A/N: Okay, so this idea has probably been written to death, but I couldn't resist doing it. The story takes place about five or six years after Dirge of Cerberus, so keep that in mind. Please, no arguing about the subject matter in the reviews, and before anyone asks: no, I don't have a preference. I love both groups equally, and they both have their strong and weak points.
I am getting way to into this.... Enjoy.
He didn't understand what had upset Yuffie so much. It was only an innocent question from Denzel, and he had only given the young man a truthful answer. Had he known that Yuffie's reaction to his answer would be so vehement, he would have stayed quiet. He had been asking everyone at the party that night the same question, and was tallying everyone's answers. Vincent didn't know why it even mattered, but they were all humoring the boy and giving their answers. Marlene and Barrett had been asked first, and then he had decided to go ahead and get the opinions of everyone present. Grabbing a notebook, he walked over to Cloud and asked, "Ninjas or pirates, Cloud?"
"What?" he replied in confusion.
"Just answer," he said impatiently, frowning at him. "I wanna see who wins."
Denzel walked over to Tifa, who was standing behind the bar making after-dinner drinks for everyone, and asked her the same question. "Ninjas or pirates, Tifa?"
She thought for a moment. "What did Cloud say?"
"Pirates," he said, consulting his paper.
"Then I'll say ninjas."
He turned to Cid as he was walking towards the bar. "Uncle Cid, pirates or ninjas?"
"What the—? Uh, ninjas, I guess, so the brat doesn't kill me."
And that's when he made his way over to Vincent, sitting down next to him on the couch. Vincent had been speaking to Reeve about an upcoming WRO project he wanted his and Yuffie's help with, but when Denzel approached him, he turned his full attention to the young man.
"Do you know where Aunt Yuffie is?"
He had expected to be asked the question as well, but wasn't disappointed in the least when it hadn't come. Instead, he replied, "She's upstairs with the baby. She'll be down in a minute."
"Oh, okay. Pirates or ninjas, Uncle Vincent?" he asked, pencil poised and ready to write.
He sighed, but opened his mouth after a moment to give an answer. Hearing footfalls on the stairs, he tried to distract the boy by saying, "There's Aunt Yuffie, Denzel. You should ask her."
"What about Yuffie?" asked the woman in question, walking over towards them. The baby was fast asleep in her arms, and Vincent silently prayed she would stay asleep for most of the night.
"You haven't answered my question," Denzel reminded him. "Pirates or ninjas?"
"Pirates, Denzel," he replied absently as he took his child from her mother. Amaiia had been fussy all evening, and Yuffie had barely gotten a chance to speak with anyone before she'd disappeared upstairs to tend to her. The little girl shifted slightly in his arms, curling up against his chest, and he smiled down at her.
"What did you say?" Yuffie asked slowly.
"I didn't say anything," he responded.
"No, no," she said, planting her hands on her hips. "I mean, how did you just answer Denzel's question?"
"I fail to see why my answer, and the question itself, should be so important," he said. "Reeve would like to speak with you about—"
"Vincent Valentine, answer me!" she yelled. He glanced down quickly at the child in his arms (the child could sleep through anything, lucky for them), and frowned at his wife.
"There is no need to yell."
"Why won't you answer me?!" she demanded, stepping directly in front of him. Everyone was watching them, and he had no idea what was making her so upset.
When he didn't respond, she asked, "Did you say pirates, Vinnie?"
"Yes, but why does it matter so much to you?"
Her jaw dropped, and Vincent realized there was something she thought or believed that he didn't know. Her eyes were blazing with anger, and she was making grunting noises in the back of her throat. "What's wrong, Yuffie?" he asked as she turned her back to him.
"You're married to a ninja," she explained slowly, not deigning to face him, "and you picked pirates! That's, like, only the biggest insult in all of Gaia, Vincent Valentine!" She walked away quickly, leaving him to stew in his confusion. Turning to Denzel, he asked the young man what her rant had meant.
"Sorry," he replied. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble."
"Why did it get me into trouble, Denzel? I don't understand."
After a moment of silence, the boy murmured, "Pirates and ninjas are, like, mortal enemies, Uncle Vincent."