Title: A Day in the Woods

Rating: K+ (There's nothing actually bad)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the bright pink cast on my foot.

Summary: Ok, I know this has been done before, in fact I've done this idea for another fandom before, but I believe you can never have too much in the way of naughty misconceptions! I hope you enjoy my little spin on this idea.


It was a beautiful day to be outside, and the members of the away team exploring the previously uncharted planet that they were temporarily calling Delta VII were definitely getting their fill of sunshine and fresh air. Most of the planet was forested, and although most of the squirrel-like creatures had two heads, it was almost like being back on Earth.

Sulu and Chekov were walking along in the warmth of the planet's two suns (Jim had made this away mission like a mini shore leave and so most of the bridge crew got to come planet-side this time) when they heard a couple of familiar voices. They made their way towards the conversation, but stopped short behind a dense patch of trees once they were able to make out the words.

"Hold still, Jim."

"Bones, it hurts!"

"Well, if you'd stop moving I could maybe get it out."

"Maybe? You can't leave this stuck in me. It's your fault this happened, anyways."

"My fault? In case you've forgotten, Captain, it was your idea."

"Well you certainly didn't hesitate to get down on all fours for me."

"I was just trying to be helpful. I still think it would have worked better that way."

They heard Jim cry out as they looked at each other with raised eyebrows that would have done Mr. Spock proud.

"It is really stuck in there, isn't it?"

"Can't you just yank it out, Bones?"

"I'm trying."

"Ow! I don't think I've ever had one this big in me before."

"You told me this wasn't your first time doing this."

"It isn't. I've done it hundreds of times."

"But this has never happened?"

"Nope. I just hope you get it out before anyone else comes along and sees."

"It wouldn't be that big of a deal, Jim."

"Of course it would! I'm the Captain! The crew doesn't need to see this!"

The two men standing shocked behind the trees heard footsteps approaching the area from another direction, and then a third voice entered the conversation.

"Can I be of assistance?"

"Oh, God. No, Spock, go away. I don't want you to see this."

"Spock, could you hold him still so I can get a better grip on this?"

"This is embarrassing."

"Captain, this is something that has happened to many people. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I bet it's never happened to you."

"Actually, Jim, the last away mission the same thing happened to pointy-ears here when we went in search of that medicinal flower."

"Really?"

"Indeed. Although, I don't think I was trying to do the same thing you were, I ended up in the same predicament."

Both Sulu and Chekov were shocked beyond words, and were standing with their mouths agape when they heard the Captain cry out again.

"Aha! I told you I could get it out!"

"You rock, Bones!"

With this the frightened duo heard all three sets of footsteps start to move in their direction, and they high-tailed it back to the meeting spot, not wanting anyone to know they had been eavesdropping.

As Jim stuck his finger in his mouth, Bones inspected the splinter he had just pulled out.

"Jim, next time you want to climb a tree warn me first so I can bring a better pair of tweezers."


Hope you enjoyed it!