Disclaimer: Don't Own Torchwood.
Seeing through dark eyes
There's been many times Owen Harper has broken my heart.
Suzie Costello. Gwen Cooper. Diane Holmes. To name a few. Not to mention the various other un named women he's had in his bed.
In front of him and at work I just try and block it all out. At work, I am Toshiko Sato, the professional. At home… I won't pretend I haven't cried over him. I have. And it's mainly before I go to sleep at night.
Yes that's right… I've let him into my heart without him even knowing it, and every day he breaks it, and every night I cry myself to sleep. Not something everyone who knows me would expect of me.
Right now I'm in the Hub, still reeling from the fact we've lost two days of our memories, and I'm trying to block out Owen bragging about his latest one night stand and Gwen complaining to Jack about her wedding plans by analysing the rift activity like I do every day. I feel a pair of eyes boring into me, I look up and look over at Ianto who is looking at me sympathetically. He knows all too well how I feel about Owen. He walks over to me.
"Don't… Ianto… I know exactly what you'll say." I whisper.
Ianto nods and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Oi! Tea boy! Get us a coffee would ya, instead of standing there like a plank dressed in pink!" Owen says.
I roll my eyes. There are times when Owen can take it too far. And there are times when they're as bad as each other. This is one of those times.
"I will, if you shut up for once." Ianto smirked.
"Unlikely." Owen said as Ianto went over to his coffee machine. "Tosh, how 'bout you smile for once, eh? Looking miserable just makes you look even worse." Owen added.
This cuts me. Of course it does. He already thinks I'm not worth looking at… I take a deep breath, turn in my chair to face him and force a smile, though it probably looks more like a grimace. I turn away again and the smile/grimace drops, tears building in my chest.
"Owen that was a little harsh." I hear Gwen say. She's obviously chosen to ignore Jack and given up with wedding plans.
"I… I'm sorry… I've got to…" I trail off quietly. I get up and quickly run out.
"Oh well done Owen!" Gwen snaps.
"What? All I said was to smile!" Owen says.
I don't stop running until I reach the tourist centre through the wall hiding the corridors leading into the Hub. They wouldn't come looking yet. They'd argue for a bit first, forget about it for a while and then suddenly remember. I go into a small corner that isn't cluttered and I sink to the floor, curling myself up. Then the tears fall, and it's all beyond my control.
"She's not long had to take Tommy back to World War one! And you go and say that to her?!" Gwen shouts.
"She'll be fine! You know what she's like!" Owen protests.
Ianto puts Owen's coffee on his workstation and he walks into Jack's office.
I stay curled up in my corner, hoping the shadows would hide me from the camera I know is there. I also know you can here everything in here, or wherever there's a security camera, so I stay quiet. I don't want the sympathy I know I'd get if anyone other than Owen found me… all I want is to just be loved.
And it won't happen in this lifetime… or probably in any lifetime.
That day was the day I died inside… the day I realised Owen didn't love me…
How was I to know that in a few more short weeks I'd be literally dying…? Only… on the other side, Owen was waiting for me.
He takes my hands oh so gently in his.
"I am so sorry…" he says.
"For what?" I whisper.
"For all the shit I gave you. You didn't deserve any of that. You're much too good." he says. "And… I get to see you this time when I say it… rather than in a radiation flooded room. I love you."
"Don't…" I step away, pull my hands free. I can't go through that pain of heart ache again… whether he means it or not.
"Tosh, I mean it I-"
"I said don't, Owen!" I tell him. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Not now, not ever. I turn and run, leaving him alone, just like I had done when he broke my heart for the final time while I was alive.
A/N: I thought of this story while I was watching a Youtube vid for Tosh/Owen, it was to Evanescence's Everybody's Fool... and this idea came up. I hope it's good enough