A/N: So I don't usually write stories where Harry isn't the main character but Daichitenski begged me. So, this is dedicated to her. I even threw in her favorite song.
Sequel to PCP Plot Bunnies, though I'm sure you all figured that out when I posted it as a second chapter. I don't think it's as funny as the first, but, it has its moments.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Warnings: Slash, language.
Beta: FirstLaugh-LastTears because I'm a corrupting enabler.
"Don't touch me there Draco, that's my naughty place."
Draco, ignoring the tableau, brouhaha, and/or kerfuffle going on behind him caused by his father and one Harry Potter, took the boy's hand instead. He was in no hurry; he'd get into the boy's pants eventually. He brought the soft, pale hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.
Neville went red, an even brighter and deeper shade of red than the pen the author is using to write this with. Yes that's right I'm writing this by hand. Not that you'd be able to tell since you only see it in typed form, but just so you're aware of the extra effort that went into this. Not that you care you ungrateful bastards....
…I'm just kidding you know I love you.
Anyway, Neville was so embarrassed that he literally began to shrink, and shrink…and shrink some more. With a small pop a little brown bunny was standing in his place.
"Muahahahahaaaa!" Draco laughed in a triumphantly maniacal way as he scooped the bunny into his arms and dashed out of the Great Hall, making his way to the Slytherin dormitories. Everyone was too busy watching Merlin vanish to notice the kid, erm, bunny napping. And who could blame them? Merlin is pretty freaking awesome. When he reached the portrait of Salazar Slytherin himself, who glared disapprovingly at the fuzzy creature Draco held in his arms, he mumbled the password and slipped inside.
Blaize Zabini looked up from his homework as Draco came in. His look of welcome changing to one of confusion when he spotted the rabbit.
"Hey Draco. Um, I don't mean to pry, but, what are you planning to do with that rabbit?"
Blaise blinked. "Uh, oh! I see. Well, have fun with that. I'll just be, um, not here." With that he quickly gathered up his books and things and fled the room.
In the office of Professor Snape…
Blaise ran inside, huffing and puffing, completely winded from his mad dash.
"Mr. Zabini, no running in the halls." The usually sour tone was tinged with weariness.
"Yes Professor Snape."
Snape raised an inquisitive brow. "Was that all?"
"No!" Blaise frowned, collecting his thoughts. "I came here to tell you – Malfoy's flipped his lid!"
"Yes I was there when he shoved his tongue down Potter's throat."
"Draco was making out with Potter?"
"No! Lucius was."
"Oh. In that case, Professor Snape, I came to tell you that the other Malfoy has flipped his lid and saying 'the golden harp the giant has,' ten times fast is an unendingly enjoyable activity that I feel no one should miss out on."
"Draco? What has he done?" Snape asked, ignoring the bits that didn't make sense, as was his habit.
"How do you know I'm not talking about Narcissa?"
"Let's start with she's no longer a Malfoy since Lucius divorced her and end with: why the hell would she just randomly be at Hogwarts?"
"Hey! I can be wherever the hell I want to be!" Narcissa said before vanishing again.
Snape ignored this, since it didn't make sense. Blaise blinked, he'd thought he just heard an obnoxious high-pitched screeching noise, but that was impossible. Must be just another auditory hallucination. "Well why would Lucius be at Hogwarts?"
"To make out with Potter! Weren't you paying attention?"
"Whatever, point is: Draco is trying to put the moves on a bunny. A small furry creature with long pointed ears and a puffy tail."
Severus sighed, "Not again…" He stood. "Come on then take me to him."
Blaise turned to exit the room.
"Oh and Blaise?"
He turned back to face the Professor. "Yes?"
"I KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BUNNY IS!"
Back in the Slytherin Dorms (otherwise known as Draco's Den of Iniquity)…
"Now that we're alone do you feel comfortable enough to turn back?"
A few moments passed and then Neville slowly changed back to his soft but furless self. Draco suddenly very much regretted the fact that animagi transformations allowed you to keep your clothes on. Neville stared at his shoes, a seemingly permanent blush staining his cheeks.
"Draco, why did you try to touch my no-no bits?"
"When I crashed into you and looked into your eyes I realized how much I love you and when you're in love with someone you want to touch them and suck them and fuck them and other strenuous but very enjoyable activities carried out in the bedroom or not the bedroom."
"Oh." Neville muttered something intelligible under his breath and asked softly, "So you love me?"
"Yes." Draco, too focused on trying to see the outline of Neville's penis through his pants, didn't notice his hair turn blue, indicating that the truth spell Neville used worked and he'd told the truth. Lying would have given him hemorrhoids. Can you imagine? Draco Malfoy with hemorrhoids? *Author giggles*
"But why? I'm not exactly in shape…" Neville grumbled sadly indicating his body.
"Nev," said boy blushed even harder at the nickname. "The truth is…" Draco gulped. "I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers," he pointed to Snape and Blaise who'd just entered the room. Though both were now desperately wishing they had not done so. "-Can't deny that when a boy walks in with an itty bitty waist," he grabbed Neville's hips. "And a round thing," squeeze, squeeze. "In your face you get sprung! Neville," Draco rubbed his erection against the shorter boy. "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!" He smacked Neville on the ass then moved away slightly. "So? Are you with me: yay or nay?"
Neville hesitated, making Draco droop a little bit. "Um, which one means yes?"
Draco sighed, a tiny grin on his face. His love was just so endearingly cute! He wanted to pinch his chubby little cheeks, yes he did. As his thoughts mushed into baby talk like jumbles he murmured, "Yay."
"Yay!" Neville cheered. He hopped (literally) into Draco's arms and was promptly whisked away to the nearest empty bedroom.
Snape and Blaise (having been completely forgotten) exchanged amused grimaces.
They left the dorm at a slow walk. "I'm a little irritated at you for needlessly interrupting my work." They went back to Snape's office, the professor locking and warding the door as he closed it behind him.
Blaise sank to his knees in front of Snape, parting his robes. "Will this do?"
"Will I ever get to top?"
"There's no way in hell."
"Awww…." *pouty face*
"Well, maybe for your birthday…"
The End (Seriously this time I'm not adding more!)
A/N: Hope you liked it girl.