It is like vaguely living on the other side of the mirror, the other side of the coin as it flips through the air and lands on the fresh grass. One choice is day and the other is night, in a world where you are neither human nor immortal, you are just dealt a painful way of existence. One that makes no sense and one that makes you understand true loneliness….
Then you understand
Then you truly understand
What it is meant by "Please don't ever let me go"
To be so close and make it feel so far away….
….I love you…But I….
Every now and then, I wake up with an empty feeling in my chest and the feeling that something is missing…..though I do not believe I ever even had them to begin with. That warmth, that touch and that feeling that over ran through every never ending. It left me gasping for breath that I was not sure if I was even capable of breathing anymore, it was natural, right. Why do I feel so empty? Calming myself down for a while, I take a moment to look out the window to remind myself that I am not living under the sun.
Outside, the night sky glows with the moon and the stars on a huge dark sky. A fresh blanket of air wrapped around the earth. The quiet echoes within itself and I know I should be getting up already to head to school, or else I will be late. The routine is normal with getting up, showering, getting changed and heading down for breakfast.
Usually, mom says that dad is still asleep at this time, so that is why she is the only one who is up to greet me this early in the night. Now that I think about it, I don't ever remember seeing my father nor do I remember his face, it has always been mom the one that has thought me things. She's been teaching me since I was young how to move around without making a sound. It would not be, tolerated for me to make a mistake. If I were to disturb the silence, I would be punished.
Therefore, I always try to stay silent.
So does my Cousin Obito, we don't even talk to each other unless really necessary. Cousin Obito is like my older brother, he takes care of me whenever he can. Sometimes takes me to school, and is always willing to spend at least an hour of fun with me. If he were not here, I guess I would go insane "Sasuke, finish eating and head to school okay" My mom smiles at me and I nod. She is already preparing to head to work, cousin Obito must have already left.
Once I am out of the house, I head over to the high school. Everything is fresh and silent, the glow of the light against the darkness is blinding. It stings my eyes to simply walk into the bright classroom. Everyone whispers, everyone is always reading. We all wait for our teacher to come; she's a female whose name I can't remember. None of us can, so we just end up calling her Miss, all the time and she does not seem to mind.
The clocks ticking is loud, and I keep wondering why ever y time I wake up I know I have tossed and turned during the long day. I cannot stand it, the days are so hot and so hard to sleep in, but it's even harder to stay up. I cannot stand the sun, and I would never plan to even stay up long enough to see it rise above the sky and light it. I hate it.
Yet...strangely enough I can say that I miss it.
It makes me angry. "Settle down class, we are about to begin" The teacher walks in, her voice is soft and melodic that it doesn't even disturb a thing as she makes her way in front of the class. Everyone quietly shuffles into place, sitting down silently and gently. There is only the sound of paper ruffling, pens being uncapped, and the scratching sound of writing as we all start taking notes. The teacher doesn't have to tell us what to write, what to do, we just somehow know.
We've always somehow known.
The only time she says anything directly to us is when she wants us to answer some questions, she calls our name out and we have to respond in a proper manner. She stopped taking roll after the first week of school, no one here ever misses class, so she doesn't have to call out our name. She knows we are here. The nights are so tedious, so boring, and so short. They never last long, no matter how long they feel.
They wash away like a dream in a matter of hours.
Once school lets out, the glow of the moon is still bright and we all walk out on our own. "Sasuke" We are individuals "Would you like to team up with us for the lunar project, of how the faces change in a lunar month" I turned to look at my classmate, and very first friend Kaguya Kimimaro.
"Sure, do we begin tonight?" I ask my voice equally as soft as his. What do we fear? That we will somehow break the night… To break the silence that lingers throughout this time. I am not sure if I can keep living like this.
"If you wish to do so" he tells me. I nod and he leads me to the library where the rest of the group already is. We are all individuals, it's like we know each other way better than anyone else and we know how to find each other. It is hard to even forget each other's names; every whisper gets trapped in the back of your head. The library is eerie, as we make our way to a table were two more males are and one female. We do not acknowledge each other, but we know we are there.
"Sasuke, you look tired. Here" Karin offers me a water bottle, slightly bowing her head in the respect that she had just commented upon my appearance. I take it from her, letting her know that it is okay for her to ask about my sudden appearance. I am usually well rested and sure of myself.
"Is something bothering you?" she asks, gently pushing in the matter. She wants me to see that she is concerned with whatever my problems might be now. She has always been like an older sister to me, something that makes me wonder about something that I never could truly grasp. Every night has been hard for me, but I had grown fond of the night, but now I was simply confused. "Did you sleep well?"
"I haven't been sleeping soundly lately, actually," I say, as I un-cap that water and take a small sip. It's always like that, small sips, chew your food twenty times and then swallow. Take your time. Nothing is ever rushed. The only excitement we seem to get is when we play sports, and that's just about it. We had once made a plan to stay up during the day, and ended up being punished for it. Therefore, we have not tried anything like that since. "I keep having this particular daymare"
"Tell us, it might help you get over them," She urges, every one of them looking at me now. For a moment right there I am speechless, for a moment there I do not want to tell what is on my mind. For my dream was more than warm, it was suffocating. There was someone there with me, someone I know I loved dearly and once held me tight, but who it is, that is hard to tell. All I know……and what really scares me is that it feels like once upon a time I used to…..
"I was walking in the day, under the sun and blue sky….I was having fun in the day…with someone" All of them looked at me with wide scared eyes, to walk during the day.
That was simply insane.
"Let us continue with our work," Kimimaro suddenly said and we all nodded in agreement, no longer wanting to hear about the day. They preferred not to know about it or mention it, and me having dreams about it was freaking me out.
Late that night, when I came home I decided not to eat. Mother seemed concerned about me but I told her that I was tired and not hungry. I got ready for bed and settled with looking up into nothingness, the sun was going to rise soon. I was not sure what I was feeling, it was a heavy sadness that over took me and for the first time in a few years I cried. I hugged myself tight and cried as I buried my head into a pillow, then I was lulled to sleep. The fact that this only happened once in a while, I wished the pain to be gone for the next night to start.
….I love you…But I… don't think that I can love you anymore
The sun rose up high in the sky, filling in every shadow with it and the birds began to sing. Dark fathomless eyes closed ready to sleep the new day away. Heavy with tears and burning, he fell asleep with the strong sense of loneliness. On that same and yet different room, equal dark fathomless eyes opened to start of the new day. Reluctantly the owner of those eyes stood up and opened the thick black curtains to let the sun shine inside the dark room.
They were to never see the other….
So, what do you think of the Prolouge? It won't be all first person, I can't keep up with it very well, but I like doing it once in a while.