"I know more about it than you do!" Arthur bragged to Merlin. Merlin rolled his eyes. He had Arthur had just found Uther's copy of PlayBoy magazine and were discussing what little they knew about sex.
"Arthur you prat! You don't pay attention in Bio nor did you pay attention in that stupid lecture about sex and contraception. How the hell did you come to the conclusion that you know more about sex than me?" Merlin asked, a frown of annoyance adorning his face.
"Merlin, I am Crown Price of Camelot! Of course I know more about sex!" Arthur bragged, his eyebrows raised, his voice holding the sort of tone that implied 'I am Prince Arthur of Camelot, therefore I know everything (even if my grade's say otherwise)'.
"Alright then, what's a condom?" Merlin asked his face alight with that all too familiar goofy grin. Arthur frowned and gave Merlin a playful slap on the back of his head.
"Merlin, I'm not stupid you know!" Arthur said with a sigh. "You can't make up imaginary things like condom's and expect me to believe that they are real," Merlin groaned and held his head in his hands.
"A condom is real Arthur! It's a form of contraception... you know, so the girl doesn't get pregnant, and so that we don't catch anything?" Merlin said, a small grin working its way onto his lips. Arthur's stupidity and ignorance knows no bounds! Merlin thought.
"And what exactly do we catch? A cold?" Arthur asked with a smirk. Merlin's got some imagination! He thought to himself. Merlin shook his head as he fought back to overwhelming urge to giggle.
"Stuff like HIV or crabs or Chlamydia or something equally as horrid!" Merlin informed Arthur with a shudder. Arthur laughed.
"Only gay men have HIV Merlin," Arthur said. But all the same, he was starting to feel uneasy. Somewhere deep within his brain, memories of a lecture on Sex Ed at school were starting to surface. The words mirrored Merlin's perfectly. Damn! Came his thoughts. How embarrassing! He decided then, to steer the topic in a different direction. "Okay Mr. Smart guy, if you know it all, tell me what you have to do to have sex!"
"Oh please Arthur that is so easy! A guy's... you know... gets all... up... and he puts it in the girls... vagina... I think that's what it's called... and they both kind of... thrust against each other until they cum," Merlin said, hesitating a little. Sex was still pretty much a disgusting, taboo subject for him and his class mates. Not but a year ago, did he and Arthur believe that girls had cooties.
"Well the men do!" Arthur said. Both he and Merlin started laughing. As they laughed and joked about the legendary female orgasm, Morgana slipped into the room. She watched the boys for a few seconds with a smirk on her face.
"You think you know about sex, huh boys?" she said, causing both boys to jump. Arthur glared at her.
"Get out of my room Morgana... don't make me get my father!" Arthur threatened while Merlin nodded in encouragement. Morgana laughed.
"Oh please Arthur, Uther is as much my father as he is yours... and we both know who he favours," she bragged. Arthur threw his pillow at her. "Come on Arthur, don't you want me to tell you what you don't know about sex!" she asked, curling a strand of hair around her finger innocently. Arthur and Merlin exchanged a look and a nod.
"Fine, tell us what you know," Arthur said with a sigh. Despite his annoyed tone of voice, he and Merlin sat up straighter.
"Okay. You know you can't have sex with a girl until she's 21 right?" Morgana said as she sat herself down on the end of Arthur's bed. Merlin and Arthur laughed.
"Whatever Morgana," Arthur said. Merlin looked completely bewildered.
"Why not?" he asked, his voice slightly sceptical. Morgana's grin widened.
"You mean you don't know?" she asked. Both boys shook their heads. "You can't sleep with a girl until she's 21, because that's when her pussy troll gets peed out," Morgana informed them, while fighting back the urge to laugh. Merlin's eyes widened in shock, the corners of Arthurs mouth twitched.
"Yeah right Morgana... how does that explain teen pregnancy?" Merlin said, an eyebrow raised. "Come on Morgana, do you think we are stupid!" he continued. Arthur laughed and nodded in agreement.
"Those girls took theirs out... and that is their punishment," Morgana said, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "And STIs... that's what girl's catch when they take out their pussy trolls before they turn 21, because they don't sterilise the stuff they use to do it" Merlin and Arthur exchanged another look. Both shrugged.
"Go on..." Arthur said. Morgana smirked.
"Most parents put pussy trolls in their daughters vaginas when they are young, so that they don't have pre-marital sex," she said. Neither boy said a word, yet both leaned in closer. "It gets peed out when they are 21 because that's when you are considered 'of age'."
"So... ah... what happens if a girl does have sex before she's 21?" Arthur asked nervously.
"Yeah, and what happens to the guys... you know... when he puts it in the girls... you know..." Merlin asked, equally as nervous. Morgana moved closer to them, leaned her head in.
"Well, with the girl... the pussy troll prevents them from ever having children. And with the guy..." Morgana paused, revelling in the effect this had on Arthur and Merlin. Both boys were biting their lips in anticipation, Merlin's fingers gripped the end of the bed, Arthur was sweating more than was normal. "With the guy... the pussy troll bites his penis off," Merlin gulped as Arthur brought his hands up to his face, muffling the gasp that escaped his lips.
"Seriously?" Merlin asked, his voice shaking. Morgana nodded.
"Does... it grow back?" Arthur asked. Morgana had to ball her fists up in the effort to stop herself from laughing. She didn't dare open her mouth, instead she shook her head. Merlin and Arthur exchanged a look of pure terror. Eventually, Arthur turned to Morgana with a look of curiosity on his face.
"Um... do you have one?" he whispered. Merlin took, suddenly looked curious. Morgana laughed.
"No! My mother and father died before they could put one in," she boasted. "And before you ask, Uther thinks I've got one..." she added, stopping Merlin before he could ask the obvious.
"So... you can have sex... like... whenever you want?" Arthur asked. Morgana smiled and nodded.
"Oh yes," she said proudly. "I do it all the time," she added.
"Um... do condoms protect you from pussy trolls?" Merlin asked. Morgana laughed again.
"No! In fact, they make the pussy troll as mad as hell... a condom only makes it more painful for the guy when the pussy troll bites his penis off," Morgana said. Both boys gulped and gave each other another look of pure terror.
"I'm never having sex... ever..." Arthur whispered.
"I'm not either!" Merlin cried. Morgana swept from the room at this point. She's had her fun. Now it was time to annoy someone else. However, as she closed the door, an idea struck her, and she couldn't help but call out,
"Don't worry... guys don't have ass trolls,"