We Wanted It Too Much or The Ten Times They Wanted Each Other But Knew They Shouldn't
Noah Puckerman: The Perfect Situation
He knew the minute he saw her ask that Milbanks kid if he could talk to her, what was going to go down. She was going to tell the kid she liked him, and then she was going to get shot down. 'Cause nobody really liked that Berry chick. She was just too weird to really develop any kind of positive relationship with anyone. But he really hated the idea of a girl crying. And even if Berry was a weirdo, she was kind of pretty and she wasn't as stupid as some of the other girls that were in their class.
So he followed the two of them and came just in time to hear Milbanks blow her off. Immediately, he was behind the stupid kid smacking some sense into the guy. He took a second to check if Berry was alright. She looked a little upset and shaken by Milbanks's words, and she had a Valentine clutched in her hand. Reaching over, he plucked the thing out of her hand, thanked her for it, and got out of there before gave her any ideas about him being nice.
'Cause it wasn't about her. He just didn't want her to cry.
So maybe he liked Berry more than he said he did. She was weird, but he was sure that there had to be some potential in her to be cool. He could almost see it, walking around with her on his arm like he had picked up a diamond in the rough and polished it to perfection. He'd have been the guy to do it, and no one would give him shit for it either. It was brilliant.
He launched his plan on Thursday. He'd give her a note during math himself (it was easy, 'cause he sat right behind her that period, and asking Finn to do it for him, well, it just wouldn't have worked). It was simple, all the note asked was if she'd like to go out with him on Friday to see a movie. It was almost like an episode from the TV show the Twilight Zone when Rachel Berry, school freak, rejected him. No one rejected him. He was a stud.
So he threw a slushie in her face. He was done with Rachel Berry and junior high school girls. It was all about the high school girls now.
Freshman year, his mom had blown a fuse when she found his stash of hidden report cards. He knew he should've gotten rid of them, he just never got around to it. It wasn't like his grades were terrible, in fact, he did a lot better than a lot of the other kids at school. But the problem was math. It had been a while since he'd actually cared about doing anything in that class, opting to instead hang out in the nurses office. It was better than spending time with Mr. Horn not getting a single word he said in that monotone voice. Now that his mom had caught on to him, she'd contacted the school counselor to set up a tutor for him. He was positive Miss Pillsbury was some kind of sadist underneath her germaphobia, because the next day he found himself stuck with none other than Rachel Berry as his tutor.
That first day he was sure either she'd make his brain explode with all of the enormous words (he felt like she had to have been making some of them up) she was using or he'd strangle her before it happened. The second day, they'd set up rules, if she tried not to talk so much, he'd be "nice." The third day…he didn't know what the hell the happened. He blamed her for being so damn helpful and so proud of him. No one had ever told him they were proud of him. Except his mom. It just made him feel so... and then...
He kissed her. And he hated her for it. 'Cause he thought he was done with girls like her.
Usually he never dreamed. And if he did, well, they were never great. Sometimes they'd be of Quinn, but they always ended the same way. She'd leave him for Finn, and then he'd have to watch the girl he liked (he wasn't sure if he loved her) marry his best friend and see his kid, his little girl, grow up without him. He pictured her looking something like his little sister (who, like Berry, was kind of cute when she didn't open her mouth), with his eyes, and maybe Quinn's lips. He hated that dream.
That was why when he dreamt of Rachel Berry stealing away into his room barefoot, dressed in only a white gown and a Star of David, it had to mean something. Maybe it had something to do with what his mom said during their annual Schindler's List movie night, or maybe it had to do with the fact that Berry had been looking pretty hot in that tight, little yellow dress (which happened to be his favorite color at the moment) while hyped up on whatever drugs she had been taking during the mash up competition. He didn't even know she owned anything that wasn't a conservative sweater or one of those things she called a skirt that let him (and very other guy in school) see those gorgeous legs of hers.
Maybe it was time to get over her rejecting him in 8th grade. Maybe it would help him get over Quinn. And his kid.
That horrified expectant look on her face used to bring him pleasure as he prepared to toss a slushie in her face. Now he's a little annoyed by it, because that's the exact wrong expression he wants out of her. Why is it that Rachel Berry always manages reacting the wrong way to his attempts to ask her out?
He can tell everyone in the hall is watching them as if this is the most significant moment they've ever experienced in their high school life. And he doesn't blame them, because when has he ever turned down the opportunity to slushie Rachel Berry in favor of asking her out? It just didn't happen. Even though this is possibly the most ridiculous thing he's ever done in his life, he explains to her, and partly to himself, why he's giving her the slushie.
When she smiles, and takes a dainty sip of the slushie, he knows it was worth it. Because now she's smiling at him, and nodding her head yes, and he feels like he much prefers her looking like this than having slushie dripping down her face.
It was the most disappointed he'd ever felt. And he can't believe that it was Rachel who made him feel that way. Getting her to make out with him had been way too easy. He actually wouldn't have minded listening to her sing a little longer, cause her voice wasn't really all that bad. The only issue was that he just refused to listen to such a sappy, chick flick song. While they were making out, he couldn't believe that little prim and proper Rachel Berry was the one who had him on his back, straddling him like a wildcat. Just when he thought that she was about to take it to the next level, she pushed him away and blabbed all this nonsense about him having to prove that he could sing a solo.
He almost beat the shit out some guy on the way home from her place that night to vent his frustration. After he got home, he sat down and gave the solo thing some thought for a while, before throwing himself into putting one together that would blow her away. Something he knew would impress her, something that she would know would be for only her. And then she'd have to let him have his way with her.
There was no way he was going to let Rachel Berry get away with being such a tease.
He wanted to rage. He wanted to find the guy who had thrown a slushie in his face and make him pay for what he'd done. Instead, he just stood there, letting the disbelief soak in like the grape slushie that was dribbling down his face into his clothing.
But when Rachel took his hand, he forgot about being angry. He started to think about what being slushie'd meant. He wasn't the stud anymore; he wasn't the big bad football player anymore. If he got slushie'd, he obviously wasn't at the top of the food chain anymore. And he hated it. He didn't know why, but he opened his mouth, and everything he felt about it came out. About the humiliation, and about how sorry he was that he had ever done it to her. He felt like such an asshole, remembering her standing alone, humiliated, wiping the slushie out of her face. She listened quietly as he spilled his guts to her and him it was okay to pick football over Glee. Then she slipped out of the bathroom to leave him with his thoughts.
If there was one thing he hated in that moment more than getting hit by a slushie, it was seeing Rachel looking so resigned to the fact that they'd be returning to the way things were before they were dating. He decided right there. If going back to football meant he'd have to go back to doing this to people, to Rachel, he wasn't going to be a part of it anymore.
Though he was a bit unsure of himself (since when had he ever been unsure of something?), he walked into the choir room that had become so familiar to him in the last couple of weeks. Who'd have ever thought this was where he would be? At a Glee practice instead of a mandatory football football practice. Especially with Rachel Berry of people wrapped up in his arms, like she belonged there.
Then he realized that this really was the way he wanted it. Glee was where he needed to be. With people who actually cared about him. People who wouldn't pressure him to make decisions he didn't want to make. Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Matt, Mike, Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Mr S. They were all looking at him the way they looked at Finn, like he was the hero, come to save them in the eleventh hour. He looked at Quinn, who he knew was watching him as he held Rachel, even though she was wearing the stupid sunglasses. Then he looked at Rachel who looked so happy, so content to be held in his arms. He wanted to be with them. He wanted this feeling.
Finn was an idiot to give this up.
He hadn't meant to be there, but he found himself up in the bleachers, watching the football practice the next day. He didn't regret choosing Glee. He knew that being there with Rachel and for his kid was more important. Still, he wished he could do both. He didn't like the thought of having to choose between them. He didn't like the thought of Finn being the one selfish enough to cave to the other guys on the team.
Somehow, he knew it was coming when Rachel found him up there in the bleachers. He knew that their relationship wasn't going to work. And he secretly knew that he wouldn't be the one to break it off either (really, like he was one who would break up with a hot girl he actually liked). Rachel was still into Finn. She said so herself. And he had no right to be screwing around with another girl after what he had done with Quinn. He still couldn't fight down the jealousy he felt. It always came back to Finn. Finn was the nice guy, the one who everyone liked. Who was he? Just a Lima Loser who couldn't convince the mother of his child or the girl who made him feel so good to pick him over Saint Finn. He knew he didn't mean to say all those things to Rachel. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. But he couldn't help it. He wanted her so badly to want only him, he couldn't stand the fact that she couldn't.
Instead of taking back the shit he'd said to her, he just left her sitting there in the bleachers, knowing that it was his fault he'd made her cry.
When he got home, he tried to think about anything but Rachel. In the end, he found himself opening up her Myspace. And he knew she was singing to him. Shutting off his computer, he picked up his guitar and started venting his anger and his guilt on the chords.
What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I lead love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
He had thought he could deal with the consequences of going after her.
Hungry nights, once again
Now it's getting unbelievable.
'Cause I could not have it better,
But I just can't get no play
From the girls, all around
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.
And just pass through...
He'd had her and then he'd screwed it all up.
Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
He'd known when he'd said all those things he'd scare her right back into Finn's arms.
Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
He'd let the perfect girl go, and now, all he wanted was to have her back.
Nana: ANd that is the end of the two shot. The song from this chapter is "Perfect Situation" by Weezer. I still don't know if it really fits Puck (I really can't see him singing it), but it certainly felt like it fit the gist of the chapter, and his situation (I should be brutally killed for pun humor). I might write something that might follow this up. For now though, I've got my Glee fanfiction out of my system.