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AN: WARNING: There is sensitive material in this chapter regarding Bella and her miscarriage. I didn't go to emo, but it is still there. She isn't done grieving though.
When It Rains It Pours
It was an hour before Edward was awake and able to come sit by my side. Alice quietly left us, knowing we needed to have some time together. She mumbled something about stalking the fuckhot doctor and checking in on Emmett. I knew she was just being the a good sister to both Edward and I but letting us be, I also knew Edward and I needed to talk about this Tanya person, who happens to be Slutalie's cousin, and ok maybe I have a real hate of their whole family about now. However at this moment I just want his touch; I just need my Edward's caresses to tell me everything is going to be fine.
I hadn't even known about my baby. Edward and I hadn't even been trying for one yet, up until knowing of this child's existence I hadn't even felt ready for a child. Though now that I know there was one I can't help but miss it. The love I feel for the child that I will never get to know is overwhelming. It feels like someone ripped part of me away, a part I never got to know, a part that was essential to my very being. I couldn't help feeling sort of empty and very needy.
I made Edward get up on the bed with me and hold me. I just need his touch. He keeps cooing sweet words into my hair. How he loves me, how beautiful I am, how he'll always be there for me. And though I have questions about this Tanya, I know that he will always be there for me. We love each other. It's a simple as that. Without Edward I would only be half of myself. Apart we don't do so well. While that might seem overly co-dependent to some, it works for us. We are able to function in society, we have friends and family we spend time with. We even can go a night without one another, if Alice is dragging me to a sleepover at her house. We just don't like to be apart, and we function better when we know the other one is going to be there at the other end of the phone, or at home for us when we need them. And we are at our best when the other is right by our side.
"Bella, Edward?" Carlisle's voice called us out of our bubble for two.
"Come on in Dad." Edward beckons his Father.
"Bella, darling girl I am so sorry." He rushes over and places his hand on my cheek. Looking so sincere and red eyed. I can tell my father in law has been crying.
"Thank you." I softly say back.
"Bella we are going to keep you overnight for observation. I've already cleared it for Edward to stay with you." I give him a genuine smile. If I have to endure this place, at least Edward will be here with me.
"Thanks Dad." Edward rewards his father with a smile as well.
"Now I know this is a bad time, but I've gone over Dr. Whitlock's notes Bella. While there was nothing he could see to cause problems in the future with conception, I would feel better if you would have some tests done. I just want to make sure that you are ok, and that if you should get pregnant again that this isn't going to cause any problems that we have to worry about."
"What problem?" Edward asks.
"How much did Dr. Whitlock tell you?" Carlisle asks seriously.
"He said between my blood pressure and my fall my baby didn't have a chance." I said on a sob. "I killed our baby Edward." I cried into his strong shoulder. He rubbed my back and held me tighter.
"Oh Bella he didn't explain everything to you. You did not kill your baby Bella, there was nothing you could have done to save it. Your baby was never going to get here dear. You were having what is called an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was growing in your fallopian tubes, instead of in your womb." He sighed. "To be honest Bella, this pregnancy could have killed you. Ectopic pregnancies can cause internal bleeding and are rarely viable pregnancies."
"Ok but Dad what problems?" Edward demanded.
"I'm worried about two main things, tubal damage and possible infertility issues." He states calmly. "Now tubal damage will lead to infertility, however there are other factors that can cause infertility, around fifteen percent of all women who have an ectopic pregnancy become infertile. I just would like to run a few test and see if there are any signs. If we find something quick enough Bella we might be able to fix it."
"Ok." I tell him firmly.
"I'd also like for the two of you to have a couple sessions with a grief counselor. Bella your automatic reaction in blaming yourself for the losing the baby is normal, however I still would like the two of you to just talk to someone about it." Edward nods.
"I agree." He tells his father then looks at me. "It can't hurt to talk to someone baby." I give him a small smile.
"Ok. Tests and shrink, got it." I give a lame joke. I feel a little better knowing that I didn't kill my baby. However part of me still blames myself. Another part blames Slutalie and her skank cousin. Skankanya. Got to tell Alice that one.
"I'm so proud of both of you." Carlisle informs us. "Many would argue and say they don't want to talk to a shrink as Bella calls them, but you are both mature enough and love each other enough to do this." Edward grins.
"Thanks Dad. Oh hey how is Em doing?" Grrr Emmett.
"Better. We still have him under, but all his vitals are coming up. And it looks like all the internal bleeding has been stopped. If things are going this well tomorrow at this time we are going to start weaning him off the meds so he can wake up."
"Riley!" It just hit me, who has him?
"He's with Esme right now. Alice is going to stay with us tonight to help look after the little guy. If it's ok though I'll bring him by so he can see that you are ok?" Carlisle smiles as he thinks of his only grandchild. A sudden wave of sadness comes over me as I think about my lost child, and the slight chance that there may never be another little one in my womb. A bright eyed baby, who looks like Edward, but with my love for books, his love for music, who is loved by both of us. I shake it off though knowing I don't need to go completely emo right now.
"Bring him by anytime. Carlisle where's Katie?" I ask.
"Sitting with Emmett. She's been alternating between glaring at him, holding his hand and telling him things will be ok, and threatening to pull the plug." Carlisle smiles. "She says she is just making sure, and this is a quote: 'Slutalie can't get back in.'" I have to laugh at the sound of my father in law saying Slutalie. Edward is laughing too, it's good to see him smile.
"Dad why don't you go get Riley and bring him by." Edward tells his father between chuckles. Carlisle nods once then leaves.
"Edward, I'm sorry." I say into his neck. I'm holding him tight now.
"For what love?" He pulls back looking into my face clearly baffled.
"For losing the baby, for maybe not being fertile now." I say on a small cry.
"Baby, Bella, my darling heart, you have nothing to apologize for. When it's time for us to have a baby we will Bella. Even if I have to buy one." He jokes, well he's kind of joking. I can tell part of him has considered this. "Though I believe everything is going to be fine, and one day I'll have a little girl with big brown eyes, and brown hair like yours. My little mini Bella." He says softly.
"We can have a mini Bella and a mini Edward." I smile. Losing this baby has made me realize something. "Edward, whenever you are ready, I am too. I mean I need time to heal, and I'm not trying to replace this one with another. It's just once I knew about the baby I realized how much I wanted something part you and part me. A product of us. Undeniable proof of our love."
"Really?" He looks so excited.
"Really, really." God did I just quote Shrek?
"Ok, how about after you heal we meet with our therapist for a month or two and then we make a final decision and try from there." I nod.
"Yes." I'll always miss this baby, my first child. It will always own part of my heart, even though I didn't know it till it was too late. And I know Edward is right, we should see the therapist first. Make sure that it's not grief causing us to jump to quickly. Make sure we are strong enough. And I know we have the whole Skankanya issue to talk about too. We're getting there though. Sighs.
Riley spent thirty minutes curled up on the bed with Edward and I. We cuddled him, assured him all was going to be ok. Told him we loved him, and sent him off with Esme when he fell asleep. In that time with my nephew my heart and head firmed the idea that it was time for Edward and I to be grown ups, for us to expand our family.
Though I needed answers from him first.
"Tell me about Tanya." I say into the dark room. We have the lights out with just the tv playing on low in the background.
"Bella, maybe now isn't the best time for this discussion."
"Edward now is the best time. If I have to hurt you, doctors are on hand to fix you." I say meaning every word.
"Um ok." He stutters. I reach over grab his nuts threw his pants.
"Tell me about Tanya." His face goes white and he nods. I let go.
"Tanya was in three out of my five classes at Stanford my first semester. She had a boyfriend who was going to be joining her in the spring at Stanford, he took a semester off to go tour Europe with his dying Grandfather." He sighed and takes a deep breath. Neither of us likes talking about our time apart.
"Go on." I encourage.
"She understood some of what I was going through. Once or twice a week we'd meet up in the library and study for class, talk about you and her boyfriend and how miserable we were without the two of you. About the same time we had our," he takes a deep breath and opens and shuts his mouth a few times before saying really fast and fairly loudly, "God Bella when we broke up." A single tear slips down his face. "About that same time her boyfriend called her to say he met someone and he wasn't coming. It was the hardest time of my life baby. Tanya and I became each others' support system. She'd listen to me talk about how much I fucking missed you, and I listened to her talk and cry about her ex."
"Ok, why did Slutalie say you were dating her?" So far it sounds like they were just friends. I had no problem with that, I had male friends who weren't Edward.
"After about a month of being miserable Tanya started talking about moving on, being with someone else. She had only ever been with her ex. A few weeks after that I figured if I was going to move on, why not try with her." He groans. "I took her on a date, simple dinner and a movie. We had fun, it wasn't the same as with you. It didn't feel perfect and like home. But we had fun. I took her back to her dorm and she invited me in. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then on the lips. She tasted wrong. She wasn't you. I politely pushed her off of me. Said that while I still thought of her like a friend, I didn't think the dating thing would work for us. She smiled and told me to give it time. I left and went back to my apartment." He looks at the ceiling and tightens his arms around me.
"And?" I prod.
"And I saw your picture on my desk, knew that it was you. That you have always been it. I got on the first fucking plane I could and came to you. You took me back, and I never looked back. I just transferred schools. I didn't need an ivy league education, I needed you." He says while kissing my head.
"Why didn't you tell me about her before?"
"She didn't matter Bella. When I went back I was polite but distant, I told her that we got back together, that I was transferring schools to be with you. She called me a fool for giving up Stanford for a piece of ass. I never talked to her again after that. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to push you away again, I was scared. Then after years past the memory faded and I never thought to tell you about because it was nothing."
"Really baby." He looks at me and then touches his nose to mine. It's our little secret way of saying I love you, and I'm true to you. I can forgive him.
"Ok, so Tanya Hale is out of our lives, we shall never speak of her again." I say firmly.
"Tanya Whitlock." He says. "Her last name was Whitlock."
"But it's Rosalie Hale and they are cousins." I argue.
"Her last name was Whitlock."
"Just like my doctor's last name." I cringe. "That's so odd, I never knew anyone with that last name, and now I know about two."
"Yea." He pulls me tighter to him. "I love you." I forget everything when he kisses me.
Oh my God! Fuckhawt doctor, Alice's girlie bits want to play with you. Seriously I'm renaming my vibrators Jasper and Dr. Whitlock. Yum!
Don't get me wrong I'm worried about Emmett, the asshat and I want to cry for my sister Bella. However I think I have just found the one. My future. Now I just have to work up the courage to actually talk to him. Last time I tried I think all I said was, oh hell all I did was grunt.
"Alice dear are you coming with Riley and I now, or meeting us later?" My Mom pulls me out of my thoughts of Dr. Fuckmenow. I see Mom carrying little Riley. Poor baby boy.
"Mrs. Cullen, if you'd like I can carry him to the car for you." Dr. Domebaby *yes I'm channeling Bel Biv Devo* offers Mom.
"Dr. Whitlock thanks for the offer…" I cut Mom off.
"Thank you Dr. Whitlock, we'd love the help." Ha I spoke! I give Mom a little wink. Jasper star of my future masturbatory fantasies takes my baby nephew and heads towards the elevator with us close behind him. I wish he wasn't wearing that white coat so I could get an ass visual.
"He's a cute fella." He just randomly says.
"Yea, he's light of our lives." I reply.
"He's adorable and very well behaved." Mom adds, looking at me weird.
"I just want to apologize again for not being able to help Mrs. Cullen." He speaks sincerely and it warms my heart. "There was nothing we could do." I smile.
"Jasper, Carlisle Cullen is my Dad, we know the facts about medical issues. Not everyone can be saved, and sometimes there is really nothing you can do." I assure him honestly. I'm sad about the baby, but Dad explained about ectopic pregnancy and I realized that this baby was just not meant to be. Someday though, Bella and Edward will have a beautiful baby that we will all love. We'll never forget this one, or what could have been had it made it, but we understand.
"I'm sorry, it's just the first time I've lost a patient." He pauses. "I know Mrs. Cullen is still alive, but I lost the baby and I feel like crap because there was nothing I can do." He shakes his head. "Plus…" He stops as my Mom puts her hand on his shoulder.
"Dr. Whitlock, don't beat yourself up. If you do that you are going to start second guessing yourself, and soon you'll be scared to treat a patient. Doctors can't save everyone, it's a fact." She tells him gently. "But you will save many more than you lose. That's what will make it all worth it." He smiles.
"Please call me Jasper." She smiles back.
"Call me Esme."
"I'm Alice." I sort of squealed and bounced at the same time. What the hell is up with that?
When we get to the garage Jasper helps Mom hook Riley up in his booster seat, little guy still hasn't woken up yet. He could sleep threw a tornado going down the street beside him. Mom thanks him and goes around to get in the car. I smile sweetly at Dr. Jasper You Will One Day Be Mine Whitlock.
"So I guess we're leaving now." I tell him softly.
"Yea, I'm sure your husband is waiting for you at home." He responds. Ohhh he is totes trying to find out if I'm attached! Internal squee!
"Well, I guess he is. I mean he would be if he existed. Unfortunately I don't even have a boyfriend to wait for me." I give a fake little pout. "What about your wife?"
"Oh hell she's probably in bed by now." My eyes bug a little and he laughs. "Alice I'm just as single as you are." Yippy! "So I was wondering if you might like to go for dinner one night?" Yes!
"Yes!" He smiles that fuckhot smile. "Give me your cell?" I say politely as I can through my excitement. He hands it over and I program in my number. "My Mom and Dad raised me old fashion, the boy calls first. The cards are all in your hands Dr. Whitlock."
"Why darlin' I'm honored you trust me with the cards." He jokes. Mom calls my name softly and I sigh.
"Night Jasper." I try and say sexy.
"Night Alice." He winks.
As we're pulling out of the parking garage my phone rings.
"So Alice, I'm free tomorrow night and I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me then?" I nod excitedly.
"Yes, I would love that."
"Do you want to meet me at the restaurant, or should I pick you up?" He asks.
"I'll text you my address, you can pick me up. I told you I'm old fashion."
"Be ready by seven?"
"With cute Jimmy Choos on." I joke.
"Then I'll have to make sure the restaurant is worthy of both your beauty and your shoes." Oh my God he knows Jimmy Choos are shoes! "Until then sweet Alice." He purrs.
"Until then." I reply. He hangs up and I save his number and text him my address.
"Alice?" My inquires.
"Dr. ScrewmesixwaystoSunday Whitlock asked me out!" I squeal again.
"Mary Alice watch your language." My Mom says sternly then giggles. "He was looking at you like you are something to eat. Your Father gets that look a lot before our sexy times." Gross. Eww, mental bleach!
"TMI Mom." She laughs.
"Alice, I'm happy for you baby girl. Just be careful." I beam at her.
I know I'm being a little selfish, my sister just had a miscarriage, my asshat of an older brother is in the hospital, his marriage in shambles, but I finally found him. I'm still going to be there for Bella, if she needs me tomorrow I'll force myself to reschedule with Jasper, but I really hope she will be ok with just Edward. She generally is.
I had been so close to him, I could actually smell him. Soon my love, soon we will be back together. Once I make you see that she is nothing, and I am everything. I tired of waiting in the shadows, of planning and plotting. I wanted what was mine. I didn't want to wait any longer.
The countdown was almost over, very soon I would be with him again. Very soon.
Sooner than you think.
AN2 : Reviews are nice :) The author really likes them.
Jasper and Edward promise to be goodboys and I promise a little lemonzest in the next chapter if we get some good reviews ;)