Story Name: Bella/Bello
Pen name: amymorgan
Pairing: Carlisle x Edward
Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The situations and plot are mine.

To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: http ://www. fanfiction. net/c2/74941/3/0/1/

A/N Thanks to my friends Edenya and Natsu for giving their enthusiastic support of my first foray into slash territory. Angst-driven, vampire AU. Graphic descriptions ahead, not just graphic sex! Phillip, my husband, thanks for being brave, and proofreading.


She was gone. She'd been to Port Angeles with Angela to see a new movie, a chick flick. Full Moon, or some such drivel. I would do anything to tease her about chick flicks again. I would never again get the chance.

They were in Angela's subcompact. She was so proud of it. Seats two, 48 miles per gallon. Not too high on the NHTSA safety ratings. "Unacceptable" in side impact ratings, as I recall.

The road was wet, not unusual conditions in our region. The State police said they were rounding a bend, and a full-size pickup truck traveling in the opposite direction was going too fast for conditions and veered into their lane. Angela overcorrected her steering and skidded against the guardrail on the passenger side, before flipping over the guardrail on Bella's side, becoming airborn, rolling several times, and landing broadside on the passenger side in a ravine. Bella was crushed instantly and died of massive internal injuries, hemorrhaging out before the ambulance and paramedics arrived.

The Washington state trooper informed Carlisle of the conditions at the accident scene as I stood numbly to one side, leaning against the wall in the ER at Forks Community Hospital. Carlisle was behind the curtained cubicle working to save Angela Weber's life.

"I want three units of A-positive cross-matched and standing by. All the critical labs are drawn? I want a CT of the head, chest and abdomen, no contrast dye. Time is of the essence, people. NOW."

I watched as three people rushed by, guiding Angela's gurney toward the radiology department at the end of the long hall. Her forehead had been hastily bandaged, and I could see the fresh blood weeping through the kerlix gauze. She was wearing a cervical collar. Those things are useless, I thought. By the time emergency personnel can place a cervical collar, the damage to the spinal column is long past done. What a joke, I thought bitterly.

Carlisle came toward me and put his hand gently on my shoulder. "Edward, Angela's CT will take fifteen or twenty minutes. Do you want to see Bella one last time?"

I looked at him. If I had been able, tears would have been streaming from my eyes. But vampires cannot weep even tears of venom. I simply nodded, and walked along with him as his arm encircled my shoulder.

We arrived at the hospital morgue as the pathologist was dictating a cursory autopsy report:

"..a well-nourished female, measuring sixty-four and one-half inches in height and weighing 51.2 kilograms, or 112.6 pounds. An intrusive exam was not deemed necessary, but full radiographs were obtained per motor vehicle accident protocol. Radiography indicates Isabella Marie Swan suffered a massive thoracic crush injury with secondary right occipitoparietal fracture. Death by exsanguination and cardio-respiratory arrest, due to collapsed lung and heart organs, is estimated to have occurred within five to ten seconds after impact with instantaneous loss of consciousness prior to death. State police first responders have affirmed the subject was wearing a lapbelt. Signed, Avery Chambliss, M.D., Clallam County Medical Examiner, Thursday, October thirtieth, ten fifty-two P.M."

Dr. Chambliss switched off the overhead microphone, and walked forward to meet us. "Carlisle. I'm sorry to see you again under these circumstances. I understand she was your ward?"

"Yes, Avery, ever since Chief Swan was killed, Esme and I did our level best to see that Bella never wanted for education nor material needs. My son Edward was very fond of Bella."

"Very fond of Bella". I am very fond of cougar blood. I was IN LOVE with Bella Swan. What a public charade of propriety we carried on toward humans. It disgusted me, I was fed up.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," Dr. Chambliss said. "And Edward, I am very sorry for your loss. She was wearing your engagement ring?"

I stared, dumbfounded. Bella never wore the ring in public. Had she decided to declare us to everyone as an engaged couple? I fought to regain my composure."Dr. Chambliss, was it on her left hand?"

"Well, yes, Edward. Where would you think it would be?

I stared again, this time at the sheet shrouded over the corpse behind him, on the stainless steel drain table. "She...she always wore it on a chain around her neck. If she had it on her ring finger, she must have felt ready to tell everyone about us..."

Dr. Chambliss sighed. "Would you like to see her, to say goodbye? I warn you, she will not look like the girl you knew.'" He walked around the opposite side of the autopsy table, his hand poised toward the sheet at the head end of the body.

I nodded almost imperceptibly. As he pulled back the sheet, Bella's broken skull was revealed. I was looking at her right side, the impact side. It was recognizable as Bella only by her hair. Her right skull was caved in, I could see dried gray matter. Her right arm was pulpy-looking and her chest was caved in. I was compelled to stroke her blood-encrusted hair at the very top of her head.

I glanced up at the medical examiner. "Could I have her things?"

He glanced at Carlisle, who nodded affirmatively. Dr. Chambliss carefully redraped the body, and went to the sink, washing and drying his hands quickly, yet efficiently. He pulled out two plastic bags from a filing cabinet drawer. In the larger bag were Bella's bloody garments. I shook my head, declining. He handed me the smaller bag with her wallet and jewelry. Carlisle stepped forward and signed the property receipt.

I opened the bag. No neckchain. The three-carat diamond solitaire was by itself in the bottom of the plastic property bag. I picked up the ring by the stone and turned discreetly away to sniff the platinum band.

There were skin cells present!

She had indeed been wearing the ring on her finger --- and I rushed out of the morgue to the little-used stairwell nearby. I fell to my knees with the ring still held by the stone in the fingers of my right hand. I inhaled deeply. The scent of the living Bella. Vanilla and Freesia and strawberries. The scent on the ring would fade, but not so my memories. Her image would be in my head forever, juxtaposed against the broken, lifeless body I had just viewed in the Forks Hospital morgue. I was bereft. What was to come suddenly became crystal clear.

My future lay ahead of me. Hundreds of thousands of endless days and nights without the one woman who would've made my existence meaningful. I did not have even the opportunity to consider turning her! I felt totally disjointed. I was angry but without outlet for the rage. I put the plastic bag with her wallet in my jacket pocket, and ran up the stairs, three at a time. I heard Carlisle's voice calling my name, but when the stairwell door opened to the first floor, I turned to the ambulance bay entrance and walked rapidly towards it.

"EDWARD! Edward, please come back!" His voice was plaintive and agonized. I could smell Carlisle catching up to me, but I increased my pace. There were humans all around. I had to act normal. But I was in no mood whatsover to discuss Bella or my future without her. I was formulating a plan.

"Dr. Cullen! We have brought Miss Weber back from radiology. Dr. Bullard wants to give you the CT results. He's on extension 522 , Dr. Cullen. Dr. Cullen?"

I heard Carlisle snap back into ER physician mode. "Yes, Dr. Bullard? Yes, that confirms my diagnosis. Thank you very much. We will schedule her for the OR immediately..."

Once I cleared the building, I ran into the forest, taking the shortcut toward home. The rain had stopped and the air was still humid but that didn't matter. I was in a numb rage and I felt the urge to revert to my senses and push away rational thought. I stopped and focused on prey. I caught the faint whiff of deer several hundred yards away. I headed for that scent.

Two does, their immature offspring, and a mature buck were feeding in a clearing. I felt like taking on the buck, and ran toward him, my shoes squishing rapidly in the mud. The buck launched away from me, but only took two leaps before my teeth were on his throat. The gush of his blood hit my tongue as my venom flowed into his artery, quieting his panicked struggles within seconds. I drank until I felt full and sloshed. I stood up, leaning against an eldarica pine tree. The image of Bella's broken body immediately flashed in my mind. Fuck this, feeding really helped clear my brain? My life henceforth was going to be one long tortuous flashback after another. I did not want to exist in this state of mind. I needed to go back home, be alone and think.

When I got home the garage door was open, and I toed off my muddy shoes and pulled off my dirty jeans, dropping the jeans in front of the washing machine. I would throw the athletic shoes away later. I just didn't want to track mud into the house. Esme wouldn't approve. I was considerate of her feelings even when she wasn't here. Esme was in Atlanta at some restoration convention; I am sure she would regale us with tales of new techniques when she returned in a week. I was actually glad I didn't have to face her, or the others. Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were on a short road trip with Jasper's band, Dream Love. I was truly alone in the house.

I took the stairs up to my room in my boxers and put on Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, played by Rubenstein. I turned it off after thity seconds and chose a work more suitable to my mood, Lizst's Mephisto Waltz by Horowitz. The angry runs and staccato piano strokes were just what my mind needed. I was enjoying the musical dance with the devil and I wondered --- is this Hell, to be alone and be immortal?

I sat down on the black leather couch and buried my head in my hands. Not even music was enough of a distraction now. She's gone. She will never again rest in the embrace of my arms. I'll never feel the softness of her hair under my chin, never smell her fragrance again. Never dream of our first night making love, never again argue over her wanting to be like me. I never had the chance to make her like me. Gone. Dead. Never feel her touch again. Dead Dead. Dead. Gone. Forever.

I did not wish to exist without her. Without love. I had to leave, and soon. If I went to Italy again...that might be my final solution. She believed we had souls, she said even I had a soul. I had laughed. Maybe she could have been right. Maybe I would see her again. Italy had to be the solution.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Carlisle's Mercedes making the turn up the long drive to the house. He was returning from the hospital. I heard him in the kitchen, tossing his keys in the basket on the counter near the pantry door.


I heard him call out but I didn't respond. His steps, soft on the stairs. I heard him pause in my doorway, but I didn't look up.

"Mephisto? Edward, that's really dark music. Have you been playing it repeatedly?"

I merely nodded.

He walked into the room and sat down next to me on the couch. "Edward, I'm really concerned about you. I know you how much you loved Bella. This must be painful for you beyond description." He reached over and touched my forehead, smoothing my hair with his forefingers. I leaned against him silently. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and kissed my forehead. The physical contact between us made me ache for the loss of Bella, but I needed the comfort. My mind was spiraling out of control, and only the physicality between us, the comfort of touch, was preventing my mind from completing imploding.

"Carlisle, I am thinking about going back to Italy.."

"No, Edward. This desolation you feel will ease up someday. Don't do something rash." He rubbed his forehead against mine soothingly.

Slowly, emphasizing each word, I spoke. "I don't see myself moving past this. Ever. I don't want to exist any longer."

Carlisle groaned, "No. Not you. Do NOT do this to me. I made you first, before all others. You were such a sweet, sweet boy."

"I'm no longer that boy. I am an empty shell." I pulled away from him and stood by the window, staring into the forest. I heard him rise and stand behind me. I saw his reflection in the glass windowpane.

I turned and walked past him toward the chest of drawers. I removed a pair of clean boxers. I pulled out black dress slacks and a white shirt from the closet. I laid them on the dresser top. "I'm going to take a shower before I get ready to leave for Volterra." I pulled off my shirt and stood there in just my boxers. Carlisle continued to stare at me. I glanced at him and saw the agony etched on his features. "I wish I could say I'm sorry, Carlisle. I can only say my choice is final."

Carlisle advanced toward me quickly, and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his breath on my neck, and he began kissing my neck. He stepped back slightly and began kissing my face, gently at first, then more urgently. He tilted his head and kissed me on the lips, very reverently. I stood quietly and endured his pleading caresses, and his kisses.

I was slightly alarmed when his hands slid gently down my back, as he knelt on the rug before me. Was he going to pray, this 360-year-old son of a minister?

"Edward, sweet, sweet boy. Convention did not allow this in 1918, but now times are different..."

He slid my boxers down slowly. Oh, shit, what's wrong with me? I'm getting aroused!

By the time he pulled my boxers to my ankles, I was fully erect. I lifted my feet and he pulled them away. I was dazed but oddly fascinated.

Carlisle spoke."I have loved you since the day I made you, Edward. Now, I am going to show you how much."

His kissed the tip of my cock and ran his tongue over the slit. I involuntarily moaned. Oh, God, has he really wanted me all this time?

Rational thought left my mind as he took the head of my cock fully into his mouth, ran his tongue around it and sucked gently. His hands ran down the small of my back and I felt his fingertips ghost over and gently grab my asscheeks. I felt shivers run up my spine. My body was responding to another man! I'd never had any sex before -- was this wrong? Why did it feel so damn good?

He suddenly took most of my shaft in his mouth. My pelvis rocked forward as if it was seeking more friction. He moaned and it reverberated throughout me. I rocked forward again. He sucked and I felt my tip hit his throat. I groaned loudly. A rhythm was developing and he began to hum, which went right to my lower gut. What a strange tightening sensation.

I put my hands in his hair, attempting to return his caresses. I felt his hands on my sac. He rolled my balls around in his hands tenderly, then pulled, while still rolling them. I gasped loudly. The testicular massage with his mouth working my cock was too much. I thrust rapidly twice in his mouth, and then everything stilled, and my legs felt tremulous. "Carlisle!" I yelled into my orgasm as I thrust against his throat the final time. I felt him swallow around me. He ran his tongue down my length as he released me gently. Still holding my sac, he dropped his mouth to gently kiss each testicle, as he slowly released them from his hands.

I leaned back against the chest of drawers, bewildered. Carlisle arose and stepped toward me.

"Edward, I took your virginity today. You cannot tell me that was NOT pure pleasure."

"No, was..unbelievably intense. But..."

"Don't go there Edward. Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Don't think ill of pleasure." He cupped my face tenderly with his hands as he spoke.

"Carlisle, does this mean I am homosexual or bisexual? I'm really confused..."

He looked at me intently. "Edward, don't label love. I gave myself to you, I made love to you, because you needed just that right now."

"I am grateful, Carlisle, but what does this mean for us? Do we continue? Esme will be back in six days."

"Then we have five days to figure it out. And, Edward, about Italy..."

"Forget Italy! I can always go there later...I have other things to think about now. We have to figure out what this is." I gestured broadly between Carlisle and me.

He smiled and kissed the back of my gesturing hand. "Are you ready to plan Bella's funeral now?"

I grimaced sadly. "Yes, I am ready, though we are just burying a broken body. Her soul is in the heaven in which she believed."

Carlisle agreed with his nodding smile, and moved to put his arms around me. I leaned gratefully toward the soothing contact of his embrace. Soul or no soul, this immortal existence may hold something worthwhile after all. I hope Doctor Carlisle Cullen will be the one to help me find that elusive something.