Like a Pie
The facts were these….
The Evil League of Evil had begun looking for new recruits in Papen County famous for the highest homicide to population rate in the nation. The Guild of Goodness sought it fit to ask nearby LA Superhero Captain Hammer to root out their attempts to bring in new recruits. However Yesterday at exactly twelve hours twenty three minutes and five seconds ago he was murdered shot to death with a Death Ray and his body discarded in a local homeless shelter.
Ned, Chuck, Emerson Cod, and Olive Snook had gathered at the Pei Hole. They had answered Emerson's call to start investigating what seemed to be a rather promising mystery. "So anyway, this is a real snap. We have a superhero murdered which means that the Guild of Goodness will pay top dollar for the identity of the murderer. We've already got a prime suspect. William Buddy, A.K.A. Dr. Horrible, Hammer's arch-nemesis who has already attempted to kill this guy. He was sent on the Leagues super-villain recruitment assessment , a standard rookie job. "
"Oh, I know this guy. I love his blog." Olive Snook quipped. Emerson, Chuck, and Ned all stared at her. "Well not for the well evil part but you have to appreciate musical talent when you see it."
"What kind of super-villain blogs about his evil plans?" Emerson asked.
"Well he's pretty much stopped once his plans moved from petty theft to evil." Olive answered.
"Well I'm not one to pass up on an opportunity, but why is the Guild of Goodness hiring detectives to solve this, especially when there's such an obvious suspect?" Chuck asked.
"I personally would like to point out that the Guild of Justice mainly involves vigilantism rather than forensic investigation." Ned commented.
"Still sore about the Snow Incident?" Olive asked.
"He froze me for ten minutes because I was playing Dr. Hyde."
"Oh, come one Ned these are super-heroes. They're just normal people who happen to have bright costumes and superpowers. Besides it was quite a convincing laugh." Chuck reassured her boyfriend as she stopped herself from tapping him on his shoulder.
Once again Ned, Chuck, and Emerson walked past the double doors of the Papen County Morgue. Once again they went through the routine of bribing the coroner for access to their latest victim.
"Fees double today." He said.
"Why?" asked Chuck.
"The Guild of Goodness is paranoid about any attempts and the Evil League of Evil zombifiying Hammer's corpse. If I get caught there's gonna be hell. So today the fee is 100 bucks."
"Yes, zombifying we have absolutely nothing to do with us." Ned commented passing the coroner the money.
The fact that Hammer was far from the most gruesome of their victims was probably an indication of how weird their job was. There was a hole through his chest presumably where the hammer insignia used to stand.
"OK, Ned t-minus 60 seconds. And Dead Girl, please save all that last resorts bullcrap till after we get the murderer." Emerson asked.
Ned set his watch and touched Hammer's lifeless hand.
He began singing in a way that Olive might do when she was alone.
"I thank you Guild of Goodness for giving me a second go
I accept your resurrection, I'm awesome as you know."
Chuck decided to play along for some reason
"I'm sorry Mr. Hammer there must be a mistake,
Ned gave you minute, but in a minute he must take."
Emerson "Why are you….? Never mind, as long as you sing faster."
Ned joined in as well.
"We're private detective's, hired by the Guild. We'd like to get to the bottom of this murder if you will. Horrible's our suspect in this heinous crime. But you need to sing quickly cause we're running out of time."
"I'm sorry I saw nothing that is sincerely true, a got shot with a death ray right out of the blue. But Horrible is Horrible and as Horrible does, and he really really hates me most because…
Emerson said, "Please speed this up, any more evidence. We don't want your life story."
"To be brief he has a death ray and is my greatest foe. I will admit, I mostly cause him nothing but woe."
"Before you're time is up hammer and we put you to rest. Is there any thing you truly want one ultimate request?"
"Well, I'd really like some extra time but beggars can't be choosers, just find him, maybe beat him up, that creepy nerdy loser"
"What was with the singing?" Emerson asked. "I thought it was only Olive who burst out into song like that? And you two were encouraging him."
"Well. When else would I get a chance to sing with a dead superhero? But I didn't expect him to be so vindictive?"
"Well, that's why I don't like superheroes. They always think their better than everyone just because they can beat up a few thugs. He was actually expecting to be resurrected. Did you catch that? Arrogant…. Think they can cheat death." Ned mumbled.
"Ned, you're just making excuses, you mess with death every time you bake a pie. He's just another victim who might be a bit more upset about his death. Let's just check out Horrible."
As they left another figure came in the morgue. Chuck heard him, under his breath.