Sorry for such the long wait; this is probably the last time I'll update any of my stories. Sorry.
Ugh, why did Tanya have to go and ruin everything?! I had just gotten Bella back, just gotten her trust in me, and then she goes and attacks me, which messes it all up! Dammit, I love her!
Damn! Do I really love Bella? I already knew that answer, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. I had told her that I loved her, but I wasn't so sure. But now I was. Well, screw it. If I love Bella, and I know I do, then I'm gonna go after her until she forgives me. Even if it takes forever, I will try every single day of forever.
But, I knew Bella wouldn't ever want to speak to me again. Or see me again. Which means I will never be able to get to ask for her forgiveness, and tell her everything that had happened? The real reason why Tanya was on top of me, how I loved her, and how I would never leave her if she gave me another chance, which she won't. Because I know. I know she won't ever forgive me. And for that reason, I will hate myself.
Ugh that bastard! That bitch! Hadn't he hurt me enough?! I wanted him gone, but I also wanted him near me, to comfort me. What the hell was wrong with me? I had never felt that way after I learned Mike had cheated on me. I just wanted to kick his sorry ass.
Don't get me wrong; I would gladly kick Edward's ass right now. But then I would go and tell him I loved him, and that I was sorry. Ugh. I hate being in love. It just sucks.
I want Edward right now. Oh God, do I want him. I want him to comfort me, to tell me it would be all right, but I was too proud to go up to him and ask for him to forgive me. But I was too broken, and even if I did, he wouldn't be able to fix me. No one had been able, and no one will be able to. I was just a broken house with the walls falling down. Edward deserved more than that, he deserved a full house, someone who could give him their all. And not back out because of that freaking incident all those years ago.
*Flash Back- 1985- senior year*
I was walking home from a party celebrating our graduation. Finally, we were finished! Angela had called me twice already, so when my phone rang, I wasn't surprised at the caller ID.
"Angiiiieee" it flashed. She always had a thing with writing her name weirdly. I laughed, and answered it.
"Angela, I told you I was fine. My house is only a block from Jessica's, I can walk that far without hurting myself too badly!" I heard laughing on the other side of the line, and laughed with her.
"I know, I know, okay? But knowing you, I want you to answer your phone every time I call you, just to make sure you haven't , I don't know, walked into a lamp post and blacked out." I laughed.
"Ang," I began as I walked down the alley to my house. "That is so mean of you to say!" I said, sarcastically. She laughed.
"Hey, knowing you, it could happen!" I hopped the fence, and jumped onto the dumpster. One more block and I was at my street.
"Hey Ang, got to go. You know me, and walk and talk even if I try my hardest!"
She laughed, and said,"'Kay, bye!" I closed the phone, and slipped it into my pocket. I hopped off the dumpster onto the ground. Phew.
I was about to turn onto the street when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Oh shit. I turned, and behind me stood a tall person, I assumed it was a man, with a ski mask and gloves on. She took a scarf out of one his pockets and held it up to my mouth, tying it behind my head. I knew I should scream, or do something to let someone know what was happening, but I was in shock, I guess.
He tied my mouth, and another scarf appeared around my hands. Then, he lifted me and placed me against the wall. He reached down to my pants, and slipped them down only far enough to be able to get, down-there. He also pulled down my panties, and then turned me so my face was pressed against the wall. I heard fabric being drawn, and I whimpered as I felt something slip inside of me. Then slide out. Once I had gotten used to the pain, he started whipping in and out of me, making me cry out in pain. He brought his hand onto my face, and slapped me- hard.
Then, he slipped out of me, pulled up his pants, and ran. I untied the scarf around my hands, and then pulled the scarf off of my mouth. I reached down, and pulled up my pants. I sat down, and cried. I pulled the phone out of my pocket, and dialed 9-1-1. I couldn't talk, and I knew even if I couldn't talk they would still help me, still find me. All I had to do was not talk.
And not talk I did. I forgot all about it; or actually, I blocked it all out. I never told anyone, but people found out anyways. People such as my parents, Angela, and Alice. I know, Alice and I weren't very friendly then, but I knew she would never tell anyone.
And no one else had found out about the rape. And no one will. Unless, I decide to tell Edward the reason why I can't let him into that part of my heart, how no one had touched it in years. I couldn't let him in there, let him touch me there. I hated that man, but he had taught me a valuable lesson. Never trust a man. Even if I really did want to trust Edward, with all my heart.