Pairing: Established Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura threesome.
Genre: Humor. ONESHOT, COMPLETE.
Disclaimer: These characters and the world they evolve in don't belong to me. They belong to Kishimoto Masashi. I only lay claim to the plot and my own interpretation of the characters.

For Leilia.


"Honey, I'm hoome. Miss me?"

Sakura's head popped out of the kitchen, eyes wide in surprise. Naruto grinned; she gasped and hurriedly closed the kitchen door before rushing to meet him. "Naruto! You didn't tell us you were coming back home today!"

Naruto blinked as he wrapped his arms around her waist, returning her hug. He hadn't been gone so long to explain her enthusiasm, but it was kind of nice anyway. "Course not, it's not a secret mission if everyone knows what's up with it. Uh, what's wrong with the kitchen?"

Sakura kissed him.

... a lot. With her arms around his neck, aiming his head, keeping his attention straight on her, and whoa was it a nice distraction. But it was still a rather blatant kind of distraction. So when she refused to let go, he slid his arms from her waist to the underside of her thighs and picked her up instead.

Sakura kicked his thighs when he started walking toward the kitchen again, and broke the kiss to glare at him. "Naruto you put me down right this instant."

Naruto gave her a 'haha yeahright good one' smile, and shoved the door open.

"Noooo," whimpered Sakura, hiding her face against Naruto's shoulder, but Naruto didn't really pay it much attention.

He'd just caught Sasuke leaning over the garbage bin, putting all his weight in an attempt to crush the pile of ramen packages into a manageable size.

"--Oh. You're here," Sasuke remarked with uncaring cool, and pretended he hadn't been caught red-handed trying his damnedest to hide the proof of his crime.

"What are you doing," Naruto growled. Sakura tried to grab the doorjamb to slow him down; Naruto flipped her over so he could tuck her under his arm like a disobedient puppy, and kept on advancing.

"Getting rid of garbage, what does it look like?" Sasuke said, and gave him a challenging look. Oh, he was so guilty, Naruto could tell, or else he'd have looked bored instead!

Naruto swiped at the garbage can with the hand not tucked under Sakura's stomach, and tried not to let her squirming unbalance him. "My ramen! How dare you throw away my --"

The package was empty. Naruto grabbed another one. Also empty.

He eyed the pile.

He eyed Sasuke. Sasuke glared back.

He eyed Sakura. She pouted at him.

He could have chalked up the red of Sakura's face to the fact that he was holding her like a package and the blood was going to her head, but there was a matching pinkness on Sasuke's cheeks that had nothing to do with any kind of action.

"... Did you guys... eat my ramen?"

"Um, no," Sakura lied instantly.

"Why would we?" Sasuke added with great contempt.

"You guys ate my ramen."

"Fine! We did," Sasuke said, glaring like it was Naruto's fault that his beloved food had thrown itself right in their mouths. "So what?"

Naruto moved closer to Sasuke, slowly. He cracked open the cupboard -- empty. Sakura was still and resigned, dangling from his hold without a word; Sasuke didn't take a step back, but the way he shifted his weight, he kind of wanted to.

"All my ramen."

"Yes, all your ramen. So what, it's just ramen. You can buy more."

... Sasuke was still blushing. Sakura looked extremely embarrassed.

Naruto started grinning, and once he started he couldn't stop.

Strangely enough it didn't seem to reassure Sasuke, who stared at him like he'd finally snapped.

"Naruto?" Sakura asked tentatively. He didn't answer.

"We'll just... go shopping for more," Sasuke offered grumpily; Naruto didn't miss the implied offer to pay. "You don't need to get angry -- Naruto?"

Naruto stepped up to him and threw him across his shoulder.

"--HEY!"

Then he turned around on the spot, laughing as his two passengers protested being swung around. He stalked his way back out of the kitchen, and through the corridor, and right to the master bedroom.

His poor lovers, missing his taste so much they'd been reduced to raiding his pantry. He wasn't about to let them suffer withdrawal a second longer. Hohoho.


"Say whatever you want, Naruto, I maintain that even a diet like yours doesn't make it NORMAL to taste of miso even THERE."

"Yeah, but you still like it."

"... Shut up."