So, I'm back. This one is a one-shot post-ep for Aliens in a Spaceship. It's for Lola. My wonderful friend, who needed what we call a "survival" fic. She wrote one for me – You Make Me Smile – it's amazing, check it out...and now I'm writing one for her since she had a long week and desperately needed a reprieve. So Lola, this is for you.
With that said, I also feel like I need to say… that Lola and I are writing a fic together called, Die Alone under our joint screen name, GravediggerFiles. Check it out if you want!
Thanks for reading… and just… enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own them…
In and out of consciousness
It breaks my heart to see you like this
Crying, wringing hands and cursing fate
Always so little far too late
It's 3am I'm wide awake
There's still one call to make
Now you saw it coming
And I saw it coming
We all saw it coming
- David Gray
There was a moment while she was buried underground. A moment where the stale air stopped moving and she closed her eyes and thought about the one man that she knew would never let her down. She had imagined him in front of her, cupping her face, telling her that it would be alright. She heard his voice inside of her head, reminding her that she was not alone; that he was there with her. And in that moment she felt nothing but relief. The fear of being trapped beneath the surface disappeared and she felt completely at ease because she had him.
She clung to that now in her darkened room. It was illogical, but it kept her alive. It helped her keep breathing even when she felt like the walls were closing in around her.
Two hours ago he had walked her to her door and hesitated beside her. Her hand had shook as she pushed her keys inside of the lock, but with one swift turn the door had opened. Booth had fumbled his words outside of her apartment, unsure of what she wanted. She had told him to go home, that she would be fine, but he just stared at her. His chocolate eyes drank her in, wondering if she wasn't just being proud in that moment, questioning if he should leave her alone. She had smiled at him and gave him a reassuring nod, but remained still, seemingly unconvinced that she would in fact be ok. The words "I'm fine" fell from her mouth easily because she believed them then. She truly thought that she was fine. She was alive. She and Hodgins had survived the Gravedigger. They had made it out alive.
Booth reached forward then, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. He had told her to call him if she needed anything; that he would be here. She nodded again and told him that she'd see him tomorrow. She reminded him once more that she was in fact fine. He had hesitated as he turned, looking back at her multiple times before he began to walk away, leaving her alone in the darkness.
She had shut the door once she could no longer hear his footsteps along the wooden staircase. Her eyelids had drifted shut as she tried to control the hammering of her heart. Tears had seeped from her closed eyes as the events began to replay inside her head. She hadn't wanted him to leave, but she had needed him to. She had needed time. Time to rebuild the wall around herself that she had torn down when she was inside of that car. Because he was Booth and she was Brennan. And the moment that she had imagined inside of her head, the moment that had helped keep her alive, needed to vanish from her thoughts.
Except she couldn't let that moment go because it was the only thing that was holding her together.
Now, she lay in bed alone. Her clothes clung to her sweat drenched body. The dark blue sheets from her bed were tangled around her legs. And all the while, the terror that she had felt when she had first awakened from her nightmare was still present. It caused her body to tremble and her mouth to warm. Tears pooled in her eyes. She hated feeling this way; she hated feeling weak.
Her eyes glanced at her silent cell phone that rested on top of her bedside table. She knew that it would be easy; that he wouldn't ask her any questions, he would just come over. It was how they worked. Sometimes, no communication was needed. Inside of her tired and riddled mind, she begged him to hear her, to come to her because she couldn't make herself pick up the phone and press that button. But her fear had succeeded in paralyzing her, and she was helpless. So she turned again to the one thing that had helped her hold on ever since Booth had pulled her out of that dirt.
She thought of that moment and hoped that it would be enough to get her through the night.
This time she woke up screaming his name. Her fingers clawed at her neck as the panic took control of her. The dirt that had existed in her latest nightmare had felt so real that she found herself fighting to breathe. Her usually compartmentalized brain had jumbled up into a thousand pieces causing her to fail to form a coherent thought. She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat, trying to wet her dried mouth. Her heart rate slowly began to return to normal, but the terror still gripped her disoriented body. She felt vulnerable and she knew that there was only one person that could make this all go away. She needed him. There was no denying it. He was the only person that could help her. The only person who could make all of this just fade away into the shadows of her mind.
Her gaze shifted towards the phone that was still residing on her bedside table. Her alarm clock sat behind it, reading 3:32am in a glow of red lights. She willed the phone to ring, for it to be Booth, telling her that he couldn't sleep either, but her room remained silent. Outside the wind howled and rain splattered harshly on her windows. A storm was brewing.
Minutes passed and her stare didn't falter. She knew that there was a part of her that was still trapped inside of that car, struggling for air and fighting for her life. She couldn't close her eyes for fear of seeing the same frightening image that she had seen ever since she had been pulled from underground.
A loud burst of thunder erupted in quiet of the night, startling her. She felt her body jerk and her heart begin to pound. What was only thunder sounded much more like the explosion that she had rigged to propel them out of the car. It echoed in her ears until she felt trapped. Until the air that she was supposed to be breathing was no longer coming.
She reached for her phone and without hesitation pressed the number two speed dial button. Air was still only limitedly entering her body. She couldn't breathe. The phone rang once. Her chest tightened.
"Bones?" Booth answered sleepily.
"Booth," she said, her voice strained from the lack of oxygen. "Booth, I can't…"
"I'm coming," Booth said quickly.
The room began to spin. "Please…"
"I'm coming, Temperance," Booth reassured her. "I just need you to do one thing for me. Do you think you can do that?"
She nodded against the phone, forgetting that he couldn't see her.
"I need you to breathe, Bones. You've got to breathe."
She quickly inhaled, trying to pull as much oxygen as she could into her deprived body. "I'm trying…" she said as she exhaled.
"That's good, Bones. Keep doing that. Long, slow breaths," Booth encouraged.
As she continued to breathe in and out, she heard his car door slam and his engine start, and then seconds later she heard his sirens.
"Keep breathing, Bones."
She took another deep breath. A generous amount of air filled her lungs.
"Just a few more minutes," Booth whispered.
She gripped the phone tightly in the palm of her hand. "Booth…"
"It's going to be okay, Bones."
"Please…" she pleaded.
"I'm here, Temperance. Just hang on. I'll be right there."
Her grip on her phone loosened before it fell from her hand entirely. She leaned back on the bed and continued to breathe. In and out.
He was coming.
The door to her apartment opened and then shut. She listened to his quick footsteps against her wood floor. They resonated in her hallway, giving away his location. She pulled her sheets closer to her body suddenly embarrassed by her current state. Her bedroom door slowly opened and Booth snuck inside. She watched him through the darkness. His feet came to a resting point beside her bed. He waited a moment before he sat down beside her, his hands landing on either side of her body.
"Bones?" Booth asked, concerned.
She shifted uncomfortably in her bed. "I'm okay."
"Don't lie to me, Bones," Booth said, his right hand moved from the mattress to cup the side of her cheek. "It's okay if you're not. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry," she breathed as the tears flooded her blue eyes.
His thumb swiped at an errant tear. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."
"I thought I could handle this on my own," she said, shaking her head. "I thought that I could do this."
"It's okay to need help," Booth frowned. His left hand reached for her hand and grabbed it in his own, squeezing it tightly. "It's okay to need someone, Bones."
"I don't need someone," she mumbled, her face turning away from his stare.
"What?" Booth said softly. His hand stopped her face from turning away from him completely. He gently urged her gaze back to his.
She chewed on the inside of her lower lip. A flush crept up across her cheeks. "I don't need just someone."
"What do you need then? How can I help?"
She finally allowed herself to close her eyes. Images of dirt and blood clouded her mind. Her eyes popped open suddenly fearful of her surroundings. But then she felt his hand against her skin. She felt the pads of his fingers softly caress her cheek. The words slipped from her mouth before she could stop them. "I need you, Booth." A tear fell from the corner of her right eye. "You're all I need."
Booth's hand stilled. "I'm right here."
"Booth." She shook her head. Tears spilled from her eyes as she tried to blink them away, not wanting to confront the emotions that were erupting inside of her. But she couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped from her dry lips. "I can't do this."
Booth didn't hesitate. His arms wrapped quickly around her body, pulling her up to him, enveloping her in his warm embrace. She heaved against his chest as he tightly held her against him. Moments floated in and out of her brain. Moments from her past and her present. Moments between her and Booth. He had proved his worth to her. He had proven to her that she could trust him; that he would never hurt her. Now, she just had to let down her walls. She had to surrender to the emotions that had been swirling inside of her ever since Booth had reappeared in her life. At first she hadn't known what to make of it. She had brushed it aside as nothing, as merely an attraction because of his physical characteristics. But now, as time had passed, she realized that it wasn't just that. This wasn't just about how physically attractive Booth was. This was about who he was. This was about how he treated her, how he knew exactly what she needed without her even having to say a thing. It was about who he was and who he helped her be.
Booth began to rub her back soothingly. His hand moved up and down. She shivered at his touch.
"Are you warm enough?" Booth asked, concerned. He started to pull back, but she pulled him back, pressing her cheek to his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
"Booth…" Her voice trailed off. She listened to the thump of his heart. She took her breaths in sync with his, needing to feel even more connected to him.
Booth let his hands slip from her back to her biceps. He gripped them softly and eased her off of his chest. "Temperance, tell me what's going on."
"I can't seem to…" Her head sagged forward. "I can't close my eyes without seeing…"
"Shh," Booth soothed her. He released his hold on her biceps, leaning his forehead against hers. "It's okay, Bones. It's normal to feel that way after everything you've been through."
His warm breath drifted across her lips. A shiver ran up her spine. She leaned closer to him. "There was a moment when I was trapped underground." She paused, breathing in the air around her, reminding herself that she wasn't below the surface anymore. She was in her bedroom. With Booth. "Before we blew up the car there was a moment for me, a moment were I felt you, which is completely illogical. I know that." More tears fell from her tired eyes. "But that moment… it helped me survive. You helped me survive in more ways than one, Booth."
His gaze softened. "Temperance…"
"No," she shook her head, cutting him off. "Don't say anything. I just… I had to tell you because that moment did more for me than I realized until now. And I have to thank you for – "
Her words stopped as his lips collided with hers. They drank each other in. His hands pressed against her back, pulling closer to him, while her hands wrapped around his neck. She opened her mouth slightly, allowing his tongue access to her own. Their tongues played with each other and their hands began to roam. She moaned as he pressed himself against her, letting her feel his arousal. Seconds later he released her, holding her at arms length.
"We can't do this now," Booth whispered. "Not yet."
She nodded. "I know. I just – "
"No," Booth interrupted, placing a finger against her lips. "No more talking. Not tonight."
He didn't wait for her approval. He didn't wait for her to invite him into her bed. He merely released her trembling body and moved into bed beside her, kicking off his shoes along the way. In one fluid motion he crawled beneath the covers and reached for her, pulling her towards him. She turned into him, allowing her head to rest on his chest. His fingers ran gently through her silky strands.
"Sleep," Booth sighed, kissing the top of her head. "We'll talk tomorrow."
She closed her eyes. The images came once more, but she tried her best to ignore them. This time thinking of the moment that they had just created. She draped her leg across both of his and pulled him closer towards her. "Tomorrow."
He kissed her lightly on the lips before letting his head fall back down onto her pillow. "I'll be right here."
Thank you for reading! Drop me a line!