Bella's POV

I stood there for what felt like a million years wondering what I should do, what decision to make. I wanted to become a vampire more than anything. At least that's what I wanted before Edward decided to tell me that he never wanted to see me again, left me for months on end to drawn in my sorrows only to find himself in trouble with the Volturi and I had to fly out to rescue him from his own stupidity only to come back and be grounded for the rest of my life by Charlie.

I wanted to be with Edward, right? Edward was all I could think about, all I could dream about, being away from him used to feel like physical pain. He was everything to me before he left. But as I stood here looking at him – his green eyes staring back at me fiercely – my mind continued to wander toward Jake. Why? Flashes of my pale self appeared in my mind's eye with Jakes arms around me, fangs piercing my best friend's neck. NO! I could not become my best friend's enemy. Was this what I wanted to do? Could I live with myself – with Edward – like this for an eternity?

"Bella, it's time." He whispered.

"No!" I shouted, surprising us both. "No, I…I can't. I won't!" before thinking about it for a second longer I flew out the door of the Cullen House and ran without looking back or stopping. I tripped a couple times down the winding road scraping my knees in the process and ruining my Ruehl jeans but it didn't matter. I didn't know where I was headed; all I knew is that I had almost made the mistake of a lifetime.

You know the feeling you get when your mind wanders while you're driving and you can't remember most of ride home cause you were in an intense daze – that's what it felt like when I found myself standing in front of Jacob's door. I had run miles away from Edward's house to Jacobs Rez and I had no recollection of getting here - I hadn't even known that this is the way I was going. I just came to and poof, here I was.

At that very moment Mother Nature decided to open the flood gates and within seconds I was soaked to the bone. Daylight was quickly fading and I couldn't bring myself to raise my hand to the door and knock. I just stood there in a stupor staring at the door as if it were a Dali painting at an art museum.

What was I even doing here? I left Jake…worse, I left Jake for Edward. I doubt he ever wanted to see me again. I broke his heart by leaving Forks to chase after Edward in Italy. I left him after he helped me recover, after he helped me gained a new meaning to life. I couldn't even forgive myself. How could I ask him to forgive me?

After a couple more minutes of my brain malfunctioning I decided that I couldn't just stand out here in the darkness while it poured like it did in the Great Flood. Soon I'd have to start building an arc. Needless to say my down Gap jacket would never recover. I raised my hand to knock on the door but before my fist hit the wood the door swung open and there stood Jake looking as glorious as ever with a smile on his face. That smile quickly turned into a scowl the moment he laid eyes on me.

"What the hell are you doing here? Did the blood sucker leave you…again?"

Ok, so I guess I deserved that. I can't say that it didn't feel like he had physically punched me in the gut. I took a deep breath and swallowed back the knot in my throat.

"I'm sor-"

"Save it Bella." He cut me off. "You made your decision. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to meet Leah at Bosco's Pizza." He pushed passed me, got in his VW and sped off leaving me there with mud on my boots in a hole in the heart.