Title: Ophidiophobia

Author: NeroAnne

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYONE! None of this is real! NOPE! None!

Summary: Bam always was terrified of snakes...Randy/Bam Margera. Oh, Aly. You're so fucked. XD.

Notes: Because TheMizMagnet is just TOO hot to ignore. XP! She's done the amazingness, making yum Hardycest and Randiase for me, XP! In return, I shall give her Mizena and any other Mizniss she needs, XP! I do so love her. SHE IS MINE. I hope she loves.


"Do you even watch wrestling?" Steve-O asked, flipping through his wrestling magazine. He paused, staring at one of the diva's pictures with his eyes bugging.

Bam leaned over a bit, staring at the woman. Damn, they made them hot in wrestling. The woman had brown hair and lovely green eyes, full lips and tits. Bam's baby blues drifted over the woman's name.

Eve Torres.


"No, I don't." Bam answered sincerely, "but after watching that tattooed dude ream you and Pontius, I've wanted to go."

"Hey, show respect," Steve-O muttered, "that "tattooed dude" is no longer with us. His name was Umaga."

Bam blinked but he nodded anyway, "Right." He looked around the locker room, "this is a pretty sweet room, man. How did you manage to get in here?"

"Oh, you know, being an obsessive fan gets you things…" (1) Steve-O looked up as the door opened and he grinned widely, "and it helps when you have your own religious followers."

Matt raised a brow and grinned over at Jeff, "He thinks we watch him religiously."

Jeff smirked, "You do, and I don't." (2) He shoved his hands into his jeans.

Steve-O quickly bumped fists with them both, "Thought you jumped places, Jeff."

"I did, but I'm loved so I get to come here whenever I want," Jeff giggled. He looked over at the silent Bam, who was staring at the magazine. Tilting his head, Jeff smirked when he realized who was on the page. "What's Bam Margera doing looking at a viper?"

Bam nearly jumped out of his skin, his blue eyes darting around for the snake, "What?! Where!?"

Steve-O and Jeff giggled as Matt smiled.

"The dude you were totally queering over, Randy Orton; he's nicknamed the Viper." Steve-O informed his friend.

Bam blinked, looking back down at the man on the magazine. He was damn well one of the most attractive men he'd ever seen, and he'd seen plenty.

He had amazing blue eyes that were surprisingly dark and evil looking. His slightly orange body was chiseled to perfection, his muscled arms sleeved from shoulder to wrist with skulls and lyrics.

Wait…queering over?

"Fuck ya, Steve-O! I ain't no queer." Bam grumbled, arms crossed.

Steve-O snorted, "I'll let Ville know next time I see him."

"Ville is happily in love with Mige, so bite my ass." (3) Bam waved the magazine around, "Why do they call him the Viper?"

Jeff looked over at the monitor and smirked, "There's the reason right there."

The rest turned to the screen.

Randy was doing this odd twitching motion, his neck twisting from left to right, eyes wide opened and dilated. His body moved fluently, in weird pacing motions until he finally dropped to his knees.

He beat the ring floor with one fist, then the other, before he planted both fists down on it at the same time, his body almost fucking the floor as he moved. He was still spasming, drool sliding down his chin, resembling venom.

He waited till his opponent got up, a flexible kid in black and red tights, and he quickly stood, grabbing the kid around the neck with the backs of his arms and driving him face-first into the mat. He slowly slithered on top of the fallen Evan Bourne, and pinned him, eyes glinting.

His teammates, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase got into the ring, holding his arms up and still, Randy was shuddering, his chest heaving and his eyes dark pools of hurt.

Fuck. That.

Jeff nudged Matt, the brothers watching the way Bam looked rather uncomfortable.

"Most people, like my cumslut brother here, find that performance sexually stimulating," Matt told him, dodging a smack from Jeff.

"I find it creepy as hell!" Bam sneered, "Dude, that had to be one of the weirdest…gah…" he shook his head, "I need a smoke."

"Oh," Jeff handed him his pack and the lighter. "Here ya go."

Matt gave him an annoyed look.

"I'll knock your head off if you give me a straight-edge speech, Matt." Jeff said, quite seriously.

"Thanks, I'll be back. I need to go smoke and call someone to erase that from my mind," still rather disturbed, Bam left the locker room, heading off to find himself a secluded little corner.

Everywhere he walked though, there were people.

Bam recognized some, like John Cena.

Oh come on, he was John Cena, you didn't have to watch wrestling to know who he was. Eve, the woman in the magazine, was chatting with a pretty Asian woman and a long-haired blonde whose accent gave way that she was French, and some random crew members were just hanging around.

Finally, Bam found the parking lot, where he heaved a sigh of relief. He sat down on a car, not even noticing what it was, before he pulled out the fags and the lighter. He hiked up his dirty jeans before crossing his tattooed arms over his chest.

A deep cough almost caused him to swallow his cigarette. Bam turned his head slowly, his baby blue eyes connecting with cobalt irises.

Oh shit.

The Viper…Randy Orton.

Bam swallowed thickly, remembering the motions the man did in the ring. "Oh…dude," he hopped off the car, only now realizing it was a Hummer. "Shit…is she yours? Fuck, dude, if I had known…I used to have one; I'd have never sat on it if I'd known, trust me."

Randy merely watching him, almost bored. The sides of his lips tilted upwards, into a feral smirk. "Bam Margera."

Bam instantly shut his mouth, a red flush on his cheeks. "…You know me?"

Randy shrugged, "My boys liked your show, they like Jackass too."


"DiBiase and Rhodes. You're all they watch whenever we're able to watch something." Randy shouldered his bag. "Enjoy the fight?"

Bam frowned, "Honestly? Fuck no. Dude, you seriously spooked me the fuck out. I mean, I'm scared shitless of snakes and all that shit you did in the ring was just- hey! What the fuck?!"

Bam found himself pressed tightly against the Hummer, Randy's body against his much smaller one. Bam craned his neck up, staring up into the cobalt eyes. The dilated cobalt eyes.

"Afraid of snakes, hmm?" Randy purred, he roughly grabbed Bam's collar with both fists. The flimsy black tank top Bam wore ripped apart like a wet towel. The tan skinned was exposed the night's air, causing Bam to gasp out-loud.

"Yo, man, what're you…" Bam screeched loudly as Randy captured his throat in a rough bite. Like a fucking vampire! No…like a viper…

"Owe, owe, shit, ouch," Bam whined, fisting Randy's leather jacket, trying to get him off. "Let…go…"

"Shut up," Randy hissed. He bit down harder, nearly drawing blood.

Bam grunted, fists clenching harder, "Come on, man, I ain't no queer!"

He gasped as Randy's hand went down to the bulge in his pants. How'd it get there?

"This says otherwise to me," Randy leered, pulling away from Bam's neck. He shoved Bam over the hood of his Hummer, grabbing into the jeans. He unbuttoned and unzipped them in record speed, leaving Bam with his pants down his knees.

"Wait, what the fuck are you gonna," Bam screamed loudly as a finger was inserted into his ass, "Shit!" he clenched his teeth, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "This is rape, you asshole!"

"No, jackass," Randy mumbled, pulling down his own pants, his huge cock exposed, "this is rape." He shoved himself in brutally, smirking as Bam's walls tore around his cock.

"Owe, fuck! Fuck, that hurts so fucken bad!" Bam howled. He whimpered as Randy thrusted himself in and out, almost sure that bleeding. He felt the viper's hands against his hips, bruising them up real bad.

Randy clenched his teeth as he pounded into the smaller male. His body spasmed, hisses escaping his throat.

Bam shuddered, his nails scraping against the surface of the Hummer, watching Randy go all snake-like again. Fuck, it was so creepy…and strangely enticing.

And that's what made it worse.

Bam could feel himself having a panic attack, his phobia of snakes hitting him full force. He gasped for air and panted, his hands clenching around Randy's shoulders. He inadvertently tightened his muscles around Randy, causing him to thrust harder.

The viper hissed one last time before he re-attached his fangs to Bam's neck, cumming hard inside him, coating the insides of Bam's torn walls with venom like semen.

Bam felt himself slide off the Hummer, to the floor, where he shuddered and crawled away from the viper. He quickly stood, zipping himself up and side-stepping the viper before high-tailing it back into the arena.

Randy watched him go, smirking.

His tongue slithered out to wet his lips and he twisted his neck, listening to the bones creak.

It was so much fun to pick on people with Ophidiophobia.



1: I'm so not saying Steve-O is a fan. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

2: Often on the Hardy Show, Jeff and Matt talk about stunts and Steve-O, so ya know…

Ville Valo, lead singer of HIM; close friend of Bam. Mige Amour: Bass player for HIM. Valo's best friend since childhood.

Oh, Aly.

Brace yourself.

I want The Undertaker…and Ville Valo.