I've been bored a fair bit lately, ran out of things to read so I decided to give some of the Twilight crossovers a go. Some were alright, some were quite good and a LOT of them were crap.

Anyway, my inner!writer decided to set me a challenge.

A serious Twilight/HP crossover, with an Ed/Harry pairing if I can manage it.

I think I failed on making it serious but at least I made it somewhat realistic. I think. I hope. Actually, no I don't. I'm not all that fond of Twilight, its just like Harry Potter - so many potholes and situations that were never airtight that you could practically have a fucking field day driving a truck through them. Hence why the T/HP crossover section is the largest. That and FFnet has entirely too many horny 13-year-old girls panting for man on man action and fluffy unrealistic romances.

Maybe its just my cynical 20-year-old mind talking here but... If I ever had a boyfriend like Edward Cullen, I would have kicked him to the kerb already. His hair terrifies me!


Like a Concussion


It's no good having a spark of genius, if you suffer from ignition trouble.


Landscapes of tan, green, blue and red flashed past him, birds took flight in alarm as he flickered past them, the bare flash of a threat against their senses before he was gone. Big cats didn't even stir as he trod between their pride and carried on, his scent not even hitting them for another few seconds in which they would be on their feet and snarling, wondering who dared to intrude.

His breath burned in his lungs, the back of his throat seared, hot and dry, like sandpaper but he didn't dare swallow to sooth it, he needed all the air he could get, his legs and arms were heavy and sore, his feet throbbed between every footstep, he could feel the jar of the ground through the whole length of his legs now. The sun burned overhead and he sweated out all his precious liquids, he would need to stop and waste even more precious time just to drink them all back, it was needed though, but he wouldn't stop, not yet. He needed to get at least a few more miles before he could stop and rest.

Never the less, Harry James Potter had never been gladder that Dumbledore betrayed him into the grasp of the UNSPEAKABLES in his sixth year at Hogwarts, he had hated what that old coot had turned him into with the full support of the Ministry of Magic, but right now, he could only be thankful for it. He had never been thankful until he found himself racing away from Privet Drive in Surrey at such a ground eating pace that he easily outstripped a passing train and left his pursuers several miles behind him. They would catch up eventually, after all, unlike him they didn't need to sleep or have bathroom breaks, their muscles didn't get tired and their legs didn't give out. They didn't even need to stop and catch their breath – they didn't even breathe!

Vampires. Why was it always Vampires?

He knew the sheer concentration of Magical Power and the thick reek of blood and death from the war that clung to his skin made him practically irresistible to the fucking leeches, but you'd think they had a little more sense when they caught his proper scent under all that. Mostly they were, but these three... They just didn't seem to take 'I am not a blood donor' for an answer! He knew his scent was alluring but come ON!! This was the third Vampire attack of the month!

If he weren't so dehydrated, Harry would have most likely started crying from frustration right now. As it was, he simply groaned as he flickered past a pack of Hyenas, he'd been running non-stop for roughly three days now. When the three Vampires made a point of revealing themselves in Privet Drive while Harry was talking to the Dursleys about the various Death Eaters that were still on the run and which ones they needed to avoid, he had at first been curious and then properly alarmed. He'd just stepped out of the front door of Number Four, turned to his right and seen the three of them leaning against a wall on the opposite side of the street, the overcast sky not allowing a glimpse of their true natures to be seen, but their scent was more than enough to confirm it for Harry.

He didn't give them a chance to jump him, he was already off running and jumping over the walls, he sped through Britain with the Vampires hot on his heels and took a flying leap into the English channel, ducking under and swimming with all his might straight through and into France where he dragged himself out and foolishly thought he was safe. No luck. Running water wasn't much of a hindrance for Lamia Vampires, their heavy calcified bodies caused them to sink to the bottom but it also meant they could run across it almost as quickly as they could on land. Harry had perhaps ten minutes after reaching land to cough up some water, pick seaweed from his hair and gently shake a small Grindylow from his shirt before they were pulling themselves out of the surf like a bad horror movie.

And Harry was running again. Through Europe, into Egypt and then onto Africa.

He was faster, much faster, than his pursuers, but he wasn't stronger, he wouldn't be able to put a scratch on their skin, they were immune to his magic and their eyes could see through his illusions. Perhaps the only way Harry could defeat them was to call upon the Elements of Destruction – they would help him most likely, water especially, but they asked a steep price for their services, and it was one that Harry was unwilling to pay. He wanted to keep his humanity as long as possible; it was one of the only things that protected him from his other nature these days.

The green eyed Saviour kept running, he'd spent longer than he intended to in Egypt, grabbing some cheap clothes, passing a message to Bill through one of his Curse Breaker buddies, getting a bottomless backpack, boots, food, water and then legging it all over again as the wind informed him his Vampiric stalkers had just caught up.

That had been three days ago and right now he was rushing through Kenya and aiming for India. He was tired and hungry and a good two days ahead of those Leeches. When he hit India, he would find a hotel to sleep in, grab some more food, clothes, find the Magical zone and get some cash out of Gringotts and then start running again. He hoped to lose the Vampires in China and then get a Portkey back to England as he couldn't Apparate, having never learned how, he hoped the Weasleys were alright, he had sent a message but knowing them they would still be worrying themselves sick while some of the public prayed for the Vamps to be successful in their hunting and killing of him. Such a lovely society he lived in. Really. It was.



Don't ask for a light burden – ask for a strong back.


No luck in losing them in China.

Or Singapore. Or Korea. Or Thailand. Or New Zealand. Or Japan.

Whoever the Vampiric Asshole tracking him was – he was DAMN good at what he did; Harry could respect him for that at least, even if he hated the bastard.

Australia offered a brief respite of three weeks before he found himself running through the Outback and away from his thrice cursed three pursuers. He thought he heard one of them call another James but he couldn't have been certain – and he wasn't going to stop and ask!

Even laying false trails in his Animagus form hadn't helped him, sure it took them a good month to make sense of all the tracks he left in China but they'd still come after him like a freakin' Dementor to a Manic Depressive with too many Cheering Charms sent at him. He was beginning to get desperate now as he wrung his hands in the darkness; hopefully he'd brought himself a few months with this stunt or thrown them off entirely. Storing himself away on a Freight/cargo ship headed for the U.S. may not have been his smartest idea ever but it was the only one he had to try and escape this.

Thankfully he had more than enough food and regardless of how close to the South Pole they were going, his Animagus form was very fluffy and thus impervious to the bone aching chill.

Question was... Where did he go now?


Even if you're on the right track – if you just sit there you'll get run over.


When people – muggles obviously – asked him how old he was, Harry had to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from reflexively telling them the truth: that he was 29-years-of-age and would be 30 in another eight months. Because while he may have been 29, he barely looked older than fifteen years of age.

It was incredibly annoying to think up cover stories for police officers and nosy shop keepers who thought he was a truant, the British Accent helped him a lot though.

In the endless hours he'd spent hiding from the crew of the Freight and curled up on some expensive furniture trying to keep warm in his Animagus form (And shedding white fur over everything), Harry thought hard about the best place to hide as it seemed obvious he wouldn't be able to return to England until those bloody Leeches were dead. He'd spent a long time drudging up memories from his days with Sirius and Remus and listening to History of Magic in Hogwarts, like pulling bones from a tarpit, each was covered with emotions best left alone and filthy with the sour memories of their deaths and the destruction of the castle. In the end, he decided to make for the Werewolf tribe Remus mentioned in Washington, the Native American chaps the Quilute he thought they were called.

Hopefully they would be welcoming of him despite his ominous odour that tended to have the denizens of Knockturn Alley steering clear of him.

Thus he ended up hiking through the thick mossy boughs of an ancient forest, inhaling the sweet scent of rain and nature and then scowling as a police car pulled up beside him. He wished he'd become a hermit in some cave or something.

A few minutes later, Harry found himself bundled into the cop-car, sitting in silence as the rain started to come down on his way to meet one Billy Black who – as Potter luck demanded – happened to be the bestfriend of the guy who was driving him around. Charlie Swann. The Chief of Police for Forks, Washington.



Knowing is no substitute for thinking.


"Mornin' Todd."

Harry couldn't help but grimace at the name, when he'd arrived at the Reserve in Chief Swann's car, Billy Black and his son Jacob had been stood outside waiting for him curiously. Billy had taken one look at him and declared that yes, he knew who he was and yes he was from out of town and yes he was more than welcome to stay. When asked about his name, Billy had butted in without so much as a by your leave and Harry Potter became Todd Black to the great amusement of Jacob his new second cousin twice removed.

"Morning Chief Swann." The teenager greeted, ignoring the disapproval fairly radiating from the older man with a bare bristle, he was 29-years-old, no matter what the fuck anyone said, he was NOT going to a Muggle Highschool. Which had of course led him to here, sitting at the edge of the Reserve looking bored and whittling a little statuette of a wolf for Billy in thanks for taking him in, he planned to make another one for Jacob later.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" He asked disapprovingly.

"I don't attend Highschool here." 'Todd' informed him gruffly, bending over to do some detailed etching onto his wolf, lap full of shavings and splinters, but he had a workable canine in his hands and he was determined to make it look good. He'd already been working on this for a while and he wanted it perfect for Billy who had been so kind to let him crash on his land and even let him use almost 60-dollars worth of cash phoning overseas to assure Hermione of his safety and then try to calm her down and not fly to America in her heavily pregnant state.

"Not what Billy said." Harry's head shot up so fast Chief Swann flinched slightly.

"What!?" 'Todd' squeaked in alarm before scowling, "He never said nothin'." He growled in a fair imitation of Moony.

Charlie pulled a phone out and started dialling under Harry's unhappy gaze, after a while, the green eyed teenager could hear Billy on the other end of the line and scowled darkly, oh he didn't...

A short conversation over the phone and Harry was on his feet and snatching the phone from Charlie Swann's hand, ignoring the amused look on the older man's face.

"Billy Black you bloody traitor!" He snarled down the line only to be greeted with a laugh, "I haven't been in conventional schooling since I was 11-years-old! How in the hell do you think I can handle Highschool!?"

Twenty minutes, a spitting argument, the promise of Treacle Tart and a severely amused Charlie Swann promising to help him prank Billy into the next lifetime and Harry was once again sat in Chief Swann's car getting ferried to his worst nightmare.

American Highschool.

Billy was so going to get it when Harry got home.


There are no perfect men. Only perfect intentions.


Forks Highschool was nothing like Hogwarts.

Everyone was so helpful, so curious, so fucking shallow that Harry wanted to chew his own eyeballs out and then puke 'em out onto the carpet just to see how people would react.

He understood NOTHING the teachers talked about, it was like a foreign language and Harry had never bothered to try and keep up with his Muggle Schooling, if he tried then he was fairly certain that if the Dursleys found out he would have been forced into doing Dudley's homework from Smeltings. No thankyou, he had enough on his plate without having to worry about muggle education and doing his cousin's damn work for him.

So he spent his time amusing himself by drawing in the margins of his notebook – kindly provided to him by Charlie who'd bought it a year ago just in case he needed to note down a license plate or do something but in the end never needed to – most of the drawings involved complex mechanisms and contraptions to prank Billy and a few involved doodles of Draco Malfoy being struck by lightning.

They may have both been 29 but Draco was still a poncy annoying git whose balls hadn't quite dropped yet – though it could have more to do with the fact that Ginny kicked him so hard in the nads during the final battle that his testicles still hadn't stopped hiding within his small intestine.

The problem now was Lunch and he was hungry.

But he had no money.

The dark haired teenager grumbled as he stalked into the cafeteria, perhaps he could sweet talk the lunch-ladies? Usually worked with Madam Pomfrey and Molly when he wanted to either escape or eat. He didn't get very far into the room until a familiar scent struck him with all the finesse of Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback.


Green eyes snapped to the four pale skinned individuals with the unique scent only to find them all looking at him with varying degrees of confusion, hostility and amusement. Harry meanwhile was contemplating how long he had to escape and get his ass back on the reserve and whether or not any of these guys were faster than him, he could tell already that they were older than the ones who had been chasing him.

'Shitty fucking crappity crap-tastic! Why is it always Vampires? Fuck! Fate you're an utter bitch and I hate you. No love for you. Wonder how fast they are? Wait... their eyes aren't black or red... Vegetarian Vampires? Are you shitting me? Fuck me sideways with a rubber duck! Thank god!' He breathed a sigh of relief, Veggie Vamps, no blood, no running through the other half of the planet, he was safe. All was good.

He studied them carefully.

Two females, three males, two Mated pairs and one Unmated. Ironically, the Unmated one was the oldest Veggie if his nose was correct.

Pixie moved like a dancer, but there was a difference to it, she knew how to fight, but thank every god that ever was – SHE WAS SHORTER THAN HIM!! WOOHOO! Harry's face revealed nothing about the little cartoon him in his head performing a victory dance to the FF7 victory theme tune, that used to piss Voldemort off like you wouldn't believe when he was trying to get into Harry's skull only to be plagued by the Chocobo theme-tune. Thank you Dudley for being such a Video Game freak.

Her mate looked uncomfortable and his scent suggested that it was only recently he'd changed diets, good on him, cookies and rabbit meat for all, maybe even old Military Rations because Sour Dough looked as though he had Military Training and if he is scent was anything to go by, Harry would have though he'd been turned in the late 1800's. He seemed in pain though which was curious, was he a Natural Legilimens? Harry recalled something about the Vampiric Venom activating portions of the brain that made such abilities dormant, poor guy, imagine having to hear everyone's thoughts? Even your family's. Oh gross, he'd probably had to listen to them having sex or planning to have sex that poor, poor bastard.

Tiny looked like he could snap Harry like a toothpick. His eyes reminded him of a mix of Hagrid and Bill though so he wasn't afraid, besides, all that wind resistance on those huge fuck-off muscles would slow him down enough that the green eyed teenager was reasonably certain he could outrun him.

Tiny's Mate, Miss Swimsuit America, had a sneer on her face that reminded Harry so acutely of Draco Malfoy that he was tempted to call her Ferret just to see her reaction. She'd probably snap his neck but it would be so worth it.

And lastly, the broody one. Brown hair, thin, slightly muscled; he looked to be the fastest. Probably was but he didn't think he had any military training; sure he could fight but not as well as some of the other members of the Coven. Hm, he looked a little constipated. Maybe he wasn't getting enough Goat in his diet.

Oh look, he's shaking now.


I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


Alice Cullen liked surprises.

It was a novel experience for her not to See something coming and it was next to impossible for Jasper to plan a surprise romantic evening for the two of them but, bless him, he tried and Alice always adored him for it. Ever the perfect gentleman but a smart one who knew when to give her some space, cheerful as she was, there were times when the enormity of everything caught up with her and she needed to be alone to sort herself out and become Chirpy-Cheerful Alice Cullen again.

Jasper surprisingly enough liked to sew. It reminded him of his mother and the simpler days of when he was a human repairing his own uniform in the Army before he was turned and treated like some kind of favoured Pet – an Attack Dog that just so happened to be self-replicating without the need of a Bitch or pregnancy period. Over the years since he'd met Alice, he'd gotten back into it and even learned some other things, he made a nice handkerchief for Esme last Christmas with embroidered flowers and the like on the hand woven cotton and she had adored it, keeping it in her blouse pocket at all times, close to her heart.

Emmett liked his sports obviously, and his games and his TV. But what most people didn't know was that he loved long hair, he would spend hours just sitting behind Rosalie playing with her hair, running his fingers through it, smelling it, brushing it. He adored Rosalie's hair and it was the main reason she kept it long beyond making her look good; she knew he loved it and she loved the attention he paid to it. She felt special and loved when he would just spend an hour brushing each strand even though it was entirely unneeded and her hair would always look the same unless she cut it herself.

Compared to others in her family, Rosalie's likes and dislikes were obvious. She liked knowing what was going on, she liked to compare herself to others and find them deficient, some small petty part of her soul took vicious satisfaction in turning the heads of even the most happily married of men. She was still beautiful, she was still heart stopping, her beauty was something from before her turning and she took great pride in it. Monsters weren't meant to be beautiful, but she was, but she was beautiful before her turning so in her mind, that meant she wasn't a Monster, none of her family were Monsters. And not even the rape and attempted murder of her fiancé could destroy or diminish that beauty, her Turning couldn't destroy it, and the torture and murder of that Human Pig and his friends had only enhanced it in her mind. Like an Avenging Angel doling out just punishment. Her likes and dislikes were simple, she liked looking good, she loved looking better than everyone else, and she hated ugly things. She hated humans who for all their fragility and superficial beauty were ugly and rotten within.

Edward however, liked puzzles.

Simple, boring, quiet puzzles. When you could read everyone's mind like an open book, you rarely had to divine what they were planning, their reactions to anything or what they truly thought of something. He liked puzzles almost as much as he liked music, but puzzles, when he found a good one, consumed his attention like nothing else could. Being over a century old meant that he had sat through education more times than he cared to count and it got rather tedious at times, once every decade would something new crop up but mostly it was the same thing over and over and over again. He rarely found something to test his mental abilities beyond the questions and theories he engaged on with Carlisle and thinking up excuses to avoid shopping with Alice.

So it was unsurprising that Edward was the first to learn of the newest student Todd Black, distant cousin to the Black family on the Reserve, being brought in by Chief Swann half way through first period for playing truant.

He couldn't help but wonder why the Mutts would allow one of their number anywhere near the school that a group of Vampires attended. So he'd picked through a few brains out of idle curiosity and found himself a little intrigued.

So far, the stranger was everything from a British Secret Agent, a Model, a Child Porn Star on the run or a banished member of the La Push Native Americans because of his unnatural green eyes. He'd even heard one of the more religious girls mentally wonder if the Lord sent down one of his Angels to test the faithful, to tempt them with Impure thoughts of adultery.

So as the day wore on and Lunch approached, his curiosity hit its peak, a new student was perhaps the highlight of the year at this boring dreary little town with entirely too much gossip and scathing commentary.

Then he walked in.

And he was nothing like Edward had been expecting.

Short, thin, pale, messy black hair, large green eyes and an unusual scent that was somehow both pleasing and yet repulsive. Green met amber and the boy's thoughts struck him with all the force of Emmett's rugby tackles during Family Fun Afternoons.

' – appity crap-tastic! Why is it always Vampires? Fuck! Fate you're an utter bitch and I hate you. No love for you. Wonder how fast they are? Wait... their eyes aren't black or red... Vegetarian Vampires? Are you shitting me? Fuck me sideways with a rubber duck! Thank god!'

Edward froze.

No. Way.


How did he know!?

Edward focused in on the boy's mind furiously, only to be greeted with a mangled image of a cartoon performing a victory dance to the strangest tune he'd ever heard in his life. What the hell!?

Fairly soon images began to pass through his mind, a man with no nose and entirely too Vampire-like eyes for Edward to ignore, a fat blonde boy pigging out on sweets with his eyes glued to a TV screen, that god awful music playing in the background, then his thoughts turned to his family. For the whole split second it took for Edward to absorb the other's thoughts he found it incredibly difficult to keep a straight face or even not to laugh.

Edward? Alice asked, her smile a little bemused.

"His mind is very... interesting." The vampire admitted too quietly for a human to hear but the next moment he found someone smacking him over the back of the head.

"I heard that Dracula." The new boy informed him with a look of mild annoyance, unwittingly having grabbed the attention of everyone in the room with his brazen and frankly unheard of actions towards the Cullens. Rosalie spluttered in fury as the human took a seat and promptly stole her apple, she didn't even get a chance to berate him before he was striking up conversation with Alice and Jasper and chowing down on her food.

I like him, he's funny. Alice's thoughts told her older brother with glee.

Annoying – foul – should break his neck – nosy – human – ARGH! Rosalie's however were more amusing.

Imma think I'll call you Pixiestix, you Princess, you Tiny, you Sour-Dough and I think Imma call you, Mr-I'm-Reading-Your-Mind Rude. Butt out buster or I'll parade my Headmaster naked before your mental eyes. The threat was backed up with the tune for the YMCA and Edward hastily turned his attention else where, almost missing the smirk that flickered across the stranger's face.

"Soooo, Draculinas and Draculas, how'd you end up here of all places? The wettest most boring place in the world and that's saying something because I've been living in Scotland for a long time." The stranger asked easily as he sneakily filched Alice's sandwich from her plate, they were helping each other really, Harry was hungry and they needed to maintain an illusion of eating so if he stole the food while no one was paying attention, people would assume the Vampires ate their fill and were letting the bottomless pit consume the leftovers.

Rosalie bristled at the nickname 'Draculina', "None of your business plebeian." She hissed unpleasantly.

Harry gave her a puppy-dog look, before making a mocking kissy face at her, "D'aww, don't like the name Draculina Princess?" He teased her, going cross-eyed and leaning back just quickly enough to avoid the swipe she made for his face with a laugh. "Would you prefer Ferret?" The blonde growled, completely inarticulate in her anger, "Amazing bouncing Ferret?" He added with a suggestive leer at her rather prominent chest which she had no problem with showing off.

The human didn't wait for Rosalie's reaction, he just stole the last piece of Edward's sandwich and took off out of the cafeteria with a laugh as the blonde woman finally leapt to her feet, fully intending on ripping him apart before Emmett wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Chuckling too much to even try and calm her down.

And that was how the Cullens met Harry Potter.


Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to.


Despite being able to read every one of Harry Potter's thoughts, Edward found himself utterly fascinated and thoroughly entertained by the young man.

He was just so vibrant and alive compared to everyone around him, almost as though they were just pale ghosts in the world or flickering candles around a bonfire. So many times he had been caught completely off guard by something that he'd just gone and done without thinking about it that Edward had needed to do a double take more than once. Like the time when he was calmly bouncing down the hall and then proceeded to cartwheel and then kick Mike Newton in the face so hard that he was knocked into the lockers, Harry would have been suspended if anyone had been able to see the nasty little smirk on his lips after it happened but they didn't and only Emmett had seen the whole thing before sharing it with the rest of the family.

Almost as amusing were the little snarky fights between the green eyed boy and Rosalie; he was completely fearless as he jabbed, poked, needled and otherwise ruffled the blonde Vampire into fits of unadulterated fury. When Jasper asked him why, he just responded with 'She needs to loosen up and stop trying to emulate a Marble statue. Plus, she's hot when she's pissed. Emmett probably likes her all fired up.' This was said with a saucy waggle of his eyebrows and Edward ended up needing to bash his head against the table as the dark haired male purposely began to send images of Rosalie and Emmett intimately involved, they also happened to include handcuffs, whips, chains, vibrators, ballgags, collar and a full body PVC catsuit and Fuck-Me-Bitch!Boots. Carisle and Esme had a good laugh over it when they got home and Alice informed them of the latest chaos involving their little green eyed gem.

Edward also found himself Transferring from Biology into Art, just so he would have a subject with the fascinating little human – the scathing thoughts Rosalie sent him when she found out would have made a lesser man question his will to live, Edward was so used to it he simply told her to stop sulking about losing her latest fight.

He could draw, not as well as any of them but still VERY well for a human, and even though the teacher praised him for his imagination, Edward knew from picking through the other's thoughts that everything he drew and painted was real. He also got to see more mangled cartoons dancing around the other male's head which had him trying not to laugh into his paintpots.

All the while, the school was positively buzzing with rumours about Todd Black and the Cullens, Billy hadn't been too happy when a few of them reached his ears and both he and Harry ended up having a huge row over it. One that involved Harry leaving the reserve without a backwards glance, marching up to Chief Swann, latching onto his waist and blinking up at him with huge soulful green eyes in the middle of the police station and saying: 'Love meeeeeeee'. The other officers were still laughing about it.

So Harry moved in with Charlie Swann under the conditions that he kept the place tidy and put a serious effort into school, which he did. For the most part. The Cullens found out that he had left the Reserve about a week after he'd started crashing at Charlie's place having caught his scent around the place and Charlie's on his clothing, at first they'd asked him if it was an affair, to which Harry let them think so for a few hours until Edward finally figured out why the other teenager was doing the Cartoon-Evil!Cackle in his head the whole time. After which the Vampires seemed rather indignant that he hadn't gone to them while Edward fell into self-loathing that he wouldn't want to stay with them because he was a monster, Harry had just given them a weird look and flicked Edward on the nose claiming that he had no intention of sharing a house with people who could hear when he jacked off in the shower.

That said and done, Harry soon found himself the victim of night time stalking. Which was rather funny because whenever he was awake, he would fake being asleep and then mumble utter nonsense just to screw with Edward's head.

It took him a week to figure it out.

The rest of the time he spent sitting on the roof with either Jacob, Leah or one of the Cullens, he always made sure that it was one or the other, never both after that disastrous first meeting between Leah and Rosalie – who had come to get her favourite pair of panties back, how Harry managed to steal them was completely beyond the Vampire but she was going to wring his neck until she found out.

Then Charlie's daughter came to join them.


The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.


Isabella Swann.....

Teenage girl from Phoenix, Arizona, Charlie's daughter from his ex-wife, used to do Ballet, used to do a lot of things.

Harry's main impression of her was... she was drifting.

She didn't quite know what to do with herself; she was your average teenage girl thrown into a completely different world, out of her depth and uncertain of who to turn to. She was entirely too much of a hopeless romantic as well as Harry had discovered through helping her put her books away, the sheer number of crappy romance novels made his eyebrows climb into his hairline.

Then Jacob and Billy popped over to give Bella – who Harry had decided to call Isa (Eee-zah) due to the uncomfortable memories of Bellatrix Lestrange – a pick up truck. A nice orange one. Conversation between Billy and Charlie was a little strained as the two teenagers and 29-year-old who looked like a teenager bounced around and generally fell about themselves around the truck, Charlie was still a little miffed that Billy would throw 'Todd' out of his home and Billy was uncomfortable with his friend's righteous anger – because he was right, Billy shouldn't have thrown Harry out just because he was open minded enough to befriend the Vampires. No matter how much he may have hated it, he should have expected it. Harry Potter was well known for being not quite human, nothing like your average wizard and entirely welcoming of anyone regardless of species, he was also well known for not taking shit like discrimination and prejudice.

At school the next day, Harry escorted Isa – more like skipped ahead of her cheerfully 'do-do-doo-do-do'ing the 'This is Halloween' tune from A Nightmare Before Christmas – to class and prevented individuals such as Mike Newton that overly helpful and slightly oily Asian kid whose name he could never remember from mobbing his poor pretty foreign friend. Poor girl looked a bit overwhelmed, but these small towns were so close knit that a fresh face was like having a celebrity in the same coffee shop as you.

He'd decided to forgo sitting with the Cullens to sit with Isa and her newest friend Jessica whatsherface, the slutty one who kept trying to flirt with him only to be treated to a completely bemused look. If anyone wanted to flirt with him, they needed to wear a sign, like a sticker on their forehead reading 'I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU' before Harry would bother to pay attention to them. (the otherside of the cafeteria Edward nearly choked and Alice grinned wildly)

He was only listening with half an ear to the conversation between Isa and Jessaroo when the subject of the Cullens came up and Harry found himself growling slightly, giving the Forks Native a scathing look.

"Sit down, shut up, eat your goddamn salad and stop being such a petty little bitch." He ordered coldly, "You have no idea how many children in this world would kill to be in their position. To have a family. So keep your ignorant, backwater hick gob shut." He hissed hatefully, causing the dark haired girl to pale and burst into tears, running from the room with a hand pressed over her mouth.


The whole table, and the two around it, didn't dare move or blink as 'Todd' finished his drink before pausing and looking around in faux confusion, "Oh dear, was it something I said?" He asked innocence practically dripping from his voice.

Emmett couldn't take it, he started to laugh Alice and Jasper in close behind him while Rosalie smirked and Edward merely chuckled at the expressions on the faces of their schoolmates.

Harry grinned in a distinctly foxy manner.


The darkness is not something one should fear, it is what is within that darkness we must understand.


"What are you?"

Such a simple question that made things so much more complicated.

"Err... Lunch on two legs?"

Edward scowled.

Harry grinned and danced out of arms reach, "I'm just messin'." He chirped, hands held out in front of him at the unhappy vampire's darkening expression.

"Then answer. You don't smell like food, you knew what we were on first sight, you can hear just as well – probably even better – than us, you're not a Vampire and you're not a Shapeshifter and you're not a proper Werewolf either. You run faster, hit stronger and can take more punishment than a human. What are you?" He repeated with a frustrated growl.

Harry's smile fell in a sombre expression as he jerked his head towards the forest, "Not here." He stated before leading the other male away, no one actually noticed their disappearance aside from Isabella who watched after them with curious, slightly jealous, but mostly lost dark eyes. She turned and rejoined their classmates, not even attempting to follow them.

"What I am is... complicated." Harry finally spoke as they reached a part of the forest where very little light managed to breech the trees overhead. He sat himself down on a fallen tree, casually swiping a hand across the wet mossy bark, stripping it away and leaving himself with a dry seat. Edward didn't bother to sit or find somewhere to sit, he wanted answers, the Vampire wasn't going to move until he got them.

Harry sighed, "As you probably know, there are three types of Vampire, Lamia – or Lure Vampires, which is what you and the rest of the family are, Vampyre – those who are born into this lifestyle, and the Nosferatu, the elders, the First Blood. You know there are different forms of Werewolf, even as far as the Werecat and in Japan the Werefox. But what you don't know... is that there are other forms of human." He explained, keeping his eyes on Edward's own yellow ones to make sure he could read the truth from Harry's own mind.

"I was born a Wizard, it's just a term that we've adopted but we don't actually have a scientific name or a reason for the energy we're able to manipulate. My friend theorised that it was because more of our brains were active compared to the rest of the human population, that theory was shot down rather soundly when we discovered that Magic actually destroyed the brain the more one used it. I'll explain that one later. But either way, I was born different to the average human. I grew up normally at least, when I was eleven I was accepted into a school that would teach me to control and use my little ability. But I got caught up in a war. Politics with these people is positively medieval and I don't want to get into that right now, I'll explain later but its just too convoluted and you're impatient enough already.

"I got caught up in a war at the age of fourteen, at fifteen everything came into the open, at sixteen my headmaster at school handed me over to a secret organisation that operated within our government, think of it as something like Black Ops, Area 51 or experimental bio-weaponry. But either way, they took me and I spent four years with them, I don't remember much of anything beyond needles and pain and cold and blood. But when I left, I was supposed to be twenty... I barely looked sixteen." He ran a hand through his unruly hair, looking away and not meeting Edward's eyes, eyes that were strangely blank and empty now. "I fought and I finished the war, burned my enemy alive with a strange kind of white fire that I could somehow create without the use of a focus. Then I went back to living life as best I could, tried the whole settling down and getting married thing, didn't work out when I found out I'd basically been drugged and nearly raped by the woman of my dreams, also my bestfriend's younger sister. Hmm... joined the Government to try and sort out the mess of the war, make sure another one didn't crop up, did my best but I give them another 80-years before someone else comes along and starts shit stirring and lastly... I decided to try and find out what I was."

He shrugged a shoulder, "I still don't know."


To know what is right, and not to do it, is the worst cowardice.


Mike Newton was a pain in the backside and if he didn't back off – Harry was going to break his face.

Now, Harry thought he had been perfectly accommodating of the other man's issues but enough was enough, he wasn't sixteen and he wasn't going to tolerate this child's behaviour.

So the dark haired teenager lay in wait after school, lurking behind the Sports Hall and waited for the A-Typical Jock to finish with whatever the heck it was he was doing. He waited and waited and finally had his chance, layering an innocent illusion over them all he carefully separated Newton and herded him to the quiet corner Harry was currently taking refuge in.

And then he broke the illusion.

Mike blinked lazily, as if waking up from a dream only to find Harry leaning against a tree in front of him looking rather annoyed.

"Y'know, I could handle all the idiotic Hill-Billy insults and baseless prejudice you've been throwing my way all week, but the fact that it's all a hypocritical pile of Dragon dung is what's been pissing me off." The green eyed male informed the larger male coolly.

Ever since the incident with Jessica, Mike Newton and his little gang seemed to have come to the conclusion that 'Todd Black' was as gay as a three dollar coin. So they'd started throwing verbal abuse at him, even accusing him of Satanism and Witchcraft and Animal Sacrifice along with paedophilia and bestiality. Most of the time, 'Todd' just laughed until he had to sit down and catch his breath or until he got hiccups and laughed even harder, the Cullens and Bella Swann seemed to be the only ones who really jumped to his defence, the dark haired teenager merely waved them off as if he'd heard it all before and even worse.

"What the hell are you taking about, fag?" Mike spat, glaring for all he was worth at the supposedly younger teenager.

"The fact that you yourself are gay and you've been staring at my ass since I arrived, dipshit. That's what I'm talking about you hypocritical jackass." Harry explained simply, as if he were talking about the weather, watching with detached interest as Mike Newton's face went white and then red and then puce in an alarming impression of his Uncle Vernon.

"No I fucking haven't you fucking Faggoty-fairy!" He snarled, raising a fist threateningly.

Harry pushed himself away from the wall and stalked over to the taller male, "You. Are. Gay." He reiterated, jabbing him in the chest with a finger with every word and forcing him to step backwards from the suddenly ferocious seeming teenager. "Or at the very least into both. Honestly, you Americans, you're such a bunch of backwards monkey shites. If its religion or the bible that makes you so against it, the Bible was written by the same people that said Slavery was A-OK, women were property and people who eat shrimp are going to end up on the same level of Hell as a child molester." He explained with narrowed green eyes and a dramatic voice, all he had to say on religion was: Stop going to fucking Church on Sundays and do something about all the suffering in the world, go out onto the streets and hand out bagels or something to the homeless, that'd go a lot further with the Man Upstairs than bitching out homosexuals and Muslims.

"Stop taking out your insecurity issues on me and get on with your life." He finished before quirking a grin at him, "Besides, I could so kick your ass." He declared before cheerfully bouncing off.

"You're gay?" A voice asked from the shadows.

"You're a stalker?" He asked back in faux surprise as he glanced over his shoulder to his Vampiric shadow, Edward didn't even have the good grace to look sheepish, oh of course now he tries once he's read it from his mind. "No, not really. I'm more of, 'if it moves and looks good go for it' kind of guy." He admitted with a shrug before pulling a face, "Though never blondes or red heads. Bad colours for me." Here he stuck his tongue out in disgust.

Edward resolutely ignored the slight thrill in his stomach from those words.


If you want a better world – get busy in your own little corner.


Rosalie huffed, blowing a strand of hair from her face as she watched her brother's antics, it was a warmer than usual day – though Alice assured them that the sun would not make an appearance – so they had decided to sit outside for once. And of course, the little Non!Human joined them.

Grudgingly, the blonde Vampiress had to admit, since his arrival, Edward had been more lively, everything had been to be honest. And it wasn't often she found someone who could go toe to toe with the sharp side of her tongue; he seemed to truly relish the verbal sparring as well. She should have been frustrated and angry that he was managing to worm his way into their family – she was – but at the same time it felt right, like he belonged. It must have been the way he kept needling and ruffling Edward into reacting, tackle hugged Alice when she least expected it, keeping up with Emmett and returning playful innuendo, it was clear he wasn't quite sure how to handle Jasper with his Empathy so he just shrugged and treated him like Alice, tackle hugs and all.

Right now, Harry and Edward were engaged in an arm-wrestling contest, Edward was winning but it was interesting to see that they were both putting their all into the fight – even if Harry was using both hands. And his body weight.

The blonde woman chuckled slightly as the non!human lost and groaned pathetically as Emmett and Jasper teased him about his 'Puny Mortal Strength', the green eyed male just glowered and put up with it, the faint edge of a smile lingering on his mouth.

She couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Edward, the non!human he was so interested in was completely clueless, and really, he would have to have been completely clueless to miss all the signs glaring at him in sparkling neon lights. Edward Cullen wanted the green eyed European who didn't even know what the hell he was.

Perhaps she should help?

After all, the non!human was a much better choice than the Singer Girl who persisted in following them around like a mutant Puppy.

Rosalie sniffed and filed her nails, foolish girl, the reason for Edward's extreme reaction of her was because he wanted to eat her, not sleep with her. Idiot girl.


A smooth sea never made a skilled Mariner.


"I know what you are."

Harry wanted to groan, here he was taking a nice break from his leechy friends, a chance to go out hunting and enjoy himself – re: gorge himself on fresh meat – but instead, he had to fall asleep in the tree above Isabella Swann when she decided to make her point and inform Edward that she knew what he was and she didn't care and they could have sparkly love and then babies and then live happily ever after in their sparkly vampiric lives and all would be sparkly and happy and Harry wanted to puke up that stag he'd just eaten.

"Congratulations Chicadee, welcome to the club." He announced sarcastically from overhead, "Now go away. I'm tired." He grunted before rolling over, forgetting for a moment he was in a tree, and falling out. Isabella gasped in horror and cringed as she felt the air behind her sweep past with the speed of Edward's movement, he reached up and caught the falling non!human just as his whole body twisted to land on his feet, thus Harry ended up kneeling on Edward's chest with the Vampire's arms around his waist.

"You just had to fall out of the tree." The Vampire taunted.

"I didn't have to. But right now I feel like I have to throw up on you." He retorted, pulling his legs down and standing on his feet, pulling himself away with a slightly nauseated look on his face. "Why do you think I sleep after I eat? Unlike you Vamps, I need time to settle my stomach and digest raw meat." He leaned against a tree and swallowed thickly, "If I throw up, you're hunting me a replacement meal." He threatened with a nasty glower.

The two of them were completely obvious to Bella Swann stood on the sidelines watching the exchange with large brown eyes and a sense of sinking realisation.


A little bit of silliness is relished by the wisest of men.



"Eddikins... why does it say 'I am flirting with you' in permanent marker on your forehead?" Harry asked, eyebrows in his hairline as he noticed the century old Vampire lurking outside his bedroom window again.

"Emmett and Rosalie seemed to think it would be a good idea." He complained, watching with fascination as the green eyed male twisted his body out of the window in a lazy sinuous action and pulled himself easily onto the roof where they could sit down.

"So they pinned you down and drew on your face? Kinda... beneath Rosalie, isn't it?" He asked sceptically.

Times like this, Edward was glad he couldn't blush.

"She said she was helping me."

"Through graffiti."

"Through graffiti."


"Huh... Think they knew you were coming to see me?" He asked lightly, making sure to play the most obnoxious thing he could imagine in his head – the Crazy Frog Ringtone – to hide his thoughts. Judging from the twitch of Ed's shoulder, he'd tried to see what he was thinking.

"It's... a possibility." He admitted reluctantly.

"Huh..." Harry repeated.

And that was that.


Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.


Harry actually found himself rather nervous.

He was going to be meeting Dracula and Draculina Senior – ahem, Carlisle and Esme Cullen for the first time. It was a slightly nerve wrecking moment because the idea of meeting people who had been kind enough to save the four Vampires who had fast become dear friends and take them in as their own... these people were important to his friends. VERY important.

What he didn't know was that Carlisle was curious as to what exactly he was, he knew who he was, but the knowledge that the so called 'Saviour of Magic' was some kind of Magical creature was a well kept secret. He wanted to examine him and determine what he was because he was intensely curious about him, he was like them but also not, he didn't age, he ate raw meat and blood, he was strong and fast and had better senses, but he was undoubtedly alive.

Esme just wanted to mother him.

The thought of being human and then being changed into something else, no one to teach you, to help you, no one even like you, to not even know what you were... it must have been so hard on the poor boy.

Digging through his bottomless bag, he hunted for the best change of clothes he had, after having run through several countries and raided Flea Markets and charity shops he had a large collection of clothing of almost every different style and colour. In the end he thought, 'its dinner, we'll be going out hunting. Anything'll do.' And thus grabbed a pair of loose black linen trousers from India which were tucked into a pair of hiking boots who had probably seen better days and a sleeveless black and red top he got in China, it was a cheap scrap of cloth, black with red trimmings but it should hopefully hide any bloodstains. Grabbing his keys and his phone, the dark haired male sauntered downstairs, not noticing the look on Isabella's face as he casually scrawled a note for Charlie and stuck it to the fridge and went about making something for Bella to reheat and have for her own dinner.

"You... look nice." The younger girl admitted, making him look up from the bacon he was frying.

He shrugged, "Just some random stuff I grabbed while running through India and China. Cheap as chips actually. Good thing to, they'll probably get destroyed." He caught the look on her face and laughed, "Not like that. Its dinner, ergo, we're going hunting. Unlike them, I eat the meat; it can be quite messy so I'm not wearing anything I'll miss."

"Oh." Bella murmured, feeling quite silly now as her friend began to butter a piece of bread and then lay the bacon strips on top of it, "Then... why are you cooking?" She asked with a frown.

"It's for you. Charlie would kick my ass if I didn't feed you Chicadee." The green eyed male declared as he whipped out the ketchup and squeezed a few blobs across the bacon – the way he'd seen her eat it before – and cut it in half before putting it on a plate. "Sorry I couldn't stick around tonight but I've been meaning to talk to Dracula-Senior for a while and anyway, the pranking opportunities are just too sweet to miss." He admitted with a diabolical grin that had Bella chuckling slightly.

The sound of a car horn outside reminded them of the time, Harry grinned and handed her the plate with the sandwich on, "Stay out of trouble and I'll see you tomorrow morning." He told her easily with a pat to the head before he was making his way out of the house and climbing into Edward's silver car – Volvo? – and putting his seatbelt on.

"You look... nice." The Vampire finally admitted, having managed to unglue his eyes from Harry's upper arms, they were a tad more muscular than Edward had been expecting, the scars were another thing. Carlisle would be very interested in examining those.

Harry chuckled, "That's the second time someone's said that tonight." He admitted, "It's just some rags I got while on the run, figured that if we're going to be having dinner than I shouldn't wear something I don't mind getting trashed." Edward nodded, sound thinking, he was so far the only one in the Coven who had seen Harry's animal form. So really, he was the only one who knew that not only would he be able to keep up but he'd probably be just as affective, if not more so, than they were as predators.

The drive down was in silence, despite the fact that Edward could hear the other male's heart and his thoughts, wondering if Esme was anything like Molly Weasley which in heart Edward could say they were similar, but not in appearance. Molly in Harry's mind was beautiful in the human motherly way; Esme was gorgeous no matter what way.

The green eyed male's hands were shaking slightly as they reached the house, but not from nervousness as many would have assumed, but rather excitement – and some nervousness as well, he conceded.

"Harry!" Alice called from the roof, jumping down lightly and hugging her friend who grinned and returned the action, spinning her around for kicks.

"So this is the one Edward has found such interest in." Announced a male voice from behind them. Harry jumped away from Alice with a slight yip of alarm; he hadn't even smelt the man coming! Let alone heard him.

"Yeesh! Vampires, why can't you trample around like normal people? Stop being such Ninjas or you'll drive me into an early grave!" He complained bitterly, making the handsome man laugh. "This means you must be Carlisle right? Unless there's something you're hiding under the doctor's coat?" He asked with a suggestive leer that had Alice laughing while Edward shifted slightly.

Carlisle just smirked, "You will never know what's under the doctor's coat." He retorted playfully while Harry nodded.

"Good. You're what? A good century older than me, so paedophilia."

Alice elbowed him, "Isn't paedophilia if you're over 18 Sweetie." She pointed out with a laugh.

"So it isn't!" He exclaimed in faux surprise before turning to the previously silent Vampire, "Well Edward, looks like you're still in with a shot!" He exclaimed in amusement before linking his arm with Alice and sauntering up to the house. Leaving the brown haired Vampire to choke on his tongue and Carlisle to laugh.


Leave your mortality behind – you no longer need it.


It was safe to say Esme was smitten with the soon-to-be-newest addition to the family.

He'd acted the part of the perfect Gentleman when they were introduced and flattered her outrageously to the point where she teased Carlisle about leaving him for a younger man, the younger man whose eyebrows hadn't stopped waggling since the start and was now causing them all to start laughing. Or in Emmett's case, eye him in confused horror.

The hunt went well, if the family were at first confused about why Edward wasn't picking his non!human up they didn't ask, especially when they started running and found themselves actually following the non!human as he led them towards a small Deer herd he could smell. Each of them caught one and began to feed; it was only the growl that alerted them to anything amiss.

Jasper, his eyes black with hunger, was eyeing up the fresh kill in front of Harry, the deer lying with both its legs broken, quite dead, with its entrails spilled out onto the ground and Harry, crouched, half leaning over it, nose to nose with the Vampire, his eyes as red as freshly spilt blood with a slit pupil and bared fangs was growling at the other Vampire.

It looked like a fight was going to break out until the smaller of the two, simply reached over and ripped a chunk of fur off and pointed to the bleeding patch before his body shifted again, pale white skin becoming snow white fur with a streak of black down his spine and three long fluffy white tails flicking out in contentment as sharp canines dug into the ripped open stomach of his meal.

For a moment, they thought he was a Shapeshifter from the Quileute tribe before they cottoned on to something that wasn't quite right.

The Quileute transformed into wolves, and none of them were white. Harry was a large white fox with three tails, each tipped in black and gold fur.

Unperturbed by this change, Jasper latched onto the bare patch of flesh and the two of them shared their meal before the fox merely stepped back to clean himself of the pink patches of blood on his fur, allowing the blonde haired Vampire to finish off the Deer.

The hunt continued.


Beware, lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.


When they returned to the house, Esme insisted on everyone watching a film together in the living room, in the end, after much arguing, they ended up watching Wall.E, a romantic comedy about a pair of robots, one a 700-year-old street cleaner and the other a modern search robot sent to earth looking for plant life.

About halfway through, Alice noticed that their guest had curled up and gone to sleep from his spot between Edward and Jasper, the fox-shifter was using Edward's leg as a pillow with his knees and elbows tucked in against his chest. He looked remarkably like a cat in that position and Esme had to visibly stifle her coos of delight as she rushed out to find the Camera while Edward began to glare hot death at Emmett as he thought less than innocent things about the 29-year-old and his brother.

Twenty minutes later and Esme had a large number of photos and Edward had gently scooped up the sleeping male and carried him upstairs to his room and set him down on his sofa bed thing. Carlisle had made a brief examination of the sleeping fox-shifter downstairs and simply told them that he was digesting the raw meat in his stomach in much the same way a lion would. Gorging oneself on meat and then sleeping as it is digested and stored within the body.

The Vampire threaded his fingers through the mop of dark hair on the other male's head, absently wondering just when it was he'd started to feel this way.

For so many years he had been on his own, hiding from everyone, not wanting to lose himself in blood-lust but at the same time, unwilling to open himself to another and let them see the monster he kept hidden even from his family. Unlike them, he could feel his darker self at the back of his mind, clawing at the cage he kept him locked up in, hear the near constant whispers to take a bite, drain them dry, so fragile and delicate, completely within your grasp. He'd pushed everyone away save those he knew he had no chance at hurting, he'd tried to push Esme away because of that but she was not one to allow such a thing.

He supposed it was a mixture of things that drew him to Harry.

What, he had no idea; just that he... liked him.

And perhaps... more than he should.


Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.


Harry was dancing.

It wasn't the fact that he was currently 'Shakin' it like he meant it' across the cafeteria room, but it was the music that was blaring out from his headphones that had several people looking at him with wide eyes and an expression of pure scandal written across their faces.

The Vampires however, were bobbing their heads along in time with the beat.

After all, Love Me Dead by Ludo was a very good song.


Today's accomplishments were yesterday's impossibilities.


Playing Baseball with Harry was a lot of fun, Alice decided as she had to duck the ball Harry nearly sent through her head.

He wasn't as strong as they were, but he was a lot faster – perhaps only a touch more agile than Edward. Which meant that both teams were finally evened out in terms of speed for the first time ever.

Harry was in the middle of running when he froze, just as a Vision struck Alice.

"Oh, fuck." Harry muttered, his voice quiet but carrying easily over to the Vampires and entirely heartfelt. "Jumping Jesus on a Pongo stick, do they ever give up?" He complained, making Emmett snort at his choice of expletive.

Edward looked at him even as Jasper and Esme crowded around a pale Alice, "What- who is it?" He asked.

Harry glanced at him before quirking an odd grin, one that Edward didn't have a chance to read before his head was being jerked down and his mouth practically attacked. His brain kind of shut down at that point in sheer surprise before Harry pulled back, ruffled his hair and laughed.

"Sorry Dracula, but looks like I'm on the run again. Toodles." And just like that, Harry took off running again, heading in the opposite direction to the one where the Vampires were following him.

"What the hell?" Rosalie demanded, her eyes wide, she had seen the impromptu kiss – though it was more of a face rape – and heard what Harry had said before he was off in a burst of speed that she damn well knew most Vampires would never be able to keep up with.

Edward just touched his slightly sore lips.


Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.


A month later and Harry was yet again stood on their doorstep, grinning like a monkey.

"Hey guys, guess what?" He chirped happily to the absolutely shell shocked Edward Cullen and family.

"I'm a demon! Isn't it great? I know what I am. Oh and I got rid of my little Vampire problem, who knew you guys could be killed by trains?"