Disclaimer: I don't own Skins.
She walks into the room and everything stops. In her mind, anyway.
There's a group of them, all blonde, that sit in the corner at the best table. They eye her as she crosses the room and sits down at her regular table. No one's here yet, it's just her, and she can feel them scrutinising her every move. Watching as she pulls the chair out to sit down, while she places her bag on her lap. She smiles at them, no teeth, just enough so they know that she's acknowledging them. They smile back with the same expression, nothing authentic about them. But what did she expect? She's just as superficial as them, isn't she?
People tend to think that she's clueless because of the way she talks, and the way she dresses. They think that she's stupid because of her actions, and her desire to be at the front and centre of everything. She lives for drama, creates it, moulds it so it will fit into her perfect little image, because in the end isn't that what matters? That she's at the top of the pyramid looking down at everyone else. She likes having all eyes on her. It's the only way to stay on top.
"What a slut...look at what she's wearing..."
She focuses on the graffiti on the table. Stares at the permanent lines etched onto the table top. It's become such a predictable practise that she doesn't even bother confronting them anymore. They whisper so loudly that she's sure they know she can hear. That they're just doing this to spite her because they're jealous. Who wouldn't be? She has power. It's popularity that she aims for. She sets herself apart from the crowd by being who she is, and knowing what she wants.
But even her own consolations don't stop her from looking down at her outfit. Sure, it's a little tight. She likes showing some cleavage off, but there's nothing wrong with it. Her skirt may be short but it's not like she doesn't have standards. What right do they have to call her a slut? They don't know anything about her life.
Even so, she pulls down her skirt a little, convincing herself that it's only because it's too high up her waist and her thighs are cold.
"...broke up with her footballer boyfriend. No idea what he saw in her in the first place..."
Again, she doesn't look up. Envy manifests into ugly things, like gossip, and she's never one to let it get to her. Her fingers trace the outline of the graffiti on the table. The initials CA + SJ in a love heart. Whoever they are she's hoping that they're having better luck with their love life.
She's never not had a boyfriend since she was seven. Single life is just something that she can't get used to. It's so much easier to have some boy there, mostly because there's always been some boy there. Even if they treat her like shit. Flirt with other girls. Are only in it for the sex. At least she has someone there. Danny was a dildo, but even though he may have only been in it for the sex, she'd like to think that there was something more than that. Yes, she used him to boost her popularity, and maybe that makes her just as bad as him, but truthfully, she's a little scared of being alone and the loneliness it brings.
She has Emily, of course, but it's only a matter of time before she drifts away too. Emily's already started to break free from her influence. She's always been good at controlling her twin, because she's the one with the dominant personality and Emily's the one who's hidden behind her all her life. But she's going to lose her one day, and that scares her more than anything. Emily's her best friend. Emily's her only friend. And in the back of her mind she knows. She knows that Emily isn't the same as her. Emily's gay. She hates admitting that, not really because she has anything against gay people, but because it's something that they both don't have in common. A reminder that, despite their identical looks, they aren't the same people. That they may have lost that connection they once shared. That Emily is going to leave her, and just how frightened she is of that happening, because she loves her so much. Emily can't leave her. Who else has she got?
It's funny how she's always wanted to be herself and not attached to her twin, and now that she's inches away from it, it scares her more than anything.
"...skank. Total bitch too. Thinks she's better than everyone else..."
She bites her lip. It's true, maybe she does think she's better than other people. Maybe she does say things that she shouldn't just to up her social status. But it's only because she just wants to be noticed. Being noticed means that you don't get ignored. Isn't being ignored one of the worst things in the world? If she has to work at being noticed she can do that. If she has to be a bitch to get the notoriety that she so desperately craves, then she'll get there.
Secretly, she's envious of girls like Effy Stonem who have popularity that comes natural to them. Effy doesn't have to work for it, she just has to be herself. She has that whole mysterious, alluring aura working for her, and the thing is that she doesn't even care. She doesn't care that people fawn over themselves to talk to her. That boys drop at her feet just to be near her.
What she wouldn't give to have that sort of appeal.
What Katie Fitch keeps locked up, somewhere in the deep recesses of her her mind, is that she's just as insecure as every other girl out there. She may not be meek or shy when it comes to displaying those insecurities, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't care. She has to care what they think, because when they say cruel things, it does cut at her. Just because she's confident on the outside doesn't mean that there's that same level of confidence on the inside.
And at least being a bitch means that she knows where she stands.
A/N: I've really been pumping these stories out, huh? I like Katie. I think that deep down she's just a lonely girl with conflicting emotions. Can anyone guess who CA + SJ are? ;P