Warnings: This fic is rated Mature for sex, self mutilation, language, and drug use.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. I don't advocate using drugs or hurting yourself.

Hi everyone! I'm proud to present my newest story. It's a little dark, I think probably inspired by listening to too much Hollywood Undead. I don't mean to offend anyone with the situations in this story, I just wanted to write about two desperate people, and this is what came to me. There is some obvious OOCness, but it couldn't be helped with this type of story. Please enjoy!

Please visit my profile for a link to YouTube to watch my Gakuen Alice videos! Thanks!

Chapter 1

It was a dreadful night. It was cold and pitch black. Why the hell did I decide to cut through the woods on tonight of all nights? My foot slipped on a tree root and I tumbled to the wet, muddy ground.

"Fuck!" Gross! Now I'm cold and my new jeans are drenched in mud. Just fucking great!

Finally I managed to stumble across the threshold of my home. Home. Yeah, fucking right. This hole didn't feel like home much anymore. Perhaps I was too old to feel comforted living in a home with my parents. Maybe my family was distancing themselves from me in preparation for my high school graduation and departure to the real world. Whatever the fuck it was, this place wasn't home anymore.

I ignored my parents while I inhaled a measly dinner, and immediately closed myself in my room after. I don't know what it was about this night, but I couldn't handle the pain welling up inside my chest. "Fuck it!" I stormed around my room until I found my blade and first aid kit. Pushing the sleeve up on my shirt, I drew the razor softly against my wrist, shallow but effective. I watched as the blade slit open my skin, blood beading out of the opening. I bled into a small container, careful not to stain anything. As I watched the blood drip from my wrist, I felt my sorrow pouring out with it. I bandaged my wrist tightly before I lay in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I knew I couldn't live this cursed life anymore.

"Good morning, everyone!" Popping myself into the loud classroom, I had to announce myself to my friends. With a plastered smile on my face, none of them knew any different. None of the selfish pigs knew what I covered beneath the fabric on my wrist.

Sitting next to my best friend, Hotaru, I hugged her close to me. She didn't complain, as if she knew how much I needed her.

"Good morning, Mikan!" Nonoko gave me a quick hug before sitting beside me. She gasped before grabbing my arm and pulling it towards her. I hid a wince with a smile.

"How pretty! You always wear the coolest wrist guards, Mikan!" I laughed gently, looking down at the fluffy pink slip of cloth I was wearing today. You are a fucking idiot. "Why, thank you! Isn't it? I saw it and I just had to add it to my collection!" To fool retards like you. Hotaru didn't say anything. She never does about fashion. Sometimes, I wonder if she knows what I hide…

The next thing I knew, I was giggling and smiling brightly all day. As soon as I stepped off school grounds, I dropped the ridiculous fake smile. Man my face hurts. I'm not sure why I pretend to be so happy all time. I suppose I don't want to be labeled "Emo" or whatever drab they would associate with me.

I really don't want to go home right now…

Flicking open my wallet, I checked to see if I had my fake ID with me. Yes.

I always pick the worst bars. I don't know why I bother. Here I could feel ugly old men's eyes roam my body as if I were naked. You fucking perverts, keep your damn eyes to yourself! I chugged the last of my drink and slowly stood. I could feel the alcohol weighing heavily in my stomach. Fuck, I drank too much.

I still didn't want to go home, so I sent a text to my parents telling them I would be staying with Hotaru for the night. They wouldn't mind that I was gone.

I didn't bother looking at a clock; I really didn't care how late it was. I headed for Hotaru's, knowing she would let me stay without any questions.

Youichi opened Hotaru's door. Damn. He just had to be here. I hated to visit Hotaru when Youichi, her college tutor, was over. She took studying way too seriously. I gave him a small smile and he let me inside. Hotaru glanced away from her work to look at me. "Mikan, why are you here?"

"Uh… I was thinking I could stay the night. You know… we haven't done that in a while…" I tried to smile, but I was too buzzed to keep it up. Hotaru silently stood up and grabbed my arm. "You reek, Mikan." Before I could stop her, she grabbed at my wrist guard and ripped it off my arm. With a disgusted look she threw it on the floor.

"I can't believe you've been doing this." She gripped my wrist painfully, bringing me to tears. No, I will not cry! But… she didn't stop there.

"You are an idiot." She flung my red wrist at me. "I will not sit here and watch you mutilate yourself! Don't come to my house with these intentions!" Tears started flowing down my cheeks, and I was unable to stop them. Why? Why would she says these awful things to me when I feel like this?

Hotaru's face became angry and unyielding. "You've been hiding this from me for too long, Mikan. Do you think I'm too stupid to notice?" I shook my head, wanting to stop the cruel words from coming out of her mouth. No. "Leave. Get out of my house now. If you want to continue hurting yourself, you can do it somewhere else." She began to shove me towards the door as I tried to protest.

"Hotaru…" She wouldn't let me hold on to her, and she pushed me at Youichi. "She can't stay here. Find somewhere for her to go. Good night." She slammed the door in both of our faces. The tears wouldn't stop falling as Youichi led me to his car. I really screwed up this time.