A/N: Now I'm all settled in at uni, I'm hoping I can make my updates a little more regular! Enjoy!


You know, I really do love the castle first thing in the morning.

That's really mean of you to say that.

Why? I thought it was a compliment.

Oh, Albus, dear Albus. You know nothing about women at all, do you?

The castle is female?

See what I mean? You saying that you love the castle in the mornings implies that you don't love her for the rest of the day. And that's just plain rude.

But… what?

I'm afraid I don't quite understand the question. To me, that just sounded like two words strung together to make absolutely no sense at all.

How do you know the castle is female?

Could a man form an impenetrable façade that is invisible to those who do not possess sufficient power to see it? Could a man protect over a thousand people all at once and still have time for each and every one of them? Could a man put up with that many hormonal children?

I find that rather offensive.


Do you hate men in general or just me?

Oh, I keep a very select group of people in the darkest part of my mind, where all the torture happens.

I knew you had a dark side.

Everyone knows.

Oh my! You haven't been off showing everybody your dark side, have you?

Have you made this into some crude double entendre?

Yes. Yes, I have.

If you are implying that I have been using chains and whips on people willy-nilly, I suggest you clean up your mind and leave this conversation.

Well, I'd best be off then.

I knew you liked kinky stuff, really.


Okay… klajkjkfjd hurghrughur blublunbrrrrrblbus

What are you doing?

I'm washing my mouth out with soap, ergo I cannot speak in any recognisable form.

But you're writing.

I was simply trying to create an effect and to show you that I was doing as you instructed.

Goodness me, you're like a little puppy. You eat ALL the time, you're always seeking affection from your master, and you rub your backside on the rug constantly.

Excuse you! You are not my master!

It's interesting that that's the part of my statement you chose to contest.

You can't deny the truth, Minerva.

You are never coming near my furniture again.