It's not something I understand easily, but I trust her.
How can one small woman love the enormous monsters that surround her? She could never have known, coming to her father giving to her mother, the peril to which she was delivered. And yet, once knowing, she stayed and learned and loved and loved… Her heart is larger than mine and still beating, still human, still warm. In comparison, my heart is simply still.
The threats of violence against her life mean little to her in comparison to the threats of that which she loves. Though her thoughts are silent to me; her heart is not. Her love screams to me of danger, warning against the growing menace, but our existence is not in jeopardy. It is her life in danger, her existence in jeopardy. She doesn't see this; it escapes her notice because those she loves are in danger. For Bella, we are in danger; Jacob is in danger.
Reassurance is futile. Even Jasper's mood manipulation will not ease her brow. If it were not so dire, I would laugh at her determination to save the creatures that could destroy her with no effort at all. How many times has she reassured me with a touch, a glance, and casual breath to blow across my brow? She loves us, she love them, and in her love, we stand united. It's not something I understand easily, but I must trust her.
Jacob and the pack will be with us. Save her parents, everyone she loves will engage to protect her and we will be triumphant, of this I'm certain. I worry that the wolves will lose control, or the pack may rid the world of all the vampires while the opportunity exists. I have not seen this in their minds, but the possibility must be considered. Is it my own interior voice that raises this worry? I doubt Jacob would withhold the chance to destroy me, if the opportunity arose. He does not believe my restraint would stay intact if the opposite scenario were in play. He doubts my love for Bella, which I suppose is right from his viewpoint. He judges by his eyes, by his heart, by what he wants from her. The alliance to save her is a necessity, a requirement. This is a tenuous relationship, easily soured. But it is based in Bella's love, and in that basis, our alliance is strong. I trust her love. I trust her.
Still, I cannot believe that anyone, anywhere, at any time has ever felt the deep and unwavering love that stirs within me. She is the better part of me, the completion, the connection of the circle of my existence. I would take her from her, keep her in my arms: safe, sweet, stolen, mine. My life, my world, the stars, the heavens – all beat within her fragile breast. All that I am, all that I have ever been, thought, dreamed or desired, all of me rests in Bella's heart. She is everything I am and everything I am not. Her sobs break me; her sighs lift me; her smile restores me and releases me and grounds me. My love for her is the only living thing left within me and all I have left to live for.
And yet it is she, Bella, simple, delicate, fragile Bella whose heart guides us. Bella's love ignites us all, werewolf and vampire alike - how many times in our collective histories has that phrase been uttered? We unite in her presence, for her presence, in the auspices of her love. How have I never seen the size of her heart before now? How have I missed the span of her love? We are united by the expanse of her care, protected under her love. My love for her, as deep and wide as it is, is nothing – nothing – compared to Bella's fathomless and strong heart.
I am profoundly moved. I am in awe. Bella's soul is the breath I breathe. It is no small coincidence that her blood sang to me: it was the siren call of her heart that brought me to her, to bind me forever to heart. I believed my yearnings to touch her beckoned me, yet, no. Whatever humanity left in me was tied up in her long, mahogany hair. I was swallowed up in the deep brown pools of her eyes and then resuscitated by her love.
My Bella's loving heart.
It's not something I understand easily. I trust her. I trust her heart.
Carlisle will tell the family of the arrangements when they are alone. Their presence at the practice tonight will set the stage for battle; their absence will set the stage for our union. My journey will change, our paths will join and become intertwined irrevocably. The bricks are ready for mortar and the shape of our home is on the verge of reality.
It is no small thing to accept, to believe. I will love her always. I may never understand the depths of her love, but I trust her. I love her. And I will love her every single moment of forever.