A/N: For the record, I didn't know the recently subbed episodes would have Kazeshini using 'pussy' as an insult. I wrote this before I saw it.

Also, I would like to thank Barbellenel, the author of The Herculean Tasks of Shuuhei Hisagi, for cleverly writing probably one of the funniest Bleach fanfictions EVER and for making me realize how cool Shuuhei is.

The meeting of Kensei Muguruma is incomparable to anything else Shuuhei Hisagi has ever experienced, as far as he knows. It slightly embarrasses him to remember that he was crying his eyes out in front of such a tough man. It was a personal awakening for Shuuhei; tears were for weaklings and therefore he wanted to become strong like Kensei so he never had a reason to shed them anymore. If he was strong like Captain Muguruma then he wouldn't be the one told to run away from a hollow–he would be the one to tell an innocent bystander to run away from the hollow, and he would cut down the nuisance effortlessly. If he was brave like Captain Muguruma then he could be an inspiration to young children who came from a similar background to his–orphaned, poor, and scared.

So after meeting Kensei Muguruma he knew his destiny was to become a shinigami.

(The little boy in him really just wanted to become one so he could be in the same squad as his hero).


The first time Shuuhei held a sword, he noticed how weak his hands looked against the long steel of the blade.

"How about this?" said a blacksmith while tossing a sheathed katana to his amateur hands. When Shuuhei caught it, a distant voice played from the intellectual side of his mind:

This is only a figment of the burden you will carry inevitably. This is a maker of a future and a destroyer of what already is. This will determine whether you rise as a warrior or you succumb to war. This will only turn its back on you if you let it.


As Shuuhei grew through adolescence, his ambitions grew with him. After that fateful encounter with that certain Squad Nine captain he pushed himself to excel in martial arts, swordsmanship, and most importantly fearlessness. It was fear that led him to cheat an imminent death and it will be fear that would become his true rival; for it was fear that he was closest to.


Shuuhei doesn't remember how he learned that there was no longer a Kensei Muguruma listed in the Gotei 13 roster, but it actually didn't hit him at first.

It did when he took the Shinigami Academy entrance exam and failed. It hit him again when he retook it and failed again. It was after that second failure that he realized he will never be in the same squad as his hero.


After he finally passed the entrance exam, he became fascinated with the idea that maybe, for once, he could a hero in his own right.


When he learned that the Gotei 13 had a position he was qualified for, he celebrated by getting the '69' tattoo he now has punctured on his face. On his face he wears it boldly and proudly. He knows what its other meaning stood for, and he could care less how dirty and perverted it was. If that was the closest he could get to being like Kensei then he will consider it a mark for his coming-of-age.


Meeting his zanpakutou was definitely not one of Shuuhei's favorite memories. The simple reason being is that he actually tried to kill Shuuhei (mentally, as far as he knows).

When Shuuhei first called out Kazeshini's name, the spirit spat, "Whothefuck? Did YOU call me!?"

Before Shuuhei could even introduce himself, Kazeshini was already on his shit-list.

"Is this pussy really my master!?"

"I know weak when I see it!! Your spikey-haired poser-ass can't tell me otherwise! You look too SCARED to use me!"

"Whatever then! Just don't screw up and we'll get along just fine! I'll teach you the ropes…!"



Meeting Kaname Tousen wasn't the most remarkable time to date, but Shuuhei will always remember the first week of being a Squad Nine member. When Shuuhei first saw the dark-skinned man wearing the white haori, with the large black kanji 'nine' embroidered on the back, a distant voice told Shuuhei that's definitely not him. Tousen's voice was not gruff and aggressive like his. Tousen's presence was not as intimidating like his. Tousen's reiatsu did not even flare dauntingly like his did.

But for some reason, it didn't completely bother Shuuhei.


Squad Nine was in charge of the Seireitei Communication editing and therefore Captain Tousen was editor-in-chief of the journalism portions. This really got to Shuuhei because, well, for one thing–he was fucking blind.

And since Tousen's eyesight was handicapped, Shuuhei wondered if it would mean he could take the easy ways out of the tasks in his job. A small stack of unedited essays here and there; dictionaries and thesauruses unopened and collecting dust. But it was not long after that Tousen approached him directly asking if literacy and legibility were his weak points. Even though he felt childish after being lectured on punctuality Shuuhei learned quickly just how capable Captain Tousen was.


One skill Shuuhei learned to be proficient at since he became a seated officer was stepping up his game. As a hard worker, he was responsible and humble. His punk appearance was deceiving to others but the amazing thing about the Gotei 13 was that it was hardly a prejudice organization.

Shuuhei felt right at home.


Being a Lieutenant was hard work but he admits that he enjoyed working with Captain Tousen; working underneath Tousen actually put him in a more open-minded position as a Gotei 13 shinigami.

Shuuhei discovered that, despite disliking extensive writing assignments (they remind him of the writing portions from the academy entrance exams, the parts he almost always flunked), he liked writing to express. He was no poet, but on those occasions when he was swamped in paperwork and he didn't want to outwardly show his disdain he sometimes took a pen and etched little tags from his mind on his desk, and for some reason it took some of the stress away. There was an instance where wrote while tipsy, "eat the paper eat the pappor or puke it or be eaten by it. both get5 (gets) ass ki------------cked." He liked tattooing his desk with his thoughts. It was a creative way of letting himself know that he was alive and not going insane as a workaholic; sometimes in the evening his thoughts drifted astray to a past long ago, and he is reminded that he made it this far, he really made it. Even if the work did get tremendously tedious, he wouldn't want to be anything else than a shinigami.



That is the first thing that comes to Shuuhei's mind whenever the name "Kaname" or "Tousen" reaches within his earshot.

Besides "bastard" of course.

All of his dedication, hard work, loyalty, blood, sweat (but no tears!) served for no one other than a confused, blind-in-all-aspects-of-heroism bastard.

It's hard to admire the scenery the Seireitei provides when he has to feel a thick lump in the pit of his chest every time he sees Soukyoku Hill.

Why is it that the people that matter the most to him always leave without a trace?


Before Shuuhei took up the mantle of Squad Nine's acting-captain, he found time to pierce his way through Seireitei–away from squads, away from offices, away from himself–to settle down and collect himself; the calm, responsible, and sensible self he built from the ground upwards upon the foundations of being fearless.

Somehow he learned in this time that it was still possible to follow Capta–Tousen's teachings but not be a hypocritical fool like he turned out to be.

It wasn't the first time someone walked out on him without his consent, but it was the last time he would be betrayed.


A part of him brings up the question from a recess, located in the fine line between his head and his heart, asking:

"What would Kensei Muguruma do?"


Shuuhei can only suppress the bloodlust as he trains harder to get closer to reaching Bankai. It's difficult because when he is out in the training grounds, swiping his sealed sword at practice dummies, Kazeshini's taunts are all he hears; "Stop training with that boring-ass sword! Train to use ME! I'm wasting my time being your zanpakutou when I should'a been someone else's! Screw this shit! You pussy!"

The screeching insults only makes Shuuhei's scars itch. He says nothing though.

"You let that blind motherfucker blind YOU! So what are you gonna do about it huh?"


Averagely it takes about 100 years for a shinigami to reach Bankai. Shuuhei wonders if he is patient enough to put up with his zanpakutou calling him a pussy for a couple more generations.


Being a replacement-captain was harder than being a Lieutenant.

Even more tedious paperwork piled on his desk, and it occurred to Shuuhei that he's had to use shunpo more often in traveling back and forth across Seireitei strictly for business than he's had to in most battles. As each file appeared in front of his face he was growing even more confused with how things worked; sometimes he got embarrassed of how lost and little he really knew but thankfully the other captains were empathetic. The assignments were even longer and extensive which tended to call for trips to Squad Four's infirmaries in healing Carpal Tunnel quickly–only for him to come back a day later at the latest to request another treatment for his cramping hand. It was unbelievable that Tousen really did all of this work without asking for help and without a cry of strained hands. Or complaining of lack of sleep. Or severe migraines. Or inner tantrums.

The papers eventually covered his desk more often than the small witty remarks he penned on it, and those were covered too.


"Where are those tears from 100 years ago?"

A/N #2: I never want to write a draft of a fanfic idea while drunk again! It's true! The Patrón made me write this!