"Late. They're gonna say I'm late again. Sons of bitches. It's so not fair. They always put these meetings together when I'm asleep and then they get mad when I don't show up on time. Well fuck them then. They'll just have to wait," Jeff muttered to himself. Despite the anger in his voice though, he really wished someone would have come back to the house and picked him up. Sure the VIP Lounge was only three blocks from their house, but he didn't have a driver's license and it was too cold for him to happily walk. Even with his jacket on it was fucking freezing. "Damn rain," he muttered, crossing the street and barely avoiding getting hit by a car. The rain was the problem. If that would just go away then everything would be just fine.
A bunch of creeps hanging out in front of an old warehouse whistled at him as he walked by them. For a minute he thought about going over there and flirting with them, but he decided they were all too ugly for him. Stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets, he walked a little bit faster. He was armed with two guns and a few knives, but that still didn't mean he felt completely safe. The streets were dangerous after the sun went down (although they weren't as bad as they used to be) and even though he was used to roaming around alone, it didn't stop him from feeling nervous about doing it. Of course, if the others knew why he felt nervous about it, they were never going to let him go anywhere ever again without constant supervision. And even though that would probably be safer, he liked his freedom way too much to even want to consider it.
Finally reaching the VIP Lounge, he all but ran inside to escape the cold. Montel Vontavious Porter, the owner of the club, was sitting at the bar, looking over some papers with his girl Sherri. "Hey Jeff, what's happenin?" Montel asked.
"I'm gonna kill my friends," Jeff replied. He took his purple hair out of the ponytail it was in and shook it around a little bit to get the drops of water out of it. "Where are they?"
"In the back," Montel replied, pointing to the back room that was supposed to be for employees only. "Can I just ask, why do you people always insist on having these meetings here? I mean, I like you guys a whole bunch, but the house you all live in is perfect for meetings."
"There are too many distractions there," Jeff said. "The TV, the video games, food, the sex room--Mark can never get us to focus when we're there."
"Oh, okay. Well you better get back there then. They've been back there for awhile now."
Jeff nodded and went to the back room. The others looked up at him and he could sense that he was about to be scolded. "This was your fault," he said quickly. "Nobody stuck around to drag my ass out of bed and you should all be looking at each other like that."
"We tried to do that," Matt said. He was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on the table. "You wouldn't get up so we just left you there."
"And least we called at the last minute," James said with a grin.
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I so hate you guys right now. It was cold out there." He took off his jacket and hung it up on the coat rack, revealing his outfit of a tiny fishnet top and low riding, skin tight black jeans.
Mark stared at him for a long moment before shaking his head. "Seriously Jeff? You complain about freezing your ass off yet you walk around in that?"
Jeff looked down at his outfit. "What? I have to look good, don't I?"
Glenn smirked. "You are such a slut."
"Yeah, but I'm your guys's slut." Jeff looked over at Connor, who was giggling like crazy. "What did you do?" Connor had to have done something. He always did that after he had done something.
Connor giggled some more before answering. "I molested Matt in his sleep."
"What?" Jeff looked at Matt for confirmation.
Matt sighed. "He got into bed with me and started biting me."
"Oh. What did you do about it?"
"I just about broke the bed fucking the shit out of him."
Jeff giggled. Everyone who got on Matt's bed got on at their own risk. "Again? Good grief Matt. If you break him Cooper and James are going to string you up on the tallest tree."
Connor rolled his eyes. "I won't break. I can take a fucking a lot better than you can."
"Bitch please, nobody can take a fucking better than me. I am the master of getting fucked."
"Nuh uh. I'm the master."
"I swear Connor, if you do not shut up and agree that I'm--"
"Can we please get to the business at hand here?" Cooper snapped irritably. He was standing next to a marker board that had been set up and it had pictures of four different dudes on it. "I know this is hard to believe, but we actually have work to do tonight."
Jeff frowned. Cooper was grouchy again. He had been that way for a couple of weeks now, ever since he had come home after a nasty bar fight. They had questioned him again and again about the fight, but he just got all pissed off about it and told them to drop the subject. Maybe he lost the fight and it's still bothering him, Jeff thought to himself. He does hate to lose. He's a worse sore loser than Matty is.
Glenn sighed and pulled Jeff down on to his lap. "Okay Cooper," he said, playfully tugging on Jeff's nipples. "We're all ears."
Cooper glared at Jeff (who was squirming around on Glenn's lap because the older man wasn't letting go of the hardened and cold nubs) before pointing to the pictures on the board. "These are the targets for tonight. They are--"
"The newest cast additions for Queer Eye for the Straight Eye?" James asked.
"Chippendale dancers?" Mark guessed.
Cooper looked like he was starting to get pissed. "If you fuckers don't fucking get serious, I'm fucking leaving," he growled. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you tonight?"
"Nothing is wrong with us," James said defensively. "You're the one with the problem here."
Cooper growled and pointed at the pictures again. "These four assholes are cops, okay? Dirty fucking cops that beat on the few street kids that are innocent, they've framed several people for different drug and murder charges and there are more than a few hookers that didn't live to see the end of the night because they got into the car with one of these fucktards." He began pointing to the pictures one by one. "Drew McIntyre. This Scottish fuck that has it out for JTG and Shad's pal Ron Killings. Ron's avoided him so far but he can't hide out for much longer. I told him to go ahead and go to JTG and Shad's party tonight. He'll be the bait and then when McIntyre goes for him--"
"We kill the fuck out of him," Matt said gleefully. He looked at Mark. "I say you and I go for it."
Mark glared at him. "You're just trying to get me to go to a party."
"Well you do need to get out more," Jeff pointed out. Mark was not big on parties because he was a grouchy pants. "And if you don't go to this party, I'm gonna bug ya for the rest of the night."
Mark sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever." Judging from the way he said that, that meant he was going to go to the party with Matt.
Cooper pointed to the second picture. "This is Paul Burchill. Creepy dude from England, moved to here from there about two years ago. Now unbeknownst to the inept portion of the police department, Burchill was known as the Ripper back over in England. Anyone want to guess why?"
"He fancies himself as the modern day Jack the Ripper yet he's nothing more than incest loving freak?" James guessed.
Everyone but Cooper frowned at him. "What?" they all said at the same time.
James smirked. "I've seen this guy before. Him and his sister Katie Lea were hassling Evan the other night. I stepped in, was gonna kill them but they drove off before that could happen. I talked to Evan about it afterwards and he said he saw the two of them making out. before they started bothering him."
"First of all Dad, you are the last person who should be calling anyone involved in incest a freak," Cooper pointed out. "Second of all, do you still want to kill the dude?"
"Oh fuck yeah," James said eagerly. "Do you even need to ask?"
Jeff grinned. James was probably the most blood thirsty one of the entire group. He always used to think James might slip up and kill someone who was innocent, but Lawson seemed satisfied with just horribly murdering bad guys.
"Imma go with you Daddy," Connor said, nodding his head so fast that he looked like an out of control bobble head. "Is that okay?"
James ruffled Connor's hair affectionately. "Yeah, it's okay."
So that just left the final two dudes on the board. "This ugly fuck right here is named Chris Masters," Cooper said. "His favorite pass time is killing boy whores."
"Are we sure he's killed the boy whores?" Glenn asked. "He looks too dumb to even know how to tie his own shoes."
"I'm sure he's killed them," Cooper confirmed. "Our sources don't lie." He looked at Jeff and just waited.
Jeff sighed, knowing exactly what Cooper was getting at. "You want me to go out on the street until he tries to pick me up," he said with a roll of his eyes.
Cooper smirked. "It's what you get for dressing like a total slut."
"Oh go fuck yourself Cooper."
Glenn kissed Jeff on the back of the neck. "It's okay Jeffey. I'll go with you and watch your back."
Matt raised his eyebrows. "You be careful with him Glenn," he said. "His ass is supposed to be mine later."
"No way. He's mine tonight," James objected.
Mark snorted. "Please, you're going to be too busy being fucked by me to even begin to fuck Jeff."
Cooper through up his hands and stormed towards the door. "The last dude is mine," he growled on the way back. "I'm going after him alone."
They all stared at the door as it was slammed shut. "Okay, he seriously needs some Midol or something," James said. He shook his head. "His mood swings are seriously starting to bug me."
"Me too," Mark agreed. He patted James on the shoulder. "Good luck at cheering him up. You're gonna need it."
Connor walked over to the marker board and pointed to the last dude that Cooper was supposed to be going after. "Officer Ziggles!"
"What?" Matt said in confusion.
"It's Officer Ziggles!" Connor repeated. He clapped his hands happily. "Ziggles! Ziggles! Ziggles!"
Jeff wasn't even going to say anything. Some people called him childish, but Connor took that cake easily. Not only was he basically a child stuck inside an adult body, but he was crazy as fuck on top of it. "Shall we?" he said, getting up and grinning seductively.
Glenn smirked and got up too. "We shall." He kissed Jeff (partly just to annoy the others) before smacking the smaller man's ass and leading him out of the room. "Just don't try to distract me like you always do. Mark just about killed us that one time when we let that one dude get away from us."
Jeff giggled. The last time he and Glenn were out on the hunt, he had gotten horny and made Glenn fuck him in an alley. The guy they had been hunting saw them and got away, but it wasn't as big of deal as Mark had made it out to be. They killed the guy less than four hours later, so in their eyes, there were no long lasting consequences of that incident. "Okay Glenn, I'll behave while we hunt."
But after they got done hunting...well, that was going to be a different story completely.