AN: I've never written a story before and I definitely need help with my grammar, but I do hope you like my story. It will be Bella and Edward at the end, still debating if I should skip ahead a few years after this.
Stephanie Meyer owns twilight. Please enjoy my own dream story.
I am here on my wedding day dressed in white about to walk down the aisle and marry my best friend the person who's been my sun. He was my sun in the darkest night he shone through and got me out of the deepest coldest pit. I was sinking, drowning in my sorrow unable to hold myself together. I look at Jacob now and see a man I can't live without. I need him to survive without him I am nothing. I cannot lose one more person in my life. I know Jacob loves me and I know this is what Edward wanted me to do. Edward left me in a meadow unable to breath; he left me because I was not enough for him. He left me because I did not belong in his world. When he left I had nothing. I function and went through the motions of everyday, not feeling or seeing anything. Jacob was the only person I could open up myself with. He knew the truth. He knew the Cullens were vampires, he also saw right through me and yet he loved me, broken, incomplete he loved me. Jacob was able to help me heal. Edward left me and I had to pick myself up. I will never be the same person I once was. I will never be whole, but maybe today I can pretend and make my very best friend who I love happy.
I have never lied to Jacob about my feelings. Yes, I do love Jacob, I just don't love him the way he loves me and I don't think I will ever be able to love that way again.
Yes, it's my wedding day and I'm dressed in white. The music – the traditional wedding march is starting to play. I see all my guest, my Mom and Phil, Billy and the wolf pack and all my friends from Forks High. Angela is my maid of honor and Quil and Embry are both Jacob's best man. The chapel was decorated very minimalistic with only a few flowers. I wanted something simple and inexpensive.
'Honey, it's time' my dad says and looks at me with so much love. He's going to start to cry if I don't start walking.
'Okay dad, please don't let me fall' I hold on tight to my dad's arm and look straight ahead and meet Jacobs adoring eyes.
The priest says, 'who gives away this woman'. My dad replies, 'I do' at that moment my father places my hand in Jacobs.
Our ceremony was short. We had the traditional vows and before I knew it Jacob lifts my veil, holds me by the waist and tells me he loves me before he places his lips against mine. It's a warm, gentle loving kiss. The preacher pronounces us as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Black. Our guests erupt in applause and in that moment I can't stop the tears from flowing. I can only think of him and how this should have been him holding me, making me his wife. Why couldn't I have been enough for him, - Oh yeah I forgot I'm only plain, clumsy Bella. We are passed from person to person – embracing us and congratulating us. The only two faces I can make out are my mom and dad.
Our reception at the reservation hall was as expected. Everything was simple but nicely decorated. Jacob sisters had done most of the work decorating everything. When we arrived all the guest were having diner, conversing and listening to the band play. I wanted to get this over with, I was anxious to leave and get settled in our new home. I received a scholarship to UCLA and Jacob was going with me to start his own car shop while he continues his studies online in Los Angeles. I wanted to get as far away as possible from Forks and all the memories it held.
Jacob interrupted my thinking and was pulling me towards the center of dance floor to have our first dance as husband and wife. As the song plays Jacob looks into my eyes, 'Bella you look beautiful, I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as my wife'. I hold his eyes only for a brief second, struggling with what to say. 'Thank you for making me feel so special today'. I couldn't get myself to say anything else.
We dance several more dances, I danced with my dad and the whole wolf pack. Jake and I took pictures and we cut the cake. When it came down to removing my garter, Jake lifted up my dress and pulled it out with his teeth Ben caught it. I aimed my bouquet directly at Angela, but Jessica was quick and grabbed it away.
It has been a very long day. I see my mom approaching, 'Oh honey, I don't know what I'm going to do without you'.
'Mom, I'll be in California not on the other side of the world. You can come and visit us once we are all settled.'
'I know honey, it's just I can't believe that my little girl is all grown up now. I always thought you and Jacob were more like brother and sister. You were so in love with Edward, I just thought………'
'Mom, please stop. I don't want to think about him right now. Jacob is my husband and if it wasn't for him I just don't know what would have happened with me'.
'I'm sorry honey, I just want what's best for you and if you tell me that Jacob is who you love, then I can respect that. I came over here not to argue, but to tell you that Jacob is waiting for you outside with the car, it's time.'
'I love you Mom, I'll be fine I know you worry, but please don't – okay?'
'I love you too Bella' and with that I said my goodbyes to everyone including a very tearful Charlie.
Yup, we are driving down to sunny California in Jacobs VW rabbit. I can't wait to start school and get settled. Our honeymoon will have to wait.
I thought there wasn't a worst pain more to endure. I have lived through the worst possible pain any being in existence will ever have to endure, so I thought…..
I had been in Alaska visiting my family, out hunting for polar bears. My family no longer begged me to rethink and return to Bella. I had asked them to not even think of her. It had been a while since I've seen any of them. I have kept myself away on purpose. I wasn't fit to live, let alone be with my family. I wanted to keep my distance from them and shield them from seeing me in pain. I told myself I needed to return to see my family. I told myself I would be okay being so close to Forks.
The sky thundered, Emmett was thinking how long it's been since we've played baseball.
'Alice, do you think we can play baseball this evening?' Emmett boomed so exited and giddy like a little boy.
'Let me see Emmett, yes I think we should be able to play tonight' Alice thoughts quickly turned to the time we were together last playing baseball. Alice tried quickly to think of something else but it was too late I caught a glimpse of Bella. The simple thought of Bella and her proximity to Alaska yielded mind altering pain. I was running before I realized I couldn't keep away any longer, I couldn't go a day any further, I couldn't survive one more second without her. I needed to see her, touch her, hold her, smell her, feel my throat burn with her scent, beg for forgiveness and give her my undivided, unconditional love, life to her. Anything, because I can no longer bear this pain, I can no longer go on existing without her. I am too selfish for that. I cannot deny myself any longer.
I went straight to our home in Forks. How different and empty it felt without my family, my Bella completing it. I needed to think, I needed to figure out how I was going to make things right, for me, for us. I paced back and forth thinking on how to approach Bella's house. I waited till night time; I would go climb into Bella's room and see my angel sleep.
Night did not come fast enough, I couldn't wait. As I approach Bella's house I smelled something, a very distinctive smell. Wolf. A wolf. NO. Wolfs have been around MY BELLA!! I quickly climbed the tree to get a clear view of Bella's bedroom.
Bella wasn't in her bedroom! I need to see her NOW. I dialed the Sheriff Station.
'Forks Sherriff's station, how may I help you' Cindy the operator answered.
'Chief Swan please' I tried to keep my voice leveled.
'Oh dear, I'm sorry Chief Swan isn't here, he's at the reservation hall celebrating his daughter's wedding to Jacob Black'
I thought there wasn't a worst pain to endure. I WAS WRONG.
The phone crumbled in my hand, my knees buckle, I'm on all fours clawing at the earth. Sheer anger, pain and sorrow rip me apart. As my body shakes I let out a screeching growl.