This… is horrible. I wrote this after being awake for near twenty-five hours. The idea was… Definitely better than the result. I don't know what is happening in here. It's just a mess. And something along the lines of Shinigami x Spirit.. More like Spirit being addicted to him but.. just read. Or don't. Maybe better if you didn't. So damn short too.
It was like a drug. Addiction. You crave for more and more till you can't take it anymore. It makes you feel alive. So alive you think you might as well die in that instant.
It was sickening.
Everything, in that one instant moment forgot and, even if for a small while, you can dive into that deep, deep water of addiction without a care in the world. It was what you needed. Needed to feel all the emotions surging through you without being able to grasp any of them. Needed to feel the large, white fingers wrap around you, so hard it almost made you want to lose into the feeling forever. Needed to feel the power radiating from him, into you.
Needed to Resonate.
It was like a feeling no other. The feel of when your souls draw together, mingling into one and, oh, the feeling when he is all you can feel. All you can see. All you can want. You take him in, take all you can get before he pulls away and the feeling is gone, only the hand still holding you reminding you of what you were supposed to do.
No one has ever made you feel something like he. Not your wife, who you loved so much. But it wasn't enough. Not even Stein, who you tried to control. Tried to keep by your side. You couldn't do it. That damned woman could, despite being the one that pushed Stein over the edge, without meaning to.
You don't know what your daughter thinks about you. Surely she hates you, everyone can see that. But you can sometime feel her eyes at you, watching as Stein swings you with quick, hard and skilful moves, and you can feel there is adoration, a handful of pride maybe, and determination. For what? Is it you, or Stein, or the combination of you two? The best Meister and Weapon. Really the man who tries to keep himself in one piece and the father who has failed in life. She looks past all this.
And somehow, you think it might be for the best. You are the best Weapon, only thing you are able to be proud of anymore. You die inside everyday. But he makes you feel alive. It's not right, for you to feel so good when you have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. Yet... You don't care. As long as you can have that feeling nothing else matters. Nothing else.
And he knows.
Knows everything. Of course. And you find yourself dirty, thinking what you shouldn't and feeling guilty – but arrogant – that you are the only one he uses. It wants to make you laugh, ask 'Why me?' What have you done in your life right to deserve such honour? Nothing.
But you don't care. As long it's you, it doesn't matter.
You think, maybe it should have mattered. It doesn't anymore. Too late to think something like that. You watch, anxiously, as he leans over and places his hand on your shoulder and- "Are you alright Spirit-kun?"
Does it matter? You can't breath, eyes fixed on his face but you can't see anything. You make a strangled noise as you raise your hand and trace your fingers along the white mask that was his face. You need to know.
Something changes, he looks the same, but there is that small, little change on his look and you find yourself looking into cold, so cold holes that reprint his eyes. You reach the end of the mask, and as you curve your fingers behind it- "Does it matter?"
All you can feel is alive when he overwhelms you.
I don't know. I just don't T_T I can hardly read what I'm writing. Maybe I should get my eyes checked.. Anyway. Leave a comment, tell me you hated it so I can laugh my ass of and sulk in the corner. I need sleep. But I can't sleep.