A/N- Ladies! Sorry for the delay. I had to break this chapter up and well sometimes the creative process is a bitch. LOL
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me
I was fucking pacing around my room like a maniac. The last forty five seconds of my life felt like an eternity as I waited for Bella's response. The song was "Come to my Window", that had to be an invitation, right? I really fuckin' hoped I had not jumped to some asinine conclusion, in turn making myself look like an idiot. I cringed at the thought of being rejected. It seems like it had been so very long since Bella and I were hanging out in her room into the wee hours of the night. Fuck, how I missed that and silently prayed tonight would end that long streak of estrangement between us. The vibrations of my phone stopped me immediately in mid stride.
"Yes, see you soon". B.
"On my way." E.
I was so fucking happy when I finally got her text. Then suddenly…unexpectedly, my nerves kicked into high gear as I stumbled across my room in attempt to find my keys. Rushing into my closet I pulled on the first sweatshirt I could find as I stuffed my phone and cigarettes into the shallow pockets of my sweatpants.
I practically flew down the stairs, the keys cutting into my hand as I gripped them tightly. Once in my car, I took a few long, deep, calming breaths. This was happening tonight. I was going to tell Bella the secrets I had been keeping form her for so long now. Pulling out a cigarette from my pocket I struggled to light it, my hands still slightly shaking.
"Fuck!" I yelled out slamming my fist on my steering wheel.
Get a fucking grip Cullen
I need to calm the fuck down already, this was Bella after all. I could trust her. She would not to judge or criticize me. However, she could possibly be hurt and I knew she would be fucking shocked. I hated the fucking thought of having to look into her eyes and see disappointment. I was so sick of disappointing her, sick of fucking hurting her.
All I ever wanted was to bring her comfort and happiness. I promised her I would. I promised myself that if ever given the chance I would do right by her. It was now my life's mission to make up for all the fucked up things I have done. Hopefully, after tonight…after I lay it all out for her, I can start to make good on these promises to her….to myself.
Finally, after conquering that bitch of a tree, I was making my way across a long branch that extended to Bella's window. As I approached, I could see Bella brushing her hair in front of the full length mirror across her room.
The Jealous Mother Fucker was quick to respond, paralyzing me where I stood. I felt like some kind of creepy, fucking peeping tom just standing here, watching her in this voyeuristic fashion.
Well fuck, since I was incapable of moving, I might as well enjoy the view. Tightening my grip on the branch above my head I allowed my forehead to rest on my arm. She looked so fucking beautiful, her hair still slightly damp from the shower. Remembering all the nights I use to sit on her bed anticipating the moment she would emerge back into the room smelling like fucking heaven and looking like an angel. She was my both my heaven and hell.
I continued to watch as Bella was gathering her long soft curls up off the base of her neck as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail. I watched as she bit down on her bottom lip while she looked over her hair, smoothing every last hair into place. Once she seems satisfied with how she looked, she stepped back slightly and started to pull off her robe.
Son of a bitch!
I groaned to myself, pulling my eyes away and quickly looking around the yard trying to give her some sort of privacy. I cursed The Jealous Mother Fucker, I was feeling so fucking guilty watching her like this. Who am I kidding, I was fucking ogling her. How could I not? I fucking loved her. Beyond the person she was, beyond how amazingly prefect she was for me. She was perfect physically too. Everything about her was perfect, her face, her eyes, her hair, her lips.
Shut the fuck up! I growled at The Jealous Mother Fucker. Christ, was I ever going to be able to control that? I shook my head in disgust, probably not. Not around Bella, not when she was able to make me think things and feel things I had never felt in my life. Not when everything inside me was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement. My head snapped back in the direction of her window. I watched a fully dressed Bella hanging her robe on the back of her closet door.
She had been wearing clothes all along. I was not as fucking perverted as I had felt moments ago. That was until I allowed myself to take in just exactly what she was wearing. My eyes slowly took in the sighted before me. Bella was wearing a fucking tiny, hot pink, tank top with thin straps that draped over her soft shoulders. They were clearly not sufficient for the frigid November weather.
Had she worn this on purpose?
My eyes continued down her body taking note of the tiny sliver of her stomach that peeked out just above her waist. I drew in a deep breath as I struggled to keep The Jealous Mother Fucker at bay. On her hips, hung black cotton pants with a wide pink waistband that read 'Victoria Secrets", matching her top.
There was a large white heart drawn onto the black pants. I was sure that Victoria Secrets bitch had strategically placed on her hip to torture me. I raked my hand through my hair and prayed to God that "PINK" was not written across her perfect little ass.
As if Bella could read my fucking mind, she abruptly turned around, walking to her desk. And that's when I saw they didn't say 'PINK'. Oh yes, my prayers were answered.
However, I think God was playing a cruel joke on me. I could almost see him sitting in his thrown, looking down at me laughing as I read the word across Bella's ass. There in big, fucking bold, pink letters read the word 'LOVE'. That is what I get for being a fucking peeping tom.
Thanks God, its official, you hate me!
I had to get into her room now, before I let my mind get ahead of me. I was about to have a pretty fucking serious talk with her and I had to stay focused. I moved forward and pulled her window up. Instantly, I could feel the warmth from her room thawing my cold skin. Bella sort of jumped, startled slightly, as I entered.
"Hey, sorry you scared me," she said, as she hugged herself, rubbing her arms from the cold burst of air that whipped through the room.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to… Maybe I should have knocked," I replied, feeling like an idiot for just busting in on her.
"No Edward, its fine, really. I left the window unlocked for you. I knew you would be here soon." She blushed as she smiled up at me.
"Come here," she continued, as she took my hand and pulled me further into her room.
"Hang on," I said as I turned around quickly to shut the window with my free hand.
We made our way over to her bed where sat down tucking one leg under her. I couldn't help but smirk at her, she looked so nervous and so fucking cute.
"Are you ok?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow at her suspiciously, as Ishrugged my coat off.
"I'm good," she answered quickly.
I walked over to the chair at her desk, allowing myself to take in the smell of her room. Freesia, and fruit, and a sweetness that could only be Bella, calmed me as I tossed my jacket onto the chair. I pulled the chair closer to her bed and sat down.
"So,…how was your night?" I asked in attempt to break the silence.
She shrugged, "Ok, I guess," Her eyes fell to the floor as the blush crept up her cheeks. She wasn't hiding anything from me. She was so easy to read.
"B, you don't have to down play it. I really didn't want to go tonight, but I am glad you enjoyed yourself."
She looked up at me, her shoulders pulled forward slightly, the blush scorching her cheeks. "That has nothing to do with it," she said with a shy smile.
"Then what's up?" I questioned, confused. I leaned forward in attempt to meet her gaze. I could fucking help it, I reached out and brushed my thumb over her heated cheek.
"You're making me a little nervous here, B. Did something happen?" Why was she blushing like this? Did something happen with Jacob that she was not telling me?
Mine. The Jealous Mother Fucker growled.
Finally, Bella's eyes met mine as her blush meeting her ears. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at her shyness around me.
"I-I just missed you. That's all," she whispered. "And I'm happy, happy that you are here," she finished, biting down on her lip.
I cupped her chin and gently rubbed her lower lip, pulling it from her teeth. It took everything in my not to pull her to me and kiss her. Instead, I opted for the more acceptable thing to do. I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.
"I missed you too," I whispered into her skin.
I sat back in the chair and gave her probably the fucking goofiest smile she had ever seen. I was so fucking happy that The Jealous Mother Fucker was once again defeated. Once again, I was able to place my lips on her without any inference from him.
"What are you all smiles about?" she asked, looking much more relaxed.
"This, us," I motioned with my hand. "Hanging out here in your room, I missed it," I said honestly.
I licked my lips and tried to steal myself for what was to come next. I had to fucking tell her about my fucked up past.
"B, I'm really fucking sorry for this afternoon. I-I should have went shopping with you." I swallowed hard. "I promised you I would." I paused locking my eyes with hers. "I should have kept my promise."
Bella pulled out that fucking necklace that was tucked into her top. She started tugging at it like she always did, holding onto it like it was some kind of life line. I hated that necklace. What the fuck was on it anyway? Who the hell gave it to her? Why was it so dear to her? The questions came quicker and faster the angrier I got. So this is what it comes down to, The Jealous Mother Fucker was now fucking jealous of an inanimate object.
This was a new low.
"E, its ok Rose and Alice went with me and it actually turned out to be a good thing. I had to make the pies before going out, so the girls helped. Rose even took pictures," she said quietly.
My fucking stomach lurched. I felt so fucking bad. Again, I served her with a huge helping of disappointment. Once again, I let her down. And Bella just took it like a fucking trooper. I didn't fucking deserve her.
"Don't make excuses for me, Bella," I spat. "Don't ever say it's ok for me to fuck you over." I narrowed my eyes at the ground. "Because its not. You don't deserve that shit. You deserve so much fucking better…than…me." My last words were barely audible.
Bella started shaking her head. "Don't say that, Edward. Please…just don't say that," she said as she pulled the blanket up around her shoulders.
"Its true, I don't deserve you. I always fuck up and you always tell me how it's ok. And it's not, B." I shook my head.
"It's not ok. This is why I am here tonight maybe-" I drew in a deep breath.
"Maybe, once you know, it will help you understand me more…I want you to understand me more. I want you to know that I try to be good to you. You deserve that, you deserve someone…good," I finished, searching her eyes to see if she was following me.
She looked scared. I could see it in her eyes that look of fear and rejection. The same look she gave me that fucking night of the beach party. I needed to make this better and fast. She was taking it all wrong.
I quickly got up and moved from the chair. I kneeled down in front of her on the floor. I took her small hand in mine and laced them together. My eyes moved from our hands to her eyes.
"B, I want to be the good guy. I'm so fucking sick of being the bad guy in your life. Do you understand what I am saying?"
"I do," she nodded, relief washing over her face. She rubbed her free hand through my hair. It felt so fucking good, so comforting and reassuring. I let my eyes fall closed for a minute taking it in.
"I get jealous." The words spilled out of my mouth. My eyes flew open meeting hers. I swallowed thickly. She didn't look surprised to hear this. She looked pretty fucking at ease at with my confession.
Her lips pursed. "I know," she said quietly. "I mean, I didn't know, I was told," she admitted.
"Jacob." She looked at me nervously. "I told him that you were angry with me and he said that I was wrong. That it was not anger it was jealously." She bit down on her lip again.
"I didn't believe him at first… I-I mean why would you be jealous?" She left her final words out there…hanging. She was calling me out.
I got up and sat next to her on her bed. She turned to face me still awaiting my answer.
"It's not that easy Bella. It's not something simple I can just answer you without telling some other…things," I said.
She shifted around timidly. 'If y-you're not comfortable…I-I understand," she said, her eyes soft and truly understanding.
My angel always says the perfect fucking thing.
"No, B that is why I came over tonight. I have wanted to talk to you about this for awhile now. You….deserve to know, I want you to know."
I knew I had to fucking tell her before that son of a bitch Riley got to her and filled her head lies, and bullshit, and with God knows what else.
"Do you know why I moved here Bella?" I asked..
"Because, Carlisle got a job here," she answered.
"Yes, that's true. But I was the reason he had to find a job here." I gave her a moment to process this.
"Things got really fucked up back in Chicago my sophomore year. Even worse half way through the year, and that's when my parents decided I…we…needed to move."
Bella's mouth opened and closed a few times. She was debating on saying something. More likely she wanted to ask something.
"You don't have to worry, B, you can say what on your mind," I assured her.
She didn't say anything she just sat there for a moment… contemplating.
Finally she decided, "I will just listen for now. And ask questions when you're done," she nodded once.
I smiled at her. "If that's what you want that is fine with me."
"I met her when I was in the eighth grade. We were just kids," I shrugged. "She had this long curly red hair and bright blue eyes. We started hanging out when I parents allowed. She and Alice quickly became friends. My parents and her parents hung out in the same social circles. We spent all of our time together." I paused as I watched Bella reach up for her necklace again. She wouldn't look at me.
"Anyway it was inevitable that we ended up dating, like really dating, once we got into high school. We were each others first…everything. First kiss, first date, first dance, first fight, first-"
"First person you had sex with," Bella said so fucking quietly that I might not have heard it if I was not paying such close attention to her.
Her eyes met mine. With the saddest fucking look on her face I had ever seen. It fucking killed me to see this misery written all over her face. Her eyes were wide as she blinked slowly tears bubbling up in them. Her lips vaguely curved down. I wanted to do anything and everything to make this go away. I wanted her to smile at me. I wanted her to feel something around me other than sadness. I wanted to fucking stop hurting her.
This was the only way.
Telling her this, I was offering her another plate of shit, but maybe afterward she would see that I was baring my soul to her. And then finally…hopefully, she would see me for who I was, the person she made me want to be… the good guy… someone worthy of her.
I wanted to be worthy of Bella. I wanted to finally be able to tell her how I felt and fucking pray to God she would still give me the chance to be with her. I wanted to keep my promise to her, form the day we got her car, up in my room, when I promised her a fresh start.
New memories, good memories
I gently took her hand in mine, rubbing small circles with my thumb in the palm of her hand.
"Yes, she was my first and I was hers," I admitted.
She nodded and went to pull her hand from mine. But I quickly grabbed on to it, not allowing her to pull away.
"Don't pull away, B… Please let me hold your hand," I asked.
Her muscles relaxed a silent permission from her. As she sat there staring down at her lap.
"Did you love her?" she asked, still not look at me.
I wanted to throw up. This is not where this conversation was supposed to be going. I wanted to tell her how fucked up that relationship got and how I was completely fucked over and how I took it out on every other girl since. I was trying to tell her how I became this Jealous Mother Fucker and now here we are.
This is not where I wanted to be.
I didn't know how to answer this, not to Bella. I didn't want to say I thought I loved someone before her and once I had met her I knew I was wrong, that I was so fucking delusional to believe that I could have ever loved anyone the way I loved her.
I couldn't say all that right now. Not before she knew, not before I gave her the chance to try to take in all my shit and process it. She deserved to know the truth before I could tell her that.
"Bella we were only kids. We were like fucking fourteen years old when we met. We didn't know any better. I was young and stupid enough to believe at the time that perhaps it was love." I paused again. I needed to fucking try to convey to her that this was not the case anymore.
"Come here," I tugged gently on her arm. I scooting backwards until I was able to lean back against the headboard, pulling Bella into my lap. She made herself comfortable between my legs as I wrapped my arms around her.
Bella leaned back into me, relaxing up against my chest and ran her fingers lazily up and down my arms. I pressed my nose into the top of head and closed my eyes and just held her. In a feeble attempt to show her how much she means to me. How much more I care about her then anyone else I know or have known.
We sat like that for some time before she broke the silence.
"What's her name?" she asked, shifting slightly so she could look up at me.
I was so fucking wrapped up in this moment with her, I almost asked 'who'. but caught myself.
"Victoria," I choked out.
I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I had not said her name in such a long fucking time. I wouldn't even allow her name to be said around me. I fucking hated her and her name.
"Vict-"Bella started to say her name. My first and only instinct was to stop it. My hand shot over her mouth cover it just as she started to speak.
"Don't… she doesn't even deserve the air it takes you to say her name, Bella. She is a selfish and evil bitch and I don't even want to have the memory of you saying her name," I hissed.
She nodded and slowly removed my hand from her mouth.
"I'm sorry if that was rude of me. I-I just can't even stand the thought of you saying her name," I shifted her to my right so I could look directly into her eyes.
"Did I upset you?" I questioned.
"No, I-I mean obviously she did a number on you, Edward. I mean you loved her right?" she asked.
"No," I shook my head at her. "I was young, Bella. I said I thought it was love. It wasn't. I never knew love until- I never felt that strongly about anyone in Chicago," I stammered.
Fuck! I wanted to tell her so badly but I couldn't. The words just wouldn't come out. How hard is it to say? All I had to do was finish the fucking sentence …Until I met you Bella. How fucking hard is that?
Really fucking hard.
"She fucked over my family and me. She cheated on me and well…. that ended up costing me a lot, and my family too. Carlisle spent thousands of dollars all because of that bitch. And she turned me into…into someone I didn't even know anymore," I stopped to take a breath praying that the new direction this was going would spark different questions from Bella.
She sat there quietly waiting for me to continue. This is where I had to make a decision do I tell her just how fucked up Victoria was? Do I tell her exactly what she did to me, to my family? Or do I tell her about the Jealous Mother Fucker and why I was such a fucking prick all the time?
I chose The Jealous Mother Fucker. I knew eventually I would have to tell Bella what Victoria did. And I would, just not tonight.
"I completely changed, Bella. I started partying a lot. Drinking and staying out until all hours of the night. I was totally fucking reckless. I stopped playing the piano. I never even tried out for the basketball team, like I planned on doing. And as for girls, well I treated them like shit." The last words were almost a whisper. "I took it out on every girl that ever crossed my path. Every girl I knew, except… you.
Bella's eyes grew wide then shot to mine. I could feel her body tremble faintly in my arms. She was shocked to hear my confession.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked.
"I mean I used them all, Bella. I was a complete dick. I had sex with them, at parties, in my car, at school, basically anywhere and anytime I felt like it. I never called one of them. I never gave them a chance. I knew I didn't want anything from them but yet I would use them. Use them to take all my fucking pain out on them as if that were ever going to make anything better."
I felt like such a fucking asshole right now, telling Bella all my fucking disgusting past secrets. It's not like she didn't know I had a reputation. Everyone in fucking Forks loved to gossip, but she never heard it from me. She never knew just how fucking heartless I was for such a long time.
"I was a fucking monster Bella. I became a monster. Fuck, this is really fucking hard to say this shit to you.
"Edward, If you need to stop-" she said timidly.
"I want you to know Bella," I replied.
"Then tell me. If you trust me enough to tell me all of this, then I am here to listen. I want to know." She lay back against my chest taking my hand hers waiting patiently for me to continue.
"Thank you," I whispered into her hair and kissed the top of her head.
"The day I met you, everything changed. I changed. You made me laugh. I couldn't fucking stop thinking about you humming 'Brown eyed girl' in class. I wanted to get to know you. I wanted you to know me. Everything with you has always been so…easy." I looked down at her and she turned and smiled up at me.
"You remember that day?" she asked.
"Of course I do," I smiled back at her then she eased herself back into my arms.
"Then we became friends and slowly I started to-" I stopped mid sentence.
I was unsure how to go about telling her about The Jealous Mother Fucker without sounding like a total fucking lunatic. I knew if I told her that I had this 'inner voice' that was totally fucking jealous and possessive of her, I would sound like I had some disorder. She would think I was bipolar or had multiple personality disorder.
Obviously, I had neither.
"Bella, I feel very protective of you," I started. "You need to know why I act the way I do. I know I can run hot and cold, but I always thought it was best for me to keep you at arms length. I have tired to hide this side of me from you and failed so many times."
"Bella, I need you to look at me. I need you to try to understand what I am going to tell you."
She sat up and turned around in my lap. "Its ok, Edward. I'm here, whatever it is. I will try to understand." She was trying to comfort me.
God, I love her.
Bella, do you ever hear that inner voice inside your head?" I asked nervously.
"Yes," she nodded.
"Ok, good," I sighed. Well I have an inner voice too. Let me try to explain this to you."
I took in a very deep breath wishing I had a fucking cigarette right now.
I pulled Bella's hand to my lips and kissed the tips of her fingers one at time, in attempt to buy sometime as I gathered the courage to tell her.
"You know that inner voice, your gut instinct? That person you are inside yourself that thrives off all your most deep ceded emotions? The voice that tells you right from wrong, yes or no, go or stop? I have always been able to control that voice. Except with you. Bella, my inner voice is always telling me everything is yes, go, this is right, even if it was wrong. Do you understand what I am trying to say to you?"
It was hard for me to get a read on her. She was nodding but she seemed deep in thought.
"Bella? B, are you ok? Please tell me you understand what I was saying?"
"Yes, I'm fine…I think." She paused again, biting on her bottom lips. She was biting down so hard I could see the pink leaving her lip turning it white.
"Don't do that, B." I pulled her lip from her teeth. "You're going to draw blood soon."
"Oh sorry, I didn't even realize…" she trailed off.
"Dr Jekyll," she murmured to herself.
"Excuse me?" I questioned.
Her eyes flew to mine, shock and nervousness evident in them.
"I didn't mean…Did I say that out loud?" she asked, her voice shaky.
"Yes, yes you did. What the hell are you thinking in that head of yours?" I teased.
"Bella, I don't have some multiple personality disorder," I stated firmly.
I could see the blush rising up her neck, creeping it way into her cheeks.
"I know that much, Edward. It's just sometimes you acted like a totally different person. Sometimes, it was right in the middle of a conversation or–," she stopped herself.
"And that's what I would call you." Her eyes dropped to the bed and her face was glowing red now.
I couldn't help but fucking laugh. She called The Jealous Mother Fucker, 'Dr Jekyll'.
"See, I told you I was a monster," I teased still chuckling, trying to lighten the mood. I could tell my poor fucking angel was completely embarrassed and she had no reason to be.
Bella smiled and then got up from the bed and paced slowly around her room tugging at her long ponytail twisting it's around her fingers. I could tell she was trying to take it all in. She was processing the information I had just given her. I was going to give her sometime.
I walked over to my jacket and pulled out my cigarettes and then went to open her window. I straddled on the ledge one leg in and one leg out making sure to hold my cigarette out the window. If the chief knew I was up in his daughter's room at fucking one thirty in the morning smoking a cigarette he would definitely get the wrong idea.
I took a few long pulls form my cigarette allowing the smoke to fill my lungs. And the nicotine made its way into my bloodstream slowly relaxing me. Bella walked up to me placing one arm on my shoulder.
"Can I have a drag of that?" she asked.
"Absolutely," I smiled at her. And handed over my cigarette I'm sure she needed it just as much as I fucking did.
"When is Charlie going to be home?" I asked.
"Around seven. I told him to wake me up when he gets home so I can put the turkey in," she said as she passed the cigarette back to me.
"Fuck, Bella it's almost two, you need to get some sleep." I totally fucking forgot about Thanksgiving in the morning. I was such a fucking mess tonight.
"I'll be ok. After we made the pies I took a little nap," she said as she straddled the ledge across from me.
I saw her shiver when I passed the cigarette back to her. I couldn't help but notice as her nipples grew hard pressing tightly against her shirt. She was obviously not wearing a bra. Fuck, Bella why do you have to be so fucking tempting. I could feel myself growing hard and I quickly pulled my sweatshirt over my head and handed it to her.
"Here put this on you look…cold," I said as I took the cigarette from her hand.
Bella took my sweatshirt and put it on.
She paused for a second, just looking at me, staring me down was more like it.
What the fuck?
"Dr Jekyll," she asked, well it was more like a statement then a question as a smile pulled at her lips.
"The Jealous Mother Fucker," I nodded chuckling. Then I took another drag.
"Is that what you call it?" She started to giggle. She was fucking giggling at The Jealous Mother Fucker.
Well she might have known why I acted like a fucking crazed person but she didn't know the fucking extent of it. Not yet anyway.
"Don't laugh B, it's not funny." I tried to act as serious as I could. "And by the way, you're really perceptive, much more so than I had given you credit for." I looked up meeting her eyes.
"Can I ask you something?" she said, as she exhaled the smoke out of the corner of lips.
"Everything you told me tonight, about Vic-, I-I mean her and the break up and The Jealous Mother Fucker, why tonight? What was the point?" she asked as she gently tugged on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
I have to be fucking honest. Hearing her say 'The Jealous Mother Fucker' was pretty fucking hot for me. Part of me wanted to fucking pull her to me and crush my lips into her kissing her fucking senseless.
I flicked my cigarette out the window and stood up taking Bella's hand and taking her with me. I closed the window once again, before pulling her into my chest. I needed to fucking hug her. I wanted her to be in my arms, I needed her to be as close to me as possible.
"I wanted you to know about my past. I wanted you to know that I was not being a dick to you, just for the sake of being a dick. I wanted you to know that you were different and made me feel different you are not just some fucking girl to me, Bella. Every time I pulled away from you, every time I hurt you, I was only trying to protect you from… me," I finished, pulling back slightly so I could see her face.
"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me and being honest with me. But I want you to be… you. If you have to listen to your inner voice then don't fight it. I miss you, Edward," her voice was a little shaky and she was biting down on that damn lip again.
"Bella, you don't know what you are saying. You don't know what you are asking me to do. You don't want… me to listen to him all the time. Trust me."
I didn't know how else to fucking say it to her. Unless she wanted me pawing at her all fucking day, every fucking da,y she didn't know what she was asking of me.
Her eyes grew a little darker and I could see the blush growing on her cheeks. She lowered her head slightly looking up at me through her eyes lashes, licking her lips gently before pulling her tongue back into her mouth.
My body responded immediately as I swallowed thickly, feeling myself stiffen a little. I pulled my hips back from hers. Why was she looking at me like this? Then she spoke.
"Trust me, Edward, I know exactly what I am asking from you," she smiled sheepishly before walking away from me toward her bed, rendering me speechless.
She wanted me to be The Jealous Mother Fucker. MINE. The Jealous Mother Fucker roared.
I watched Bella climb into bed and set her alarm clock before I was even able to move from my stupor.
"I –I should go…You need to sleep," I stammered.
"Where did you park?" she asked.
"Around the corner, why?"
"Will you lay down with me, like we used to?" she asked smiling at me.
"Sure, of course." I walked over to the bed and took off my shoes.
Bella scooted over and pulled back the blankets. I laid down in the familiar position opening my arms to her. She cuddled herself up against me, laying her head on my chest, draping her arm over me. She placed her leg in between mine and I wrapped my arms around her.
We laid quietly for a long time. I could feel her relaxing in my arms. And there was nothing fucking like it in the world. I could really fucking get used to sleeping with her again like this. I hoped that is what she wanted too.
I could hear Bella's breathing slow down as she nuzzled herself into my chest as if she could get any closer. I didn't mind, I just held her tighter. Trying to show her I couldn't get close enough either. I pulled the tie from her hair and ran my finger softly through her curls.
"Mmm that feels good," she moaned lightly into my chest.
I fucking had to bite down on my own fucking lip now stifling the groan from escaping. Her leg was hitched over my lap and there was no fucking way I was going to embarrass myself tonight with a fucking hard on. So, I decided to change the subject.
"What kind of pies did you make tonight?" I asked.
Honestly, I really fucking wanted to know because I loved Bella's cooking and I was pretty fuckin' excited about eating tomorrow.
"Pumpkin, apple and yuck…pecan," she said sleepily.
"You don't like Pecan pie?"
"No, I hate it, but Billy likes it so I made it for him," she yawned.
"Pecan is ok I guess, but apple is my favorite," I yawned back because that shit was contagious.
She didn't respond right away. I figured she had fallen asleep on me.
"I know, that is why I made it for you," she said right before she drifted off to sleep.
I didn't fall asleep right away. Even though the night had fucking drained me, even though I was tired as hell, I wanted to watch her sleep. She was so beautiful and tiny in my arms. She was my angel. I gripped her more tightly in my arms, kissing the top of her head. I inhaled her. I linked my fingers with hers.
There was still a lot of shit I had to say to her, so much more she had to know about Victoria and I, but that could wait. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and I was spending it with her. I had told her some of my darkest secrets and told her about the Jealous Mother fucker and that was huge start. A fresh start…just like I promised her.
I would tell her the rest of it soon I would make the time. I wanted to take care of her tomorrow. I would take care of her, because she was worth it. She was perfect and deserved to have a perfect day.
I leaned forward and found the shell of her ear kissing it softly. "I love you," I whispered, and she shifted in her sleep. There would be time to talk tomorrow. For now, I wanted to watch her sleep.
Whew there you have it ladies… NO he was not bipolar BTW LMAO! I know a few of you asked. I hope you got some questions answered. I know you probably have more questions now. Next chapter we will get into Thanksgiving BPOV and some Black Friday Christmas shopping for these two!!
Textward's post chapter interview and banner will be posted on Krysti's blog TOMORROW!! Please make sure to check it out and leave her some love!! Again link on my profile page!
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Until next time! BGirl. xoxoxox