LbN: Written for xJacksonx. Happy birthday twin!!! It's a little darker than I intended, but it evolves into twinly awesomeness. Again, for the other people reading this, this is TWINCEST. If the idea of Fred and George together bothers you, read something else. If you're going to flame, don't do it anonymously. Sign in so I can reply to you... :) Happy reading!


"Where are we going?" George asked. "Inquisitors are everywhere after last night."

"Trust me," Fred said, grabbing George's hand and pulling him into the hallway hidden behind a tapestry. "No one will be around this place. They're too busy guarding the Room of Requirement. Plus no one really notices this one."

"Room of Lost Wands?" George grinned. It was one of his favorite discoveries.

"Of course!"

They walked quietly to the end of the hall and Fred looked around the corner for any lurking Slytherins. They crossed into another hallway, descended a set of stairs, and stopped in front of one of the doors to their left.

Magical arrogance had been rampant, if subconscious, back in the founding days of Hogwarts. Even though there were doors in the school that couldn't be opened by any spell, the twins had gotten into most of them with only a hair pin and a pocket knife. The founders had neglected to make regular locks…

George followed his twin into the room and smiled. Apparently Fred had already been in here earlier, because the wands were lining the walls and glowing softly, like hundreds of little candles. "Well, we can never say that you're not the romantic one," he told Fred.

"Of course I am! I happen to be a card carrying member of the Roses and Moonlit Walks on the Beach Guild." Fred grinned and threw George's gift at him.

George gave him a Look. "Here," he said, tossing a package at Fred. "And don't freak out."

Fred unwrapped the box and did his best to repress a shout of triumph. They'd decided that their birthday presents to each other that year would be things to help the 3Ws get off the ground. Fred was looking down at the titles to the building they'd picked in Diagon Alley. He ran over to George (who was unwrapping the prototype to a new toy) and hugged him. "You're the best slightly-business-minded twin ever!" He kissed him, pulling him closer.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" an enraged voice sounded from the door.

Fred and George separated with a pop and whipped around.

Umbridge stood there, shaking with rage. "What…the two of you…disgusting!"

Fred stood behind George and stuffed the papers and prototype into his bag.

"Detention! Both of you!" Umbridge shouted.

"For what? We're not out after hours!" Fred protested.

"For being horrible, ugly little freaks!" she sputtered. She took out her wand…

Out of instinct, George disarmed her.

"How dare you!"

"Reflex," George said grimly. "We're going now."

"No. You're not." Umbridge smiled. "I may not be able to punish you for…" she broke off, shuddering. "But you, sir, just attacked a teacher."

"Attacked? I disarmed you!" George shouted.

"Follow me, Mister Weasley." She glowered at Fred. "And you can get back to your common room."

George stood there, scowling defiantly for a moment, before following her out of the room.

Fred looked at his watch for the eighth time in two minutes. George had been gone for over an hour, and he was beginning to panic. Out of the two of them, Fred definitely had the higher pain tolerance. Detention for George would be hell.

Fifteen minutes later, George stumbled into the room, with his hand heavily bandaged. He sat down on Fred's bed, his face red.

"Are you okay?" Fred asked, drawing the curtains closed.

"Do you want to see?" George unwrapped his hand. The words "I Am Disgusting" were etched into his hand.

Fred's stomach swam. He pulled George close to him and kissed his neck. His mind was racing, half of it plotting vengeance and the other half trying to figure out how to comfort his brother. "I…we…don't…" He couldn't get the words out. "You're not disgusting, you're perfect. You're gorgeous."

George blushed. "I soaked it in the murtlap solution, but I think it's going to scar. She made me write it a hundred times."

Fred pulled out two of the bruise removers they used when testing their products and read the labels. "This one should work."

"You know what would make me feel better?" George asked as Fred removed the bandage and massaged the ointment into his hand.

"Well, we're both kind of loud and people are asleep…"

"Not that," George said, grinning. "Well, that too, but that's not what I meant."

"Mass destruction?"

"But of course."

"The fireworks were our best work. We could just do that again." Fred lifted the Wheezes box up while George rummaged through the one beneath it.

"No. It has to be better. This!"

"We haven't tested that yet. We don't even know if it'll work."

"No better time to try."

They pulled a smaller box out and exited their room. Two flights down, they were shaking with excitement. They picked a hallway and set the box down in the middle.

"Together?" George asked.

"Yes, twin."

They ran to the end of the hall, pointed their wands at the box and yelled, at the top of their lungs to attract attention, "DEPULSO!"

The box exploded, and vines began to climb the walls. A stench filled the hallway, and soggy patches of grass appeared. Soon, the hall was a full-fledged swamp.

"It worked," George said in an awed whisper.

"We should probably get out of here," Fred said, grinning maniacally. "I mean, I know we don't care anymore, but she might try to hex us."


Fred and George turned around, casually this time, since they were less concerned. "Afternoon, Umbridge," they said, still grinning.

"You think you can just wreak havoc on my castle and—"

"This isn't your castle," Fred growled.

"It's Dumbledore's," George said.

"Enough! You won't wiggle out of punishment this time. Filch! I think these two could use a good thrashing. Come with me," she said. "Both of you!"

"No." They said calmly, then bolted. They ran through the hallways as Umbridge's amplified voice filled the castle.


"Where were we planning on doing this?" Fred asked, panting as they dodged a couple of Slytherins.

"Entrance Hall."

They made it to the bottom of the stairs, where a bunch of the Inquisitorial Squad was blocking their path. They turned to see Umbridge descending toward them.

"So…" she said. "You think it's funny to turn the hallway into a swamp?"

"Pretty funny, yes," George chuckled. He spotted Harry at the top of the stairs and winked at him.

"I have them, Headmistress!" Filch wheezed, brandishing a couple of lethal looking whips.

"You're about to learn what happens to children who misbehave in my school."

"No, I don't think we are," Fred said. "George, I think we've about outgrown a full time education."

"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself."

"Time to test our talents in the real word, d'you reckon?"


They pulled out their wands. "Accio brooms!"

There was a crash far off, and in another instant their brooms were beside them. The twins hopped onto them and kicked off, ignoring the angry shouts from below. They zoomed around the hall for a moment before.

"We won't be seeing you," Fred called to Umbridge.

"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," George yelled.

"If anybody fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three Diagon Alley -- Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," he said in a loud voice. "Our new premises!"

"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," said George, pointing at Professor Umbridge.

The moved closer to the doors, but Fred stopped and turned, scanned the hall, and yelled, "Give her hell from us, Peeves!" He saw the poltergeist salute and grinned, speeding after his twin.

George unlocked the door to their new shop and held it open for Fred.

They'd gotten the place cheap, and now Fred knew why. "This place is a dump…" he said in a defeated tone. He gingerly stepped on one of the stairs. It broke.

"No it's not," George said, repairing it with a smile. "It's perfect. Gorgeous."

Fred rolled his eyes and smiled as his twin kissed him. "Let's get to work."


And when we can't be heard,
And when we can't be seen
I will call you close and
You will reach for me.
When all of the beauty turns to pain
When all of the madness falls like rain
As long as we crash and we collide
We will be gorgeous, you and I.

~ Idina Menzel