Chapter 19 – Dark Side

A/N: Hope you all enjoy this emotional chapter and try to watch the video or listen to the song along with it!


It's never easy to open your heart to someone. To let them all the way in. To let them see not only the pretty and happy, but the sad and ugly too, to go all the way deep inside of you. It's hard to take the first step, to trust that the person is not going to run away at the first sign of complication, or isn't going to let you down when you need them the most. It's a tricky thing – trust – something so hard to get but so easy to lose.

I was the kind of person that never let anyone in, not really. It never seemed worth the risk of putting my heart in the line of fire. To get really hurt, like I had been over and over again. Maybe I was insecure and a coward, after all, what is life if it's not worth risking to live, not to just stand by and see your life passing by your eyes, but to actually live it at its fullest.

Maybe it all started when my mom fell on her knees when Billy told her my father had passed away in service. My dad was the first one to let me down, to break the most sacred of all promises, to always return back home. He swore that no matter how hard, dangerous, or difficult it would be, he would always come back to us. Yet he didn't, he left me and my mom all alone on a cold winter night.

Then it was Christian, the boy who'd stolens and broken my heart more times than I can count. He took my love for granted and left me alone to deal with all my pain. He made me love him, just so he could break me, leaving me again alone in the dark. Maybe he had a thing for seeing me cry, or maybe he just didn't know how to handle us. But in the end he just left me to deal with my sins by myself.

Angie, my best friend, my sister. Just left me alone in a world I couldn't live in anymore, not without her. How could I continue if she had left it? It wasn't fair, and it broke me every time that I reminded myself I was the reason why she was gone. And just like that she took with her all the things I loved the most.

And there was Edward, oh my sweet and innocent Edward, a boy that seemed to look right at my soul and see all the things I tried so hard to bury deep inside. Like he could actually see all my sins, my pain and loneliness, like he could touch something that I tried so hard to shut down. And that's how I knew he would be the worse of all of them. Edward was the one person that could really hurt me.

So to be able to open up, and say what I was so desperate to say, that I loved him, it was one of the biggest steps I'd taken in the past couple years.

I could still remember how his hands were shaking, how his breathing was deep, how his eyes seem to be so full of emotion, so intense, so full of deep, pure and simple love.

I knew he loved me, and I knew he was waiting the right time to say it, but I also knew that if I only said it back after him he would just assume it was over pity or some crap like that. That boy was so messed up and insecure. He just didn't see what I saw. How beautiful and amazing he was.

So I took the first step and said it first.

I must admit I practiced a lot in front of the mirror before I actually had the guts to do it. I thought about all the right words to make him truly understand what he meant to me. To make him see he was much more than some high school crush, that he wasn't a pity case, or something for me to pass my time with before college. He was the real deal and that scared the shit out of me. To let my heart open like that again, to see my future with another person one more time, it was much more than I could take. But I knew he wasn't Christian, I knew the risk was worth taking. Edward was worth it. Our love was worth it.

It had been a few weeks since Carlisle and Esme'ss anniversary party, and even though Edward and I had told each other how we loved each other many times since then, it still made me want to cry every time I heard it.

Would he still love me if he found out the truth? The truth about my life in Phoenix and the reasons behind all of my apparent detachment to the place I'd lived almost all my life. I don't want to think about what he would do if he ever found out about Angie. Would he act like Christian and abandon me when I needed him the most, or would he stay by my side and be there for me?

After all, did I deserve forgiveness? Andrea sure didn't think that I did; soon after the crash she moved as far away from me as she could, going to live in Boston, taking with her what was left of my heart. To her I was only the cause of all her family's suffering, and she was probably right, after all it was my fault that Angeline was driving that night. So it made sense for her to go as close to Christian as she could. They needed each other so much to get through all of that pain, and still after all those years, I wondered if they did get over it or were still stuck in all that suffering.

The memory of that night still gave me chills, to think about the way your entire life can change in just a second, how much you can lose.

Feeling the darkness starting to consume me, I decided to work this out of my system in the dance room before I became another moody teenager. Which is so not my style by the way.

It had been a few weeks since I had actually been in here, most of my free time I spent with Edward or Alice, so Claire was the one that was most enjoying the mirror room. Since she started having ballet lessons two months ago she'd gotten obsessed with it, trying really hard to learn and be the best she could. Probably all her excitement had to do with the fact that my mom had showed her some VCRs of when I was her age in one of my many recitals. Apparently she wanted to be just like her big sister.

I didn't know if that should disturb me or make me feel proud that I had inspired another dancer, but I couldn't let go of the feeling that my mom was behind all of this, trying to force me to go back to dancing.

She'd never gotten over my decision to not pursue professional ballet. She'd always dreamed I would end up in Juilliard and after some hard work would try to get to the New York City Ballet Company. Who knows, in her mind I was the perfect candidate for being the prima ballerina of the Royal Ballet of London. But no matter what she thought I had the potential for, it would never happen, the woman was delusional.

Deciding to go for a round, I changed my jeans and t-shirt for a pair of black tight leggings and a gray stretch knit long blouse, that was comfy and yet gave me a lot of freedom of movement. For a second I looked at the wood box under my bed that held one of my ballet shoes, wondering if I should try it one more time, but decided against it.

(set on my polyvore – link on my profile)

I walked to the dance room and switched on the lights, looking around to see if things were the same, even the annoying stickers on the mirror and the posters on the walls. I walked to the corner where there was an arm chair and a small coffee table, putting my IPod in the waiting speaker dock.

Looking through my long music collection I searched for something that fit my unstable humor, not liking most of the songs I found, till I got to Kelly Clarkson's last album. That actually was perfect, it was like the woman had written the freaking CD thinking about me.

I put my long hair in a messy bun, pushing the falling strands far from my eyes, while looking down at my black painted toe nails. Now those really suited my humor these days.

I decided to do a quick warm up, and slowly started to stretch my arms and legs, using the dancing bar to help. I needed to let go of some steam and not to get a sprained muscle. Soon I was warmed up and looking at my reflection in the mirror.

The song started pumping through the small speakers and I just let the song take my body with it. My pace was the same as the beat. In that moment I was that song.

Dark Side – Kelly Clarkson

There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away
Or will you stay?Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really amEverybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
We can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really amEverybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stayDon't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stayWill you love me? Ohh...Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Don't run away
Don't run away
Don't run away
Promise you will stay

w w w . watch?v=jU8yJWcvkKc

My movements started slowly, my hands and legs following the soft beat of the song, mixing pop dance moves along with classic ballet ones. I was spinning, jumping, my body shaking from the rush of the song. The lyrics going so deep inside of me.

My hands moved softly, my legs spinning my body in pirouettes, followed by an elegante brisé and finishing my move with a Jeté , jumping from one foot to the other, with my legs going in the direction of the movement.

Suddenly my dance routine wasn't about burning some steam and letting go of my darkest fears, it wasn't a mixture of pop and ballet, it was all about my love for dancing. For letting go of all the reasons that had left me hanging all those years.

It was time for me to let go.

It was time for me to be me again. All of me, and not just this version of me that I let people see, it was time to put myself out there one more time.

It was time to come clean.

The song reached its end and I stopped with soft movements, my body in a clear final position. I was so in deep concentration that I didn't even notice I wasn't alone anymore until I heard the sound of clapping.

And there he stood, leaning over the door , watching me with mesmerized eyes and a sweet smile on his lips.


"Why didn't you tell me you were a ballet dancer?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

Fuck my life.

Of all the moments that boy could come though that door and this was the one he choose?

Of course I could try and lie, but I didn't know how much he had seen, and what was the point anyway? I had a freaking dance room next to my bedroom for God's sake. Speaking of which, how had he gotten here in the first place?

"Hey baby, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying not to shout what the fuck was he doing in my sacred space without my permission.

"Hey, my piano professor canceled my class so I decided to come here and see if you wanted to do something with me," he said slowly, looking at me and then to his worn out dark leather boots.

"I see, but how did you get here?" I asked him, wondering why my dear stepfather would let a boy come up to my bedroom like that. John had a very clear policy about no boys in the bedroom.

"Your mom let me in and showed me the way of course," he said clearly starting to notice how pissed I was.

"How nice of her," I said, walking in the direction of the stereo, shutting off the music.

"Are you mad at me, Bella?" he asked me, softly touching my hand.

"I'm not mad," I said, feeling way too uncomfortable with this conversation.

"Then why are you so cold with me?" he asked confused, clearly hurt by my attitude.

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't ready for this yet," I said, sitting down in one of the arm chairs, feeling defeated.

"Ready for what, Bella?" he asked, sitting in the other arm chair across from me.

"To have this conversation with you," I said frustrated.

"Ok, now I am really confused," he said, pushing his glasses back in place.

"Do you have any idea what you being here means?" I asked.

"I think I have a good idea," he replied with a small smile.

"I don't think you do," I said, walking to my bedroom to get the box where all the things that I feared the most where held.

It was time for him to know everything.

I walked back to the room with the box in my hands. It surely felt heavier then it should be, but that was probably due to the sad story behind the existence of that box and not from the real weight of it.

Edward stood there, silent, his confused eyes following me from one side to the other. His hands were lightly touching his short beard, his boots lightly tapping on the wooden floor of the dance room. Knowing he was as nervous as me to have this conversation made me unsure. Should I really open the Pandora's box? Should I bare all of my dark past to him? Would I lose him in the end?

And maybe that was the real answer that I needed to move on with my life – would he stay after all I had to say or would he take my heart with him and leave me – it wouldn't be the first time.

"Open it," I said, handing him the box.

"What is it?" he said, slowly opening the box and looking at its contents.

Inside there were my favorite Pointe shoes; the satin was worn out and dirty, but it was perfect just like that. Also there were some CDs, and a few photographs of me through my life as a ballet dancer. There it was: me and my entire life. My dark side of the moon.

"Who is this?" Edward asked, holding the same photo that Alice had seen a few weeks ago.

"That's Angeline, she was one of my best friends," I said sadly.

"She was?" he asked lowly, probably scared of what the answer would bring.

"It's a long story," I said, feeling the tears starting to pool in my eyes.

"If it's ok with you, I would like to hear it," he said , softly holding my hand.

"I'm afraid," I murmured, trying not to let him see my tears.

"Of what?" he asked softly.

"Of losing you. Because I am pretty sure you are about to leave me after I tell you this," I said, starting to lose my grip.

"I am not going anywhere," he said, holding my face lightly.

"It happened a couple of years ago, I was sixteen and things were kind of messy for me..." I started to say, letting the memories come back to me.


"God, I can't believe this shit," I said, throwing my back violently on my bed.

"Bells, you are making a big deal over nothing," Angie said, walking behind me to my room.

"A big deal over nothing? How can you say that Angie? He is fucking leaving!" I shouted at her, feeling so angry I could break something.

"Yeah, we all are going to leave eventually, that is what is so awesome about college," she said, rolling her eyes, totally not getting the point here.

"Are you on drugs or something? He is fucking leaving me," I shouted at her, frustrated.

"No Isabella, he is leaving all of us, so stop being a bitch and remember that he is my brother before being your boyfriend!" she shouted back, which was very unusual for her. Angeline was the calmest person I had ever met.

"Then how can you be so calm about it?" I said, the tears finally getting to me.

"God Bella, he won a scholarship in Georgetown, you know how important this is," she said kindly, but even if I knew how big this was, I still felt cheated.

"Yeah, well I thought he would go somewhere closer and then after we both went to college, he would go to Columbia," I said, so pissed that he had said to me he would go where he could be with me. Fucking liar.

"Come on Bella, stop being so fucking selfish, maybe you should be moving to Boston and not NYC for college, if you think this is what it takes to be with the one you love," she said to me.

"Are you insane? Do you have any idea how much I have being going crazy to get into Juilliard, I wouldn't give up on that! That is not the fucking plan!" I shouted.

"Don't you think that I have been through the same thing as you? Juilliard is my dream as much as it's yours Bella, but I on the other hand am not asking for somebody to give up their dreams for me. So grow up Isabella and stop acting like the world spins around you," Angie said, before grabbing her bag and leaving me alone. After all that was what they always did.

"I thought you might be here," I heard his rough voice saying from the door of the dance studio.

"Then you know I came here to be alone," I said, slowing practicing in front of the mirrored walls.

"You are really going to be like that? Are we even going to talk about this?" he said clearly frustrated.

"Talk about what Christian? How you fucking betrayed me? How could you?" I shouted at him.

"You talk like I was fucking some chick behind your back! I did not betray you ,Bella," he said, grabbing me by my arm.

"So what you call what you did, you asshole?" I said, pushing him away from me.

"I won a freaking scholarship. You want me to just give up on it because you don't want me to go to Washington?" he shouted back at me.

"You promised me you would go to New York with me," I shouted back at him, what a fucking asshole, how could he not see it?

"It's a four hour drive Bella, it's not on the other side of the fucking country," he shouted back.

"That is not the point. You promised you would be there with me, that we would find an apartment, you, me and Angie! How could you forget that?" I asked madly.

"I did not forgot that Bella, but I also thought I had no chance to win this scholarship." he shouted back.

"I didn't even know you had applied for Georgetown," I said, pushing the falling strands of hair back in their place.

"I applied for many places, Bella, not only NYU and Columbia, you know that," he said lowly.

"Then why didn't you tell me about Georgetown? Why did I have to find out about my boyfriend moving to D.C. from freaking Emily Harding?" I asked, my heart crushing at each second, the thought of him leaving me was breaking me.

"I didn't want to disappoint you ok! I knew it was a chance in a million to be accepted, but I also knew that even if I was, I couldn't afford it. The scholarship changed everything Bella! Please, you have to understand, with this economy if I didn't have this scholarship I would have had to get a job just to pay the rent, imagine all the loans I would carry with me after I graduated. Now I will go to the college I always dreamed about and I won't have to leave my first born there as payment," He said full of emotion, and I could see how excited he was, how much passion he had. Still, for me he was picking a path I could not follow.

"So, Law School is more important than me then?" I said stubbornly.

"Georgetown is my Juilliard, Bella," he said looking heart broken.

"Then I guess your choice is pretty obvious then," I said coldly, feeling like life was taking something from me again.

"Don't do this Bella," he begged me, trying to hold my hands, to change my mind. But I wouldn't let him. I had to protect myself, I couldn't let him hurt me like that.

"I'm doing nothing Christian. Columbia has such a great Pre-Law course, but you just can't see that can you? You have it all figured out , and you decided this on your own, you decided to leave me," I said, looking down at my Pointe shoes, not standing to look at his deep brown eyes. If I did I would crash and burn. I just couldn't´ do that.

"Don't see it like that," he said, trying to touch my face, but I turned away from his touch, and for him that was it. He knew I had made up my mind.

"I have no other way to see this," I said, turning back to the mirror, trying to focus back on my practicing.

"Is this what you really want Isabella?" he asked , his eyes full of pain and sorrow, but I knew him, soon his eyes would be filled with another emotion: anger. It would be for the best, it would be best if we both just let it go.

"Yes, I see no point in dragging this along. It's best if we both just started living our decisions. You in D.C. and me in New York," I said lowly.

"Whatever, just remember this was your choice and not mine. I do love you Bella, but I won't give up on all my dreams for you, and if you really did love me you would support me on this. I can't believe this crap. Have a nice life Isabella," he said, before grabbing his helmet and leaving me alone in the dance room.

Then I let all the tears that I was holding in consume me.

"Bella you have to stop with this, it's been three months already," Angie said, walking behind me in the hall.

"I'm fine Angie," I told her, really not into starting this whole Christian drama one more time.

"No you are not fine, all you have been doing is practicing and going to school, this is so not you," she said , clearly worried about me.

"It's what you do all the time" I told her. Angeline was one of the quietest people I had ever met, the girl really needed to get her nose out of the books.

"Yeah, but that is my normal self, this version of you is a sad version of Bella. Come on, when my brother was still here you weren't like this, you went out all the time. You were this shining and happy person. I miss happy Bella," she said lightly touching my arm.

"You are so overreacting," I said, opening my locker top put my gym bag inside.

"Really? Any more of this and you can join the nuns," she said with an arched eyebrow.

"Looking good Bella, are you coming to my party on Friday?" Aaron Riley asked me with a sweet smile. Oh yeah, Aaron, the captain of the football team, tall, with deep blue eyes and super hot. He and I did have our moments when I was single. Christian really hated Aaron Riley.

"Is that a special invitation?" I asked him with a flirting smile.

"For you, always," he said with a big charming smile. Oh yeah, he was still hot as hell. And I might just get burned.

"Then I might make an appearance," I said with a smile.

"I'll see you there then," he said, before walking down the hall.

"What the hell was that, Bella?" Angie asked me shocked.

"You told me you wanted the old Bella back, this is her coming out to play," I said with a smirk.

"I wanted you to go out with me and our friends, go to a concert, go anywherem but not to go out with Aaron Riley," she said angrily..

"I am not going out with him, I am going to his party" I said to her.

"To him that's pretty much the same thing," she said in an annoyed tone.

"It's like you said, it's been three months. It's time for me to move on," I said before grabbing my books and ending the discussion.

It was time for me to let it go.

"I can´t belive I let you bring me to this party," Angie said, looking with disgust at Phoenix High's not so sober population.

"Come on Angie, live a little," I said with a smile, before taking another drink of my beer.

"Unlike you, I am the responsible one, I am driving remember," she said with a smirk.

"I am responsible, I am the one that gave you my car keys," I said laughing.

"Oh look, there's your prince charming," Angie said with sarcasm.

"Oh I always knew you had it in you," I said, laughing at her, after all she was the nicest girl ,never saying bad things about anybody.

"Hey Bella. Michaels," he said to me and Angie, looking me up and down with apreciation, I knew I looked hot.

"Rilley," she replied with annoyance.

"So, how is that biker brother of yours?Already in jail or still going strong?" he asked with sarcasm. He knew just like everyone else that he went to Georgetown University after he graduated, which was the main reason I was at this party. Actually that was exactly the reason.

"How about those grades of yours?Still failling everything?" she asked coldly.

"Ouch, aren´t you a little bad ass?" he said, before taking a sip of his drink.

"You have no idea," she said with a glare.

"Ok you two, be good," I said, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Why don´t I bring you another drink and you can save me a dance?" he said with a charming smile.

"Definitely," I told him, watching him disappear in the middle of the crowd.

"What the hell is going on with you Bella?That is not you," Angie asked me with a sad tone.

"It's time to move on. Your brother already did, it's my turn to do the same," I told her, before taking a shot of whatever it was.

I had to admit that taking ten jello-shots plus all the beer was not such a good idea. The room suddenly appeared to be too bright and moving too fast, and I wasn't feeling so good. But that did not stop me from dancing with Aaron and some other boys, which I can assume was really what made Angie so pissed. But everything I did these days appeared to piss my best friend off.

"Ok, that's enough," she said, taking my beer cup from my hand.

"What, come on give it back," I said, trying to reach for my cup but failling miserably. Crap.

"You are wasted. I need to get you out of here," she said, trying to make me get up from the couch that I had been stuck on for the past 20 minutes, since I had lost the ability to walk straight. Damm heels.

"No mom, just five more minutes," I said laughing, why I had no idea.

"That´s enough Isabella Marie Swan, we are leaving right now," she shouted, before grabbing my lather jacket that was thrown on a chair and making me get up.

"Fine," I said walking with her to my old Jeep was my father´s old car, my sweet sixteen birthday present.

"Thank God I am the one driving," Angie said, before closing her door.

"I don´t think I like this bad ass version of you," I said drunkly.

"And I don´t like this slutty drunk version of you either,so suck it up," she said, turning on the car and down the road.

The drive was long, and a light rain started to fall which was weird for this time of the year. Yet it suited my mood,the sound of rain falling made me want to sleep.

"No way Young Lady, you are not dreaming on me, you'll have to face John and not me," she said, shaking me up and not letting me sleep.

"Fuck him for all I care," I said, annoyed.

"Hell Bella, don´t talk like that. You know he loves you like a daughter," she shouted back at me.

"Fuck him, fuck my dad and fuck your asshole of a brother," I shouted back.

"And here we go. Is that what all of this crap is about?You are doing this to annoy Christian? For pete´s sake Bells he's not even here, how is he suposed to know about this?" she said trying to reason with me.

"I don´t care, he is an asshole and he can die for all I care," I said, feeling like a petulant child.

"Oh my God, you can´t honestly mean thatm" she said shocked, our screams going against the sound of the heavy rain that started to fall.

"Of course I can, he doesn´t give a sgit about me anywaym" I stormed.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm sure he still loves you as much as you love him," she said to me.

"No he dosen´t. If he did then he wouldn´t be with somebody else, would he," I said, tears falling down my face,the sobs taking the air out of my chest.

"What?No Bella! That's probably a mistake! I would know if he was with someone else." she said unbeliving.

"Then why when I called his cell phone two weeks ago a woman picked up? It was pretty late too, so we both can imagine what was going on. I've lost him, forever," I said, crying so hard I could barely speak the words.

"Don´t say that Bells, my brother is crazy about you, you two will get past this, trust me," she said kindly with her warm smile, the only thing capable of calming me down in a moment like this. What would I do without her?

Before I could reply the streaming light of headlights appeared in the middle of the rain.

"Angie look out!" I shouted.

But it was too late, the truck was too fast, and it was raining too much.

The world spun, the power of the crash hit us with force, the sound of metal twisting mixed with our screams. And all faded to black.

The bright white lights on the ceiling woke me up from my foggy sleep. I could hear whispers and the sounds of machines. I tried to open my eyes but it felt so hard to do, my mouth was so dry and I couldn´t say a word.

What the hell had happened?

"Bella, baby can you hear me?" I heard a soft voice whispering. I knew that voice.

"Mom," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"Honey, I am so glad to hear your voice," my mom said, lightly kissing my hand, tears in her eyes.

"What is going on?" I asked, confused, now focusing on the white walls and the smell of bleach.

"Bells, do you remeber anything?" John asked, sitting next to me.

"I don´t, I think, maybe we were in the car," I said, everything feeling so confusing. I didn´t know what was truth and what was just a dream.

"You and Angeline were in the car, coming back from a party, it was raining a lot. Do you remember that?" he said calmly.

"I think so," I said, remebering the sound of the rain mixed with tears.

"There was an accident, a truck crashed over your car. It took you off the road, and down a hill," he said quietly, yet his eyes were also full of tears.

"I don´t, I don´t understand what you are trying to say," I said confused,my head was aching and the lights were too bright.

"You and Angeline got hurt. You hit your head pretty hard and got a strained wrist,"he said, poiting tom y casted arm.

"What?Where is Angie?What is going on?" I said, trying to get up from the bed, but failling.

"The truck hit Angeline´s side, so she got the worst of the crash. I am so sorry Bella," he said, lightly kissing my head.

"What are you talking about?Where is she?" I said frustrated.

"Bella, please you have to calm down," my mom said, trying to hold me still.

"Where is Angie?" I shouted at them.

"She's in a coma, breathing through a machine. She is really bad, Bells," John said in a devasted tone.

"This can´t be happening," I said, the suffocating tears running down my cheeks,the air leaving my chest, the pain much more unbearable than anything I had ever felt.

What had I done?

"How could you be so irresponsible, Isabella?" Andrea shouted at me after pushing harshly through the door.

"I am so sorry," I said between tears. I hadn't meant for any of this to happen. If I'd known I would never have gone to that party, I would never have drunk, she wouldn´t have been there with me.

"You have no right to talk to my daughter like this," my mom said, walking to stay in front of me, to protect me. But I didn´t desserve it, not after what I had done to Angie.

"Because of her I lost my baby, she was only 16 years old, how could you do this?" Andrea shouted desperately, tears streaming down her pale face.

I guess it was true then. Angie wouldn´t come out of it. She was gone.

"You were the one supposed to be driving, not Angeline, not my Angie," she shouted, hugging her husband Peter – who also had tears in his eyes – but stood there strong for his wife. Silent. Destroyed inside.

"Let´s just take a deep breath here, this is no one's fault it was an accident," John said, hugging me, letting my tears wet his entire expensive did this have to happen?

Why had she been the one to get hurt?It wasn't fair.

"How could you do this, Bella?" a voice said from the hospital bedroom's door.

"Christian, I am so sorry," I said between tears, not supporting the idea of losing him too. But I knew that this time I had gone too far and was too far gone. This was the last straw. This time I had actually lost him. He had forgiven me for a lot of things before, but he would never forgive me after what I did to his baby sister.

"So am I Bella, so am I. I just don´t know you anymore," he said, running a hand through his long dark hair, his eyes full of pain and sorrow - before leaving me alone – all alone – all over again. This time forever.

"You listen to me - stay away from my son and from my family – or I swear you are going to wish you were the one that didn´t come back from that accident," Andrea said pointing a finger in my direction.

"Now you've gone too far, Bella is hurt also and needs to rest; she is suffering just like you - please just leave," my mother said, motioning to the door.

"Let´s go, Andrea," Peter said, taking a hysterical Andrea in his arms and leaving.

"Everything is going to be ok baby," my mom said, kissing my bruised head and drying my tears.

But I knew that nothing would ever be ok ever again. Today I had lost two of the people I most loved in my life.

Today all of my dreams had died inside that car.

*End of Flashback*

"After a few weeks they decided to take Angie to D.C. where Christian was going to college, to see if they could get a better treatment," I said, drying the tears with the back of my hand.

"Did she ever wake up?" Edward asked me, holding my trembling hand.

"I don´t know, I don´t think so," I said,feeling so ashamed.

"How come?" he asked me.

"I tried for a few months to get information about her condition, but her parentes were very clear when they said I was going to stay away from their family. And after a while I just gave up, after all what right did I have to want something? It was my fault she was in a coma, that she had to breathe through machines, that she would never come back. And even if she did, she probably wouldn´t walk, maybe talk. I ruined my best friend´s life," I said sobbing.

"Don´t talk like that Bella, it was not your fault. You weren´t driving that truck," he said, drying my tears with his thumbs.

"But it was my fault, I was the one that wanted to go to the party, the one that drank too much and asked her best friend to drive. It was supose to be me, not her, it was suposed to be me in that bed," I said sadly.

"So that's why you stopped then? If she couldn´t move on, dance, go to Juilliard then neither could you?" he asked me in a gentle tone.

"Why should I? What right do I have to move on with my life, to have all those dreams and ambitions if she doesn't? It is just not rightm" I said, looking around, seeing little pieces of me and Angie´s dream in every parto of this dance room.

"Bella, I don´t think she would like you to live like this. From what I heard she was a kind and loving person. She wouldn´t want you to be stuck in the past, to stop living, to be a shell of yourself. If anything you must honor her by living life at its fullest, for you and for her, to make both of your dreams come true. And not to run from them. Stop runing Bella and start living," he told me, lightly caressing my face.

"Why aren´t you running" I asked him between tears.

"Because I love you, and nothing is going to change that," he said, before lightly kissing me on the lips.

"I love you too," I said, holding him.

"You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not."He said before his lips decended on mine one one more time.

A/N: I hope you all like this chapter! I am so sorry it took me this long to write but real life was insane!

Just want to say that I love you all my readers, you guys make my day like no one else! I am thinking about opening a facebook account to have a bigger contact with you guys, what do you all think?

Lots of love for LeKat for keeping up with my crazy ways =D

Tell me what you guys think about it!

And in case you want to know, this last tine was from the book My Sister's Keeper from Jodi Picoult.