A/N: Random, I was playing DDR and I was dancing to this song called I Don't Feel Like Dancing and I kind of got the idea for this one-shot. Hope you like it!
I Don't Feel Like Dancing
I wasn't expecting it to happen. I guess no one really expects this moment in their life. I hadn't been at all surprised. Distraught, yes, but surprised? Not one bit. More and more people were getting the same news that I'd received, and even more before me. The world just wasn't a safe place anymore. I got the news last week. The news that my parents had passed away. But I knew the truth. They'd been murdered. They were among the thousands already dead.
I sit on the couch in the Head's Common Room, staring blankly at the wall. I can't think. My mind is completely numb. I can't believe that my parents are really gone. How will I ever survive without them? How will I go on, knowing that I will never again feel my mother's soft touch or hear her soothing voice? That I will never again be able to turn to my father for advice, never go to him for protection. My life is practically over. My sister survived. She didn't deserve it.
Petunia is older than me. She's off and married to a man that I hate with a passion. She could care less about me. Not that it matters, as I'll be of age by the time I'm out of Hogwarts, able to live on my own. I had expected to go home to my parents one last time, though, before setting off for my destination, seeking a job as a potions master. Potions was my passion. Or it was, before the world had come to a crashing halt.
The wall hasn't changed in the time I've stared at it. It is still a boringly white, blank wall with a thin crack towards the bottom where James kicked it angrily at the beginning of the year. I shove my red locks out of my face and sniff, trying to keep from crying yet again. My eyes have been red and puffy for days, the bright green color dulled by the irritation of my tears. Something inside me is raging around, and I feel the need to go somewhere and do something, but nothing comes to mind. Instead, I lay back and stare at the ceiling instead. This helps ward the tears off.
The ceiling is boring as well. I grab for my wand and give it a lazy flick. The ceiling is now enchanted the way the Great Hall is. It reflects the nighttime sky. Midnight blue and starry. I look over to a clock on the wall. It's past midnight, but I don't care. I can't sleep. Every time I try, all I can do is conjure up pictures of my parents, dead and ghostly pale. Truthfully, I am afraid to sleep. I look to the door on my right. It is closed and I don't see any signs of light. James must be sleeping.
I have been dating James for barely a month, and during this week of pain, I've shut him out, pushing him away from me and out of my mind. All I want now is to be alone. I think he understands this, but I know he wishes there was something he could do to make everything better. Unless he can bring my parents back, I doubt he'll find a way to cheer me up. I let out a sigh and look back up at the sky-ceiling.
It was an extremely starry night. Stars cluttered the sky, twinkling and dancing around against the deep blue background. They're inanimate objects, but I envy their obvious joy. I bring my hands to my face and shake my head slowly. I'm driving myself insane with all this misery, but I feel that I don't deserve to be happy. Why was it my parents that had to die? Why couldn't I have been in their place? The chime of the clock tells me that it is officially two am. I seriously needed to get some sleep. My grades are already beginning to drop.
With the chiming of the clock, the door to James' room opens. He comes out, blinking in the light of the fire. "Lily?" he asks, approaching me cautiously. "Lils, you need to get some sleep."
I shake my head. I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired. James comes over and sits down on the couch next to me, and takes me into his arms. He begins to rock me gently, like I'm a little child. Truthfully, I cling to the comfort of his arms, but it makes me miss my parents even more. After just a few minutes, I've burst into tears, and they're trailing down my face, hot, sticky, and salty. I bury my face in James' chest, and he strokes my hair, murmuring soothingly. "Why do they have to be gone?" I whimper. I'm not ashamed to sound like such a child in front of James.
"It's just the way things worked around," James says quietly. Suddenly, I'm angry. I know that there is someone to blame for their death, and I know exactly who it is that deserves this blame.
"Don't pretend he didn't have anything to do with it," I say harshly. I clench my fists, wanting to take my anger out on something. James holds me tighter, trying to calm me down, but I shake my head. "I'm going to kill him. One day, I'll get him back." I'm sobbing harder now, so much that I can't speak anymore.
James rubs my back comfortingly as I cry into his chest. Finally, I'm all out of tears and I sit up, wiping my face dry. James kisses me gently on the cheek and continues to hold me. We sit in silence for a long time, before James breaks it. "Feeling better?" he asks.
"Some," I reply. And I am. The tears have let out a lot of my emotion, and suddenly, I'm very tired, but I still don't want to go to sleep. I rest my head on James' shoulder, blinking rapidly to stay awake.
"Lily," James says, "You're tired. Get some sleep."
"No," I say stubbornly. "I'm not going to sleep."
I'm still sad. He knows this. I won't ever get over this. But for now I do feel better. Suddenly, James stands up, holding one of my hands in his. He looks at me and says, "Dance with me."
"What?" I ask.
"Dance with me," he repeats, smiling slightly. I look at him like he's crazy.
I shake my head. "I don't feel like dancing."
"Please?" James asks, giving me a pleading look. I finally give in and stand up. James pulls me into his arms and we move to an imaginary beat, slowly at first, then picking up speed. He twirls me around, and it's all I can do to keep from laughing. I'm feeling lighter now, as if all the sadness that had been weighing me down before was beginning to evaporate. I spin in a circle under his arm, and a smile lights my face. James is pleased. It's the first time I've smiled since I found out.
Soon, though, he's worn out, and we're sitting on the couch again, breathing hard. He picks up his wand and gives it a flick, conjuring up a small, white lily, which he hands to me. Once again, I can't help but smile. "Thank you," I murmur, looking him in the eye. I've always loved his eyes. It was the first thing I'd noticed when I met him. I yawn then, and he eyes me.
"You're going to bed," he commands.
"Fine," I say, standing up. I rub my eyes and pad into my bedroom. He follows me. I lay the flower down gently on my nightstand and crawl into bed. He sits down beside me.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" he asks.
"Alright." He lays down beside me and I crawl into his arms again. He's warm and I inhale his scent as I bury my face in his neck. At the moment, I have everything I could ever want, minus my parents being alive still. It's over and done, and someday, I will have my revenge, but for now, I just have to work on moving past the death. With James around, I think I'll manage.
A/N: Ehh... Not the best ending, but I kind of like this. Tell me what you think!
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