I know that I have two other stories that I'm currently working on, but I couldn't help but go and start a new one. For this story, Misaki has depression, and doesn't know what to do about it. He later finds that cutting himself is the only way to ease his pain. Please rate!


Chapter One

"Ok Misaki. I think we made some good progress today," said Dr. Yamano

"Thank you doctor." I got up from my seat and made my way out the office.

"Oh Misaki! Don't forget about your medication. Please follow the instructions. It won't take effect right away but you'll see some changes. And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to give me a call, ok?"

"Y-Yes. Thank you very much." I waved goodbye and shut the door. Within about two minutes I was out the clinic and on my way home.

I hate doing this but it's the only way for me to get better.

I don't remember when all of this started, well actually I do remember. It all started when I had my first encounters with Isaka, Usagi-ani, and Usagi-chichi. Those three people make my life really stressful. Ever since I met them, it's been hard for me to have a relationship with Usagi-san. I know that it's because I'm a kid and we're both guys, but we can't help how we feel about each other. Of course Usagi-san is way more open about his love than I am. He always says 'l love you' in that irresistible voice and I can't help but feel my heart beat faster. I still say he's an old perverted man who is controlling and annoying, but…I can't help but feel more attached to him. Ever since I told him 'l love him' that night on the ferris wheel, I've been a little better with opening up to him about my feelings. Just a little bit.

But ever since then, I feel like Usagi-san's family and Isaka are trying their hardest to break us apart. Why can't they leave us alone? Am I really causing that much trouble for them? And if I decide that leaving Usagi-san is the best solution for this mess, it will only hurt him and me. He tells me that he cannot live without me. I guess that goes for me too but he doesn't know that.

That's part of the reason why I'm seeing a doctor. The more I thought about Usagi-san's family and Isaka, it made me really depressed. On top of that, school and work is becoming even more stressful than ever, and I don't know if I could keep up. And even though it's been 11 years since my parent's death, it still hurts to think that it was my fault that they died. All of these thoughts run in my head and there's no escape from it. I find myself not wanting to do anything anymore. All I want to do is stay in bed and cry. But I can't do that because then Usagi-san will find out the truth about my depression.

I'm not too happy about taking anti-depressants but if it helps put my mind at ease than it's ok. Usagi-san doesn't know anything about this. I don't want to worry him. I will only be a bother. This is something that I need to do on my own. Of course it wasn't easy. In the mornings when he drops me off at school, I go and attend all my classes, and when I'm done, I go visit the doctor right after. On the days that I have an appointment to go see her, I tell Usagi-san to pick me up an hour or so later because I'm at the library studying for my next exam. Of course he argues with me and tells me that I can study at home, but eventually he drops it and I can relax again. I just have to keep pretending that everything is alright. I don't want to make Usagi-san worry about me. This is all for him, and I want to be there in any way I can for him. Not this depressed teen whose problems will get in the way of others.

"Usagi-san I'm home!" I dump my bag on the floor and take off my shoes.

"Why didn't you call me to come get you?"

"I felt like walking. needed the fresh air," i started to laugh my nervous laugh. I knew that he wasn't buying it.

"Hmm...well how was your studying?" he asked while typing away at his laptop.

"Uh…it was good. I think I'll be able to pass this test that I have tomorrow." Oh man I completely forgot about it having a test tomorrow! Now I really need to study. Another sleepless night I guess.

"Oh that's good. I know you'll do fine." He walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist. He started to kiss my neck.

"Not now Usagi-san, I need to go and start dinner." I try to pry his arms off of me but he only tightened his grip.

"But I'm out of Misaki. I need you now." He turned my face so that I was facing his and smashed his lips against mine. Of course I try to fight him off but I felt my body giving into the pleasure from his touch.

"I love you Misaki," he said as he put his cold hand up my shirt. I shivered from his icy fingers.

He waited for me to respond and I knew that I couldn't deny it any more.

"I lo-love you too Usagi-san," he smiled and pushed himself away from me.

"That makes me very happy to hear. Ok, go get dinner started. I'm starving."

"Eh? I thought…you did all that so you hear me say 'I love you'?"

He nodded and walked away to sit on the couch. He continued on with his manuscript.

"Baka!" My face turned red and I walked away to the kitchen to start dinner.

"Don't worry. I'll be able to get my fill of you tonight. You should be looking forward to it."

"You are not laying one finger on me tonight!" I said while holding a knife, that I was using to cut the vegetable with, up, "I have school tomorrow and I need my rest."

"You say that now but you know you can't resist my touch." He said and then smiled.

"Stupid Usagi! Stop saying such things!" and off I went chopping the vegetables hastily. While he was typing away on his laptop, I couldn't help but smile myself. I was really attached to this man.

After we both ate dinner, I got up, taking Usagi-san's plate and mine, and began to wash them clean.

"Um….Usagi-san? Can you do me a favor?" I asked without meeting his gaze.

"What is it? Need me to rub on you?" he chuckled.

"No baka! I need you to go to my room and get my notes that I have that are on my desk so that I can study them for the test tomorrow. I forgot to take it with me today so I need to look over it so I know the material. Please can you do that?"

"Why can't you get it?"

Because I need you gone so that I can take my medication!

"Fine. I'll get it. I ask for one thing and this…"I shut my mouth closed. I can't believe that I was arguing with Usagi-san. He didn't do anything to me and I was angry at him for no reason. I sounded so demanding. What's wrong with me?

He got up from the table and made his way towards me. He wrapped his hands around my waist.

"Misaki? Why are you angry?"

"It's nothing. Sorry for speaking so rudely. I just have a headache and it's just getting to me."

"Oh… ok. Why don't you go take something for it to make it better?" he started to kiss my neck, then started to nibble on my earlobe.

He wants me to take something yet here he is doing that to me!

I push him away, feeling my face flush. Will I always be like this every time he touches me?

"I'm going to take something right now," I said without meeting his gaze. I went and got a glass of water and went to get my bag off the ground, taking it with me up the stairs. I could feel Usagi-san's gaze on me, but didn't turn my face to look at him. I knew that he was shock to hear my angry voice more than I was. He was just trying to forget about it by kissing me.

I got to my room and locked the door.

I wonder if it's my depression. The doctor says that having mood swings would be a part of it. That's why I need to take my medication so that I can control myself a little bit better. This really sucks.

I placed my bag on the desk. I zipped it open and took out my medication.

I'm supposed to take these pills twice a day. The possible side effects include nausea and dizziness. Not really looking forward to that.

I open the bottle and place one pill in my mouth, then drinking the water that I had brought with me. Feeling the pill make it way downmy throat to my stomach was unpleasant. I hated pills. I hated the feel of swallowing them.

After a few minutes, I took a few breaths to calm my nerves. Once I felt in control, I went back down stairs.

"Did you take something?" He asked.

"Yeah… actually I'm really tired Usagi-san. Why don't we… go to bed?" I could feel my face growing hot. It was so embarrassing admitting my feelings to Usagi-san, but I knew that I couldn't be afraid of being a little affectionate.

Usagi-san smiled and turned off his laptop. He walked up to me and gave me a kiss. We started walking up the stairs when suddenly I felt kind of dizzy. Damn the pill is already kicking in. Usagi-san was walking behind me so surely he could see that I had placed both hands on the rails, trying to steady my balance.

"What's wrong?" he said when he grabbed my shoulders.

"N-Nothing. Just really tired I guess."

I continued up the stairs but felt arms go under me. Usagi-san carried me the rest of the way until we reached his bedroom. Once we were in our pajamas, it was only minutes later that our pajamas were pulled off as Usagi-san and I started to make love. So much for studying.

I apologize for making this chapter so long. I needed something to start me off for when I write my next chapter. Sorry for any errors in my writing. Please review.