Enjoy! I love you guys!
Never Let Me Down
2 Years Later
All of the stars in the sky were visible tonight, along with a full moon. It was just enough light for me to see my sketch pad and permanent marker without using a flashlight as I sat on the roof. The peace I'd found up here years ago has never left. Actually, I believe it's slowly grown stronger. But that's probably because I haven't needed this place as much lately as I did in years past. It has come in use on nights like this though, when I have nightmares. Dr. Warren told me that when I have a bad dream, drawing would help me. It actually has too. I don't have nightmares as often as I did two years ago, or even one year ago. They've all but disappeared by now.
I sighed and drew a few more curves and lines on my paper, hoping to turn the white surface into a beautiful artistic masterpiece. It was weird, sitting up here by myself. A year or two ago, I could barely sit in a room alone for a few minutes without freaking out. Now, being alone gives me more solitude and peace than angst. Although, there are still the times that I'll be laying on the couch by myself while everyone else living in the apartment is gone, that my raw fear of being alone will creep back in. That's when I run across the hall and fall into His arms. If I didn't have Him, I don't know what would have become of me by now. I'd probably be dead or insane. Either way, my life sucks without him.
The smile that had slowly been forming on my face disappeared quickly. Life kind of sucks right now because we aren't together anymore. He wanted to pursue a more Ivy League college after we graduate high school, and there's no way I'll be let in one of those places after a quick background check. He said we could do the long distance thing, or I could move to where ever he ends up going, but I turned that offer down immediately. I'm not going to be the girl that follows her boyfriend somewhere, before being rudely dumped after a few weeks for being too 'clingy'. I've seen it happen to my cousins and in movies countless times. That's not me.
I glared down at the picture I'd drawn. It strongly resembled Freddie Benson, just like all the other pictures in this sketch book. Every time I thought about him while I was drawing, somehow whatever I started on would turn into his face. The skyline of Seattle I'd been working on had turned into his eyes. If I hadn't been so annoyed, I would have realized how truly beautiful it was.
"You know," A voice cut into my thoughts, "Sitting that close to the edge is kind of dangerous. You could fall."
I looked up and let my cheeks redden, "Danger is my middle name."
"I know," He smiled, sitting beside me, "But I still worry."
"Freddie…" I breathed, looking into his deep brown eyes, "What are you doing out here?"
He shrugged, "Spencer said I could probably find you here."
"Why would you want to find me?" I asked, subtly shoving my sketch pad under my legs.
"Because," Freddie smirked, "I thought we should talk… about us."
I nodded, "Okay then, go."
Freddie looked at the sky before meeting my eyes again, "I can't… I won't go to college if it means losing you."
"Freddie…" I sighed, "You can't—"
He put his hands up, "No, Sam. I've thought about this for a long time, okay? I love you with all my heart and I know deep down you feel the same way towards me. So, I refuse to give all of that up for another four years of school when I could just as easily go to Seattle Tech and be out in two."
I shook my head, "You… you can't do that. You deserve a good college, Freddie."
"I also deserve you," Freddie smirked, "My mother is the one who wants me to go to college far away. I don't want to, Sam. I want you."
Tears were brimming in my eyes, "Freddie… you're giving up everything… for me? I don't see your logic, dude."
"Sam," Freddie cupped my face in his hands, "You are my everything."
I bit my lip, "You're mine too…"
"Then let us be together again," He begged, releasing my face and taking my hands, "Please, Sam. I miss you so much…"
"I miss you too," I choked out, "But… I can't."
He frowned, "Why not?"
I sucked in a hard breath, "I… I've taken so much of your life away, Freddie. With everything that happened two years ago… and the way we got together… I feel like I'm more of a burden to you than anything."
"You're not a burden to me," Freddie shook his head, "You're not a burden to anybody, Sam."
"I am," I breathed, looking at the stars, "Every night you sleep beside me on the couch, I always wake up screaming and crying. I'll hit you Freddie, because I'm so scared you're Him. Both of us know that it hasn't stopped yet. If anything, the nightmares have been getting progressively worse. I don't want you to live with a person like me for the rest of your life… it's selfish of me to want you to deal with it."
He shook his head but I continued.
"You can't hug me or kiss me like you should be allowed to," I bit my lip, "Because of my damned insecurities about people touching me. We can't be a normal couple, Freddie. We'll never be normal. You're a really great guy, probably one of the best in Seattle, so I don't want you to waste your time on someone like me. Someone else out there will treat you a million times better than I do…"
Freddie placed his hands on my shoulders, "No, Sam. I don't want anyone else. I love you, and nothing you do or say will ever change that."
I threw my hands into the air, tears streaming down my cheeks, "And that's our main problem. I… I can't love you back."
"Sam, you do love me." Freddie frowned, "You just can't say it."
I shrugged, "If I can't say it out loud, who is there to say that I actually love you on the inside, Freddie?"
"You… you don't love me?" His eyes widened as he began to stand up, "After all this time, you're telling me this now?"
"No, Freddie." I shook my head, grabbing his shoulder, "That's not what I'm saying…"
He sighed, "Then what are you saying?"
I glared at the ground, "To tell you the truth… I really don't know."
"You're just making excuses so we can't be together," Freddie breathed.
I sighed, knowing it was the truth, "I don't know, Freddie. It's just… I thought we were really happy together, but ever since we had that fight about your college stuff… everything has just been really out of whack."
He gazed up at the moon, "I know what the problem is."
"Enlighten me," I breathed.
"It's today," Freddie scratched his neck, "I don't want to say it, Sam."
"What are you talking—" I cut myself off mid-sentence and gasped.
I hadn't realized that today was the 'anniversary' of the day my life changed forever: the day my father brutally raped me the first time.
"Yeah," Freddie sighed, taking my hand in his and squeezing it lightly, "I'm sorry I made you think about it."
I shook my head slowly, gritting my teeth, "It's cool. I can't believe I forgot it though. Last year I spent the day up in Carly's room crying and screaming. Nothing would make me come out of there, not even bacon."
"I know. The bacon thing worried me…" He smiled, "But this could be a good thing. The fact that the day isn't basically marked on your calendar means something… doesn't it?"
"I guess," I sighed, squeezing his hand, "It still scares me…"
Freddie let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him in the process, "Of course it does, Sam. It would scare anyone."
I buried my head in his chest, "Thank you, Freddie."
He rubbed my back lovingly, "Anything for you."
"You'll never stop," I muttered, tears escaping my eyes, "Always doing stuff for me…"
"I don't want to," Freddie whispered, holding me in front of him and wiping the tears from my eyes, "I love you."
I smiled, "I know…"
I still haven't told him I loved him. I just can't. He understands why I can't do it, so it hasn't been that big of a deal in our crazy relationship.
Freddie's gaze left my face and landed on the sketch book on the ground, "Is that yours?"
"Maybe…" I mumbled, giving him a sly smile.
He snatched it from the ground, "Drawn anymore cute little pig cartoons lately?"
"Freddie!" I shouted, "Don't look at it!"
He got up from our spot and ran across the roof with it, laughing heartily, "They can't be that bad!"
I chased after him, "Come on, Dorkwad! Give it back!"
"Just lemme look!" Freddie chuckled, ducking behind an air vent.
"No!" I shouted, standing on the other side of the large vent, "Just give it back! Please, babe?"
Freddie stopped and smiled brightly, "You called me babe…"
I took this moment to get my sketch pad back, ripping it from his grasp and cradling it in my arms, "I did."
"Sam, I just want to look." Freddie pleaded with a pout.
"No… Freddie don't… don't do the pouty face thing… aw… come on…" My head tilted as I waved my arms in front of him, finally giving up, "Fine, you win!"
He jumped up and pumped his fist, "Yes!"
I threw the book at him and turned away from him, "Don't laugh at what you see. They're horrible."
"I won't," Freddie replied before I heard the sounds of pages flipping before a long sigh escaped Freddie's lips, "Sam…"
"I told you they were bad," I shook my head and crossed my arms, turning around to see him smiling, "What?"
Freddie turned a couple of pages before walking to my side, "They are all of… me?"
I groaned, "Yeah… when we were together… and even after we broke up… I always thought of you when I was drawing. I would start off doing one thing, but I always ended up having you on the page."
"Sam…" He smirked, "I didn't know you cared that much."
I shrugged, "I'm not the type to show it I guess. Anyways, sorry if all the pictures are bad, I'm a sucky artist."
"Sam, they're beautiful." Freddie breathed, "Where did you learn to draw like this?"
I shrugged again, "Spence said if I could do cartoons pretty good, then real people wouldn't be that hard. I guess it's a natural gift or something. Whatever."
Freddie showed me a picture I'd drawn just moments earlier, "What was this supposed to be before you drew me?"
I motioned to everything around us, "This."
"And it became me?" Freddie smirked.
I nodded, "Yes. What are you getting at?"
He cleared his throat, "Well… Spencer said that this is the place you go to when you need to clear our head. That's right, right?"
"Well," He continued, smiling at me with his big brown eyes, "You drew me… in this. That means something, Sam."
My eyes widened as I realized what he was trying to say, "You might be on to something, Freddifer."
He laughed, pointing at the drawing again, "This is the best one you did…"
"I guess," I muttered, shrugging, "Like I said, I don't think I'm that good."
"You're an amazing artist," Freddie beamed, "Really really amazing, Sam."
"Whatever," I smirked.
Freddie put the art pad down and looked directly into my eyes, "You're amazing, Sam."
"Huh?" I frowned, "Are you off your nut?"
"I missed you," He sighed, taking both of my hands in his, "Because… you're the most amazing girl I've ever met."
I smirked, "Better than Carly?"
He paused for a second, "I don't know…"
I playfully smacked him in the shoulder, "Watch it, Benson."
"I'll be sure to do that, Puckett." Freddie retorted, "But… I won't have to watch anything, if you accept my invitation."
"Okay…" I frowned, "What are we talking about here?"
Freddie looked down before taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around my waist, "Prom."
My eyes widened, but I held in a girlish scream and instead casually wrapped my arms around his neck, "What about prom?"
"Um," He seemed to be panicking, "Well, I was… wondering if you… would want to go… with me?"
I laughed, swaying the two of us from side to side, "You're funny when you get scared."
"That's not an answer!" He whined, his grip on my waist stiffening.
I giggled, "Exactly."
Freddie groaned, "Sam…"
"Yeah?" I faked a frown, "What's your beef?"
"Sam!" He shouted exasperatedly, "Answer the question! You're driving me crazy."
I giggled at his misfortune, finally giving into his demands, "Yes, Freddie."
"Yes!" I exclaimed, holding him closer to me, "Prom with you would be awesome."
There was a look in his eyes of pure joy, and I knew an internal celebration was happening in his head. Before I knew it, the celebration broke out of his brain, and I felt his lips passionately fall onto mine. Without thinking about it, I ran my hands through his short brown hair and felt my lips smiling against his. Freddie hugged his arms around my waist so we could be closer, but eventually I felt him pull away from me. It was in perfect timing too, because I knew my dad-issues would rear their ugly head soon if we kissed much longer.
"Freddie…" I breathed, looking up into his eyes, "I…"
He smiled meekly, "Sorry… that was kind of…"
"Unexpected?" I offered.
Freddie nodded with a laugh, "Yeah."
"It's fine," I grinned, still weak from using so much energy making out with him, "I loved every second of that."
"You 'loved' it?" He gave me a sly smile.
I sighed, leaning my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, "Duh."
"You love kissing me," He beamed, kissing my forehead.
"Yep," I said into his blue polo, "I love it like Bolivian bacon."
He laughed, "Of course you do."
"So, when is prom anyways?" I asked curiously.
"Why doesn't it surprise me that you don't know?" Freddie mused.
I giggled, "Because you love me."
"I guess so," He smiled, "Prom is in a few weeks."
He frowned, "Uh?"
"And I'm not surprised you don't know that." I smiled.
"Touché." He pulled away from me.
I smirked, "It's touche. Without the accent."
"Where did you hear that?" He frowned.
I shrugged, "Some dude on this show I was watching the other day said it and… why does it matter?"
"I don't know," He ruffled my hair, "Because I'm right."
"You're not," I fixed my hair, "I'm right."
Freddie smirked, "Whatever, I'll let you win this round. But only because, apparently, 'some dude on a TV show' has more knowledge than me, the tech nerd."
I laughed, "Exactly, you're a tech nerd not a… grammar nerd?"
"Sure," He smiled, "Whatever you say, Sam."
I bit my lip, "Do you want to stay up here with me? You know, do a little star watching, maybe kissing could be involved?"
"Just like we used to?" Freddie laughed.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "Sure."
We sat down together in the spot where I had been sitting originally. Soon, I found myself lying down with my head propped up on Freddie's chest. He had his arm around my neck, with our hands touching ever so slightly. I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he took a breath, and it was slowly lulling me to sleep. We stared up at the dark sky, only lighted by stars and the moon, along with a few streetlights from down below us.
"Sam?" Freddie whispered.
I jumped a little, because I was half-asleep, "Huh?"
He chuckled lowly, "Sorry I scared you."
"It's okay," I smiled, letting our fingers intertwine further, "What's up?"
"Don't be mad at me for asking this, okay?" Freddie warned.
I sighed, "Why would I get mad at you?"
"Well," He deadpanned, "You're Sam Puckett, and I'm Freddie Benson. It kind of comes with the territory."
"Ask your question, Dipthong." I laughed.
He breathed, "It's kind of serious."
"I'm good with serious questions," I said, "Just don't make me cry or anything."
"Fine," Freddie replied, his breathing quickening, "I… I was just wondering how… if you've been to see your mom yet. You turned 18 while we were broken up and… Carly won't tell me."
I swallowed the lump that was slowly forming in my throat, "No. I thought I was ready, you know? But when the day came I just… I couldn't do it. I sound so stupid right now. I remember the last time I saw her… I cried so much after she left."
Freddie rubbed my palm with his finger, "You're not stupid. I completely understand why you can't go see her yet."
"You do?" I sat up, "Seriously?"
"Yeah," He smiled kindly, "After everything she put you through as a kid, it all makes a lot of sense, Sam."
I sighed loudly, "I guess."
"I'll take you to see her," He said suddenly, "I'll stay there with you and everything."
"You'd do that for me?" I grinned.
"Yeah…" Freddie trailed off before pulling me closer to him.
I smirked as our lips touched once again, this time more delicately. He knew exactly where to touch me and hold me without setting me off. We were both smiling at each other, though our lips were still in contact with each other. Freddie ran his hands through my hair, while my hands remained at his waist.
As soon as I felt myself really getting into the kiss, he pulled away. At first I was angry, and showed it with my reaction. But soon, I remembered the reason why he let me go. Freddie knew exactly how to handle me when I was frantic and paranoid about my father during our intimate moments. But, I never realized until now how good he is about not setting me off at all. He figured out how long he could kiss me before I'd hear my father's voice, or see his face. He knew that he couldn't touch me in certain places or else I'd try and fight him off. He's identified exactly what sets me off in the first place, and I haven't noticed this until now.
That's when I finally came to terms with the fact that Freddie was the only person for me, and he probably always will be.
"Carly, I look ridiculous!" I groaned, turning away from the mirror in anger.
Carly ran over to me from her bed and forced me to look at myself again, "Sam… you look beautiful. The dress really brings out your eyes."
"You think?" I said, my face perking up a bit.
She nodded, "Yeah."
I nodded, looking at myself through different eyes, "Maybe I don't look that bad…"
"You look awesome, Sam." Carly smiled, patting my shoulder, "Freddie's gonna love you to pieces in this."
"Are you sure he'll like it?" I started panicking again, "Does he like blue? If he doesn't like blue, then I need a different dress!"
She laughed at my distress, "Relax, Sam. You're getting more freaked out over prom than me, and that's saying something."
"Whoa, Shay." I smirked, "Let's not get crazy here."
"Shut up," She smiled, "Now, how does mine look? You think he'll like red?"
I nodded and arched an eyebrow, "Duh, Carly. Red is hot, just like your romance with your sexy hombre."
She giggled, "Freddie's got you saying random Spanish now? Seriously?"
I shrugged, "Come on! Spanish is muy bueno!"
"Don't worry," I laughed, "I had to learn it… Spanish is required to graduate."
Carly sighed, "Come here, we need to do your hair."
"My hair," I backed away, "No way, Shay. Freddie likes it curly and crazy."
"Lemme at least—"
"No," I crossed my arms, sitting down on her bed.
She groaned, "Fine. I guess we're both ready then…"
"Is it time to go downstairs and look awesome?" I suggested.
Carly giggled, "I guess so."
"Awesome!" I pumped my fist, "Prom is gonna be so cool! We gotta hit Wendy's after-prom party afterward though, Carls!"
"Somebody's a little hyper…"
I jumped up and grabbed her arms, "Three Peppy Colas, Carls! Three!"
"Sam, chill." She laughed, prying my hands off her arms and grabbing her purse, "You need to relax a little so we don't scare off Freddie."
We heard Carly's door open, and a voice filled the room that I hadn't heard in weeks, "Yeah, Sam. Freddie's gonna be freaked out enough when he sees you in that dress."
"Melanie!" I shouted, running up to her and giving her a hug, "I didn't think you were gonna show!"
She laughed, slowly pushing me off her, "My plane was late, and I had to get ready at my baby's place, but I'm here."
Carly ran over to join us, "Damn, Melanie. You look great."
Melanie blushed, looking down at her flowing purple dress, "Thanks, Carly. I can't believe you just cussed."
"That's how awesome you look!" I exclaimed, hugging her again, "And damn isn't a bad word!"
Melanie pushed me off of her again and brushed herself off, looking at Carly dumbfounded.
"How much caffeine did you give her?" Melanie asked her.
Carly crossed her arms, "I had no part in this."
"Let's go!" I begged, "I'm ready for this thing!"
Carly and Melanie laughed at my craziness, "You need to calm down a little before we do this, Sam."
I sighed, "I'll try."
"Good girl," They said in unison.
After I bounced on the balls of my feet for ten minutes waiting for Melanie to finish her make-up, we were finally on our way out Carly's bedroom door.
"Wait!" Carly exclaimed.
"What?" I groaned.
"We need to take a picture, of just us… acting crazy." Carly announced, grabbing her camera out of her purse, "Squeeze in!"
The three of us stood close together as Carly held it up above us, I made a piece sign while Melanie and Carly shot up a couple of signs I didn't recognize. Nubs. It flashed, and we were quickly out the door shortly after. Carly shoved it in her purse, and made us stop at the top of the stairs.
"We're walking down there together, right?" Carly asked.
I groaned, "Don't make a big thing out of it, Carls. Let's just go!"
"We'll walk down together," Melanie answered for the both of us before looking at me, "Calm down."
"I'll be calm if we just get going soon," I grumbled.
Melanie rolled her eyes while Carly laughed at us, "Sister's at war… I love it."
"You're my sister too, Shay." I smirked.
She backed off and addressed all of us, "Ready?"
I looked at my twin and we both nodded, "Sure."
The three of us finally began to descend the wooden stairs of Carly's apartment. When the living room came into view, I saw the love of my life, Freddie Benson. He was standing in between Gibby and Griffin, and they were all wearing matching tuxedos, with an exception of the ties. Freddie's was sky blue, and it matched my dress to the tee.
Carly and Melanie were both grinning like idiots when they saw their respective boyfriends. As soon as our feet hit the hardwood of the living room floor, we tried to act as natural as we could, but it was hard to contain our excitement. Finally, I found myself rushing to Freddie, and finding his hand for me to hold.
"You look…" His eyes were wide and he was shaking his head, "Beautiful."
I blushed, "You don't look too bad yourself, Fredbabe."
Carly wrapped her arms around a much more muscular and toned Gibby, giving him a soft peck on the lips. Melanie did the same, except Griffin grabbed her waist and jerked her closer, grinning at her with his pearly white teeth. I smiled at all of them, because I knew how happy Gibby and Griffin made Carly and Melanie.
It's insane how each of them got together. Carly had dated Griffin for a little while over the summer after the 'incident', but they finally decided it wasn't right. When we returned from summer vacation, Gibby had somehow grown a few inches and lost all his baby fat, turning most of it into muscle. Carly compares him to Taylor Lautner, but I don't see it. She's completely blinded by love. Anyways, after Carly saw him with his shirt off she went crazy over him and they immediately began dating. They've been together for a year and a half I think. Spencer still can't believe it.
Melanie and Griffin confuse me a lot more than Carly and Gibby though. When Melanie was here to visit me a few months ago, she met Griffin in the lobby and they instantly clicked… somehow. They're polar opposites, and it makes no sense, but they've been in the honeymoon phase of a relationship for months. They fell hard and fast for each other.
"You guys ready to go?" Griffin asked smoothly, wrapping his arm around Melanie and pulling her close, "The limo's around front. It's pretty awesome."
"Baby," Melanie smiled up at him, "When did you go see it?"
He kissed her cheek, "Just while you were getting dressed, honey."
"Oh God," I groaned, trying to cut them off before they started making out, "Let's get out of here, now."
"Not before I take a picture of you guys!" Spencer suddenly ran into the room, holding a junky looking camera.
Carly sighed, "Okay, Spencer. But make it quick."
"Fine," He smiled, standing in front of us, "Everybody get together!"
We all squeezed in and smiled, waiting for Spencer to take the picture. Just as he hit the button to take the picture, the entire camera unsurprisingly burst into flame.
"Oh my God!" He screamed, taking it and running into the kitchen while we laughed uncontrollably at him.
"Bye Spencer!" Carly yelled, taking Gibby's hand and leading him towards the door.
Melanie and Griffin did the same, except they were holding each other at the waist. Just as I began to follow them, I felt Freddie pulling me back. I turned around and gave him a confused look.
"Freddie?" I whispered.
He smiled, "I have something to give you."
Freddie opened the jacked of his tux, pulling out a plastic box. Inside there was a beautiful blue corsage. I smiled hugely as he opened the box and took it out, holding it in front of my arm.
"Freddie…" I breathed as he slowly slid in on my wrist, grinning up at me proudly.
"I think that's right," He said, grasping my hand in his, "Ready, Sam?"
I looked down at the floor, before looking deep into his dark brown eyes and releasing his hand, "Freddie… I don't love fried chicken anymore."
Freddie stopped dead in his tracks, "What?"
I bit my lip, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him as close to me as I could, "Freddie, I love you… so much."
"Sam—" I cut him off by crashing my lips onto his, running my hands through his hair and holding onto him for dear life.
"You love me?" He said in a moment when I let go of him to breathe.
I nodded, kissing him again, "I always have."
Well, it's done :( But, it ended pretty epically! Lol. Am I right?
I tried to write this amazingly awesome, but I know it's not perfect. I am pretty proud of it, though. So I hope all of you enjoyed it.
The entire roof thing was actually a dream I had, and I decided it worked pretty well for the story. lol. What do ya think of Gibby/Carly and Griffin/Melanie. I thought that would be pretty funny. lol. Griffin/Melanie was inspired by a drabble I read on here a long time ago. If I knew what it was called or who wrote it, I'd tell you, but I don't. Sorry! lol. There was so much Seddie fluff in this, I was going awww. lol.
I feel all weird, I've never finished anything I've ever written ever. lol. Thanks for reading this all the way through! I wouldn't have finished it without you're kind reviews and awesomeness! lol. Seriously, thank you a lot.
I'm done! YAY!