Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make money off my stories.
A/N: I felt like writing some angst. Now this is meant to be a one-shot, but I changed it.
Hmm, will I be flamed? Yes, there is always that possibility. Do I care? No, I do not. So go ahead, people. State your opinions :)
Italics show thoughts. You'll figure out whose.
She stiffened in the doorway. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not yet.
It hurt… an ounce too much. Her eyes felt numb and swollen and she could feel the tears rolling off her eyelashes, but she didn't care. They didn't burn, they didn't sting. Nothing hurt and ached like her soul did. And all because of him.
Was everything a lie? Had everything been nothing but a game to him?
Who are you?
She could hear his broken sobs even as he tried to be silent. A flash of anger shot through her body. Who was he to feel pain right now? He was the monster, the traitor. He was the liar.
I don't know you anymore…
Her mind swirled with countless images, likely situations. Were they lovers, as well? There was a high possibility. If he'd spent all his life lying, then who could ever believe him if he said nothing happened?
You broke your vows…
Her mind blistered and for once, she wished she couldn't remember anything from her life. She wished she could be a senseless doll.
When will it stop hurting?
But she knew… she knew they had to talk. She had to have closure.
Kagome had never been a sad person. Her life had always been filled with happiness and countless reasons to be joyful, even if sometimes things didn't look so promising. But her real happiness had begun when she'd met her husband, Inuyasha. But he wasn't her real husband, was he? She could barely believe that he would do such a thing, but it was clear as daylight that it was all true. His seemingly broken expression reeked of guilt.
"I just came to pick up my things," she said, her voice cracking under the weight of her own statement. If she knew this was the right thing to do, if she was positive it would be best for her, then why did it hurt so much?
She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her by the elbow and spun her around, forcing her eyes to lock with his.
"Please, baby, don't do this. Please," he cried, his eyes glistening with new tears. Her heart felt dull and her mind blank.
"Don't call me that," she hissed, shaking her arm out of his grip.
Intent on ignoring his apparently devastated demeanor, she grabbed her favorite suitcase and started packing her clothes. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she tried to sort her underwear, since they'd ended up sharing the underwear drawer over the years. She could feel his presence in the bedroom doorway. Their bedroom. Their getaway… the place they'd used to escape the outside world more than once, the place that had witnessed every emotion they'd ever felt. The place that had had a taste of their innocent love and passion.
What have you done to us?
She didn't want to leave anything here, but she had to, since the suitcase wasn't big enough for all her clothes. She would have to send her brother Souta to pick up the rest of the clothes later. She couldn't come here again. Kagome wiped her nose with her sleeves, trying to stifle her unrelenting sobs. She couldn't hear Inuyasha crying, and that made her feel slightly better.
You have no right…
Why did he have to betray her like this? Why hadn't he entrusted her with his secrets? But with a secret so big, so important, how could she ever trust him again? The answer was so simple it hurt: she couldn't.
Apparently, Inuyasha decided he would have no more of this awkward, searing silence, since he dashed towards her and tried enveloping her in his protective embrace, failing when she jerked away.
"I was afraid of losing you," he said dejectedly, pleading for her to understand his reasons. Kagome shook her head miserably, laughing darkly with no trace of amusement.
"That's too bad," she said, her shoulders hardening, "because you did just that."
His pathetic whimper was audible, but she forced herself not to care. She shook her head, tears still clouding her vision.
She had to get this off his chest. She just had to. Only then would Kagome Taisho find the strength to become Kagome Higurashi once again. The thought hurt physically, but she had to do it. She couldn't do this to herself.
She gulped and turned to face him. He looked devastated, utterly destroyed and a pang of self-loathing hit her when she realized she was partly satisfied to see him like this.
What are you doing to me? What have you done to me?!
She'd loved him for so long that she couldn't remember her life without him anymore. Her childhood, her teenage years, she couldn't remember those with clarity; they had become a simple blur. But now it hurt to remember him. To remember them. Sighing, Kagome realized there was no them. Perhaps, there had never been.
"I love you," she said dismally, sniffling when his eyes widened just a fraction, "God only knows how much I love you. I can never love another like I love you…" He winced at the thought of another in Kagome's life. In Kagome's arms. Possessing her like he had, loving her like he did.
"But…" she trailed off, turning her head to the side and stifling another round of hot tears and painful sobs. The three-letters word hurt so much that Inuyasha thought he would stop breathing. "This is not going to work," she concluded.
"Don't say that," he pleaded, taking a step towards her, feeling utterly helpless. "You still love me… we're going to make this work. I love you too, baby, more than you'll ever imagine," he confessed, his tears shining in the dim light.
To his immense horror, she shook her head and inched away.
His voice was breaking, but she couldn't do this. She didn't have the strength to do this. As much as she'd always been his strength, his pillar that he always used to support himself, she couldn't find the will to help their relationship now. Their marriage was tumbling down and they were both aware of it now.
"Don't do this. Jesus… please don't do this," he kept begging, watching her rummage through drawers to get her most important things.
It wasn't easy. But it was like this. 'It's real life', she told herself. In real life, people sometimes walk away. In real life they don't always forgive. They don't always forget...
I can't have my fairytale anymore. Not with you... but not without you, either.
"It's over," she said and he stared at her moving lips. Everything seemed in slow motion and he just knew he would remember this moment, these words for the rest of his pathetic life. It was over. She was right. And it was all his fault… if he hadn't been such a scared idiot, things would've been okay right now. They would have sorted this out together.
How many times had he told her he trusted her? How many times had he ensured her he would always tell her the truth?
Shame and guilt washed over him in merciless waves as he realized he'd lied. All those times when he'd thought he was being truthful, he'd lied.
The one thing that mattered, I kept from her. I don't blame her…
"I won't let you leave," he stated resolutely.
"I'm not asking you to let me leave, because that is going to happen anyway. I'm asking you to let me go." His breath caught in his throat as his eyes became infinitely wider. His heart pounding painfully inside his chest, his lips and chin twitched unnoticeably with the sobs he felt buried inside his throat.
"If you care about me," she said, her voice full of emotion, "if you're man enough, then you'll let me go."
And she left the room quickly, not daring to look behind, before he could bring himself out of his trance.
Completely defeated, Inuyasha let himself fall to his knees and cry his soul out. He wasn't anything without Kagome… without his sunshine, his love. His heart. The few fragments of sanity he had left told him to get over it told him to start anew. To forget her. If only it were that easy…
He wanted to forget it. The reason of this downfall. Kikyou…
He'd been a fool to think he could hide this from Kagome. When he'd met her, the love of his life, his reason to wake up in the mornings, Kagome, he was married to Kikyou, but things were going terrible and they had spoken about divorce more than once. Their feelings for each other had just faded away, unlike his undying love for this angel he himself crushed.
Tears poured on the hard wood floor as he recalled how scared he had been of Kagome finding out the truth. He hadn't wanted to lose her so he kept this secret hidden, but it eventually cost him his marriage. The entire life they'd built together came crumbling down with this single lie.
Just before he asked Kagome to marry him, he'd finally managed to divorce Kikyou. He remembered how outrageously happy he'd been when he'd got rid of her without Kagome finding out.
But now… now…
The events from the previous night would forever haunt him. He'd recently made love to his amazing wife when the door rang loudly in the middle of the night. For some God forsaken reason, he shrugged off the ominous feeling he experienced and let his wife answer the door, dressed in his T-shirt that was several sizes too big for her.
He heard the voices and dreaded facing his wife. It was Kikyou… Kikyou, his ex wife, in the middle of the night at their door.
As soon as Kagome opened the door, Kikyou firmly stated, "I want a divorce. Now."
He could only imagine Kagome's confused and hurt expression as her shaking voice called him. Reluctantly, he appeared before the two women, gulping when he saw his ex wife standing furiously in front of his current one.
"Who is she, Inuyasha?" Kagome's weak voice asked on that fateful night, her heart pleading for this to be a misunderstanding.
He didn't know what to do in the beginning. Admit everything or make it so it seemed Kikyou was crazy?
"Inuyasha, I want a divorce," said woman repeated.
It became agonizingly obvious that it was too late. He couldn't tell Kagome he didn't know this crazy bitch since she so obviously knew his name. He saw Kagome's hands start shaking furiously and instantly knew it was a bad sign.
"Baby," he said, his eyes showing her all she needed to know. He was sorry. So, so sorry… But Kikyou meant nothing.
On second thought… what did she mean she wanted a divorce?
Tearing his eyes off Kagome's, he looked at the scowling woman in the doorway.
"What do you mean?" he asked, not wanting to say her name. His voice was harsh, hostile, as he wanted to show Kagome he didn't care about this woman. Too bad she wasn't at all impressed.
"I want a divorce, Inuyasha. First thing in the morning."
Kagome's heart almost stopped when she heard this for the third time, the look in his eyes confirming his guilt. "You bastard," she hissed, throwing herself at him and hitting him senseless while crying. "You were married… all this time! you were... you BASTARD!"
"No, Kagome, let me explain. We're already divorced," he tried to explain as he dodged her blows, but she wouldn't hear it.
"We're not divorced," Kikyou corrected and both Inuyasha and Kagome stilled.
"What do you mean?" Inuyasha asked cautiously. Could it get any worse?
"I told you not to hire Kouga. That bastard," the woman hissed in anger. "The divorce papers are counterfeit. The whole divorce was a sham. You do something in a hurry and look what happens. You shouldn't have hurried like that four years ago," she admonished, remembering his inexplicable haste to divorce her. She had wanted to get rid of him too, but it was better to wait and do it all the way than do it in a rash and have it leading to this. "I want to get married," she explained, "but they won't accept it. They say the divorce papers are false. So hurry up and divorce me."
His heart dropped in his stomach as he watched Kagome's shocked face. She was shaking her head vigorously, perfectly impersonating a broken doll.
"Four years ago? We've known each other for five years…" Kagome's eyes filled with tears as realization shook her to the core. "You were married back then… oh, Gods… are you cheating on me too like you cheated on her?"
She was inconsolable as Kikyou decided to speak again.
"So, will you do it?"
Inuyasha forced himself to look at her and nodded. "So, you're getting married?" he asked slowly, his heart hurting for the broken angel that was crying her heart out next to him.
"Yes, you had your last chance two years ago," Kikyou answered without thinking, but the moment the words left her mouth and Inuyasha's eyes widened ridiculously, she knew it had been a mistake.
Kagome's head snapped up.
"Two years?!" she asked incredulously, her whole face scrunched in a frown.
"Y-yes," Kikyou said, almost embarrassed, unsure if it was her place to explain, "Inuyasha and I had lunch together once."
She didn't want to explain the seemingly broken woman that she'd regarded it as a date in the beginning, until Inuyasha told her of his new life. She realized there was probably nothing that could convince Kagome to stay with him now. Kikyou felt slightly guilty, but after all, it wasn't her fault. Inuyasha should have told Kagome the truth from the beginning, but he had always been a coward with these kinds of stuff.
Inuyasha flinched. "Baby, I can explain," he said.
Kagome shook her head as if to sort her thoughts and aching nerves.
"Really? Explain it to someone who cares," she said with a voice coated in venom, leaving the apartment in favor of wandering on the empty streets.
Now his whole life was shattered. Ruined. He had no reason to live.
It didn't matter that he hadn't cheated on Kagome, not even once. Nothing mattered, because he knew he was scum. He was worse than anyone because he broke a pure soul. Kagome's pure soul. Kagome, who'd never hurt anyone willingly. The calm and loving woman that had shown him what life and love meant.
She's right… she will never be happy with me again… Above all things I want her to be happy…to always be happy…
Closing his eyes brought some more pain, but he didn't care. He realized he did want her to be happy. If not with him, then by herself. Or with another… The thought alone felt like a knife driving through his innards, but he purposefully ignored the ache.
I'll let you go, my love…