boy in him. "I'm not gay Jasper. I've just been…unhappy lately and when I saw you…I don't know…I felt something that I want to explore. This is just an…experiment."
"Think about it and let me know. You can reach me at any time at the phone number that I have written on the back. If you decide to decline, I would appreciate if you would not give that number to anyone else." He pauses to add. "I just want you to know that I will never hurt you, I will take every precaution to be safe and gentle."
Using all of my strength to maintain my composure, I manage a quick nod. When I get in the truck I grimace at the discomfort.
This is the first time I notice that I am fucking hard as a rock.
When I get home a zillion thoughts are running through my head. Edward Cullen wants me. He wants to fuck me. I don't believe it.
I remove my suit and move to the full-length mirror attached to the closet door, studying my naked figure. My dick is still begging for attention. I haven't been this hard, for this long in…well…ever. I briefly wonder what Edward Cullen would think of my member. I haven't seen very many men, but I am pretty sure I am above average.
I start to stroke it gently, reveling in the thickness.
I very rarely jack off anymore. The few times a year that I do, it is usually in the shower after I get home from work, and Bella is in bed. It is always half-hearted, my erection always at half-mast and when I cum my orgasm is sub-par, only lasting a few seconds and barely eliciting a moan. My cum merely dribbling onto my hand.
It's definitely not like the stiff cock I hold now.
I bring my hand up to my lips and give it three good licks and then resume stroking. I watch in the mirror as my hand begins to quicken as thoughts of Edward enter my mind. The image in the mirror is no longer me; it is bronze hair and shiny green gems staring intently back at me. "Oh fuck," I whisper as I pump feverishly. My free hand reaches for the mirror, touching those bronze locks.
I can't stop moaning. In my mind I imagine what it would feel like to fist my hands into that hair. "Oh, Jesus…fuck." My eyes pinch shut as I experience the most potent orgasm I have ever had. I can actually hear my cum spray onto the mirror. That sound spurs my release to intensify, as wave after wave of pleasure takes hold of me. I am depleted of nearly all of my energy and almost collapse on the floor when the spasms subside.
I wipe myself clean with the boxers lying on the floor and stagger to the bed.
Can I do this? Can I NOT do this?
If Edward Cullen is using me as an experiment, can't I use him too? Use him for the money I so desperately need for Bella and I? I can pay off all of our bills, buy Bella every thing she needs, plus more…and still have money left. I can think about going back to school.
I can also use him to find out what the hell just happened.
I never once thought that I could be gay. I notice beauty in women, for sure, but never to the point that I feel like I want to have sex with them, and I sure as hell never felt that way about a man…before Edward Cullen.
I can admit it. Ever since he said he wanted to have sex with me…fuck me…that is all I have been thinking about.
I wait until the last minute to call Edward back. It is Monday night and I pull out his card with shaking hands.
I can do this.
Then a thought occurs to me. What if Edward had changed his mind? Nooo, my heart screams. I begin to chastise myself for waiting, as I dial the phone number in haste.
"Cullen." He grunts into the phone. I can tell that he's changed his mind. I can't get myself to speak.
"Jasper?" The word is spoken roughly. The rawness in his voice gives me the courage I need to finally speak.
"Yeah, umm…" I mumble.
Get it together you moron.
"Edward, I-I just wanted to let you know that I accept your offer if it is still available." I can swear that I hear him let out a gust of air, as if he had been holding his breath waiting for my answer.
"Yes, the offer still stands. I will pick you up at your house on Friday at 7:00pm. Please bring your bank account and routing numbers with you so we can make the wire transfer of funds to your account on Sunday before we leave." Gone are the rough edges in his voice. He is all business now.
"I'll be ready." I know there is no need to ask him if he know where I live.
"Jasper?" He calls out before I can hang up.
"Are you willing to do…y'know…everything I mentioned?" The little boy is back.
"Yes." I whisper.
"I'll see you then." The phone clicks signaling the end of our conversation.
Bella is at Kate's for the weekend and I am waiting for Edward to come pick me up. I found out this week that I really did not need this weekend to discover if I was gay or not.
I drove to Port Angeles this week to pick up some gay porn. I wanted to be prepared for what would be expected of me this weekend and since I didn't know anything about having a sex with a man I thought it would be a good idea to educate myself.
Needless to say, I masturbated every day since then. I was a little repulsed at first, but then as I started picturing Edward in those positions I got aroused…BIGTIME.
I pictured Edward behind me, driving into me, or him hovering over me, licking and sucking on my shaft. But the two images that clung to my fevered mind as I came hard was Edward underneath me, but facing me, as I fucked his ass, and the other, just us simply kissing passionately.
I want to taste Edward; the inside of his mouth, his skin, his dick, his semen, his asscrack. I don't know at what point the money became secondary, but I hardly think about that anymore. I figure after the weekend is over I will be able to think more clearly about my improved financial status.
I hear a horn honking and I grab my backpack. When I get outside there is a limo waiting for me. When I climb in I notice that I am alone. I find a note.
I wanted to open up the cabin and get ready for your arrival, so enjoy the ride. I had the limo stocked so you should be very comfortable.
I will see you very soon.
It doesn't seem like it had been that long before the driver opens the window to let me know we will be there in a half hour. I had been lost in thought.
It is so hard to believe that I will be with Edward tonight. I will be touching him, and he will be touching me. Fuck! My dick is already throbbing.
Get your shit together man.
By the time we arrive I am all out of sorts. My palms are sweaty, I am shaking and my breathing sounds like a three hundred pound man trying to tie his shoes.
Calm the fuck down!
I can see the curtains move in one of the windows and I smile. I wonder if he is as nervous as I am. I can't believe I am about to do this! I am so fucking scared and excited at the same time. I don't know whether to run and hide or squeal like a twelve-year-old girl.
When I get to the door it opens before I can knock.
He leads me upstairs where there are two bedrooms and a bath. "This will be your bedroom." I hope that I hid my disappointment when I realized that we would not be sharing a bed.
If he noticed, he doesn't say anything.
"I'll let you freshen up. Umm…I'll see you downstairs." With that, he closes the door softly. I change into a comfortable pair of jeans and t-shirt and wash up.
When I make my way downstairs, we sit in the living room making polite conversation. I tell Edward a little about myself, and he did the same. I speak mostly of Bella and he tells me about growing up as Carlisle Cullen's kid, going off to Harvard, and a little about his current business ventures.
"D-Do you want to watch a movie?" He asks.
No. I don't.
"Sure." Is he paying me five hundred thousand dollars to watch movies with him? But this is his weekend, and I feel obligated to do whatever he wants.
He puts in "Blackhawk Down". I stare at the TV, not paying one bit of attention to what is going on. We are both on the sofa and my hand is only inches away from his, I move it slowly across the cushion and our fingers touch. He doesn't look away from the television, but he turns his palm up so that our fingers can intertwine.
His hand fits perfectly in mine. It feels…comfortable…right.
To my dismay he lets go and raises himself slightly to put his drink on the table, but when he sinks back down he is much closer to me, and we are now connected from shoulder to knee.
I have to do something soon because the bulge in my pants is screaming for freedom from the confines of my now, very tight denim.
I figured he would be making all the moves, but he is taking too goddamn long. I move my hand and rest it lightly on his thigh.
As I test the waters, I am sweating, and my breathing becomes shallow.
Please don't reject me.
He doesn't, but he also does nothing to help persuade me to move forward, so I fretfully move my hand up his thigh and then back down. Rubbing the length; back and forth. I hear a soft gasp. I turn my head to finally look at him, and his mouth is open and his eyes are shut.
Fuck this. I need some contact. My dick is ready to explode.
I press my palm into his erection. His groan is heartfelt and almost makes me cum on the spot. I am finished playing around. It is time to get this party started.
"Please tell me this is what you want," I plead.
He moans and crashes his lips to mine. Our lips connect, tasting each other for the first time. His tongue peeks out and licks the seam of my lips and I open instantly. Our tongues introduce themselves as they sinuously rub against each other.
Suddenly, his bravado kicks in and he straddles me. His hands grasp the back of my neck as his thumbs make lazy circles on my jawbone. I finally play out my ultimate fantasy as my hands twist in that lovely hair of his. The pleasure of doing this makes my hips buck up and grind into him.
He comes to his feet abruptly, and grabs my hands. Once we are in his bedroom he pivots around to watch me as he takes off his shirt. I copy that, and it continues in this manner. Once he takes something off, I remove the same identical piece. When we have only our boxers on he hesitates, but slowly slides them down his body. He is stunning…all of him. His shaft is amazing as expected. It stands proud and tall. I remove my boxers and keep my eyes averted, not wanting to see his reaction to my nude form.
"You are so beautiful," he whispers reverently. I snap my eyes to his searching for sincerity, and am met with a look of pure honesty. The unadulterated desire and lust is evident.
He stares at my body unabashedly, so I take the same liberties. After several moments Edward finally speaks. "I am going to touch you now…okay?"
I can only nod my assent. He takes two steps toward me. He extends his hand and traces his fingertips along my shoulder, he then moves down to trail them along my collarbone. His eyes follow his hand as he moves from one end of the bone to the other. His eyes flicker to mine momentarily before he makes his descent to my nipple, and then flattens his hand as he slides it down over my ribcage. My body is on fire and I need to reciprocate. I need to make him feel the same way I do. His fingertips ghost over my erection. I moan deep at the whisper of his touch. His eyes fly to mine and I see the urgency that is being contained.
"Can…Can I touch you now? Please." My voice is thick with need.
He nods imperceptibly. I start at his neck, tracing his prominent and manly jaw line. I feel the stubble there and can't wait to see what if feels like against my lips. I work my way down his body. Each of his muscles jumping as I make contact. I run my fingers through the thin trail of hair that leads to his dick.
"Oh God…fuck. Stop teasing me, Jasper."
I take his wonderful cock in my hand and squeeze it gently before I pump it once and then twice. His eyes are shut and his head is bent back. He lets out a low, guttural sound that almost makes me lose my load. His hand comes up to my hair and fists it painfully as he smashes his lips to mine. His other hand envelopes my cock and we stroke in sync with one another as our tongues dance.
I am ready for release, my body tensing up in ways I never imagined possible. My God, how the fuck are we going to make it to the sex part when we can't get passed the touching.
Our lips suck on necks, ears and jaws. Our free hands touch any part of each other that is within reach.
"Jasper…Jasper…" he says out of breath. "We need to take the edge off. We need…to do this…ah fuck…please cum with me." He strains to get the words out, so I know he is as close as I am.
We hold onto one another for support, and it's like relying on a three-legged chair to keep us balanced. We wobble around as we hold onto each other for dear life as our orgasms wash over us and our jizz spurts over both of our abdomens.
He grabs a warm washcloth for us both to clean up with. He grins playfully. "You wanna try making it to the bed for the next round?"
I chuckle and follow him to the bed. I lay on top of the covers while he stands on the side staring at me. The way he looks at me makes my dick come alive again. I am shocked at how quickly he makes me respond.
I have overcome any shyness that I once had. As soon as he's in bed I draw him to me. He lies on his back, taking me with him. I smother his face and neck with open-mouthed kisses. I take one of his nipples in my mouth and roll it along my tongue. His hands tangle in my hair and he is making me nuts with the small whimpers emanating from him.
He pushes me so that I am on my back, and straddles me. Our throbbing cocks meld together as he undulates his hips to create friction. He places hot, wet kisses on my shoulder and collarbone before his frantic mouth lands on mine.
In contradiction to the mad pace of our bodies and hands, our tongues languidly explore each others mouths, relishing our unique flavors.
I pull away when I cannot take anymore. "Oh God, Edward. Fuck me…please." I groan.
*In order to comply with FFN's policy against graphic sex the lemon has been removed. If you wish to view the chapter in full detail check out my blog listed on my profile. Sorry for the inconvenience – It's not my rule.*
He doesn't say anything as he rises to discard the condom. He sits back on the bed with his back to me.
"Thank you Jasper. Goodnight." He doesn't turn around or acknowledge me in any way.
As I lay in my bed, I feel the illogical sting of rejection. I shouldn't care. I won't care.
He is getting what he paid for. He doesn't want anything more…I don't want anything more.
I still have no choice in the matter; my tears flow freely, without permission.
I wake up with a new attitude. I will think only about the money and how it is going to help us.
Screw Edward Cullen. .
"Did you have any plans for today?" I ask conversationally while we eat breakfast.
"I have work, so you can help yourself to any of the movies, books, or CD's."
"Oh, okay." I swallow the lump in my throat. This is fine. This is what you want.
After spending the morning sifting through his music and literature I get restless and decide to go outdoors to check out the landscape.
"Are you going somewhere?" Edward asks from behind me.
I swivel around to find him wearing the sexiest glasses.
Fuck! Why did he have to be so damn hot?
"I was just going to check out the grounds. By the time I arrived last night I didn't get to see much." I turn around and head for the door.
"Wait." Did he want to come with me? I start to get excited but when I turn back he is holding a scarf.
"It's really cold out there. You…you should put this on." I grasp it from his outstretched hand and twist it around my neck.
He gives me his, fuck-me, signature smirk. "No, you're supposed to wear it like this." He comes up and untangles it so he can put it on the right way. Once he finishes his smirk disappears, and he looks at my lips intently. He wants to kiss me.
Just do it. I dare you.
Instead he backs away and tells me to have fun. I watch him disappear into the study. I stomp outside, irritated that I was upset that he hadn't kissed me.
I am not outside long when I see Edward come out the door. Before he sees me, I gather some snow in my gloved hands and form a solid snowball.
I stare him down as he approaches me. "I just came out here to see what you were up to." His head is bent and he is kicking the snow with his foot.
He wants to spend time with me. The thought makes my insides all mushy.
"Oh yeah?" I say as I cock back my arm and throw the snowball right into his chest. He looks up in complete shock. I am trying to gather snow for my next attack, but I am laughing too hard. All of a sudden I get slammed with a perfect snowball right in the head.
I lunge at him and tackle him to the ground. We roll around, wrestling in the snow. He is now on top of me. He tentatively dips his head to mine and our frozen lips meet. My hands automatically encircle him as his hands make fists in my jacket. I am no longer cold, but instead feel like a fire is raging inside me. Our mouths melt as we tilt our heads trying to deepen the kiss.
"Let's go in," he says breathlessly.
We immediately head for the fireplace, leaving jackets, gloves and socks in our wake. I barely get the last sock off before Edward has me backed into a wall. His tongue licks across my neck and his teeth nibble on my ear. I drag him to the plush rug that lay in front of the fireplace.
I drop to my knees and unbuckle Edward's belt. I yank his pants and boxers down. His hands are tangled in his tousled hair and his eyes are gazing down at me with desire and passion. My mouth is just inches from his hardened cock. I flattened my tongue to lick the tip of his dick, and watch as he visibly shivers. I suck the head into my mouth and Edward's hands move from his hair to mine.
"Jas, oh fuck, your mouth…the best…" I take his shaft out of my mouth and pull on his arms so he can fall to his knees. He clasps both sides of my face in my hands and ravages my mouth. I push him on his back and resume my task of sucking off his glorious member. My head bobs up and down as fast as I can. "Oh God…Jas, I am getting close. So fucking close…" I don't know if I can swallow but I am sure as hell going to try. "Ung…Jas…God…" He lets out another string of obscenities and moans before he shoots his sperm down my throat.
I suck him completely dry before I kiss my way up his torso. I somehow land on my back with him over top of me. His open mouth makes his way down my body, apparently to return the favor. He frees me from my jeans and skims his nose along my length. I raise myself on my elbows so I can see Edward suck me off. His beautiful green eyes gaze up at me with an unknown emotion. I don't know what it means, but I want him to look at me like that always.
I shut my eyes briefly to block the intruding realization that my time with Edward is almost over.
When I open my eyes I notice that he is still watching me, now with concern.
Goddammit, things are starting to clench on me that never have before.
His teeth graze my erection. "No teasing. Please…" I beseech him. He sucks me into his mouth and it is utter bliss. It takes everything I have not to surrender to the urge to cum down his throat at that very moment.
Is he naturally proficient at everything? My balls are just beginning to tighten when he pulls out.
"Jas, I want you to fuck me." He stands up and holds out a hand to me. When we get upstairs, I prepare Edward as he had done yesterday, but when it is time to enter him I ask him to turn over on his back. I want to watch him as I fuck him.
*In order to comply with FFN's policy against graphic sex the lemon has been removed. If you wish to view the chapter in full detail check out my blog listed on my profile. Sorry for the inconvenience – It's not my rule.*
After a few moments I open my eyes. "I have honestly never felt anything remotely close to that."
I bend down and kiss both of his eyelids. He smiles and opens his eyes. This isn't his usual smile; this is a smile that looks like he is at peace…euphoric, even. Again, my mind takes a snapshot.
I lay my head in his lap as he strokes my hair, and we spend the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other.
There is one question that is weighing heavily on my mind. I wait until after supper. We are both relaxing on the couch, holding hands. "Edward, can I ask you a question?"
He looks at me and gives me that genuine smile again. "Well we've been asking questions all day. Why stop now?"
"Why me?" He seems startled by my question. "I mean you could've had anyone you wanted. For free. Why me?"
He opens his mouth to say something and then stops. I squeeze his hand reassuringly to let him know whatever he is going to say will be okay.
"Okay, I need to make a confession…I noticed you when you first moved here." I turn toward him, shock written all over my face.
"I used to watch you. I had these…feelings when I was around you…but then I left for college. When I came back I heard that you married and had a baby. Then last week, when I heard you say your name at the bank, I was…astounded and well, when I heard everything else, I knew I had to approach you. It was my chance to…" He trails off and I don't ask him to expand.
"Will you come to bed with me?" He asks. I don't answer him verbally, but I get up and lead him to his bedroom.
We have sex with me bottoming, and as I get up to leave he whispers fervently, "stay." I happily climb back in bed, and fall asleep in his arms.
When I wake up the next morning he isn't in bed. I find him in his study, at his laptop. When he hears the floor creak he tenses and then swivels around. His face holds no emotion. "The transfer has been made to your account. It…It was nice. Thank you."
He holds out his hand for a handshake, his face is stoic. I clasp his hand and shut my eyes as the intense pressure in my chest flares. I hear him utter something under his breath. He turns to look out the window. "The limo is here..." I walk quickly from the room. I don't know if he is done speaking, but I am. I just need to get the fucking hell out of here. I have to leave this place, and the Edward induced haze that I am in.
I grab my belongings and leave before he can say another word. When I get in the limo I see the curtain pull back in the corner, like when I first arrived.
My eyes burn, but I refuse to cry.
He got what he wanted…and so did I.
The gifts have all been bought and wrapped. Bella will be getting her bike, plus much more. I paid off the mortgage and remaining medical bills. I am debt free and my baby girl is getting everything she needs and wants. I should be happy. I should be fucking ecstatic. Why am I so depressed? I have everything I want…don't I?
It's been a week since I returned from "the weekend". Kate, Bella and I are going to celebrate paying off the mortgage. I made reservations at a restaurant that we have wanted to go to, but haven't been able to afford. Thanks to Edward that is no longer an issue.
Edward. That ache in my chest burns every time I think about him. I haven't heard from him at all. I saw a picture of him in the local paper with some girl that looked like a model.
As if on cue, as soon as we enter the restaurant I see him in the corner with a beautiful woman. Thankfully, we are seated across the restaurant from him, but as we walk to our table Bella laughs at something Kate says to her. Edward casually looks over and freezes when he sees me. I don't know what to do, so I just nod. He just looks away as if he has no idea who I am.
Oh God, that hurt.
I can't breathe. As soon as we get seated, I excuse myself and walk outside to get some fresh air.
Couldn't he even be fucking civil? Did he think I would out him?
I walk to the side of the building and bend down gasping for breath. I feel like I am going to vomit. I look up when I hear steps on the gravel. It is Edward.
As he approaches I go off on him. "What? You can talk to me now that no one is around? You can acknowledge my existence?" He stops a few feet away.
"Was it worth it? Was I worth it?" He doesn't say anything, but his eyes are stormy. I can't look at him any longer, so I turn my back on him. "Go away Edward."
He pushes my body into the side of the building. His body presses into me as his hands are splayed on either side of my head, effectively trapping me against the wall. I can feel his hardened dick smash into my ass. "Were you worth it?" He repeats. "What do you think?" He hisses, as he digs his erection into me.
He rests his forehead on my shoulder. "I fucking think about you day and night, but I can't Jas…this is my life." His whisper is desperate. "I have a reputation…fuck…I can't Jas…I can't." He pushes away from the wall and walks swiftly away. I stay pressed against the wall and let the old bricks of the building soak up my tears as I sob.
When I go back into the restaurant he is gone.
It is the week before Christmas and Bella and I are going to pick out our Christmas tree.
I just paid for the tree that Bella and I selected.
"Papa. Look at the big tree that man is buying." I glance over to find Edward staring at me. I quickly grab Bella's hand.
"Yeah, that is pretty big. Let's go." I am not about to repeat the scene from a week ago.
"Please Jas…stop…talk to me." I can hear him following me but I do not stop.
"Papa? Is that man talking to you?"
"Please…don't…don't walk away from me." He sounds so broken. Good. But it didn't feel good. It hurts. It feels like my insides are ripping open.
I want him, but I can't be his hidden lover while he parades around with gorgeous women. The thought makes me feel like I got sucker punched in the gut.
I strap Bella in the truck. "I am going to talk to Edward while I load up the tree…okay?"
"Give me another chance to make this right." He says as I put the tree in the bed of the truck.
Oh, how I wish he could.
I swivel around. "How are you going to do that?"
Without hesitation he erases the space between us and cups both of my cheeks in his hands. "I'll do whatever it takes, Jas. I need you in my life." His lips land on mine. He doesn't waste any time prying my lips open for his tongue. My hands entwine in his hair as his arms embrace me tightly.
When our kiss ends he lays his forehead on mine so we can catch our breath. Edward turns his head to see that several onlookers had stopped to witness the scene we created. He turns back to me and laughs; his boyish laugh that I love, and kisses me again.
He looks at me with laughter in his eyes. "I don't care what anyone else thinks of us, except that little one in the truck."
The living room is a mess. Pine needles litter the floor along with wrapping paper and gift boxes. Bella is sprawled across both Edward and I on the sofa, dozing, as we watch "The Christmas Story" for the third time this morning. I lay my head back on the sofa cushion and Edward does the same. We just stare at each other…remembering last night, no doubt. He leans forward and so do I; meeting in the middle, our lips lock in a sweet kiss.
We are surprised out of our kiss when we hear Bella chime in. "Edward?"
"Yes, little one?"
"Can we spend Christmas at your house next year?"
Edward caresses my cheek and whispers, "You can count on it."
AN: I hope you enjoyed. Please review.