By Kunoichijailbirds and Imagine Crayola
Chapter 1: Irritate Me
Sakura stared, cold and calculating at the handcuffs and chains on the table. Technically, she should feel nervous, that is if she hadn't done this hundreds of times already. Right now, on the outside, she was the shrewd, cold, dangerous person that was Sakura Haruno. Yes, Sakura Haruno, the girl who mastered the Silent-Kill technique from one of her Senseis, who, if need be, could rip out your heart with the flick of a wrist, who's love of the 5-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique boded ill for who ever came in contact with her, who's own masters were afraid of her when she was at the age of 7. That was who she was on the outside, and half-way on the inside. The other half of her had the same deadliness as her, but none of the calm. Her other half, who she called her "inner", was criminally insane. In her calm state, Sakura was an extremely formidable enemy, for she could predict your moves, defeat you in seconds, and knew 2,000 humane ways to kill you, and 1,500 ways that were more...interesting. Calm Sakura preferred the humane ways 45% of the time because the "play-kills", as she liked to call them, made too much of a mess. The only times Sakura really liked to use the play-kills was if, 1: She was extremely angry at the victim, or 2: She was bored. Which was 50% of the time. Also, calm Sakura knew when she was outmatched (which hardly ever happened), when to retreat, and had excellent judgment. She could also beat any opponent in chess.
On the other hand, however, Inner Sakura had practically no good judgment, was reckless, preferred the play-kills 100% of the time, and was, in general, unstoppable. She had been known to jump out of an airplane cackling maniacally, freefall, somehow slow her decent, and, inches before she hit the ground, flip over into a handstand. She would then stand up, slowly dust herself off, and glare murderously at the group of bystanders she had plunged into. She would then scream out a string of profanities at the top of her lungs, accompanied by a poetic recital about how rude they were for staring and how she should gouge their eyes out to teach them some manners. She would then repeat it in several languages to make sure she was understood. And while she was at it, she might even take a couple of body parts as souvenirs. She had also broken Pein's arm for not sharing his Skittles. This paragraph alone should tell you that inner Sakura was not someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley while holding Skittles and not holding a taser.
Sakura grimaced. She really had to stop describing herself out loud. She resumed staring at the materials in front of her. After about 5 minutes Tobi came in. She sighed and waited for that annoying thing Tobi always said. And sure enough, right as Tobi was securing the handcuffs on her wrists he said it.
"Tobi is a good boy!"
Sakura smirked and replied with something nuns would think is definetly not good. Tobi briefly stood staring at her, or at least what she thought was staring, since she had never seen Tobi's face. No one had.
Tobi's face was completely covered with an orange and black mask. Tobi hadn't said anything for such a long time that Sakura had begun memorizing the patterns on his mask.
"Up, down, round and round. If a tree falls in Konoha, does it make a sound?" Sakura was thinking lazily. "Of course it does, idiot, there's just no one around to hear it. But if I were to quickly change into a bird, fly to Konoha and pummel the crap out of the first person I see standing near a tree, there would definetly be a sound. It just wouldn't be the sound of a tree falling. It'd be the sound of someone moaning in pain"
Completely satisfied now that her answer contained someone in pain, Sakura turned back to Tobi. She was quietly amused to see him quivering with concentration. After a few seconds he loudly repeated Sakura's unique rendition of some very…awkward things he could do.
Sakura's small smirk she had been wearing all day at this point transformed itself into an awe-inspiring grin of pure evil and malice. While Tobi was binding her limbs in the chains, she was eagerly teaching him the Spanish, French, Chinese, and Pig-Latin versions for the phrase. She knew how much Itachi-sama hated Tobi learning new words and this is why: Tobi was like a parrot. He absorbed the material like a sponge and would keep spouting them out at random points in the day until he either forgot them himself or someone hit him hard enough to make him forget. It was usually Itachi who hit him. Tobi probably had sustained brain-damage.
That's why Sakura purposely went out of her way to teach Tobi things. She loved messing with Itachi. Her sole reason for living was thwart him. But don't get her wrong: She loved him, Deidre, and Kisame like brothers. Speaking of the terrible threesome, she heard them arguing on the way to the meeting room. Apparently Kisame, who looked almost exactly like a shark, had been in the middle of feeding his gigantic pet piranhas when Deidre had walked into the room. Now Kisame had been feeding the carnivorous fishes some yellow Butterfly Koi, so when Deidre had come in so vainly swinging his long, freshly shampooed blonde hair, the piranhas had mistaken his hair for food. The said fishes jumped out of their tank and attached themselves to Deidre's head, which made him panic and blow them up with clay bombs. Itachi had just stuck his head into the doorway to see what "all the girlish screaming" was about when the explosion occurred. A piece of slightly charred fish had flown across the room and hit him in his forehead. The result was that a rather largish bruise had formed there.
This was the predicament that Sakura and Tobi found them in: They were all yelling and screaming about suing each other. Kisame was going to sue for his "precious rare fishies", Deidre for his "precious hair", and Itachi for his "precious face." Finally they noticed Sakura and Tobi standing there. They all suddenly shut up and looked at them, Sakura in particular.
"Tell no one about this and you might live another day", they hissed together.
Sakura smiled angelically and then just as quickly frowned.
"Is there a reason that you have me chained up? Because if there's not, someone is going to be polishing my weapons for a week," Sakura said calmly. The guys suddenly looked sheepish and took a step back.
"It's for protection," Itachi stated in a monotone.
"Why," Sakura asked in confusion, "I'm not in any danger."
"No, but we might be when we tell you your mission, Pinky." Kisame put in helpfully.
The others stared at Kisame, who hadn't yet realized his mistake, in horror. Nobody had ever called Sakura "Pinky" and escaped without injury. Everyone knew that Sakura's pink hair was the bane of her existence. She hated it with a passion, which was pretty ironic since she was named for a tree that bore pink flowers. Another reason for hating it was because it was the exact opposite of evil and malice, everything she stood for. And it was forever clashing with her favorite colors: black, silver, and white.
the only thing that saved Kisame from an untimely death by play-kill
# 765 was the fact that Kisame had said "mission."
"So what's the mission?" Sakura asked nonchalantly.
"Well", Deidre started off "we've come across some interesting developments. Remember how when you joined the Akasuki, you were told you had no other family?
Sakura nodded slowly, unsure of what was coming.
"Well. It seems you have a brother. A twin actually. Congradulations."