Warnings: Swearing. Lots of heavy swearing. Suggestions of male/male aaaaaand…. It's crack. Pure, unadulterated, awesome crack. Live it, Learn it, Love it.

-x-x-x-x-x-

T/N: (I got these curses from various websites. I'm very sorry if you're fluent and they don't make any sense. I don't speak anything but Canadian English x3)

Vaffanculo [Italian] Fuck off / Go fuck yourself

Scheiße [German] Shit

Verflucht nochmal [German] God damn it

Fick dich ins Knie [German] Fuck you

Stück Scheiße [German] Piece of shit

Doitsu [Japanese] It's how to say 'Germany' in Japanese. Italy uses it as a nickname.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Italy

"Oh, Ita-chan!" Hungary called across the land that the brunette, starry-eyed male was crossing.

She instantly had his attention, and he was soon changing his direction towards her, waving all the while, "Hungary-nee-chan!"

When he stopped in front of her, Hungary asked sweetly, "where are you going, Italy?"

"I'm going to Doitsu's for breakfast~!" Italy replied happily, before he noticed the boxes that Hungary had stacked in her arms. "Ve~ What are those~?"

"Ah!" Hungary glanced down at the non-descript boxes, a dangerous gleam entering her eyes. She smiled at Italy disarmingly, "they're presents."

"Presents?" Italy asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion, "but Hungary-nee-chan, it's not Christmas~"

"I just wanted to give out gifts," Hungary replied teasingly, putting down the boxes – save for one. "I have one for you!"

Italy immediately perked up at this, "ve~!"

Hungary handed him the box and he began to lift the cover, but she immediately slammed it shut. Hastily, to dispel the look of surprise and hurt on Italy's face, she said, "it's a surprise~! Can you go back to your house and open it?"

"Oh! Okay~" Italy smiled and hugged Hungary as best he could around the box, adding, "thank you, Hungary-nee-chan!"

"You're welcome, Ita-chan," Hungary patted him on the back, then giggled, "remember to try it out right away, alright?"

"Yes!" Italy called as he bounced off back towards his house, blissfully forgetting the German blonde man that was waiting for him to show up that morning.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Prussia

"Hm~" Prussia stretched as he walked out of his brother's house, "another awesome day, just for the awesome me!"

And, as was his luck, he was smacked with a frying pan.

"What the hell?!" Prussia yelled with irritated anger from where he had fallen to the ground.

"Prussia~ I have a gift for you~" Hungary giggled, her eyes twinkling gleefully above him.

This caused Prussia to pause as he sat up, rubbing his head, "gift?"

"Yup~!" Hungary dropped a white box onto his lap.

He eyed the white box with glittering ruby eyes. There didn't seem to be any outward markings warning him against opening it. No skull and crossbones sort of thing.

"Oh, go on!" Hungary urged, "open it~!"

"Give me a minute!" Prussia snapped, sitting up fully, crossing his legs and placing the box on his lap. Carefully he lifted one corner of the lid and warily peeked inside. He wasn't scared, no! But if the thing was going to explode on him, he was planning on being 'Far Away'.

However, instead of the predicted explosion, a laced edge flopped out. Prussia still reacted as though it had exploded, throwing the box down on the ground and staring at it like it was demon spawn.

The lace edge fell out further, revealing the black skirt it was attached to.

"… What's that for?" Prussia asked after a moment.

"Silly, it's for you to wear of course!" Hungary giggled, drawing her frying pan from no-where.

Unfortunately Prussia didn't see this and went into his immediate tirade.

"No chance in hell am I ever going to –"

Hungary's frying pan immediately swung into action and, unluckily for Prussia, Germany was on the other side of the house waiting for a bouncy Italian who had yet to appear; much too far away to hear Prussia's shouts of pain and indignation.

One thing was for certain.

Hungary certainly had an interesting definition of the word 'persuasion'.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Romano

"Hungary-nee-chan~!"

Suddenly, the brunette nation had her arms full of one bubbly, Italian male.

"I-Ita-chan?" Hungary asked shakily, managing to steady herself.

"Thank you~" Italy chirped, squeezing his arms around her one last time, then stepping back and spin around, his arms spread wide.

Hungary subtly placed her hand underneath her nose, checking for the usual flow of blood, as she stared wide-eyed with a glazed smile at Italy. He had on an honest-to-god French Maid costume, complete with ruffles, a low cut and slightly-lifted skirt hem. As he twirled around, the skirt flared out and rose slightly, giving a tantalizing glimpse of the thighs above the tall stockings.

Finally he stopped, an expectant 'how do I look' expression on his features.

"You look stunning," Hungary offered, her honest smile a little belated, but Italy didn't seem to mind as he returned it ten-fold, "I'm so glad that you like it."

"I do! I do!" Italy nodded fervently. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him, "I should show Germany!"

Just as the excited Italian was about to run off, Hungary caught his arm, stopping him.

He turned large, questioning and almost hurt, eyes upon her and Hungary was grasping at thin air for an excuse. She knew that if the strict, blonde man caught sight of Italy in the outfit that the dress, along with all its trimmings, would disappear into his hidden closet of kink. And would never grace Italy's body ever again, despite how it was perfectly tailored to fit. God knows when Germany would ever decide to make a move on the blissful Italian.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea hit her. "Hey, Ita-chan. Could you do something for me?"

And immediately, everything was alright again. Italy perked up like a small dog being offered a treat.

"I have a present for Romano, too, but I have to get to Austria-san's right away," Hungary offered one of the last two white cardboard boxes to Italy, "could you take this to him?"

"Yup!" Italy took the box and happily set of towards Spain's house; the place he knew his brother would be lurking.

After a few moments of gleeful jogging that, at a distance, could be mistaken for skipping, Italy arrived at Spain's front door. He rang the doorbell, happily humming a small tune to himself and enjoying the mid-morning sunshine. Luckily, the one who answered the door was his own brother; Italy didn't mind Spain, but he was on a mission! However, true to form, the first words out of the southern Italian's mouth were straight to the point.

"What the hell are you wearing?!"

-x-x-

"Why am I wearing this?" Romano muttered to himself, turning slightly before the full-length mirror and looking over his shoulder. Self-consciously he tugged at the hem of his short skirt and scowled, "how'd this even fit?!" He raised his voice to address his brother, who was sitting on the toilet seat of the bathroom, smiling, "where'd you get this in the first place?!"

"Hungary-nee-chan~!" Italy hummed.

"She-" Romano choked on his words, his face turning an interesting shade of puce. Finally he spluttered out, "that's it! I'm taking this damn thing off!"

Just as he was tugging the shoulder strap down his arm, Spain appeared in the doorway, smiled obliviously and said, "looks cute, who's it for?"

Romano froze, an embarrassed blush stealing across his face and a crooked frown across his mouth, pupils and irises mere pin-pricks in a sea of white.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Austria (Main)

"I'm not leaving the house in this. My apologies," Austria told the glittery-eyed Hungary. He currently wore a rather skimpy, black and white French Maid costume. The skirt seemed impossibly short and he tugged at it, feeling the edging of soft lace.

"Austria-san, please?" Hungary cajoled, "we can find whoever set fire to your clothes!"

Ah yes, the entire reason why he had donned the ridiculous costume in the first place. Hungary had found a pile of ashes in the backyard and his wardrobe was mysteriously empty. Only one conclusion could be drawn.

Someone had burned all his clothes.

"… I cannot let a woman go looking all by herself for the perpetrator, so I suppose I shall have to accompany you…" Austria reluctantly said, after much fore-thought. At least he'd still have his-

"By the way, they burned your jacket, too." Hungary piped up.

Any belief that Austria had left in the sanity of the world immediately vanished. After a moment he asked slowly, "… How do you know that?"

"Um… Because…" Hungary avoided eye contact, clasping her hands a few times, "it wasn't hanging up downstairs when I arrived?"

Austria was simply silent.

Suddenly, from downstairs came a great shout, "RODDY! YOUR EX-WIFE IS SO DEAD!"

Hungary's eyes widened for a moment – however, it was not in fear, but in the terrifying fangirl-like way that Austria had been subject to the moment he had donned the erotic uniform. With a sigh, Austria called out the door so that his voice carried to the first floor, "… Why, Gilbert?"

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THAT DENSE, YA PRISS?! YOU MUST HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS!" Prussia yelled thunderously up the stairs.

"Shall we go, Austria-san~?" Hungary asked, her giggles intermittent with pleased hums.

Austria hesitantly shook his head. There was no way he was going anywhere near the enraged Prussian. Surely Hungary wasn't suicidal, though she had held her own against Prussia well enough in the past.

But still – it was the principal of the thing.

"How else are we going to find who burned your clothes?" Hungary asked innocently, and Austria found himself starting to relent when great, heavy footsteps thundered up the steps.

"Where the hell is that bitch?! I'm NOT wearing this any longer!" Prussia proclaimed as he sped up the second flight of stairs.

Austria immediately blushed, staring petrified at the door of the room both he and Hungary were standing in. If Prussia were to come in and see the aristocratic nation in such a humiliating costume then he'd tease the daylights out of him. Austria would never be able to leave his house again!

He heard Prussia storm up the last few steps and suddenly jerked into action.

"Don't come in!" Austria shouted, slamming the door closed, the embarrassed blush increasing across his cheeks.

"WHY THE HELL NOT?! IS SHE IN THERE?! I'LL FRICKIN' KILL HER! WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS?!" Prussia bellowed through the door.

"Prussia! Language, unless you want to kiss my frying pan again!" Hungary called warningly through the door, though a slight chuckle tinted her voice.

"SCREW YOU!"

"G-Gilbert, calm down!" Austria said in attempts to soothe the seething nation on the other side of the door that the aristocrat had braced himself against, "But please don't come in!"

"I'm comin' in! Unlock the fuckin' door Roddy!" Prussia growled, banging one fist emphatically against the door. The poor slab of wood jumped on its hinges, despite the thickness.

Austria felt the hit through the door jolt against his side and was absolutely appalled. "Don't break my door!"

"Then open the stupid door!" Prussia continued to pound his fists against the door, the wood groaning and bowing under the sheer force of his blows.

"You-" Austria began indignantly, thoroughly infuriated at the ruby-eyed male's blatant disregard for respecting property. Roughly, Austria tugged the door open and was immediately forced to dodge a fist that nearly hit him straight in the face, "you'll destroy it you idiot!! What's wrong with you, you great brute?!"

"What's WRONG with me?! Take a wild gue…" Prussia stopped, his gaze dropping down over Austria and then back up, sweeping over the lacy collar, short ruffled skirt and thigh-high socks made of white silk.

A smirk, followed a wolf-whistle occurred before Prussia found himself saying with an amused voice, "Wow, Roddy!"

Hungary let out a breathy giggle.

"… 'Wow' what you ingra – OH." Austria blushed heavily then began to shove at Prussia, attempting to push the smirking nation out the door, "go away! Get OUT!"

Prussia smirked at the blushing nation's attempts. Austria had his hands spread firmly against Prussia's chest and his feet grounded on the floor. This didn't stop Prussia from striding forward and easily pushing them further away from the door. He had completely forgotten why he had run to Austria's house in the first place.

This allowed Hungary to slip out the door, closing it with a bang and turning the lock with a flourish.

"I think you both need to calm down a little~"

Prussia whirled around, the noise causing him to remember his mission to kill Hungary for his torture. "HEY!" He rattled the handle, but the door wouldn't budge, "UNLOCK THIS RIGHT NOW!"

"Hungary!" Austria shouted in a surprised voice. How could she lock him in here with Prussia of all people? … How could she even lock the door?!

Hungary giggled from the other side, "Make sure you smile for the cameras boys~"

"You damn bitch! JUST UNLOCK IT!"

"Hungary, please unlock the door!"

"Sorry, Austria-san~" Hungary called, twirled around and skipped off.

"DAMMIT!" Prussia was nearly ripping out his hair, "RODDY, WHY DOES THE DOOR LOCK FROM THE OUTSIDE?! FUCKING-" at this point, Prussia just went off on a swearing rampage, his words slurring as he slipped into straight German.

"Hungary!" Austria was standing right next to the door, trying to hear even a small noise that would indicate the Hungary was still there, though it was hard to hear it over Prussia's angered shouts. Austria tried again tentatively, "Hungary?"

"-Scheiße! Verflucht nochmal! Fick dich -!"

"Oh, calm down, won't you?" Austria snapped in Prussia's direction, one of his hands still twisting the knob, attempting to force it open. Suddenly he froze, realizing the reason for Prussia to come rampaging into his house. The Prussian man was wearing his own short black skirted dress, bloody red silk shredding through the top and velvet ribbons wrapped around his limbs. Nestled in his silver hair were two perky, white bunny ears.

"Fick dich ins Knie! I'm going to kill her, then bring her back to life and clone her and then kill all her clones and BURN HER TO ASHES!" Prussia swore, his expression enraged and his voice thick with accent. In an abrupt movement, he dashed over to the window and threw it open.

"What are you doing?!" Austria asked, shaken out of his trance by the dangerous way that Prussia leaned out the window.

"HUNGARY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH PAIN SOON!" Swiftly, Prussia threw one bare thigh over the sill and began to sidle his way out of the broad window.

Austria rushed across the room and latched onto Prussia's arm, yelling, "THIS IS THE THIRD FLOOR, YOU NUMBSKULL!"

"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! I'M GONNA KILL HER, I ALREADY TOLD YOU!"

"IT'S THE THIRD FLOOR! YOU'LL DIE, YOU IDIOT!"

"WHAT, DO YOU ACTUALLY CARE?" Prussia glared.

Austria's immediate reaction was to deny the accusation without really answering the question, "I DON'T WANT YOUR BLOOD IN MY GARDEN! IT'S HARD TO CLEAN THE FLOWERS!"

"YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN!" Prussia growled, then tugged at his arm, "NOW LET GO!"

"NO!" Austria attempted to amend, without actually saying right out what he meant. Not that he cared about the Prussian at all. "GERMANY WOULD BE UPSET AND SO WOULD ENGLAND AND WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD ANYONE WANT YOU TO DIE YOU FOOL-?!"

As Austria rambled on, Prussia continued to attempt to escape through the window, despite the incredible distance from the sill to any solid ground.

"-AND ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING GOING OUTSIDE IN THAT?!"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I GOT HERE, ASSHOLE?!" Prussia finally snapped.

A stricken look crossed Austria's features. "… Y-You went outside in that, and came ALL THE WAY HERE?!"

"YOU'RE SLOW TODAY, YA PRISS!" Prussia shouted back, not taking any amusement in the fact that Austria was actually showing emotion other than mild irritation, "OF COURSE I DID! IT'S WORTH IT IF I CAN GET REVENGE ON YOUR STUPID EX-WIFE!"

Austria was simply silent.

"WHAT?! WHAT'S GOT YER PANTIES IN A TWIST?!"

Austria's brows met harshly over his stormy violet eyes and his face had turned an interesting shade of vermillion, "ARE YOU STUPID?!"

From outside, a fanciful and pleasantly happy voice floated up to the window, "Ve~ See Romano? They're wearing them too~!"

Suddenly, Austria spotted the Italy brothers standing on his front lawn, and let out a definite squeak as he ducked down so that they couldn't see him. Unfortunately, this meant letting go of Prussia.

The silver-haired man nearly fell out of the window, but corrected his balance. Though he was now leaning more out of the window than inside it.

Italy was currently standing on the front lawn, waving up at Prussia and Austria, his brother looking quite put-out indeed. They both wore their own customized French maid uniforms, complete with lace. Romano even had a small, lacy cap perched on his brown hair. A slight blush dusted across his cheeks as it continually slipped down to rub over the curl that grew at an odd angle from his head.

"I can see your underwear, potato-loving bastard," Romano said maliciously, peering up at Prussia as he perched on the window-sill.

Prussia flipped Romano the bird and said blithely, "Shut up, you little Spain-fucker~!"

"YOU GET OFF ON POTATOES AND WURST, ASSHOLE!" Romano spat back at him, waving a fist in the air. How dare Prussia refer to him and Spain that way?! He didn't even like the dense brunet! This caused him to launch into an incoherent ranting session.

"GIBLERT! GET INSIDE, NOW!" Austria commanded, though he was still refusing to come close to the window now that the Italy brothers had arrived.

Prussia rounded on the aristocratic nation, "Screw you!"

"IF YOU FALL-"

"YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE NOT CATCHIN' ME BLAH BLAH BLAH – QUIT PMSIN', YA BASTARD!" Prussia turned back to face the two Italians, swaying precariously as he did so, "NOW, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TWO TWINS WEARIN' THESE STUPID OUTFITS?!"

Romano's ranting effectively covered his brother's much more mild reply of, "Hungary-nee-chan gave them to us~ Can I see yours?"

Austria, though, seemed to have heard the obliviously happy nation's reply, "ITALY! DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!"

However, Prussia was too busy getting angry at yet another country to realize that Austria was no longer physically restraining him, "YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR BROTHER, YOU PANSY. ENJOY THE VIEW WHILE YOU CAN." Then, in a childish display, Prussia wiggled his ass at Romano, the short skirt doing nothing to conceal his undergarments.

"GILBERT!" Austria cried in a disapproving tone.

"WHAT?!" Prussia asked, truly not understanding what Austria was yelling at him for.

"Vaffanculo! YOU COCKSLUT! GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS!" Romano shouted furiously, stopping his feet and shaking his fists.

"Ve~ Romano… Calm down~ I sleep with Doitsu all the time~" Italy said with a blissful demeanor about him. The poor thing thought he was being soothing.

"ITALY! ROMANO! STOP PROVOKING HIM!" Austria shouted commandingly as he grabbed Prussia once more, "AND YOU! STOP BEING OBSCENE! GET BACK IN HERE BEFORE YOU GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"

Prussia was completely ignoring the Austrian, "YOU DAMN SON-OF-A-BITCH-WHORE MOTHER FUCKER! I'LL GLADLY GET DOWN SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS, Stück Scheiße!"

"GILBERt, GET IN HERE!"

"PISS OFF, BASTARD!" Prussia yelled in reflex as he struggled to free himself from Austria's grasp.

"Ve…" Italy was quickly becoming bored with his brother's and Prussia's fight and had begun wilting slightly.

"I'LL BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND, FUCKER!" Romano shouted, puffs of steam coming off of his tomato-red face.

"Language!" Austria said belatedly at both cussing nations, not that it did any good.

Suddenly Romano rounded on his brother, just catching up with something he had said, "WAIT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SLEEP WITH THAT POTATO BASTARD?! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!"

"I'M SO SURE, YOU COCKSUCKER." At this, an evil leer crossed Prussia's lips. He leaned further out the window tauntingly, "THAT'S PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON SPAIN KEEPS YOU AROUND- IT'S THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT!"

"COME BACK INSIDE, GILBERT, PLEASE!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

And Romano was having difficulties thinking of a response due to the fact that he was simply to fucking furious to think coherently, "W-YOU- A-ATLEAST I'M NOT WEARING A WHORE-MAID UNIFORM!"

"Um… Romano…" Italy piped up quietly.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Romano shouted to the skies with frustration.

Finally, Austria gave up and moved further back into the room, hoping that Prussia wouldn't fall out the window. The aristocrat picked up the phone and began dialing a number that he had used frequently before.

"YES YOU ARE," Prussia yelled down at the fuming Italian man, "OR ARE YOU SO STUPID THAT YOU DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE WEARING?!" His trademark awesomer-than-you laugh interrupted his tirade, "MEIN GOTT! YOU'RE THE STUPIDER TWIN, YET YOU'RE THE OLDER ONE! THIS IS RICH!"

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BASTARD! AT LEAST I DON'T IDOLIZE AN OLD, DEAD MAN!"

"Ve~… Lovino…" Italy began, his voice by no means quiet, but grossly overwhelmed by Romano's screeching and Prussia's laughter. The ignored Italian began rubbing at his eyes with one fist, holding back a yawn as best he could.

"HEY! OLD FRITZ WAS A POWERFUL LEADER! HE WAS A SHITLOAD BETTER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" Prussia shouted down, his mood switching frightfully fast to vicious anger.

From the depths of the room, Austria looked over at Prussia apprehensively. Rubbing his temple wearily, he said into the phone, " Please, just come and get him…"

"You can insult me all you want, but you never, ever say anything about Old Fritz. EVER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" The Prussian's ruby eyes flashed dangerously, his sharp teeth bared.

Suddenly, he shifted his weight far enough over the sill and wiggled himself further in preparation to jump. Immediately, Austria lunged and grabbed the back of Prussia's dress shouting "DON'T YOU DARE! No, no, not you!" He grumbled into the phone, "just hurry alright?!"

"LET ME GO, RODERICH!"

Austria chucked the phone away and wrapped both his arms around Prussia's body, " I told you NOT to jump!"

Down on the front lawn, Italy was tugging at his brother's dress insistently in hopes of getting his attention, "Ve~! Lovinooooo~!"

However, the shouting Italian ignored him in favour of screaming gleefully, "YOU ARE SO WHIPPED YOU BASTARD! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING-"

Abruptly, Romano's eyes rolled back into his head as he fell in a boneless rush to the green lawn, Italy collapsing almost simultaneously.

"I'M GONNA BEAT HIS ASS! HE DISSED OLD FRITZ!" Prussia ceased his struggling the moment Romano stilled. By the time both Italians had hit the velvety grass, he had a look of registered shock mixed with mild confusion on his face, "… Eh?"

There was a moment of blissful silence, a startling counter-point to the chaos that had been reality mere seconds before. Tentatively, as though breaking the silence would cause Prussia to emerge from his confused stillness, Austria offered an explanation, "… I think it's time for their siesta…"

Instead of attempting to break free, Prussia examined both brothers pensively, then began, "… Since he's asleep, can I go kick him in his fuckin' family jewels so hard that his non-existent ten-times-great-grandchildren'll feel it when he wakes up?" The younger italian brother made a small noise of contentment as he curled up further on the ground, while the elder still had a passive scowl on his face.

"Wait, why the fuck am I asking you for permission?!" Prussia asked rhetorically, his physical instincts to escape kicking in once more.

"No, you may not!" Austria automatically answered his former question, pulling Prussia back into the room.

Unfortunately, Prussia had underestimated the force Austria was prepared to use and that caused them to both tumble backwards into the room.

Letting out an undignified yelp as he fell backwards onto the aristocrat, Prussia shouted, "RODERICH, DAMMIT! Let go of me, you stupid pansy!"

"If I let go you'll just try to jump out the window again!" Austria grit his teeth, "and stop squirming!"

Prussia didn't listen. If anything, he began to struggle more, "DUH! If you forgot, your fuckin' ex-wife LOCKED THE GODDAMNED DOOR! The window's the only way to kick that stupid pansy in the balls!"

"Why don't you just leave him be?!" Austria suggested. Knowing that that wouldn't be an option for the proud male, he offered another, "or at least wait until the door's UNLOCKED?!"

"Because he insulted Old Fritz… And I won't let him get away with that…!" Prussia growled animalisticaly, his fury still burning strong, "And who's to say when the fuckin' door is unlocked that he'll still be there?!"

"You know, he never insulted Old Fritz. Romano merely said that he was old and dead. Right on both accounts, really," Austria offered logically, finally releasing his grasp once he received an elbow to the stomach.

"You don't get it, ya priss! You just DON'T." Prussia said emphatically as he rolled off of the wincing nation and stood up, a glare fixed in place.

Germany's rolling base voice called up from outside through the open window, "… Austria? Where's brother? AND WHY IS ITALY WEARING A MAID COSTUME –ROMANO?!"

And the jollies kept on coming.

Ausria rolled his eyes at Prussia, and the two Italies who were sleeping on his front lawn and just the world in general for damning him to this mess, "we're up here, Germany. The door to this room is locked from the outside, so could you please come unlock it?"

Germany nodded and began to make his way towards the front door, but Italy had a different idea, it seemed. He rolled over and latched onto Germany's shined shoe, his eyes still closed in a deep sleep as he mumbled groggily, "ve~ Doitsu… Pasta, ne?"

"Y-Yeah, I'll be right up!" Germany called up at the window so that they knew he intended to help them… It just might take him a moment to get there. He lowered his voice so that the husky rumble wouldn't reach the occupants of the house, "… Italy, Italy – let go of me."

Despite the gentle nudging Germany gave him, Italy refused to let go.

Prussia, being already irritated, lost all patience and stalked over to the window once again and peered down at his younger brother, "Yo, West! Roderich's being an ass, so you might want to hurry – if you don't unlock this door in a couple minutes, I'm going to jump out of this fuckin' window!"

"Gilbert, don't start this up again…" Austria groaned wearily, standing to move over to a chair.

"Br-Brother! No!" Germany called out, knowing all too well that a jump from that height wasn't safe. He managed to remove Italy's grip on his boot, the young brunette immediately rolling over and latching onto his brother's back with a small smile. " I-I'm coming up now!" Germany shouted up at the window as he rushed into the house.

Prussia was now ignoring Austria in favour of looking out the window at the slumbering brothers. Specifically at the elder of the two.

Romano squirmed slightly as he slurred in his sleep, "st'pid Spain… bast'rd .. nnng…" His brow furrowed at whatever he was dreaming about.

A sneaky smirk stretched across Prussia's thin lips. He pressed his palms against the sill, stuck his head and shoulders out the window and wiggled his but like a giant house-cat waiting to pounce on its favourite toy.

Sensing a lunge, Austria grabbed the back of his dress in restraint and said warningly, "don't."

"Piss off, asshole," Prussia hissed, turning abruptly and swatting at Austria's hand.

Germany's muted baritone came through the walls, "Austria? Brother? Which room are you…"

"We're over here!" Austria called out over his shoulder, relinquishing his grip on Prussia.

"C-Coming!" Germany's reply was quickly followed by the mechanical click of the lock, then the light thud of the door as it was flung open (Austria winced as it hit the wall), "There you ar-…!" Blue eyes widened, and a heavy flush fell over Germany's features. "Wh-Wh-Wh-WHAT ARE YOU TWO WEARING?!"

Prussia crossed his arms and grumbled, "Hungary's horrible creations, that's what we're wearing!"

"Actually she said something about Japan," Austria corrected Prussia absentmindedly, then turned to Germany and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Germany. I should have asked you to bring extra clothing; I don't have any in my house."

"I-It's okay, Austria… I didn't realize-" Germany was cut off abruptly as Prussia stormed past him, "Brother?!"

They heard Prussia's heavy footfalls on the stairs as he descended, his voice carrying back up to them, "GONNA GET REVENGE, BEE ARE BEE."

Germany spun around and ran to the top of the stairs, feeling more than a little out-of-control of the situation, "Brother, w-wait! You're wearing a m-maid outfit!"

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK. HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION, YOU GENIUS?!"

Austria followed more sedately, pausing at Germany's side, "he wants to get back at Romano."

"For…?" Germany asked weakly, looking as though the entire world was collapsing around him.

"I'm not sure anymore…" Austria sighed.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

TBC