A/N: I don't even remember when I wrote these two. I'm pretty sure they were a challenge though, and considering the nature of the ickiness, I'd say it was a challenge from my friend from High-School. Anyway, I found them in one of my notebooks, so I decided to type it in. Any mistakes are mine. Enjoy.
"My ass hurts."
"I feel dirty."
"I feel like a cheap whore."
"I couldn't sleep at night."
"I had nightmares."
"They weren't that yummy either."
"Gave me indigestion."
"I'm never again bottoming to a bunch of house elves for a bag of cookies."
Sirius was sitting at the table of Grimmald Place, a hand pressed to his forehead as he stared blankly ahead, while Dobby made him lunch, singing a happy little song. Kreacher was currently hugging the human's legs, murmuring his thanks to his now cherished master.
This was the exact scene Severus walked into. He looked from the animagus to the two house elves curiously.
"May I inquire what happened to cause the change?"
"Remember how we talked about me humping everything that moved when I was a teen, but growing out of it?" Sirius asked in a small weak voice.
"Big boy want chicken?" Dobby asked merrily from the counter, while Kreacher moved to sit in Sirius' lap.
"I had a relapse."
"BOTH OF THEM?!"
Sirius erupted into tears.
"I am never again drinking with you, Black."
"Big boys want pancakes?"
"Kreacher give blowjobs?"
"Pass the poison, Snape."
"Get your own."