It was a very blustery day in the Hundred-Acre-Woods, and… oh, this isn't a Winnie the Pooh story? What? Fullmetal Alchemist? All right, if you insist…
Still, it was very windy today… that day… whatever… so all the little kids in kindergarten stayed inside for recess because they were scared the wind was going to blow them all to infinity and beyond… or at least to Xing. Izumi strode into the classroom and pounded her hand on the desk, instantly shutting everyone up.
"Okay kids. Today I'm going to teach you how to cut up meat properly for sale in a shop. My husband Sig will be helping." She said.
"Can I cut up the fat kid who ate my plastic knife?" Barry the Chopper whined. Gluttony grinned and hungrily eyed the glue bottle across the room.
"Teacher, Winry's sleeping again!" Rose cried. Winry unconsciously chucked a plastic wrench you get with those stupid little mechanic playthings from target or whatever at her. Edward and Alphonse sat at their little table, discussing possible ways to resurrect their mom.
"I think we should use alchemy." Edward said firmly.
"I'm sticking with the Frankenstein theory." Alphonse retorted, sticking out his tongue. The two started fighting, so Izumi threw her cleaver in their direction and gave them a time out.
Roy pulled out his beloved sharpie mini and began drawing on Havoc's face. Riza and Sheska sat quietly at their table, discussing the stupidity of the author of the Scarlet Letter because he described the same damn tree three different times or whatever then killed the priest man in one short sentence. Christin hunched over a piece of paper, furiously drawing a portrait requested by Lust. She reached for another Crayola, but Gluttony was too quick for her.
"Gluttony ate my crayons!!" she whined, ready to burst into tears.
Just then, the principal, Furher Wrath, walked into the room. His secretary, Fuery, and personal driver, Fallman, followed him meekly, mostly because they had nothing else to do. "It's time for your class to go to Phys. Ed." He stated before waltzing out of the room, singing the Veronicas' "Untouched" in a very horrid, off-key tone.
Scar, Yoki, Russell and Lin ignored everything because they were having tons of fun writing dirty fanfictions about Roy and Ed, so they did not go to Phys. Ed. with the rest of the class.
Coach Armstrong blew sharply on his shiny silver whistle. The little midgets began running laps around the track outside when suddenly Prince Zuko appeared.
"I'm looking for the avatar." He said very dramatically.
"You're in the wrong fanfic." Greed snapped. "Anyway, this 'avatar' should be mine, like everything else." Zuko walked away and vanished from this fanfiction.
"You must run faster, my little pygmy students, or you will never get such overly buff muscles like mine!" Coach Armstrong barked, ripping off his shirt and flexing. Envy morphed into an exact copy. "Well done, Envy!" Envy smirked and wandered off to get a drink from the water fountain clear across the schoolyard. Pride has too much pride and will not be in this fanfic, so we'll just say he has a cold or something and Sloth is still working, even though he's in kindergarten, so he won't be showing up either.
The janitor, Hughes, was busy cleaning up puke in the boys' bathroom because Gluttony got sick from eating too many crayons and glue bottles. His mouth had been glued shut, so he kinda snotted puke out his nose, which made all the guys laugh and all the girl's cringe in disgust, except Christin, who found it very funny indeed because she's weird like that.
After a grueling workout, the class tromped to the 'dining hall' for lunch. Maria Ross, the lunch lady, was too lazy to cook anything extravagant, claiming that they were 'just kids', and severed everyone a nice, big, heaping plate of leftover chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. The choice beverage was milk. Ed got mad at the milk carton and tossed it behind him. It hit Roy's head. A massive food fight broke out and soon chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and partially dissected frogs from biology class were flying around the room. Rose, Winry, Sheska, Al and Fletcher stealthily crawled their way out of the brawl in hopes that they wouldn't get detention.
Hughes was left to clean up the mess.
After lunch, everyone went to biology. All the boys got major nosebleeds (which we all know means getting turned on in manga) because they thought their teacher, Ms. Psiren, was hot. They finished dissecting the remnants of the frogs that had wound up in the food fight, except Lust, Envy, Greed and Gluttony, cuz, like the little fat pig he is, Gluttony ate the frog, despite its cries for a 'Miss Piggy'.
At that moment, four psychotic penguins named Skipper, Rico, Kowalski, and Private, burst into the room and began karate chopping everyone. Rico regurgitated a bomb and blew up half the building, resulting in everyone going home early.
Breda the Bus Driver sighed as the screaming twerps smooshed onto the big Twinkie-like vehicle. His route lasted only an hour, but it felt like a bazillion years. Roy and Havoc got off first since their house was closest to the school. Then came the Homunculi, Rose, Winry, Scar and Yoki, Russell and Fletcher, Sheska, Barry, Lin, Ed and Al and Christin. The last three lived in an orphanage because Ed and Al's mom had died and their dad was off in Russia researching the Loch Ness Monster and dropped his cell phone from his hot-air balloon so was impossible to reach him and Christin because she just wound up here randomly one day. The three held hands as they approached the front door.
"Ah, my beloved pipsqueaks!" Kimblee cooed, opening the door. The three jumped and clutched each other in fear. Ed completely forgot to get mad about being called a pipsqueak. "How nice of you to finally join me! But you three are four seconds late, and you know what that means." Kimblee was known for being one of the meanest (and strangest) matrons in the entire city.
"W-what?" Al squeaked. But they knew he was going to punish them.
"Let's see… this time, your punishment will be… having to watch Pinako and me lemon for two hours." He grinned evilly.
"Nooooooooo!!!" the kids wailed as they were dragged inside and strapped to a couch to watch the (in their minds) horrible scene.