Ah, finally this is ready x) I had trouble with the last chapter, for the simple reason that what comes to finishing things, I'm pretty lazy. Because "ready" is almost the same as "almost ready". My logic is solid. "The fear you won't fall" is a song by Joshua Radin and it was quite obviously my inspiration in this fic. That, and my love for -Man and YuuxAllen :D (or KandaxWalker, because you should just decide whether you want to use the first names or the last names, mixing them is just odd...)
Note: In this chapter, the italic parts flash backs.
"I have had enough of this!"
Allen's eyed widened in surprise as he turned toward the owner of the voice.
"Oi! Beansprout! You – there! Way over there! "
"I hate to feel this way. I don't even have the time for it. I have much more important things to worry about. I kind of have to try and help to save the world. I can't waste all my concentration for something this meaningless."
"How… If you take that all out, how does it feel like?"
"Honestly? … It feels horrible. Don't ever fall in love."
Kanda continued all the while widely waving his mugen towards the general direction of "way over there". The white haired exorcist blinked and then looked at the direction the other was pointing at. He glanced at Kanda. Then back at "there". Repeat. Until Kanda took an ominous step towards him. Allen waved his hands defensively before his chest and shook his head. He took a step back in turn.
"Then where will Lenalee and Lavi go?" he asked innocently.
Allen glanced at the two. Lavi was standing right next to him and waved at him in acknowledgment. Lenalee stood in front of Lavi and next to Yuu, eyeing the situation cautiously. Link was walking on the other side of Allen and obviously not concerned of being ignored. Kanda just stared at Allen as if trying to figure out if he was serious. Allen felt like he was missing something important. Why was he supposed to go there anyway?
"I don't care. They can go where they want to. Just as long as you're away from me."
Kanda crossed his arms and looked the opposite direction from Allen, who frowned. Did he really just say that? That wasn't fair. Allen hadn't done anything to him. Except annoy him of course, but he did that just by breathing. Allen's frown deepened and he glared at the boy. Lenalee suddenly startled and began pushing Lavi at Allen.
"Why won't you, Lavi, take Allen-kun there for a lookout meanwhile Kanda and I will stay here!"
Lavi looked at her dumbly for a second but in the end he got the hint rather quickly.
"Ah yes! Let us go Allen!"
Lavi urged and mirrored what Lenalee had done to him just a few second ago, using it now against Allen. Link growled and moved out of the way as Allen stumbled upon him. But Allen wasn't as an easy target as Lavi had been. After regaining his composure, he shook Lavi off of his side and kept on staring at Kanda with a mix of hurt and anger.
"Why do I have to go there? Why won't he go?" Allen inquired.
The bookman's apprentice once more tried to shove Allen away, babbling something about pretty flowers growing somewhere, but Allen kept his stance. His eyes found their way over Lavi's shoulder at Kanda who still had his back turned towards him. Suddenly Kanda tilted his head back and shot him a nasty look. He snorted. Allen's eyes narrowed.
"So why do people fall in love? What good does it make?"
"I have no idea."
"… Well that's just awful to hear."
"Because it's your fault. You should suffer the consequences", Kanda declared in a cold tone, "I told you a million times I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to hear you talking to me. Better yet, you shouldn't talk at all."
Allen was ready to pounce on the Japanese boy, but now, in addition to Lavi, Lenalee also jumped in between. She suggested a compromise, where both parties would walk away a little from their current spot, in different directions of course, but neither of the two seemed too keen on listening. Link just rolled his eyes and scanned the horizon. There was a town a few kilometers away, where they had come, and it could still be seen through the sparsely growing trees. It would get thicker once they got further.
"What do you mean by that? You're saying you don't want me to talk! That's insane! You're unbelievable! That's the stupidest thing you have ever gotten annoyed about! Besides, I was just trying to lift up the mood!"
They were currently heading towards the middle of the forest where a large amount of akumas were heading to, or at least that was where the science group had deduced they were heading. There were already some finders there and though most said there was nothing strange with the forest, the akumas were more than enough for them to go search the place.
"I wouldn't have minded if you had just talked! But you were talking to me! And I didn't want to talk to you! And I certainly didn't need my mood perked up, not that you could have done that anyway!"
Lavi was surprisingly persistent with what came to separating the two, still standing in between them, and Lenalee tried to pull Kanda away by his arm, but wasn't nearly strong enough. Link groaned. In his opinion, the situation was just getting ridiculous. He dragged Lavi out of the middle, figuring Lenalee would notice and follow them. She didn't disappoint him. Link led the two a little further away.
"I wasn't trying to perk up your mood, anyway! But we're most likely heading for a battle, some of us still have some human feelings left and might feel worried!"
"Do you even like him? Don't give me that look, I heard that you love him alright, but do you like him? Like, can you list any good qualities he has?"
"… Can I just choose him as a whole?"
"No, you can't. If you can't figure out anything you like about him, you really don't love him. It means it's just the hormones in love, not you. And that isn't exactly everlasting love."
"… I like him."
Not that neither Allen nor Yuu would have noticed even if he had screamed right into their ears.
"Just let them fight. It'll be good if they let some of it out", he told the less argumentative couple.
Lenalee was about to protest, but Link gave her a pointed look. Lavi absently scratched the back of his head and viewed the scene before him. Lenalee sighed. She covered her face in her hands. She hated when they fought. She cared for them both a lot and she definitely didn't want to see them hurting each other. She involuntarily ended up in the middle, though she knew neither meant for that to happen.
"We've been to so many fights, I don't think any one of us is worried about a small, unimportant, might-come-might-not fight!"
Lavi knew that things had been really tense lately. Before they were just arguing. Now he they were really fighting. Maybe letting them fight would ease the tension, but it might also make things worse. A lot. Needless to say, Lavi was worried. Link on the other hand thought that since fighting was the only way they agreed to talk to each other, then fighting they should do. Risky or not, it was the only way that could possibly lead to somewhere.
"And you should know better than that! There's always more than meets the eye! We don't know how big this fight actually is!"
Allen was swinging his arms around rapidly, in case it did anything to prove his point, and Kanda eyed him from top to toe, his hands crossed again from where Lenalee had unlinked them. He appeared to be rather angry by now.
"I think we're already used to that! You're the one who's planting that worry into everyone's heads!"
"… But you guys argue all the time."
"Arguing is just a faster, louder and slightly more negative manner of speech."
"That… is so misleading."
"The arguing… It's… kind of hard to explain. I just know that I never really feel angry at him afterwards. But I don't think meaningless things like pleasant chit chats are the things that define a relationship. It's the fact that I want to be around him, no matter what we do. It's the fact that when we talk, it's always special. And really, arguing is just another way to get to know him."
The argument continued on and on and the others started to consider the possibility that the akumas would go and snatch the possible innocence before they'd even get going. They didn't seem to have any plans of quitting anytime soon. That was of course before Allen decided to attack Yuu. No one had even had the time to catch what lead to this, it was simply unexpected. Lavi actually missed the whole attack before he realized the arguing had stopped, mainly because he had been dozing off.
Even though Allen attacked Kanda, he was the one who was quick to fall second. Kanda, as if expecting the sudden assault, easily flipped him over and pressed his arm against his back. He then spun Allen around again and forwards, so for an innocent by passer it would have most likely seemed like they were dancing. Allen flew until his back hit a tree.
Kanda supported his arms on each side of Allen's head, lowering his face a little so their noses were only centimeters apart. For a small moment they just stared at each other with venom. The others were waiting in suspense for what was going to come out of it. Eventually though, Kanda only pushed himself back and turned around to make his leave.
"I'm not going to jeopardize our mission by battling you. That would just be stupid," he muttered while walking away.
"How do you know it's love?"
"I don't. Isn't that a little subjective? But… I love you. And I love you too. And I love everybody else in this organization. I love the akuma. But my love for the akuma is obviously different from the love I have for you two. And my love for him is entirely different from all of those. Wouldn't it be unfair to say that I just really like him while I love everyone else?"
"… I think you use the word too widely."
"Ha, ha… Maybe I do. Or maybe that's just the way I feel."
Not that Allen was going to let him leave. In a couple of long strides, he reached the escaper, grabbed his elbow and returned the gesture by spinning the long haired exorcist around this time. But instead of pushing him against the tree, Allen kissed Yuu. The kiss was angry, hungry and it was desperate and everything in between and it ended soon with Kanda actually pushing Allen over.
Kanda followed the other to the ground, straddled Allen by the waist and pressed his mugen against the other's chest. The three viewers were too shocked to even realize what was currently happening. Everything had happened in an incredible speed or at least that was how it looked like in their eyes. Allen eyed Kanda blankly and his lip was bleeding where Kanda had bit him. He hadn't even realized when it had happened.
"Why did you do that?"
Kanda asked and he definitely wasn't shy at all to look pissed. Quite the opposite actually. Lenalee had covered his mouth to prevent herself from speaking while Lavi on the other hand was gaping, his mouth wide open. Link just watched. What happened wasn't really a surprise. Just how and how suddenly it had happened. Allen's deadpan look didn't falter as he spoke.
"I don't know."
"Why won't you tell him?"
"Are you serious? This pain is almost unbearable. After I tell him, I'll probably die. And I truly don't have time dying if I plan on saving anyone…"
"Be serious about this. Why are you so sure he will reject you?"
"Have you ever seen him? That's way, way over my standards… What, do you think I have a chance?"
Still sitting on Allen, Kanda sheathed his sword and only then got up. He gave Allen a reproachful look, as if he was a child that had gotten caught on stealing a cookie from the jar. Allen's head dropped and he didn't get up. Lenalee looked like she was about to go and interfere, but Lavi stopped him by putting a hand on her arm. He didn't say anything and his gaze was still locked on the two.
"I don't think "I don't know" is a well enough reason to further interrupt our mission", Kanda enlightened.
He then turned his back on Allen for the third time that day, but it was the first time Allen didn't seem to mind. The white haired exorcist only started pushing himself up, his eyes glued to the ground. Once he got up, he began adjusting the sleeves of his uniform. All very slowly so Kanda could walk as far away from him as he managed. Lenalee pushed Lavi's hand away and Lavi turned to look at her. Though her eyes were following a certain Japanese.
"It's like… You love God. And God is this divine being. You know you can't compare to Him, there is no way you're even near His level and that's a fact you accept. You know that there is no reason for Him to love you. But still, wouldn't you feel like you should just go kill yourself if God told you He didn't love you? He loves your favorite actor. He loves your neighbor and he loves your dog, but he certainly doesn't love you. But that's no big deal, right? Since He's divine, you would have to be awfully high for Him to love you anyway. He tells you this too. But you still feel like the most worthless creature in this world. It's like that."
"I hate God."
"I know you do. But you don't have a dog either. That's beside the point. You still want Him to love you, am I right? And I want… him to love me. Even though it's impossible."
"He loves you, you know!" she shouted loudly enough so her voice would definitely reach its target.
Lavi's eyes widened. Link frowned. Yuu stopped. Allen turned to look at her. And probably for the first time in his life he was being truly rude to Lenalee.
"Lenalee, shut up!" Allen yelled back.
Lenalee was shocked for a quarter of a minute at most. She most certainly didn't miss how hurt Allen looked and she felt a tinge of regret, but still chose to turn her eyes expectantly towards Kanda. Both Lavi and Link copied the line of her gaze. Allen turned also, but his face was covered with as much fear as you would ever see on the face of Allen Walker. Kanda started walking forwards.
"I don't think that's a well enough reason to interrupt our mission", he said composedly.
""Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall…""
"No, not really. I can tell that it's definitelynot a beauty."
Allen's expression literally died. He immediately started following Kanda like a robot on command. Link followed suit. Lenalee was exclusively shaken by the cold respond and didn't move an inch. In the end, Lavi had to start guiding her after the others. She realized what she was doing and soon began moving on her own. Kanda kept walking. Link followed. Lavi followed. Lenalee followed. And Allen just followed.