I do a lot of Kink meme requests. : P This one was "Phoenix and Edgeworth passing notes, grade school style, in the courtroom behind the Judge's back. Bonus points if you put in a 'do you like me, yes or no'"
I do not own them, okay? Capcom. Say it with me: Caaaaaap. Cooooom.
"What was that?"
"What was what, Your Honor?"
"Oh, you didn't see anything, Mr. Edgeworth?"
"No, Your Honor. I'm afraid I didn't."
"Oh. Well. I guess I'm just seeing things then. Never mind. Carry on with your cross-examination, Mr. Wright."
"Yes, Your Honor."
The cross-examination went rather quickly, and Phoenix, as per usual, picked the testimony apart, revealing that there was a second witness: Candy Sweets, a fellow employee at the hotel where the murder took place. The victim was a woman named Angel DéMon, who was due in for a promotion that Phoenix's client, Monty Cobra, had been eagerly trying hard to get since first beginning work at the hotel. Miss DéMon had been stabbed multiple times in the back by a butcher knife taken from the hotel kitchen, and it had been proven that Mister Cobra would have had easy access to the kitchen at the time of murder. Phoenix couldn't remember the last time one of his cases had been so straightforward. It was kind of refreshing...
"The defense wishes to call Ms Candy Sweets as a witness!"
"Very well. Does the prosecution have any objections, Mr. Edgeworth?"
"None, Your Honor. It just so happens, in fact, that the person in question has been watching this trial, and as the prosecution had a feeling this might happen, is prepared to call her in immediately."
"Very good, Mr. Edgeworth. Please call her in as soon as you-"
"Oh, Your Honor?"
"Yes, Mr. Wright?"
"There's...um...a bug on the wall behind you. It wouldn't concern me normally, but...it's very distracting, Your Honor."
"Oh. Well, we can't have that. I'll take care of it immediately."
"Thank you, Your Honor."
No sooner had the Judge turned and raised his gavel to dispose of the offending insect than Nick wadded up a piece of paper...and threw it at Edgeworth. The prosecutor just barely caught the ball of paper, and unraveled it before the Judge could turn back around, holding under the prosecution's bench so that he could read it, even if the Judge turned and looked at him.
"I...didn't see any bugs, Mr. Wright."
"I'm sorry, Your Honor. He flew away as you were turning to look for it."
"I see. What a troublesome little bug! But the distraction is gone all the same, so let's resume the trial. Um, Mr. Edgeworth? Might I ask what's so funny?"
Edgeworth was shaking his head, trying to stifle his laughter. For the most part he was successful. If he could just get rid of the grin and occasional 'snerk'...
"Alright...if you insist. The prosecution may bring in its witness then."
"Ahem. Yes, Your Honor."
The next witness was called, and they gave their testimony. Maya gave her comments on the matter, the Judge nodded in understanding at what the witness stated, and Phoenix was already reaching for the correct evidence to expose the contradiction, which he was sure was glaringly obvious, but his life and his adventures in court were sometimes funny like that.
"Alright, Mr. Wright, you may begin your cross-examina-"
"Your Honor, there's that bug again!"
"Really, Mr, Wright? Where?"
Phoenix pointed and, gavel poised to strike, the Judge turned, looking determined to give that poor little bug what for! Upon finding nothing a mere few moments later, he turned back to the trial at hand.
"Mr. Wright, I do hope you're not playing pranks on me, or I'll be forced to penalize you. And did I hear paper rustling when I had my back turned?"
"Oh, I was just looking over the autopsy report, Your Honor."
"...very well. Begin the cross-examination."
The evidence was presented and Phoenix began his verbal assault on the witness, giving it everything he had until they practically begged to revise their testimony, which the Judge, no longer in the best of moods due to the defense and prosecution constantly giving reasons for him to turn around, agreed to. They gave their new testimony, and Nick began to press for more details...before Edgeworth sneezed. Not the most realistic fake sneeze ever, but it was good enough to fool the Judge.
"Gesundheit, Mr. Edgeworth!"
"Thank you, Your Honor. Um...you wouldn't happen to have a tissue handy, would you?"
"I don't think I do, Mr. Edgeworth."
"Would you be so kind as to check under your desk, just to be sure that there's not any under there?"
With an irritated sigh, the Judge, once again, turned his back on the court. It might have been a mere coincidence that they were doing this, but it seemed to the Judge that they were making him turn around far too frequently. This had been going on all day for Pete's sake! As he was rising back up, however...
"Mr. Edgeworth, I don't see any tissues. I'm sor-!"
...a piece of balled up paper hit him on the side of the head, bouncing off, and rolling to the feet of the witness. The courtroom went silent. Silent that is...other than laughter from the witness, who had picked up the note and had begun reading it.
"Mr. Wright! Mr. Edgeworth! Were you two passing notes in my courtroom!?"
The two lawyers cast nervous glances at each other.
"I can't have you two passing notes like that! Why, if I let this go by and I found out that you two were sharing private information..."
"N-no! Your Honor, we would never!"
"Sharing information like that would be against the law, Your Honor! We are lawyers! We would never do something so...illegal!"
"As much as I'd like to believe you, Mr. Edgeworth, I'm afraid that I must check your notes anyway. One can never be too sure. Bring them here."
With a big grin, the witness handed the notes off to the bailiff, who, in turn, handed them off to the Judge. The Judge reached for his reading glasses, and the entire courtroom went silent as he began reading off what the two had written.
"Hey, Edgeworth, what do you have to eat for the lunch break?"
"A roast beef sandwich, with lettuce, cheese and mayonnaise. How about you?
"Ugh. An egg salad sandwich and chicken noodle soup in a thermos. You wanna trade? I like egg salad and all, but Maya makes it every day. It gets...tiring."
At this point, Phoenix sent a nervous side-glance over to Maya, who was giving him a look that was something between hurt, irritation and disbelief. Phoenix would have to do a lot of explaining later...
"...you make Mrs. Fey do the cooking?"
"What? No! She volunteers! What, you think I'm a slave driver?"
"*Smirk* I'm sure I wouldn't know."
"*Blush.* A-anyway, is that a 'no'?"
"Yes. I'm sorry to break it to you, but I rather detest egg salad. I might be willing to share some of my sandwich, though. That is, if you'd share some of your soup."
"Oh, Edgeworth, you're a lifesaver! I could kiss you!"
Phoenix gulped as he saw the expression on Pearls' face.
"Please refrain. We are in the courtroom, after all."
"I know, sheesh! It's just a figure of speech, Edgeworth. Lighten up a little!"
A squiggly line separated two blocks of conversation.
"Do you think we'll get caught sending notes like this?"
"Us? Nah. Not unless someone squeals."
Hey, Edgeworth? I was going to ask you something during a recess, but I'm not sure it can wait."
"Well, what is it, Wright? If it's important, then spit it out."
"Well...do you like me?"
"Y-yeah, I know, it sounds crazy, but...you are gay, right?"
"Oh come on, Edgeworth, it's painfully obvious! You wear that pink suit all the time, and that...frilly neck tie..."
"It-it's a jabot, Wright! And von Karma wears one, as well!"
"So...is he gay too?"
By this point, it was clear that the Judge was growing slightly uncomfortable with reading the notes. But for some reason, he just couldn't stop. Amusement, intrigue, no one would know, but he continued.
*Smirks* "Oh, heavens, I hope not... I had to live with him for the duration of my childhood, after all."
"Well, that would explain your sexual orientation! I mean, if he was your role model and all..."
"WRIGHT! Cease this useless line of questioning, this instant! This is growing rather uncomfortable for me, and if I were a homosexual -and I'm not saying I am, mind you- I would not want to 'come out of the closet' it this manner!"
"Does...does that mean you wouldn't be interested in going out?"
"When I asked you if you liked me, I needed confirmation. What, you thought I just wanted to know!? Edgeworth, I'm not that insensitive to other people's feelings!"
"*Smirk* So. The great defense attorney is gay, then."
"Dammit Edgeworth, will you give me a damn answer already!?"
"Well, I suppose I can clear a spot in my schedule this Friday... Is that good for you?"
"...uhh...y-yeah! You're...you're serious..?"
"Wright, this would be an incredibly stupid thing to joke about. Is seven alright with you? Maybe we could have dinner at this nice seafood place I know of..?"
That's where the letter ended. The Judge blinked a few times, then looked over at the defending and prosecuting attorneys, who were hiding their faces in their hands.
"Well? What do you two have to say?"
"Umm..." Nick spoke up, a sheepish grin on his face. "...seven would be great?"
"Ah...good. I'll just...swing by your place then?"
"Yes, that...that seems like the best option. Thanks..."
Oh, he just knew he was going to hear it from Pearls later... But still, the look on the Judges face had been amusing enough. Maybe he could focus more on the comedy than the pain of the young acolyte's punches...
...or perhaps not.
Monty Cobra - A play off of "Monty Python", a British comedy group.
Candy Sweets - I hope you can figure this one out by yourself. If you can't, then what are you doing playing this series..?
Angel DéMon - Angel and Demon. Don't make me spell this one out...