THE PINK SHIRT FILES

AN: I decided to take a break from writing a follow up to "Musings of Shinigami", and write a humour fic whilst waiting for my Angst muse to return. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: *checks her list of stuff she doesn't own* Nope, I don't own Gundam Wing. Damn!

Chapter One: The Problem with Pink

It was a slow day for the five Gundam pilots. They were currently residing in the Winner mansion, and were enjoying some time off. Heero was typing away on his laptop, Wufei was meditating, Duo was playing Dead or Alive' on the Playstation, and Trowa was on the phone with Catherine.

"How are you, Trowa?" His sister asked on the other end of the phone.

""

"That's good. Same here."

""

"Really?"

""

"Wow, sounds like you've been having some pretty interesting battles!"

"!"

All in all, pretty normal stuff. Then there was Quatre- he was passing his time baking chocolate muffins in the kitchen. Dressed in a pink apron and humming Spice Girls tunes, the Arabian opened the oven door to check on how his little treats were baking.

Yummy!' He thought to himself as he caught a whiff of the muffins. He wasn't the only one- the scent drifted through the corridors of the mansion, and caught the attention of a certain overly-hyperactive, hungry young pilot. Duo walked away from his gaming (he never *could* make it past the final level), sniffing the air like a bloodhound. Following his nose, the Shinigami made his way into the kitchen where Quatre was just taking his cooking out of the oven. Duo approached him, and leaned over his shoulder, eyeing the muffins anxiously.

Quatre turned around to find a very hungry looking Deathscythe pilot behind him.

"No!" He said sternly.

"Just one?" Came the whiny response.

"Not yet, Duo- these are for supper."

Duo looked at him with big, teary eyes.

"The puppy dog look won't work either." Quatre replied, taking off his oven mitts. "But you can lick the bowl if you-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the braided boy had rushed over to the bowl Quatre had used for mixing the ingredients, and was licking the chocolaty remains. With a slightly grossed-out look on his face, the Sandrock pilot began washing up the rest of the used utensils lying in the sink. Just then, Trowa walked in.

""

"Hey, Trowa!" Quatre greeted.

"" He replied cheerfully. ", , , ?"

"Of course I can do you a favour. What is it?"

"., ., .., .! . . ."

"HUH?! The ballerina at the Circus has twisted her ankle and you want *me* to fill in?!"

"!"

"But why me?"

" "

"I am not the girliest out of all of us!"

At this remark, Duo just about laughed muffin mixture out his nose. Quatre turned to look at him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Oh, come on, Quatre!" He replied, licking the chocolate off the tip of his nose. "You're the girliest man I've ever seen! Uh, no offence."

The pilot in question folded his arms across his chest.

"And why is that?"

"Well, for one you're wearing a pink apron."

"What's wrong with that?" Quatre quipped. "It just so happens I *like* pink."

Duo and Trowa sweatdropped.

"Listen, Quatre," the 02 pilot continued, "pink is a *girl's* colour. And it's not just that- you always act so girly."

"How so?"

"Well, you're always so feminine! I mean, come on, drinking tea from those pretty little tea sets? Not drinking alcohol? Not to mention the fact that you're always so prissy."

"But but I pilot a mecha." Quatre replied, trying desperately to defend his ego. "That's pretty masculine, isn't it?"

"It's not enough!" Do replied. "And come on, it's AC 196, there's plenty of girls out there who pilot mechas!"

". " Trowa agreed.

"Weak onnas!" Wufei grumbled as he entered the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Only men should fight, and the women that are fighting are probably lesbians!"

Everyone else sweatdropped. Yep, this was a typical Wufei alright.

"See, Wufei thinks mecha pilots are masculine!" Quatre chirped.

"Yeah, so?" He asked, filling a glass with cold water from the fridge and taking a sip.

"Well," the blonde continued, "that means I'm masculine!"

Wufei choked on his water laughing hysterically. Quatre frowned.

"So you don't think I'm masculine?"

"Hell no!"

The little Arabian hung his head, and slowly left the kitchen. Duo thought for a moment, then got an evil glint in his eye.

"Hey guys, I've got an idea." He said, grabbing a muffin and pulling the other two pilots into a huddle.

"" Trowa said, enthusiastically.

* * *

Quatre sat on the couch in a sombre mood, watching Dawson's Creek' repeats on his big screen TV.

Am I really that feminine?' He thought to himself. I've always considered myself rather masculine.' The 04 pilot popped another toffee in his mouth as he continued to watch his favourite show. He was interrupted, however, when Duo, Trowa and Wufei entered.

"Quatre, we have a proposition for you." Duo announced. Quatre turned his attention to them, intrigued.

"Being quite masculine ourselves," Wufei said, "we have decided that we would like to help you through this dilemma you are having by giving you a few lessons in being manly."

"Really?" The blonde asked, sounding rather hopeful.

"Really!" Duo replied. "All we ask in return is that you give us full authority of the mansion for one weekend."

Quatre thought about it for a moment. It seemed like a fair enough trade.

"You've got yourself a deal!" He said, shaking each of their hands in recognition.

"" Trowa said happily.

~What strange things do Duo, Wufei and Trowa have in mind for Quatre? Will our beloved Sandrock pilot succeed in becoming a macho man? When's Heero gonna get in on the action? And what the Hell is that thing crawling up my leg? The answers to all this and more will be revealed in chapter two OH MY GOD THERE'S A BUG CRAWLING UP MY LEG! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!! *runs away from her computer screaming*~ Please review!