"Claire, calm down…"
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, John! YOUR daughter just got detention."
"MY daughter? She's your daughter too!"
"My daughter wouldn't get detention."
"Shut up. She is so dead. I swear, I am going to kill her."
"Okay, so maybe I won't exactly kill her, but seriously! She got detention!"
"For standing up for someone. That's a better reason than skipping class to go shopping."
"John Bender, don't you dare go there."
"I just did."
"You love me."
I sit on my bed and listen to the "fight" (if you can even really call it that) taking place downstairs. Mom was mad. Great. It wasn't like she was little miss perfect in high school. She skipped class to go shopping! I would NEVER do that.
I groan as I hear the sounds of footsteps on the stairs. My bedroom door opens and I sigh a sigh of relief. It's just Dad.
"How mad is she?"
"That's so hypocritical! I mean, me sticking up for someone can hardly compare to skipping class to shop."
"I know, but just deal, okay? She won't kill you, she's your mother."
"She loves me."
"No, because if she kills you, she will have to go to jail and jumpsuits don't flatter her figure."
"Sorry," Dad laughed, sitting down on the edge of my bed, "Look, I have to give you a piece of advice…"
"About dealing with Mom?"
"If I knew how to deal with your mother, would I be in half the trouble I usually am?"
"I guess not."
"Exactly. I want to give you some advice on detention. Vernon is still the principal right?"
"Don't piss him off, okay? I don't want you getting in any extra trouble just because I'm your father. He will take that out on you. Stay away from him."
"And not tell him to eat my shorts?"
"Where did you hear that?"
Dad glared at me, "Really?"
"Mmhmm. You're quite the legend."
Dad smiled shortly before growing stern again, "Next, you got a stash on you?"
"Dad, do you honestly think I do drugs?"
"No, but if you happen to come across a stash, don't put it in a nerd's underwear."
"And don't climb the air ducts. The ceiling tiles are unstable and I don't want you to fall and break your neck."
"You climbed the air ducts?"
"Maybe once….or twice…"
"Oh my God!"
"You're mom is coming," he nodded towards the door, "I got to go. I don't feel like cleaning up a dead body today."
"I will miss you. You were a pretty cool kid…"
"Maybe I can adopt another one someday…"
"Name her Janie Number Two."
"Sorry," he smirked, "But look at that smile on your face. It's my job to make sure that stays there. Don't worry about your mom. She'll get over it."
He gets off the bed and heads to the door. Mom comes in. She is clearly NOT happy. Her arms are folded across her chest and she's scowling.
"Hey, Mom. What's up?"
"My blood pressure, that's what," Mom glares at me, "For some reason, your father is proud of you for getting detention. I, on the other hand, am not impressed."
"But I stood up for…"
"And that's great. But did you really have to kick him in the gonads?"
"Did you just say gonads?"
"You have been with Dad too long."
"And we're keeping it that way. Look, you're grounded for two weeks. Have fun in detention tomorrow."
I decided not to argue. I mean, two weeks wasn't bad. Ugh, I didn't even want to think about tomorrow. I would be forced to sit in a library for seven hours with a bunch of defects. Ter-freaking-rific.
"Can't we just blow this popsicle stand and…go get an Icee or something?" I suggested.
"You're joking, right?"
"You do the crime, you do the time, kid."
"But it's detention! I don't fit in with defects!"
"I was a defect."
"You sound too much like that mother of yours."
I rolled my eyes, "Dad, really. We can…say that there was a death in the family or something!"
"Yeah, yours if you don't get your ass out of this car and into that school."
"Ugh," this was impossible. There was no point in arguing.
"Don't 'ugh' at me. I'm your father!"
I rolled my eyes again and hopped out of the car.
"Criminals, Dad. Really?"
He just smirked and pulled the car away from the entrance. I wonder what he meant by that…