So I had a baby. She's pretty cute. Her name is Alice.


Sakura was currently in an unusual predicament sitting on top of Kisame's back, blindfolded and cuffed.

One of them (and if she remembered which one they were going to wake up one of these days missing a very important part of their male anatomy) had suggested that due to her ninja heritage, she could probably walk perfectly fine blindfolded and chained. Which she completely could and that was the point. So to stop her from running away at any chance, she was forced to piggy back the missing Mist nin.

"Seriously guys, I'm not that fucking stupid. I'm chained and blindfolded, surrounded by the most dangerous and strongest missing nin in the world. I can't even run away if I wanted to, which for the record, I completely want to," she told them, legs cramping from holding herself in a way to attempt to touch as little as Kisame as possible.

"You're not getting down." Sasori answered her.

Due to irritation, for a single moment, she felt courageous. "You're just pissy because I proved your concept of art sucks. Eternal my ass."

A moment of silence.

Deidara burst out laughing as Sasori growled, "I'll rip your mouth out. Don't tempt me."

Sakura flipped the bird in the direction she was sure he was in.

There was a deep chuckle from Kisame and for some reason she was sure she felt Kakuzu roll his eyes in her direction. Feeling like she shouldn't press her luck, she opted to ignore the other two. Kisame might have a better handle on his emotions, but she knew Sasori and Kakuzu didn't.

Instead she went back to brooding on the ex-Mist nin's back.

"I'm not healing you."

There was a pause as Kisame stopped walking for a second. She could tell the others had paused to stare at her, before they began walking again.

"I'm serious." Sakura felt the need to clarify.

"Nobody asked you to heal any of us, girly," Kisame chuckled.

"I wasn't asked to go with you either." She pointed out.

"Technically, you made that decision. We gave you, your choice" Itachi's velvety voice floated from somewhere in front of her. She ground her teeth together, resisting the urge to flip him off too. It would not do well to piss off the guy who killed his entire family in less than a night.

"If I'm not here to heal you, than what use could you possibly have for me," Sakura asked, "I have no special bloodline. I have no sealed beast. The Kage's would tie Naruto down and bury him under village thick concrete before they let him come after me. The only use you'd have for me is my healing. It's not like you'd need my strength for anything."

There was a short chuckle. "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough, girly."

The air shifted indicating they had entered some sort of enclosed space. She could hear the roaring of water in the distance and the air stuck to her like glue indicating humidity. They were in some sort of cave from what she could gather.

The roar of the water became louder as the air became stickier, till soon it was deafening. She felt the splash of cold water on her skin and face. The air shifted again till it was cool and suddenly the sound from the waterfall cut off completely.

She felt someone grip her biceps and just a second to brace herself before she was dropped from Kisame's back.

"Damn it! A little warning next time," Sakura hissed, rubbing her thigh as her blindfold was pulled off of her. Seeing their complete lack of interest for her backside's well being, she turned her head and looked around.

She was in some sort of living room. The room was bland looking, the walls white, the floor wooden, and the room decorated with just couches and chairs. Nothing else.

Her vision was blocked by Itachi leaning down in her line of sight. Feeling panic rush through her veins, she seized up, waiting for the Uchiha to attack. Instead he reached forward and clutched her chains. He pushed a key into the locks and turned. Hearing a click, she felt the weight of the metal fall from her wrist, neck, and ankles.

She starred at her wrists as if hardly daring to believe it, before she scrambled to her feet and lowered herself into a defensive stance.

The others just stood and stared at her, amusement showing in various degrees on their faces.

"Really, Haruno-san?" Sakura flinched at Itachi's tone, feeling as if she had just been chastised like a teacher would to a naughty student. Her eyes darted around, looking at the occupants. Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Deidara.

Even if she wanted to escape, seven of the most wanted S-class criminals were standing there. No way she would be able to get past them and escape. Even if by some miracle she made it to the door and out of the cave, she didn't know where she was. She would be running blind while the seven of them knew the terrain.

Slowly, she stood up, dropping out of the defensive stance. If she ran now, her chance of survival was a depressing absolute zero.

"Damn it, I was hoping to have some fucking fun," Hidan groaned, upset she hadn't run, while Kisame reached over and patted the pinkette on the head as if saying she was smart to not go up against them. She tried not to shudder at the Mist-nin's touch.

"How boring," Kakuzu said, turned and left the room.

Sasori and Itachi left the room after, leaving her alone with Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame.

"You hungry, girly," Kisame asked. She was content with just standing there glaring at them, but she felt her stomach clench and heard it growl at the mention of food.

"I'll take that as a yes." He grinned and motioned for her to follow. Deidara waved her forward, giving her a grin, so she followed them to a make-shift kitchen.

There was a large island in the middle with chairs around it, a stove, a fridge, a sink covered in dishes, and cupboards.

"What do you want to eat, girly," Kisame asked, throwing open the fridge. From what she could see it was almost completely devoid of food. Sakura felt herself twitch in irritation.

"Something not poisoned," she muttered, sitting down in one of the chairs.

Deidara chuckled, "We would never poison your food Cherry-chan. You're our guest of honor, yeah."

She scowled at that nickname feeling irritated more and more by the minute. Kisame settled on something and shut the fridge. Sakura watched him coolly as he moved around the kitchen cooking. He piled more dishes in the sink and counter as he cooked. Soon the aroma of food filled the kitchen and Sakura's stomach growled louder, causing Deidara and Kisame to chuckle, Hidan to grin, and her to blush in embarrassment and horror.

"Give me a minute girly, I'm almost done," Kisame chuckled, platting the food for her. He placed it in front of her, urging her to try it. She bit into it reluctantly feeling as if she was inviting herself for her own death.

She paused, surprised. It was actually pretty damn good. She ate some more, savoring the taste and quiet unable to believe this product had been produced by the Kisame Hoshigaki.

"Well?" Kisame seemed expectant.

"As loath as I am to admit, this is actually the best Omurice I've ever tasted," she answered. Kisame gave her a toothy grin.

"If you think that's good you should try my Unagi sometime, girly."


"Sakura-chan is awake!"

That was all the warning she got before Sakura was practically tackle hugged off the bed by one hundred and twenty-three pounds of hyperactive Tobi.

"Tobi, what the fuck?" Hidan's voice cut in as Sasori ripped the masked nin off of her. She clutched her injured shoulder, smiling up at them through the pain.

"Are you okay? Want me to kill him, yeah," Deidara asked. She chuckled and shook her head.

"Nah, Tobi is a good boy." She grinned and patted said man's head who decided to throw his hands up into the air and cheer at this revelation. Hidan punched him in the back of the head and threw him to the other side of the room where he cried, "But Tobi is a good boy!"

Sakura chuckled and straightened up, eyes landing on Itachi. Her smile faltered for a moment to give him a look of concern. "Are you alright?"


She snorted. "Typical." but if she didn't know him so well, she would have missed the slight softening of his eyes that showed he was grateful she was concerned with him so much. After all, Itachi had also been injured, so she was worried. She grinned up at him, to which he returned it with a slight roll of his eyes as if to say "Bitch please, do you know who you're talking to?"

She scowled and turned her attention to Kisame next to him, who grinned when he realized her attention was now focused on him.

"You gave us quiet a scare there girly," he said, reached over and ruffled her hair.

She gave a mock gasp, "Have I, Sakura Haruno, succeeded in scaring the Akatsuki? I must have died. Such an accomplishment would only be available in heaven, unless I've become that good."

Kakuzu scoffed. "No need to get a big head. We already have to deal with Hidan..."

Hidan started swearing as Sakura burst out laughing. "Duly noted. Wouldn't want that."

Ignoring Hidan's cussing with rolled eyes, Konan moved to Sakura's side once again and began to check the pinkette over. The others, sensing the importance of not distracting Konan, backed away a couple of feet and let the amber eyed girl work.

When she was declared fit and healthy with a few instructions to gather up her strength but to not over do it, Sakura swung her legs over her bed.

"You'll need to take these with food, for the little bit of poison still left in your system. Twice a day until you run out." Konan handed her a pill bottle which Sakura took, smiling. "Alright, you're free to go. I give you a clean bill of health save for the little bit I've just told you about."

The words had just barely left her mouth when she was picked up bridal style by someone and rushed out of the room. She shrieked in surprise slightly and turned to look up at the person carrying her.

Tobi looked down at her and she could practically see him grin beneath his mask, "Tobi has missed Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan must come to play with Tobi!"

Before she got a chance to reply, she heard shouting behind her. "Get back here with Sakura-chan, yeah!"

Tobi, forgetting that Sakura was in his arms, shrieked like a girl much to her amusement and started running away from Deidara who was hot on his trail with vigor.

"Don't kill Tobi, Deidara-sempai!"

Sakura sighed and wrapped her arms around Tobi's neck to keep a better balance. She was much too use to this to her comfort. She popped her head over Tobi's shoulder and looked behind her at Deidara, who saw her and gave her a cheeky grin. She waved at him, which caused him to blink at her. She stuck her tongue out and began making lewd motions with her hands, which caused Deidara to redden and trip, sliding down the hallway on his face.

Tobi stopped and turned to stare at Deidara until he came to a rest at his feet.

"I'd give it a nine-point-five for the dive, but a two for the landing," Sakura said, cupping her chin with her fingers as if in deep thought.

"Ohmygosh! Is Deidara-sempai okay," Tobi asked, sitting Sakura down in favor of fretting over Deidara whom she assumed was trying to suffocate on the floor in an attempt to die of embarrassment. After a long minute, he sat up, pushing Tobi into the wall and gave Sakura a wide-eyed look. "What the hell, uhn?"

She shrugged. "I was bored."

"You will be the death of me woman, yeah."

She grinned. "But what a lovely death that would be, ne?"

She stood up and looked around, pleased she recognized where she was, "Is my bedroom where it was last time?"

Deidara, still rubbing his nose, nodded his head. She grinned and turned, sprinting to her room. When she reached it, she couldn't help the childish glee that rushed through her when she kicked open her door and took a look around.

"We left everything the same way you left it." A voice spoke behind her, causing her to whip around. Sasori was there, smiling at her slightly, arms crossed as he leaned against the door frame.

"Thank you, Danna," she said, returning the smile while looking around the room. It was cozy. A large bed stood against the middle of the wall. Two large windows expanding the length of the wall opposite of the door. Beside her bed was a nightstand, books piled on top, with a lamp closest to the bed. A desk sat in the corner, piled high with more books and various papers strewn about. Two doors were on one of the walls, one leading a closet, the other to a bathroom with a shower.

It felt like home.


"What the hell is this?" Sakura looked at the room that the trio plus Sasori had led her too.

"You're room." He answered.

"My- fucking hell. You've been planning on kidnapping me for a while, haven't you?" she rounded at the four of them.

"Of course."

"What? Did you think that we just saw you in the woods and decided 'Lets fuck with her and attack her teammates and kidnap her for the hell of it'," Hidan asked.

Sakura frowned. "Well… yeah. Actually."

"Then you are more stupid than I thought," Sasori stared.

"Excuse me for not knowing how the inner workings of the minds of criminals work" she mumbled under her breath and turned to stare at the bedroom. At least they attempted to make it somewhat homey. The thought of one of them making the bed for her was almost too much to bear and she had to bite the inside of her lip to keep from laughing.

It would not be good to laugh at the criminals.

"So what do you think, yeah," Deidara asked, popping his head into her line of vision.

"What do I think about what?"

"The room, uhn. I put it together for you. Do you like it, yeah?"

A perfectly shaped eyebrow rose on her forehead. "You want me to critique your interior decorating skills?"

A flash of irritation crossed his face as Kisame and Hidan snickered behind her. Sakura panicked slightly, afraid that he would attack her so she looked around. "It's nice." She hurriedly said.

A grin spread across Deidara's face.

For some reason, Sakura thought she saw his face flush slightly and the other three looked annoyed at Deidara. She shook her head, convinced she was just seeing things and stepped further into the room.

The world tilted.

Sakura caught herself on the bed before she fell onto the floor. A second later, a pair of hands were steadying her as she got back onto her feet.

"What's wrong?" She looked up, horrified to see Sasori so close to her face, but more horrified to see that he actually appeared concerned for her well being.

Sakura swallowed hard. "J-just a chakra drain. From earlier. I just need a little bit of rest."

He nodded understandingly and motioned for the others to leave. He turned to her. "Rest up Cherry-san" and closed the door behind him.

She stared at him as he left, dumbfounded. The Akatsuki were acting very… decent. What alternate universe had she managed to step into?